…for one
day, that is. I don’t even play fantasy
football, i.e. presume to even pick a full team. So my modest commands would be as follows:
1. Realignment. Not happening on my watch. Keep both conferences and all 8 divisions
just as they are. Don’t confuse everyone
by switching teams around. But see #5
below.
2. Cleveland
Browns. Enough with the plain orange
helmets (with the stripe). You’ve been
an NFL team since the late 40s. Plain
helmets are for college teams like Notre Dame or Penn State. I don’t see fans dressing as Paul Brown, so
if you want, put something clever like a “dawg paw print” or a “dawg face” on the
helmet, maybe in brown – or orange on brown.
Something like that. No, not
Calvin peeing on Steelers logo. Which
brings me to my next command:
3. Pittsburgh,
Y U NO HAVE DECAL ON BOTH SIDES? It was
cute at first, maybe a little different.
Time to stop with this. Put the
decal on BOTH sides of the helmet. Get
with the program.
4. Icing the Kicker. So help me, if you call a timeout when the
opposing team’s kicker is due to attempt a field goal, fine. If he makes it, it’s worth 6 points instead
of 3. Maybe that will teach you.
5. Relegation. How about this? The teams with the worst two records get
kicked to NCAA Division 1, and the top 2 college teams get promoted to NFL,
taking the losers’ places in the divisions.
A slice of professional soccer stuffed into football. This should really mix things up.
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