Snow

We are finally digging out of yet another snowstorm, the 2^nd blizzard in less than a week, and the 4^th significant snowfall in one winter – all in an area, the greater Washington, DC metropolitan area, which isn’t normally associated with harsh winters.  People in Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Minnesota, Canada or Russia may scoff, but this is ridiculous.  Typically our snowfall is one storm of 5-10” per season, with a major blizzard every 4-5 years. 

 Driving.  I’ve never owned a four wheel drive vehicle, and never driven the few I’ve driven in snow; so my experience is limited to my Firebirds, mainly the Formula, which had a surplus of torque and a deficit of traction, even in dry weather, typical rear wheel drive poor snow performance; and my Neon, which is front-wheel drive.  I’ve never gotten stuck in either car, but I know not to venture into snowdrifts.

            The three problems with driving in snow are (1) getting hopelessly stuck, (2) having trouble stopping, and running into someone or something, and (3) having some yahoo run into you.  Unfortunately there is little you can do about #3 (except to keep your insurance paid!), but #1 & 2 are within your control.  #1 is partially solved by being careful about where you drive; and #2 is optimized by coasting as much as possible and letting the car’s weight slow it down, as the brakes – even anti-lock brakes such as the Neon’s – are of limited use in snow.  It also helps not to drive fast, just giving the car enough gas to get moving, and staying away from other vehicles to the extent possible.

            Nevertheless, I still see no shortage of boneheads driving at normal speeds through snow which clearly merits something below the posted speed limit, about the only time those limits are realistic guidelines.  This is an area that gets enough snow, each winter, that local residents should know how to drive in it.  I imagine these yahoos are probably newly relocated bozos from warmer climates south of the Rio Grande, or cab drivers from Africa (who drives on Mount Kilimanjaro??). 

            Oh, and I have seen 4 wheel drive vehicles stuck in the snow.  Apparently the drivers believe their vehicles are immune to snow.  Nope.  And 4 wheel drive doesn’t help you STOP any better in the snow than other vehicles, so keep that in mind.    

 Shutdowns.  We managed to get pizza delivered on Super Bowl Sunday, despite just being one day after 24” of snow in a subdivision which saw cursory plowing.  Maybe the pizza places should double as snow plow operators! The Giant supermarket across the street from me was open on Wednesday afternoon, February 10, despite snow still falling; it was the ONLY commercial establishment in its shopping plaza open at that time, during a storm which dropped yet another 20” of snow. 

            The Fairfax courthouse was closed on the 10^th (the day of the snowstorm) and the 11^th (the day after); fortunately the county website FINALLY set up a section which identifies whether the court will be open or closed.  I don’t have children, nor am I in school or a teacher, so the countless “school closing” announcements on the TV crawls mean absolutely nothing to me.  Years ago I had to call the clerk’s office – and found that lo and behold, despite a blizzard, the Fairfax County General District Court was open for business, justice would be done!

            This area is inconsistent when it comes to remaining open for business amidst a raging blizzard vs. shutting down at the first snowflake.  Some places – like Giant or Domino’s – will remain open in the worst weather, and others will shut down almost immediately.  The trend is too inconsistent to claim that “people in this area can’t handle the snow.” 

 Kids vs. Adults.  When you’re a kid, snow is practically all upside.  School is off – and no kid likes school.  Snowball fights, snow men, snow angels, lots of fun.  Woohoo! 

            When you’re an adult, it switches.   You’re too old for snowball fights, snowmen, snow angels, any of the fun stuff you used to do as a kid, none of which has an adult equivalent.  You do, however, have to drive to work – in the snow – something you didn’t have to worry about as a kid, as your only “responsibility”, school, was cancelled.  Important meetings, business, etc. is all disrupted and everything screwed up.  Or your flight gets cancelled, or you get stuck in an airport someplace you didn’t want to be, etc.  And if you’re an adult with kids, then you have to deal with being stuck with them when they’d otherwise be at school.  Where’s the upside?  About the only upside is seeing the pretty snow, which hopefully is not on the damn road or runway causing problems.

            Having said that, I did not stay indoors during the duration of the storm.  I bundled up in layers, and pulled out my ski goggles, venturing forth into the wind and snow to pick up some goodies at Giant.  Although there was no one to throw snowballs at, really no fun to be had, the only iota of pleasure was simply the pride in braving the weather, a F**K YOU to the snow, and getting what I wanted from Giant.  And then driving to the office the next day with Route 7 pretty much clear. 

            I’ve never seen a blizzard in this area any later than February, so we have until March to see if there’s “more where this came from”.  We’ll see.  

 Snow Removal Machine.  When it comes down in these quantities, it has to be removed.  From sidewalks and driveways the usual means is grunt shovel work or snow blowers.  The amigo day laborers at the 7-11 were holding snow shovels, which is exactly the kind of work appropriate for this time (5 year labor cert for snow removal?  Give me a break!).  For roads, the snow plow is more like it. I don’t know why flamethrowers or heat cannon can’t be used, but no one consulted me.

 The Colors.   Water is clear, so snow is white.  If the precipitation was a non-clear liquid, we could get non-white snow.  Rain of blood – and it gets a little colder?  Red snow.  Turn water in to wine?  How about purple snow?  Candyland, where rain is Coca-Cola or Mountain Dew?  Black or green snow.  Use your imagination.  The more mundane solution is to drop vast amounts of dye into snow clouds to give us a rainbow kaleidoscope of multicolored snow.  Let’s get working.  WE CAN!