Friends

Every now and then I like to do a blog about more vague, esoteric ideas, rather than books, movies, wars, rock bands, etc.   Especially since this word can be extremely vague depending on the context.

TV Show.   I might as well address the NBC show, which ran from 1994 to 2004.  I didn’t follow it from the beginning, I simply started watching it because it came on after “Seinfeld” (1989-98) and I was too lazy to change the channel or turn off the TV, which was probably what NBC bet on when it gave it the “Must See TV” Thursday night time slot.   By the time “Seinfeld” ended in 1998, I had come to like Joey, Ross, Chandler, Monica and Rachel.  But not Phoebe.  I could never stand her.  Nor did I care for Gunther, Central Perk, or the way the official name of each episode starts with “the one with…”  However, I did buy into the Rachel-Ross romance and didn’t like Emily.   Anyhow.

School.  It seems that from every school, I wound up with two friends, though by now St. Martin’s has been such a long time ago, although I’ve found many of my school chums on Facebook, I’ve yet to be able to meet up with them.  

Marymount in Paris?  Danton and Geoff, but again difficulty in meeting them as Danton is in NYC and Geoff is in Dubai?  London?  Computer, locate Geoff. 

ASP?  Jean is in Germany, Phil is in Colorado. 

UMCP?  Ken won’t speak to me, Dave and I write to each other. 

GMU Law?  John in Virginia Beach, Jim in Chantilly.

Work.   I suppose it’s possible to be friends with the people you work with, but I distinguish things this way.  If you don’t spend any time with the person away from work, they’re not your friends, no matter how well you get along with them at the office.   At work, you’re paid to be there, and it’s better to get along than to fight or backstab, right?  But if they won’t spend their free time with you, they have no business calling you their friend.

Fair Weather Friends.   I remember my dad telling me about this.   A pair of kids called us up asking if we wanted to hang out with them.  My dad remarked, “Pfft.  Why are they calling all the sudden?  Sounds like no one else was available,” and explained this concept.  People who only hang out with you when they have nothing better to do.

That also covers people who only call you when they need you for something.   Either hang out together or stop calling me your friend.   Some friend dynamics might be changing in Colorado and Washington:  see “Pineapple Express.”

“Friends” (men and women).   This is where it gets really bad, because when women use the word “friend” regarding men, it can mean almost anything. 

1)    Boyfriend asks girlfriend about one of her guy friends, who might be an ex-BF or a guy the BF knows she likes.  She says, “oh, he’s just a friend.”  If all the other circumstances indicate that he’s more than just a friend, that “oh, he’s just a friend” should be completely ignored.  I say there’s “smart jealous” and “stupid jealous”.  “Smart jealous” may include scenarios such as: ex-BF who suggests a weekend rendezvous.  “Stupid jealous” involves a flirtatious cab driver or the girl’s brother who simply happens to be good looking.

2)    “Friend zone”.  Sometimes a woman consigns a man to eternal platonic-tude.  Maybe he’s unattractive or overweight, maybe he’s too much of a wuss, but for whatever reason, she has no interest in him and probably never will.  She calls him a “friend” and he should know that means he’ll NEVER get in bed with her. 

3)    Friends with Benefits.  If we listened to what Hollywood tries to tell us, this would not exist.   Women don’t go for casual sex!  They require a firm commitment, an emotional bond!   And if the woman won’t go for a casual sex relationship, it won’t exist.   Same with booty calls or f**k buddies.  Hollywood told us these things don’t happen…so they don’t…right?

4)    “When Harry Met Sally”.   Most chick flicks seem to have some sort of message which is intended for the BF/husband to “get”.  This one…not so much.  Its message is more for both parties.  Harry (Billy Crystal) says that “men and women can’t be friends, because sex will always get in the way.”  To some extent that’s true.  If a man and women like each other enough to be friends, the question will arise why they’re not together.  It seems 70% of friendships between men and women (who aren’t related) seem to be between people who were formerly couples but broke up on good terms.  The other 30% are between those who are too far apart geographically to be able to date.

Anyhow.  If you do have friends, make sure they know you appreciate them.   Treat them fairly, call them – not just when you need something – and enjoy yourselves.  It’s a big, lonely world, and we need all the help we can get.