Fairfax County Death Star 2.0

Another chapter in the oddball reflections on Star Wars themes.

 The main judicial center building of the Fairfax County courts, housing the General District Court and Circuit Court, has been under construction for some time. It’s in an L shape, and the addition will close it with another L, creating a box with an internal courtyard. The existing court is still in full operation while the addition is being built.

 What it reminds me of is the second Death Star in "Return of the Jedi" – especially the part where the Emperor arrogantly chuckles to Luke Skywalker, now a full Jedi Knight, that this new Death Star is "fully operational" – which you would never know looking at its half-built structure still open to space. And of course the Rebels are clueless and don’t know the thing is up and running (though they find out soon enough).

 Hmm. Never mind the United States, or the Commonwealth of Virginia: imagine Fairfax County with its OWN Death Star. Your county tax dollars at work. Fairfax County is by far the largest and richest of the counties in Virginia, while much of the rest of the state is still rural areas with primer-colored pickups and Confederate flags. Imagine the legitimate uses a county government might have for a Death Star: shaking down competing counties. "Arlington, you’re going down!!!" "Prince William [Woodbridge and Manassas...home of the Bobbitt trial!], you’re late on your payments. You wouldn’t want an ‘accident’ to happen, would you?" "Henrico [north of Richmond], you fucked with the wrong highly urbanized and affluent Northern Virginia county!" Or perhaps better enforcement of real estate taxes – late on your payment, say goodbye to your whole house. Cut back on the Fairfax County Stormtroopers, errr Police Dept. Who needs cops when you have a Death Star? The possiblities are endless.

 Back when the dude who shot the CIA people in Langley was up for trial, the powers that be decided that some extra protection was necessary to defend the Fairfax County court complex from a possible terrorist attack. We can imagine Al Qaeda targeting the Pentagon or the World Trade Center – they already have. But a county court building? Is Fairfax County going to be the Great Satan of the Middle East? Fatwas issued to assassinate various Circuit Court judges? Suicide bombs against the jail? Jihad against Fairfax County? See, THIS is why Fairfax County needs its own Death Star. The Nike anti-aircraft missiles stationed in Fairfax County in the 50s are long gone.

 Other fun facts about Fairfax County (from its website...the comments are mine)

 1. 395 square miles and 252,828 acres of land. It used to include what is now Loudoun and Arlington counties and the cities of Alexandria and Falls Church. The Death Star will be useful when Fairfax decides to take back this area...

 2. Population in 2002: 991,000. It has more residents than 7 states: Alaska (duh!), Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont and Wyoming.

 3. One of only 24 counties in the US to have a triple A rating on its bonds (come in handy financing that Death Star. They aren’t cheap! Imagine that bond issue on the ballot: "Do you vote YES or NO to Fairfax County building its own Death Star?")

 4. It was established in 1742 (no Death Stars back then).

 5. In 1861, the county voted 1231 to 289 for Virginia to secede from the Union. Given how liberal the county is these days, chances are that vote wouldn’t be repeated today. Then again, given how liberal it is, maybe it would build a Peace Star instead of a Death Star. Somehow a Death Star is much cooler.

 6. The NRA is located in Fairfax County. They can help rewrite the 2^nd Amendment: "...the right of counties to keep and bear Death Stars shall not be infringed..."

 7. Speaking of international scope - and terrorism: the Fairfax County International Urban Search & Rescue resource, sponsored by the Fairfax County, Virginia Fire and Rescue Department, has handled emergencies across the US and overseas. The list of their missions is pretty impressive:

 Domestic: Oklahoma City bombing (1995); The Pentagon (9/11/01); Hurricane Isabel, east coast (2003); Hurricane Charley, FL (2004), Hurricane Katrina, LA (2005); Hurricane Rita, TX (2005), Hurrican Ernesto, FL (2006).

 Overseas: Earthquake, Armenia (1988); earthquake, Phillipines (1990); Nairobi Embassy Bombing (1998); earthquake, Turkey (1999); earthquake, Taiwan (1999), earthquake, Turkey (1999); Danube river flooding, Czech Republic (2002); earthquake, Iran (2003); earthquake, Morocco (2004); tsunami, Indonesia (2005); and earthquake, Pakistan (2005).

 NOTE: No alcohol or drugs were consumed in the writing of this blog entry. I reside in Fairfax County and blame it for my overactive imagination.