Beetle Bailey

I finally finished off a two disc set of animated cartoons of the popular (still?) comic strip Beetle Bailey.  With the exception of a bonus episode (unaired TV special from 1989), all of these were short clips (10 minutes) from 1963-65.   With a few exceptions, most of the major characters were present. 

 Growing up, this comic strip was by far my favorite.  I’ve always been a big buff of the military despite being consigned to civilian oblivion by my substandard hearing.  We purchased a few paperback collections in the 70s when I was growing up, but I tried to follow it in the newspaper whenever possible.

 Beetle Bailey.  Always a private: he suffered such flak from his comrades on a promotion to PFC that he managed to get himself busted down to private again.  Also, always a slacker, perpetually devoted to finding ways to sleep and avoid work, much to the annoyance of his commander, Sgt. Snorkel.  Also, his eyes are always obscured, either with the standard Army cap or the steel helmet.  (Note: the helmet shape hasn’t changed even after the Army adopted the Kevlar “Fritz” type helmet in the 1980s). 

In the animated series he has a girlfriend, “Bunny”.  He’s the younger brother of “Lois”, from “Hi & Lois”. 

 Sgt. Snorkel.  The quintessential “NCO” (non commissioned officer aka “no chance outside”).  Gruff, aggressive, overweight, and somewhat of a belligerent bully…but that’s his job.  His dog, Otto, is his only friend.  The Army is his home: sent off-base on a furlough, he invariably returns early.

 Other enlisted men: 

Zero.  Dimwitted, buck-toothed farmboy – but likable nonetheless for his innocent good nature.

Killer.  Slim mustache, always on the lookout for female companionship; he fancies himself a ladies man.

Rocky.  Kind of a wiseass, a biker, delinquent, anti-authority weasel.  He runs Camp Swampy’s newspaper and is constantly making the officers look bad. 

Plato.  The over-intelligent private, somewhat of an overweight philosopher.

Cosmo.  He has a far stronger role in the animated series than I recall from the strip: he always has a card game or scam going on – a real Sgt. Bilko type.

Cookie. The mess hall chef.  He always wears a dirty wife beater and has cauliflower ears.

Corporal Yo.  A very recent addition, likely due to PC pressure to add an Asian character.  Yo is very much an overachiever, the opposite of Beetle.

Gizmo.  Another recent addition: sort of a nerdy tech guy who can explain to General Halftrack what email and websites are.

 Officers.

Lt. Fuzz.  In the animated series, they give him a southern drawl (is that how they talk in Missouri?).  He’s the typical young, fresh, second lieutenant who pulls rank even if it’s clear Sgt. Snorkel knows far more than he does.  Remarkably, Mort Walker disclosed that his own alter-ego was Lt. Fuzz.

Lt. Flap.  The Afro-American officer.  He’s completely absent not only from the ’63-65 animated series, but also the newer bonus episode.

Captain Scabbard.  Walker once described the source officer as a drunk, but the cartoon version doesn’t do much except give Lt Fuzz orders from General Halftrack.

Major Greenbrass.  His only role seems to be to play golf with General Halftrack.

Chaplain Staneglass.  The Army chaplain (priest).  Usually nothing more than a source of counseling – a bit like Deanna Troi on STNG.  Father Mulcahy on “M*A*S*H” was probably the best portrayal of an Army chaplain (and I mean the TV William Christopher, not the movie Rene Auberjonois). 

General Halftrack.  What I recall most was his later form as somewhat of a washed up general forgotten by the Pentagon and lusting after Ms. Buxley (wouldn’t we all?)  The animated series tends to play him down as more of a sympathetic buffoon, whereas the later strips and the bonus episode give him the full Turtledove Custer treatment (big ego, dirty old man). 

 The ladies:

Ms. Blips.  The Army woman – very plain with no boobs.

Ms. Buxley.   Civilian secretary to General Halftrack, provocative and alluring.  Sort of the Joann (Mad Men) of the strip.

Sgt. Lugg.  Buxom female counterpart to Sgt. Snorkel, a more recent addition.

 The strip originated in 1950 with Beetle as a college student (U. Missouri knockoff, Rockview U.), who quickly joined the Army to impress chicks (this was Korean War time) and never left.  It’s always stateside at Camp Swampy, a typical CONUS (continental US) Army base where combat is nonexistent.  Even through Vietnam and the Gulf War, no mention is really made of foreign conflicts.  Really, the strip is supposed to portray the peacetime Army as a dull place where nothing really happens.  Although the humor is mostly fairly tame, it is remarkable that Walker has been able to stretch this premise as long as he has.  Long before Jerry Seinfeld gave us “a TV show about nothing”, Walker gave us humor on an otherwise dull and boring Army base…for over 60 years.