America's Got....Too Many of These Shows

Lately I’ve been catching a bit more of “America’s Got Talent”, mainly because Howard Stern is now a judge, along with Howie Mandel and Sharon Osbourne.  A few months ago I was a captive audience for “X Factor”, and under similar conditions watched “Q’Viva” (Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony’s Latin-themed talent show) and to a lesser extent, the current season of “American Idol”.  Here’s my impressions of these.

 By now we know the format:  various contestants vie for a super prize of fame and stardom (maybe even a clever Pepsi Super Bowl commercial), chosen by a combination of celebrity judges and audience text-in voting.  The judges offer “advice”, “praise”, and in Simon Cowell’s case, deliciously malicious criticism. 

 “Idol” and “X Factor” attempt to select America’s next pop idol.  All the contestants are stuffed into a narrow range of musical styles, with the women almost invariably attempting to mimic Whitney Houston.  There are no rock bands or rock vocalists: no one attempting to become the next Ian Gillan, Bruce Dickinson, Rob Halford, or even Freddie Mercury, although I noticed there was a “Queen” night on “Dancing With the Stars”.  I was never in danger of seeking the CDs of Scott McCreary, Clay Aiken (now on “Celebrity Apprentice” or some similar show), or Taylor Hicks – at least, not on my own behalf. 

 One of Idol’s current judges, Steven Tyler, is better known as the singer for the rock band Aerosmith.  He signed onto Idol when the band was on “hiatus”, though that break seemed to be as much caused by his eccentric personality as anything to do with the other members of the band; Axl Rose, however, still remains the most dysfunctional rock singer to date, as Tyler hasn’t insisted that Aerosmith is his and his alone and will be rejoining the band’s standard, classic lineup (Joe Perry, Brad Whitford, etc.).  Although I doubt this was his express intention, his publicity from Idol has probably made an impressive impact on Aerosmith’s ability to sell its new album and back catalog and sell tickets for an upcoming tour.  Maybe not.

 “America’s Got Talent” is actually a bit more interesting, as it seeks talent of all kinds, not merely pop singers.  This leads me to recall that old 70s show...The Gong Show.  Remember that one?  Maybe some of the AGT contestants are a bit “out there”, but that’s definitely the entertainment value.  And now we have a Simon Cowell for the show, although Stern has his own style of attempting the same type of role:  “someone has to tell you, ‘you suck’, but do it well enough that you can enjoy the contempt, even take it home and frame it.”   The tanning woman in NJ has shown us, as if we had any doubt (“Let’s Make a Deal”?) how people will allow themselves to be completely humiliated in front of the entire country simply for their “15 minutes” of fame.

 Probably the TOP “oddball talent” has to be “Le Petomane”, an eccentric Frenchman, Joseph Pujols, who performed from 1892 to just before WWI.  This man had remarkable control over his anal sphincter – he was able to “fart” (with air, though, not intestinal gases) into various wind instruments, or simply by himself, to the tune of music.  

 Q’Viva focuses, of course, on “Latin” talent – from Mexico, Brazil, all over Latin America.  I suppose “Dancing With the Stars” also falls into this “live reality” contest business, even if the contestants are actual celebrities. 

 What I really didn’t like about X Factor was the “gimmick” deal.   “Dexter” was homeless.  Leroy Bell claimed to be 59 but looked 39.  Stacy “lost her father” (so did I...where’s my $5 million recording contract?).  Tiger needed to win to avoid foreclosure (can you imagine his banker glued to the TV every night rooting for him?).  Please.  And I knew, as soon as Simon flew down to Florida to apologize to Melanie Amaro in her own home, in front of her family, on camera, and return her to the fold, that SHE would be the winner.  No way they pull that stunt and let her lose at any point.   So this business of audience choosing is actually quite bogus:  how hard is it to imagine smug and arrogant Simon, asked in confidence if the show is rigged, to smirk and laugh, “did you really think I’d leave $5 million up to the whim of an audience of idiots texting in their choices? Get real.” 

 By all means, enjoy these shows.  From time to time, I do myself - if only to laugh.