Drag Racing

I haven’t done this in awhile, but the topic came up in my brain.   My current car is a 2009 Dodge Charger R/T, with the 370 HP 5.7L HEMI V8.  I’ve already covered that in the past, and in any case haven’t drag raced the Charger, so I’ll stick with the story.

In 1992 I fell in love with the Pontiac Firebird Formula, in particular the model with the tuned port injected 5.7L V8, the L98, commonly known as a Formula 350 to distinguish it from most ’87-92 Formulas, which had the 5.0L (305) V8.  The 350 was born in 1967, amidst the performance age, first offered in the brand new 1967 Camaro SS, whereas the 305 came on the scene in 1977.  Both have the same stroke, 3.48, but the 350 enjoys a 4.0 inch bore, whereas the 305 has a 3.74 inch bore.  Sadly, this effort to make the V8 more fuel-efficient also severely compromises its performance potential, as that smaller bore prevents the engine from breathing properly, no matter what kind of intake, camshaft, or cylinder heads you’ve got.  Bottom line is that if you have a 305, you’re best off replacing it with a 350, as they’re the same size externally with far more parts available for the 350.  Since the advent of the LS series engines in the late ‘90s, the 350 is no longer sold in any vehicle you can buy at a dealer, but Chevrolet certainly still sells the engine in crate form. 

Anyhow.

By June 1995 I finally scored my much-desired Formula 350, and eventually took it to the local dragstrips.  I went to Maryland International Raceway (MIR) in south eastern Maryland one especially hot day in the summer.  I was there practically alone.  I learned to drop the tire pressure in the rear tires to hook up at the starting line.  My times were in the mid 14s.

Soon after, I learned of another dragstrip, just south of Frederick, Maryland, 75/80.   I took the Formula there several times.  Mostly I did Test & Tune (i.e. not actually racing).  On one date I decided to do a competitive race just to get one more run in.  The other driver redlighted – lost by default – so I was told to continue to the next round.  The next driver redlighted as well!  Back for another run.  This time, I redlighted.  D’oh! The winner (driving a 327 powered ’68 Camaro) went on to win the final race, meaning I essentially came in third place simply by joining one race.

Part of the fun of drag racing is that you can bring your street car to the dragstrip, then when you do a run, you get a quarter mile time and a MPH time, which corresponds apples to apples to the professionals in NHRA.  Granted, you’re running 14s and they’re well below 10, depending on whether they’re Pro Stock or Top Fuel, but the same standard applies.   Is there any NASCAR track that allows you to run your street car around the track?  Is there any NASCAR track that allows ordinary drivers to race their street cars against each other?  Somehow I doubt it.

The Tree.   You get three yellows then a GREEN.  You leave at the green.  If you leave before the green you redlight, and lose automatically.  It’s fairly simple.  Your time from the last yellow to launching on green is your reaction time.  Ideal, quickest, is a half second (.50).  Us slowpokes will start off over a second and work our way down to maybe .60.   I don’t think I ever reached a perfect .50.  

Times.  A slow car might do the quarter mile in 20 seconds.  Most stock Firebirds, Camaros and Mustangs will run 16s.  A fast street car will be in the 14s, and a very fast street car, something like a Viper or a ZR1 Corvette, in the 12s.   Anything in the 10s or lower is almost certainly a non-street legal drag racing car.  

It helps if you’re running slicks, which can cut over a second off your time.  Traction is often an issue with street cars, their treaded tires compromising their quarter mile times but saving them from flying off the road when it rains.  A comrade of mine, driving a 1969 Plymouth Barracuda hardtop, would actually unmount his street tires, mount slicks, and run with the slicks.  This ‘Cuda had no mufflers, a balanced and blueprinted Mopar 360, and a twin turbo setup going through a QuadraJet (???).   He had a roll cage and the doors bolted shut, so he’d have to climb in, Dukes of Hazzard style.  It was blue with 01 painted on the doors.  The thing was extremely loud.  I believe he was running 10s. 

Bracket Racing.  It’s no fun losing to a faster car, so to keep things interesting for those not running actual race cars (“heads up” racing is the standard format where both cars leave at the same time), they developed this.   You pick a dial-in time, e.g. 14.5 seconds.  Your opponent in the other lane does the same, e.g. 15 seconds.  Whoever has the slower dial-in will get a green light faster, by the difference in dial-ins.  If you run faster than your dial-in (break out), you lose automatically unless your opponent did the same by a higher margin.  Ideally they match up cars with similar dial-ins, but occasionally you’d see a 16 second car take off, and four seconds later his 12 second opponent launches and might even come from behind to catch up.  Whoever crosses the finish line first without breaking out, wins.  

My 14 second Formula had a modified 350 rated nominally around 300 horsepower.  Although I replaced the torque converter with a 2800 stall model, put a shift kit in the 700R4, and upgraded the rear gears from 3.23 to 3.73, I don’t think I ever took the car to the track after making those upgrades.  Incidentally, the original owner, after giving the car the SLP upgrades which pushed the HP from 240 (stock) to 290, had the car running high 13s.  To my recollection, my best time was 14.28 at 99 mph. 

The Charger is rated at 370 HP, so I suppose it should run faster than the Formula.  Oddly, it’s a 2009 but the 2019 Charger R/T is still rated at the same power – though now there’s the SRT8 at 420 HP and the supercharged Charger Hellcat – for a mere $70,000 – putting out 700 HP; the engine itself available from Mopar Performance as a crate engine… for $20,000 [https://www.motortrend.com/news/dodge-hellcat-crate-engine/].  According to the Interweb, the ’09 Charger R/T is supposed to be able to do the quarter mile in 13.9 seconds.  Actually not that great considering the original owner of my Formula, rated at 300, was able to get that car to do the quarter in 13.8 seconds, as noted above. 

As for bringing the Charger to the track in the near future?  75/80 is closed, but Mason-Dixon in Hagerstown is still open, as is M.I.R.  The two quarter mile dragstrips in Virginia are in Richmond and down southwest of Petersburg, too far away to be worth visiting.  I have no interest in any eighth mile strips.  I may well take the Charger to Hagerstown….

The Joker

I recently managed to see “The Joker”, the film with Joaquim Phoenix, representing the most recent take on the popular Batman villain.  I did not feel compelled to see it in the movie theater when it came out, and took my time tracking it down on DVD, eventually finding it in a Redbox kiosk as Netflix listed it as “eternal wait”.  Apparently everyone wants to see this film. 

Before getting into my (fairly brief) review, I’ll profile the other major depictions, limiting myself to the Batman TV series and the movies.  To say I don’t have the patience to watch animated versions or comic book versions in the limited span of my life I have left would be understatement.   I’ll also ignore the 1920s guy who started the whole thing and who I can’t even be bothered to look up on the Interweb.

Batman TV series (1966-68).  Actor: Caesar Romero.  The first one, as far as I’m concerned.  Colorful and charismatic.  I watched some of these as a kid but never saw fit to watch the entire series from start to finish – and I’m not going to start now.  Did he define the role?  I’d say he certainly gave it a start. 

Batman (1989). Actor: Jack Nicholson.   Michael Keaton played Batman.  Nicholson delved into the role with the same enthusiasm and panache as Romero did.   “This town needs an enema,” he professes to his henchman, not to the public at large.  Nicholson balanced menace with annoying and got it just about right, but left me satisfied with the ending.

The Dark Knight (2008).  Actor: Heath Ledger.  Christian Bale played Batman.  This seems to be everyone’s favorite.  I found him immensely annoying, especially this inexplicable power to instantaneously rig Gotham City in its entirety for explosives.  I also didn’t find him nearly as clever as he thought he was, even down to wearing a white nurse’s uniform.  Ledger’s OD on drugs spared us from a sequel.   

Suicide Squad (2016). Actor: Jared Leto.  This seems to be the least favorite, and I found Leto made him just as annoying as the other versions, no more so.  The movie is stolen by Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) anyway.  I liked the rest of the cast.   Batman himself is absent, but Ben Affleck does show up as Bruce Wayne. 

Joker (2019).  Played by Joaquim Phoenix.  Oddly, they set this when Bruce Wayne is just a boy, so Batman is absent from this version.   The twist here is that instead of being criminally insane, but intelligent, the Joker is just a mentally deficient nobody who snaps and kills someone he perceived was making fun of him.  Whoopee, that’s it.  So we’re supposed to believe that his makeup and costume give him enough wit and intelligence to take on Batman on an equal level?  Please.  Count me among the apparent minority who aren’t impressed with this version.   

Harley Quinn.  Actually, having just seen “Birds of Prey”, the standalone Harley Quinn film, a word about her is in order.  Of course I did NOT read any of the comics with her in original format, so my sole exposure to her is “Suicide Squad” and this one.  Apparently Joker broke up with her, so she spends the entire film doing something that doesn’t involve him.   It involves an annoying Asian girl who swallows a diamond, a few other women – oddly, Ali Wong is here as a D.A. and does not get all superheroine-y – and faces off against Roman Sionis (Ewan McGregor), the latter sinking his teeth into an unusual role and enjoying every minute of it.  Rosie Perez also does well here. 

To be honest, I find Harley Quinn only marginally less annoying than the Joker, the difference being that as a female at least she has some remote sexual attractiveness which the male characters, by their nature, lack.   But over several characters, the Joker himself is ultimately an eccentric, highly annoying asshole overly impressed with his own wit.  Bravo (slow, sarcastic applause).  

I'm The Boss

Valentine’s Day again, but without Madame Shanghai, another topic is more appropriate.  So here goes…

From Monday through Friday I wake up and go to work.   As an attorney, that might well mean going to court, or if no court is scheduled, then going to the office, which is 15 minutes away.  I have an office manager and a secretary, both of whom are Vietnamese and somewhat headstrong.   My sole associate, an older attorney, retired last fall, leaving me the only attorney left in the office.

I can come and go as I please and take whatever time off I want, though I prefer to keep that to a minimum.   As my posts indicate, I like concerts, but even on weekdays these are at night.   In all my years of practice, I’ve had ONE occasion where court wound up lasting until nighttime.   Even all-day festivals tend to be scheduled for weekends, so that’s a hobby which, as a practical matter, does not conflict with my work schedule.

Working for myself means not having to please an arbitrary and capricious boss or being concerned about having my job abruptly terminated.  Virginia, like most states, is an at-will employment state, meaning workers can be let go for practically any reason.   It also means they’re free to leave without notice, but generally the employee needs the job more than the boss needs the employee, so as a practical matter that’s a policy which favors the company.

I can come in dressed casually, though having to go to court means wearing a suit and tie.   Creditor’s hearings (341) for bankruptcy cases seem to have a relaxed standard, as they’re in front of a trustee and not a judge, so many lawyers attend these in dockers and loafers; I prefer to wear a suit and tie.

I like to believe that I treat my employees fairly.  With very few exceptions, they’re almost always Vietnamese females, some more attractive and/or provocative than others.  Even though I’m single I keep my hands to myself and leave them alone.   In any case, hiring, firing and discipline come down to my office manager.   We call the current secretary “princess”, as not only is her family back in Vietnam wealthy – counterintuitively, there are some rich people in communist countries – but she herself actually does act (somewhat, sometimes) like a princess.   Naturally, she forbids us to call her princess.

Up until May 2019 I was visiting yet another headstrong Asian woman, this one from Shanghai and very proud of it; she lived in Fort Lee, New Jersey, which is on the New Jersey side of the George Washington Bridge – the NYC side is 175 Street, Manhattan.  That meant three day weekends, though clearly my court schedule took preference over trips to see her.  Sadly, though I gained admission to the NY bar, I failed to secure employment there.  

So I continue my life down here – as the boss.     

Theodore & Franklin

Almost, but not quite, running out of topics for Friday blogs.  But these two Presidents (#26 and #32) captured my attention.

First off, here are the other two pairs:  John Adams (#2) and his son John Quincy Adams (#6).  The father survived to July 4 1826, literally 50 years to the date of the famous date, dying on the same day as Thomas Jefferson.   #2 is also the cousin of Samuel Adams, after whom the beer is named.  Paul Giamatti did a good job of portraying him in a recent miniseries, with Stephen Dillane, aka Stannis Baratheon from Game of Thrones, playing his rival/nemesis Thomas Jefferson.   I picture them having the same kind of deal as Seinfeld and Newman:  “Adams….” (icy)  “Jefferson” (equally icy).

And George H.W. Bush (#41) and his son George W. Bush (#43).   I actually voted for GHWB in 1988 (my first election – and the only election in which the candidate I voted for actually won) and 1992.  In 2000 and 2004 I voted for the LPA candidates, Browne and Badnarik.   Not much love or hate for either of them.  Note that GHWB was Director of the CIA in the 1970s – in an SNL sketch with Dan Aykroyd – Garrett Morris is trying to get his background file – his portrait is on the wall.   And Lloyd Bentsen, Michael Dukakis’ running mate in 1988, was the guy who beat Bush in 1970 for his Senate seat in Texas.

ANYHOW.

Theodore Roosevelt.  The first of the two, born in 1859, died in 1919.  As a child he was weak and sickly, suffering from asthma.  He attended Harvard University for college, and immediately thereafter got elected – with only a college diploma – to the New York State Legislature in Albany.  With such thin credentials he was not taken seriously, and being an obnoxious loudmouth didn’t help win him any friends.

In 1884, much to Roosevelt’s dismay, the Republican Party nominated James G. Blaine, former secretary of state under presidents Garfield and Arthur, as its presidential candidate, whereas the Democratic candidate was Grover Cleveland, former mayor of Buffalo and governor of New York, a man Roosevelt got to know from being in the NY state legislature and who he much preferred.  In fact, Blaine was considered so corrupt that a branch of the Republican Party, the “Mugwumps”, formed to oppose him.  Rather than cross party lines, Roosevelt retreated to the Dakotas, where he toughened up considerably. 

Roosevelt returned, became Assistant Secretary of the Navy under McKinley, but resigned to lead the Rough Riders in Cuba in the Spanish-American War in 1898.  He came back and got elected governor of New York.  McKinley’s VP, Garrett Hobart, died in 1899, Roosevelt took over from him, and continued as VP in the next term.  McKinley was assassinated at the Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo, by anarchist Leon Czolgoz, putting Roosevelt into the Presidency.  He campaigned for President in 1904 and won, letting Taft take over in 1908. 

His administration was marked by the Panama Canal, his opposition to trusts (monopolies), and the establishment of the FDA.   Upton Sinclair’s book The Jungle profiled the meat industry’s corruption and adulteration of the meat from Chicago.  Roosevelt initially accused Sinclair of slandering the meatpackers, until Sinclair provided proof of bribes paid to inspectors to look the other way.  At this point Roosevelt switched over and hammered down on the meat industry in support of Sinclair.

Roosevelt was also given the Nobel Peace Prize for mediating the end of the Russo-Japanese War in 1906 – the Treaty of Portsmouth.  He found himself favoring the Japanese somewhat, the Russians being corrupt and arrogant. 

We talk about Mitt Romney opposing Donald Trump, and Trump’s highly laughable promise to “clean the swamp”.  US politics has been corrupt for a long time, Blaine in particular being a major advocate of corruption as a matter of principle.  Roosevelt was dead set against it, cleaning up the bureaucracy during his term.  With his trustbusting, he also opposed what he saw as bad faith and corruption in business as well as government.  Sadly, our current president is the exact opposite of this, and sadly, too many Republicans are clearly not following Theodore Roosevelt’s example. 

If I were in the Oval Office, I wouldn’t be asking myself, “what would Jesus do?”  Jesus was never President – and even rejected suggestions that he run for King of Israel.  The better question would be:  what would Theodore Roosevelt do?

Franklin Roosevelt.   The second of the two, born in 1882, died in 1945.

Like Theodore, he attended Harvard for college.  He briefly went to Columbia Law School but dropped out to practice with a prestigious firm, then got elected – like Theodore – to the NY State legislature (in 1910).  In the 1912 election he supported Wilson over Theodore, though cousin Theodore wasn’t particularly offended.  This earned him the slot of Assistant Secretary of the Navy (!!!) in 1913. 

He became Governor of New York in 1929, taking over from Al Smith.  In 1932 he ran – successfully – for President, and continued on for a record four terms before dying in April 1945, during WWII. 

Unlike Theodore, he had a major Depression to steer America through, with his New Deal legislation throughout the 1930s.  He also had to deal with World War II, whereas Theodore’s terms saw the US at peace.  Politically, he was a Democrat whereas Theodore was a Republican.  Even as far back as 1912 the two did not agree on issues but respected each other not merely as cousins but also for having sincere beliefs. 

Did they meet?  Yes, at Franklin’s wedding to Eleanor in March 1905.   She was the daughter of Theodore’s younger brother Elliott, meaning she was Theodore’s niece and a Roosevelt by birth, not merely marriage.

How are they related?   Fifth cousins, Claes Maartenszen van Rosenvelt being the common ancestor from the mid seventeenth century.  TR’s family lived at Oyster Bay on Long Island, FDR’s at Hyde Park in upstate New York.  Likewise, I have relatives on Long Island and Glens Falls, the origin being Brooklyn, NYC.  I’m proud to say my father’s side of the family originates from New York.