The X-Men

I rewatched “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” after having seen the new “The Wolverine” film in IMAX 3D the previous weekend, which means I’ve seen the entire series, some more than once.  They’re all CGI-heavy action films.   They’re based on Marvel comics characters dating back to 1963.

Mutants.  The whole premise upon which the comics and series is based concerns humans with mutations which give them special powers, i.e. mutants.  It’s unclear how these mutations occur, but the mutants are generally born with them.  The powers can be magnified (Cerebro), modified (Wolverine), stolen (Rogue), or even expropriated and aggregated (Weapon XI, formerly Wade).  I’ve yet to see a mutation which is unequivocally BAD for the mutant.  This means that Superman & Thor (aliens) and Batman and Iron Man (rich guys with gadgets) are not mutants, but Spiderman (radioactive spider), The Hulk (gamma radiation), and Captain America (super serum) are, as are the entire Fantastic Four (space rays).  Remarkably, no one has been transformed into a massive, Tokyo-eating lizard – the closest being Dr. Connors (Lizardman from “Spiderman”). 

Naturally, non-mutant humans (hereinafter, NMHs) fear the mutants. I’ve to see any jealousy or envy; if anything, the mutants often envy the NMHs their normality.  So a consistent plot issue in the X-Men stories and movies is this conflict between mutants and NMHs.  This is sometimes clumsily equated with our debate about gay rights (are gays mutants?  Super powers of epicureanism and interior design? Discuss) as in “Last Stand” (see below).  And the conflict serves to divide the mutants into two camps:  pro-human (Xavier) and anti-human (Magneto). 

 

I have scant experience with the comics, but here are the movies: 

X-Men (2000).  This is the first film, but thanks to “First Class”, not the first chronologically.  Magneto plots to channel Rogue’s powers to make the entire world into mutants – using the Statue of Liberty – but Xavier’s team realizes this will just kill everyone (not a good idea, and probably not what Holocaust survivor Eric Lensherr intended), so they (surprise, surprise) shut it down.

X-2 (2003).  Now the tables are turned: instead of killing all the non-mutant humans, the plot is to kill all the mutants, using a brainwashed Xavier in his Cerebro unit to achieve this goal; the criminal mastermind is Colonel Stryker, the consistent nemesis in these stories.  As you can imagine, this plot is also foiled – at the cost of Jean Grey’s life.

X-Men Last Stand (2006).  The “war” between humans and mutants …mutates.  On Alcatraz, a serum is developed which can turn gay people into straights.  No, wait…mutants into normal humans.  The X-Men fight back and defeat this, well, bad idea.  Actually, it’s not such a bad idea IF the mutants have a choice in the matter, but since we’ve yet to see a mutation which is undeniably bad for the mutant, very few mutants would choose this option.  Beast is probably one of them.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009).  A quasi-prequel, because Wolverine is a major character of the three prior films.  The film begins in 1845 with Logan (Wolverine) and his brother Victor Creed, and quickly fast-forwards to the present day.  After a falling-out in Lagos, Nigeria, Logan is tracked down in Canada and persuaded by Stryker to undergo the adamantium treatment.  John Wraith (Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas) and Gambit (Taylor Kitsch) tag along.  Eventually there’s a big showdown at Three Mile Island, wherein Stryker succeeds at wiping Wolverine’s memories. 

X-Men First Class (2011).  The first prequel:  we see a young Xavier (James McAvoy) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender) initially friends but eventually grow apart.  Mystique is here played by Jennifer Lawrence.  The bad guy Klaus Schmidt/Sebastian Shaw (remarkably free of German accent, just like Magneto) (Kevin Bacon), attempts to provoke a nuclear war between the US and USSR amidst the Cuban Missile Crisis.  The idea is that only mutants will survive, and repopulate the earth with their own kind exclusively.  With only Emma Frost among the female villains (played by January Jones, aka Betty Draper from "Mad Men") it looks like Ms. Frost would be quite inconvenienced with nonstop pregnancy for some time - so why did she sign on to that plan?  Taking up some of the potential burden, Angel (Zoe Kravitz) and Mystique switch sides from Xavier’s group to Magneto’s.

The Wolverine (2013).  Unlike the prior Wolverine film which had a bevy of other mutants, this one brings him to Japan and focuses on him exclusively.  He survived the Nagasaki blast in 1945 – in a small solitary confinement cell underground, not a lead-lined refridgerator – and is invited by the Japanese officer (Yashida) whose life he saved, back to Japan, under the guise of “let me say goodbye to you, I’m dying.”  Things are, of course, not what they seem.  Wolverine briefly loses his regeneration powers, has to protect Yashida’s cute granddaughter, Mariko, and eventually bumps ugly in a final confrontation with a nasty woman (Viper) and the 15 foot Silver Samurai – who is actually pretty impressive.  Think of this as “Lost in Translation – on Steroids”. 

Characters.  There are too many to list, so I’ll focus on the most important.  Many of the movies have characters who only appear in that film. 

Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart/James McAvoy).  He’s psychic and telepathic, but also confined to a wheelchair.  He’s the Papa Smurf of the good mutants, although (in X2) twisted by Stryker’s mutant boy into attempting to kill all the mutants.

Magneto (Ian McKellan/Michael Fassbender).  His power is being able to manipulate steel/metal:  usually he stops bullets in midair and sends them back at the shooter, or flips cars and tanks around.  Since he can raise submarines, etc. there doesn’t appear to be a limit to his power, although Xavier’s telekinesis is almost as strong and not restricted to metallic objects.  If nothing else, the Nazis taught him to be cynical, but the series tries to be somewhat sympathetic to his viewpoint.

Mystique (Rebecca Romijin/Jennifer Lawrence).  Her power is shapeshifting, a Doppleganger effect.  Her natural form is a hot blue-skinned woman, too dark and sexy to be Smurfette [why not get Katy Perry for this role?].  As noted above, initially in Xavier’s camp, she soon defects to Magneto’s.   In “Last Stand” she loses her abilities, apparently permanently.

Storm (Halle Berry).  An African princess with the power to control the weather, which means she makes lots of tornados and lightning.  Nominally she’s one of the top X-Men but no one seems to want to give her a prequel film.

Cyclops (James Marsden).  His eyes shoot energy blasts, so he has to wear special glasses.  He’s kind of an uptight nerd, so mainly he acts as Jean Grey’s frustrated and jealous boyfriend.

Jean Grey/Phoenix (Famke Jannsen).  She’s a psychic, with powers pretty much identical to Xavier’s.  BO-RING. I’ve noted this before:  she’s the only character who doesn’t have a nickname, just “Jean Grey.”  Her reborn character, Phoenix, is a little too powerful:  she can kill unlimited numbers of people with just a thought.  So we go from “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… Ted Johnson” to “GOD”.  As I said, boring.  By the way, I didn’t find her dream-seducing Wolverine wearing a negligee (her, not Wolverine) in the new film to be bizarre, unsettling or inappropriate, but I didn’t find it particularly arousing either. 

Wolverine (Hugh Jackman).  Easily the most badass of the entire bunch.  His retractable claws and natural regeneration have been enhanced with adamantium bonded to his entire skeleton, making him practically indestructible, though the Silver Samurai comes closest to killing him.

Rogue (Anna Paquin).  Generally I can’t claim any appreciable experience reading the comic books, but here I do know something:  the comic book version was considerably older and more mature, more like Tawny Kitaen.  This Anna Paquin “frightened little girl” deal is a step backwards.  I suppose it’s just as well; Rogue’s power is that she can steal superpowers from anyone else, at the cost of draining their life energy:  sex with Rogue would be fatal. 

Beast (Kelsey Grammer + Nicholas Hoult).  A furry blue beast who was a nerdy scientist and remains nerdy even with fur.  Yeah, that’s his schtick.     

My original comic book favorite was Rogue (I even had a button of her) but in the movies it has to be Wolverine.  I’ve noticed that the movies never put him in his older blue/yellow (L.A. Rams) or newer brown/orange (Cleveland Browns) costume.  Either he’s bare-chested in jeans or in the leather X-men suit.  Mystique takes a #2 just because she’s… well…so damn hot.  I look forward to the “Day of Future Passed” installment coming next year, featuring “That 70s X-Men.”