Jesus Says...

Don’t be an asshole.

1.         MDPs.   Jesus was very laid back, very cool.  But if there was one group of people who really pissed Him off, it was Pharisees, those arrogant, holier-than-thou types who made up a vast array of arbitrary rules, followed them scrupulously, and then looked down on “sinners” and tax collectors.  If you listen to the Gospel consistently Sunday after Sunday, you pick up on this theme:  Jesus hated these clowns.

            Yet circa 2013, the yahoos most consistently barking and braying about “Jay-Sus” are the modern day equivalents of those Pharisees (hereinafter, “Modern Day Pharisee”, or MDP).  ???  When Jesus comes back, these MDP’s are likely to be #1 on His Hit List.  So why are they the loudest and most obnoxious in invoking His name?  Are they that clueless?   Apparently so.

2.         What Would Jesus Do?   That’s another idiocy of modern day Christians.  Somewhere out there, some smug bastard is patting himself (or herself) on the back for coming up with that bumper sticker or slogan: What Would Jesus Do?   Allow me to give a brief hypothetical to illustrate just how moronic that slogan is.

            You’re at a wedding, and they run out of wine.  But there’s plenty of water (probably from the tap).   What would Jesus do?

            Then at the reception, the caterer doesn’t show up.  All you have are loaves and fishes to feed all those hungry people.   What would Jesus do?

            Uncle Ted complains he was diagnosed with cancer.   Too bad there’s no cure, right?  What would Jesus do?

            Oops, the bride’s father, conveniently named Lazarus, collapses of a heart attack and dies right there.  What would Jesus do?

            Finally, you’re wrongfully accused of a capital crime which you didn’t commit.  You’re sentenced to be executed.  Sure enough, on a Friday afternoon, they execute you.  What would Jesus do?

            Enough with this idiocy of “what would Jesus do.”   He’s the Son of God.  Not only can He raise the dead, He can come back Himself.   None of us have His powers.   Better to take the nicest, good-est person you know, a mere non-divine, non-Son of God, mortal, and live by that person’s example.  For me, it’s my Dad.   He couldn’t do all those things Jesus did, but he was the best person I knew.  His example will serve for me.  And even his example is a stretch…but I’ll try.

    Ayn Rand once remarked that the one thing worse than being capably attacked is being ineptly defended, in the context of Republicans doing a piss-poor job of “defending” capitalism.   When I see Christians behaving like idiots I feel the same way.   Dumbass Christians – and violent Muslims – are a powerful argument in favor of atheism, or at least agnosticism.  All it takes is discretion and intelligence and we can be Christians who won’t make Jesus facepalm.   Let’s give it a shot.