Recently
the sequel, Ted 2, came out on
Blu-Ray, and I snapped it up ASAP. I
loved both films and saw them when they came out in the movie theaters.
And
no, I do not mean those seminars. I
think we can agree that a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, oversexed talking teddy
bear is much more fascinating and entertaining.
These
were done by Seth MacFarlane, the creator of “The Family Guy”. I can take or leave that show, which is
mostly funny but also somewhat self-indulgent.
SM is also a bit too smug. I did
like his “Family Guy” parodies of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return
of the Jedi. Note that he never
bothered to parody the prequels. Wonder
why? Now we have to wonder if he will be
parodying “The Force Awakens.”
TED (2012). Johnny Bennett (played as an adult by Mark
Wahlberg) grows up in suburban Boston without much in the way of friends, and
as an only child, has no siblings. He
gets a teddy bear for Christmas and makes a Christmas wish that his bear be
given life. The next morning,
voila! One talking teddy bear, albeit
with a child’s relative innocence.
Fast forward to John’s adulthood, with
its inevitable loss of innocence through adolescence, and Ted now talks like…
Seth MacFarlane. He curses, smokes pot,
and chases skirt – even though he lacks genitals. Notwithstanding this deficiency, he still
hooks up with Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth).
Basically he’s John’s best friend.
All well and fine, until John hooks
up with Lori (Mila Kunis). Lori feels
that Ted is holding back John from fully maturing. There’s an extended cameo with Sam Jones –
John and Ted are big fans of “Flash Gordon” (1980).
The danger erupts when creepy
father, Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) tries to kidnap Ted for his own, spoiled
son. A climax occurs at Fenway Park –
did I mention the movie takes place in Bawston, and most characters affect
heavy Bawston accents? – but things turn out OK. Sorry to spoil it for you.
Patrick Stewart narrates the
introduction and ending. Awesome.
TED 2 (2015). Lo and behold, a sequel. Who would imagine?
Lori is gone, but Ted has married
Tami-Lynn. Their marriage is in trouble,
so they try to get a child. A bungled
attempt at stealing Tom Brady’s sperm (yes, cameo by Tom Brady, none too
thrilled at strange men and teddy bears hand jobbing him) fails, and despite a
successful J/O by John, it seems that Tami-Lynn’s uterus has been destroyed by
years of abuse. When they try to adopt,
things get worse: the Commonwealth of
Massachusetts decides that Ted is property, not a person. He loses his job, his money, his marriage is
annulled, and of course he can’t adopt.
Unhappy.
They hire an attorney, Samantha L.
Jackson (Amanda Seyfried), eventually hire Patrick Meighan (Morgan Freeman),
and a showdown with Donny – again – occurs at the ComiCon in New York
City. This time it’s John’s time to
brush with death.
In addition to Tom Brady, there are brief
cameos by Jay Leno, Liam Neeson, and the Saturday Night Live cast. I’m beginning to suspect that SM has feet in
both “Star” franchises, because in addition to the Family Guy “Star Wars”
parodies, these movies have Patrick Stewart, and small roles by Nana “Major
Kira” Visitor and Michael “Worf” Dorn.
Sam Jones is also back, though for the most part he’s upset with them.
The
DVDs have some extra features: deleted
scenes, gag reels, and some “the making of…” segments with interviews with Seth
MacFarlane and a few others. Not a whole
lot to add to the movie, but fairly nice.
What’s strange is that for “Ted 2”’, David
Hasselhoff is included as a cameo. He appears
with KITT (shiny black, highly modified 1982 Trans Am) and argues with a
stand-in Ted. No such scene appears in
the movie. I guess it didn’t rate as a “deleted
scene” because the CGI Ted-work was never finished. Too bad, as the Hoff is always entertaining,
and I like KITT. From what I could tell,
though, Ted was badmouthing Hoff & KITT; I couldn’t figure out why. Anyhow.
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