Crossing Swords

Those of us who love South Park will be happy to know that Season 23 will be forthcoming, the sooner the better.  In the meantime, Hulu is giving us some original programming in the form of a similar animated show, 10 episodes just under 30 minutes each, of “Crossing Swords”.  It features the adventures of Patrick, a squire in a mythical/fictional village.  As a squire his job is to protect the royal family, including the impulsive and high maintenance Princess Blossom, from its own consistently poor judgment. 

The characters have spherical heads, square bodies, and despite the absence of arms, no trouble manipulating objects.  There are also mythical beasts such as fairies, goblins, and a Minotaur, to name a few.

Characters (Voiced By…).

Patrick (Nicholas Hoult).  Arguably the only normal person with anything close to a decent character, and thus – to me – the only actually sympathetic character.  I hope for his sake he becomes a knight.

Sloane (Jameela Jamil).   Patrick’s love interest, a maid in the castle.  It turns out she may well be more.

Broth (Adam Pally).  Another squire, more enthusiastic than bright.  He trips on something hallucinogenic at the music festival.

Coral (Tara Strong).  Patrick’s sister, a pirate queen.

Blarney (Tony Hale).  Patrick’s brother, a clown.  Just as cynical as Krusty.

Ruben (Adam Ray), Patrick’s other brother, a Robin Hood type – in direct competition with Robin Hood himself.

King Merriman (Luke Evans).  The King.  Kind of a jerk.

Queen Tulip (Alanna Ubach).  The Queen.  Kind of a bitch.  Also highly sexually adventurous.

Princess Blossom (Maya Erksine).  The Princess, as noted above, extremely annoying and high maintenance as a matter of principle. 

Blinkerquartz (Seth Green).  The Wizard, somewhat of an average Merlin.  He also acts as the King’s de facto advisor, marginally more savvy than the King himself.  Not sure I recall him actually doing any magic.  The magic I did see performed was by the queen’s sister. 

Glenn (Brecklin Meyer), Patrick’s father.  Not particularly good as a father, but competitive with King Merriman, to the point where a movement erupts to replace the King with Glenn.

Doreen (Wendi McLendon-Covey), Patrick’s mother.  Very similar to Queen Tulip.  In fact, it reached the point where it seemed the King and Glenn, and Queen and Doreen, were essentially copies of each other.

Guests?  Alfred Molina (Doc Oc in the recent Spider Man film) voices Robin Hood, and Natasha Lyonne voiced Norah, the Indomitable Snowwoman.  

Indulgence.  Warning, like “South Park”, the language is consistently foul.  Like “South Park”, they can get away with lots of situations which would be pornographic if done in live action.  That includes the titular “crossing swords”, intimate interaction between two male characters, fortunately not a regular occurrence.  You have to have tolerance for this kind of stuff to enjoy it, though I have to say I do, and I did enjoy it.  That included a music festival at which Blossom falls in love with an ill-fated member of a death metal band. 

Season 2 is on its way, so we can expect more.  Oh, boy!  If “The Simpsons”, “South Park”, and “Family Guy” are any indication, we may expect more celebrities to show up…..  

Boardwalk Empire

As promised, here is my review.  Although the show covers five seasons, I did not watch them all back to back (binge watching is NOT my scene), so the only segment of the show still fresh in my memory is season 5.  In addition to avoiding spoilers, this keeps the analysis brief and to the point. 

In 1919, Congress passed the Volstead Act, which gave us the Eighteenth Amendment and what we now know as Prohibition, in which alcohol was banned throughout the entire United States.  It took effect on January 1, 1920.  In 1933 the Blaine Act, giving us the Twenty-First Amendment, finally repealed Prohibition, although many individual so-called “dry” counties in the US retain Prohibition.

In Atlantic City, New Jersey, according to HBO, some guy named Enoch “Nucky” Thompson (Steve Buscemi) not merely controlled liquor business coming and going – with the help of his younger brother Eli (Shea Wigham – who played Philip K. Dick himself in “Radio Free Albemuth" and is 11 days older than me) – but also branched out to business in Chicago, NYC, and even Tampa Bay, Florida.   He’s loosely based on Nucky Johnson, who held a similar position at the same time and place.  However, Johnson didn’t go nearly far as Thompson; he simply took a cut of the illegal alcohol business in Atlantic City.   By divorcing Thompson from Johnson, the producers gave themselves the leeway to expand Thompson beyond Johnson’s historical activities.

The show also features historical characters:  J. Edgar Hoover, Al Capone, Meyer Lansky, “Lucky Luciano”, Arnold Rothstein, and many other contemporary gangsters.   That being the case, watching the show we knew it would have to adhere to the facts for these characters, e.g. Rothstein dies in 1928 (off-camera), Capone is only taken down by tax evasion charges, etc.  The narrative ends in 1931, with Franklin Roosevelt promising to end Prohibition if elected, but we don’t see the Blaine Act go into effect before Season 5 ends with Episode 8. Thus with the exception of the very beginning of the show, taking place the evening of December 31, 1919, the entire span of the show is under Prohibition. 

Buscemi does an excellent job as Thompson, remaining somewhat likable throughout the entire show.  He’s periodically estranged from his wife, Margaret, and on again off again with his brother, and even with his nephew.  As gangsters go, he’s fairly astute and mostly honest, though given his line of work there’s a limit to how honorable he can be. 

There are 5 seasons, of which the first four are a mostly linear narrative.  Season 5 gives us some background of Nucky Thompson as a young man growing up in Atlantic City in the 1880s, looking after his younger brother and enduring an abusive father.  He works his way to assistant sheriff and sheriff, not quite reaching his current position by the end of the season and show.  It’s interwoven with present-day (early 1930s) Nucky traveling to Tampa Bay, Florida, and a major conflict with the federal forces, led by J. Edgar Hoover, who are becoming more aggressive at taking down the mob. 

Major (Fictional) Characters

Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi).  Very much in his element.  Usually he seems pissed off or mildly amused.

Eli Thompson (Shea Wigham).  His younger brother and inherited the job of sheriff of Atlantic City.  Although loyal, sometimes he acts resentful.  Whatever.

Margaret Thompson (Kelly MacDonald).  Nucky’s patient, smart, beautiful and attractive wife.  I liked her whenever she was on the screen.

Richard Harrow (Jack Huston).  A veteran of the AEF (US forces in WWI), he had half his face blown off and wears a mask.  He can be counted on to kill whoever needs to be killed.  His quiet nature and glasses hide his deadly effectiveness.

Nelson Van Alden (Michael Shannon).  A mistreated and abused Federal agent who eventually establishes a secret life among the gangsters.  He’s the kind of guy who can take it up to a point and then finally explodes with predictable results.  Apparently the show gave Shannon a huge boost, as I’m seeing him all around these days. 

Gilliam Darmody (Gretchen Mol).  The madam of the local brothel, formerly an extremely underage consort of the Commodore, Nucky’s prior boss who taught him all the ropes.  As a result, she looks young enough to be her son Jimmy’s sister, much less his mother.

Gyp Rosetti (Bobby Cannavale).  A hotheaded rival to Nucky in Season 3.

The Wire.  Michael Kenneth Williams, who know as Omar on “The Wire”, is Chalky White here, a black gangster in an era when blacks weren’t exactly calling the shots.  Domenick Lombardozzi, who we know as Herc on “The Wire”, plays Ralph Capone, the brother of Al Capone.   

Historical Characters:  J. Edgar Hoover, Al Capone, Meyer Lansky, Arnold Rothstein, Lucky Luciano.  Whereas you’re not going to be able to predict the fate of fictional characters, a quick check on Wikipedia can tell you what will happen to the historical characters.  Again, this makes the decision to divorce Thompson from his real life equivalent much smarter.

Buscemi and the writers do a remarkable job of pushing Nucky to the extreme, how ruthless and ambitious he can be without losing our sympathy.  Of course, assorting with the real-life gangsters serves to improve his standing, relatively. 

Atlantic City, New Jersey.  I suppose a personal note would be in order herein.  Obviously, having been born in 1969, I am not in a position to comment on personal experiences in 1895 or 1920-31, but I have been there several times during my own lifetime, starting with a Jeopardy audition with my brother and followed by a few visits with Ms. Panda in more recent years.  That includes, at some point, a visit to the Taj Mahal hotel and several casinos, the beaches, and a Blake Shelton concert on the beach itself.  I prefer to keep my money in my pockets at casinos, and fortunately everyone else’s poor judgment subsidizes the prices for most everything else (though that may only be in Las Vegas).  Unlike Vegas, located in the middle of the Nevada desert (though a three hour drive from L.A.), AC at least has beaches.  Plus it’s about a 90 minute drive from the NYC area.  I find it campy and entertaining enough to visit occasionally, but I wouldn’t care to live there….

The Crimean War

Theirs not to reason why

Theirs but to do or die

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred

In 1853, England and France decided that Russia was becoming a bit too strong for their liking.  In particular, they were concerned that the Russians would invade the Balkans and capture Constantinople (now known as Istanbul) and thus be able to send their fleets worldwide year round.

In addition to various Internet sources, I watched a three part documentary on the war on Amazon Prime.

Initially the dispute was between Russia, led by Tsar Alexander II, and the Ottoman Empire, which became Turkey in 1922 – a secular republic though mostly Muslim.  For their part, the Russians (Orthodox Christians) assumed the British (Protestant) and French (Catholic) would never side with the Ottomans (Muslims) against them, only to find that the European powers were more leery of Russia gaining a naval presence in the Mediterranean than they were of religious compatibility. 

Bomarsund and Kronstadt.  The latter fortress protects St. Petersburg, for centuries the Russian capital, from enemy naval attack.  The British decided it was too strong to attack, so they attacked the former fortress and then left.  As a result, St. Petersburg was never seriously threatened during the war and remained in Russian hands.  For that matter, the Germans never succeeded at taking Leningrad during WWII, instead besieging it for three years.

The Balkans.  Greece, Bulgaria, Romania, Macedonia, Albania, and Serbia.  These were under Ottoman control at the time.  The Russians attempted to invade what is now Romania during this time, but were repulsed by the Ottomans and their British and French allies.  One particularly interesting character was Omar Pasha, a European who converted to Islam and became one of the Ottomans’ more capable military commanders.

Sevastopol.  The Russians’ major city and port on the north shore of the Black Sea; the peninsula on which it’s located is called the Crimea.  The Allies landed here, set up a base of operations at Balaclava, and made various attempts to besiege and attack Sevastopol.  For their part, the Russians eagerly defended it, sending various relief armies to attack the British and French, with mixed results.  Eventually it fell in September 1855.

Timeline

October 5, 1853.  War breaks out between Russia and the Ottoman Empire.  The British and French send forces to Constantinople, while the Ottomans successfully defend the Balkans from a brief Russian invasion.

March 1854.  The British (PM Lord Aberdeen) and French (Napoleon III) declare war on Russia.

October 1854.  The Charge of the Light Brigade, a doomed cavalry charge against heavily fortified Russian artillery positions.

November 1854.  The Battle of Inkerman.  The British manage to defeat a Russian force sent to relieve Sevastopol.

September 1855.  After several bombardments and Allied attacks on the Russian fortifications at Malakoff and the Grand Redan, the Russians finally abandon Sevastopol, allowing the Allies to occupy it.  The British make it a point to destroy all port and shipbuilding facilities to temporarily neutralize Russia’s Black Sea Fleet.

January 1856.  The Austrians finally threaten to enter the war on the Allied side, prompting the Russians to ask for peace.

March 1856.  The Treaty of Paris ends the war.

Notables

Zouaves.  The French North African troops, with their distinctive headgear and pants, acted as France’s de facto elite troops.  As the French had been in combat in Algeria off and on since 1830, they had considerable combat experience.

Inkerman.  I remember the pool in Paris.  Despite superior numbers, the Russians were unable to defeat the British forces’ technical superiority:  armed with 1853 Enfield rifles (standard issue of the Confederate Army years later) vs the Russians’ smoothbore muskets.  Rifling triples the effective range of a longarm, giving riflemen a distinct advantage over musketeers except at point blank range.

Florence Nightingale.  She did not come to Balaclava but remained at Scutari, a large Turkish barracks at Constantinople where the Allies sent most of their wounded.  She pioneered many concepts of hygiene which were almost unknown at the time.  

Sisters of Mercy.  The Russian equivalent of Florence Nightingale. 

Leo Tolstoy.  The Russian writer fought in this war and used his experiences to write War & Peace.  He looks remarkably like Dean Stockwell.

Battle Photography.  This was the first major conflict to be photographed.  The technology wouldn’t allow moving soldiers to be photographed, but posing – and immobile corpses on a battlefield – were fair game.

The Trooper.  I’m not sure if Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson or Steve Harris have ancestors who fought in the war – neither are old enough to have done so themselves, obviously – but their song “The Trooper” is a rare rock’n’roll tribute to this otherwise obscure conflict.

The war caused heavy casualties on both sides, though at this point most were caused by cholera and poor hygiene than bullets or cannonballs.  The Russians kept the Allies out of St. Petersburg, whereas the Allies kept the Russians out of Constantinople and the Balkans, making the capture of Sevastopol the only major accomplishment of the war.   

Democrats

Lately I’ve been arguing with Trump supporters more often on Facebook, possibly a waste of time, who knows.  The most annoying trait they have is labelling all Trump critics as Democrats.  When you have an obvious non-Democrat like former Trump SecDef Mattis busting on Trump, the story is “some ulterior motive”.  Right, only Trump supporters are intelligent and non-biased.  Quite the contrary.

As noted in a prior blog, of the 8 Presidential elections from 1988 to 2016 (A.D.), I voted GOP four times (GHWB x2, Dole, Romney) and LPA four times (Browne, Badnarik, Barr and Johnson).  I have never voted Democrat at any level, from dogcatcher to President.  I default to Libertarian candidates, and in their absence I default to Republicans. 

I don’t really have a major beef or problem with Democrats.  To the extent I do, it would be their preference to solve all problems with “other people’s money” (OPM) and take credit for that vicarious generosity.  Plus their ill-advised fixation on gun control, an issue which puts me in the LPA & GOP camp consistently.

PC/SJW.  The "politically correct" & "social justice warrior" crowd also gets on my nerves.  Implying that these left-liberal opinions are somehow objectively correct is itself arrogant and objectionable.  The latter term is more likely to be used as an insult by their opponents.  It's not necessarily Democrat per se, but it is definitely on their side of the spectrum.  By that I mean this business of injecting political ingredients to non-political decisions, e.g. what type of food to eat, which restaurants and businesses to patronize, etc.  Instead of buying the products you enjoy most and eating the foods you like, you have to worry about the firm's employment practices and the politics of its higher echelon, including, but not limited to, its CEO.   Keeping track of all that is a major nuisance and pain in the ass, and added to this equation is the pedantic air of superiority these people bring to this whole thing.  Mind you, the conservatives did this back in the 60s, burning Beatles records in the Deep South (obviously not in New York City or San Francisco - affected smirk) thanks to John Lennon's famous remark about his band being "bigger than Jesus" (Japan had its turn when Lennon rated a Beatles concert a more worthwhile form of entertainment than watching sumo wrestling), giving the rest of us who go to church on Sunday a bad name; no, "religious" and "intelligent" aren't mutually exclusive.  Anyhow, if there's an issue which drives moderates off to the right side of the spectrum, it's behavior like this.

Communists.  Up until 1984, the CPUSA ran its own candidates, with Gus Hall being the most recent.  During the 1930s they actually preferred FDR but ran their own candidates to avoid openly supporting FDR and therefore discrediting him among non-leftists.  Nowadays they simply default to supporting Democrats.  Of course, that doesn’t mean Democrats are communists.

The far left of the Democratic Party, formerly Paul Wellstone and currently Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, could best be described as socialist.  And by that we don’t mean “dictatorship of the proletariat” socialist, but “Denmark & Sweden” socialist.  Both of those European countries have private property, a market economy, etc. and are light years away from China, Cuba, Vietnam and North Korea, the remaining “communist” countries.  They’d be more accurately described as capitalist countries with substantial socialist elements.  Giving everyone free health care is going to cost a lot, and their tax rates are extremely high relative to ours, but they don’t have gulags or a secret police.   So in the unlikely event that Bernie Sanders somehow wound up as our President, with AOC as his VP, AND somehow Congress wound up controlled by Democrats both in the House and Senate, our worst case scenario is Sweden, paying $$$$ taxes but not having to worry if we get sick, as the government itself is our health insurance.  A far cry from Stalin’s Russia.

Note that the reality of both parties running in red & blue states means that red state Democrats might skew, ideologically, to the right of blue state Republicans, and vice versa.  This makes both red state Democrats and blue state Republicans (e.g. Mitt Romney and Gary Johnson) particularly viable candidates for president. 

While I’m on the topic, let me talk about some recent Democrats.

Obama.  I didn’t vote for him, choosing Bob Barr in ’08 and Mitt Romney in ’12.  But he was born in Hawaii, and his mother is American, so even if he was born in Kenya he’d still be a US citizen at birth, so this whole business of accusing him of being ineligible for being born in Kenya is colossally stupid.  I’m not thrilled with ObamaCare or this whole business of drones, but aside from those I don’t have any major problems with him and don’t consider him the Antichrist.

The Clintons.  Bill Clinton was a popular two term president.  He was impeached in his second term but not convicted.  That whole business proved to be a waste of time.  NAFTA was fine, but he banned AR15s – no big deal, as I bought mine before the ban went into effect.  Despite all the noise about “Vince Foster” and “Whitewater”, neither Bill nor Hillary wore an orange jumpsuit for those.  For that matter, despite all the noise about “Benghazi”, Hillary was acquitted by a Republican Congress.  D’oh!   I don’t know what they got away with in Arkansas, but neither do I care.   Despite vociferously hostile political forces, neither has been convicted of anything, and neither currently holds any office.  I still find them both to be considerably less slimy than the current president.

Jimmy Carter.  He’s the oldest Democrat I can remember, though I was too young to vote in 1976.  Kudos for getting Begin and Sadat to shake hands at Camp David, but he messed up the Iran hostage deal.  I can’t really say I like or hate him either way.  He does seem like an honest man, which is a huge difference vs the current occupant of the White House. 

Joe Biden.  Although he isn’t yet the official nominee, his nomination will be rubber stamped at the convention.  We’ll see who he picks as VP.  Normally I’d consider him the epitome of mediocrity, who maxed out as Obama’s VP, but seeing as Trump has set the bar so low as to be subterranean, I can’t think of Biden winning in November as a bad thing.  

He does share the dubious distinction of being a Democrat whose view on marijuana seems to date back to 1937, and even stranger, appears to be sincere.  If he does win, and the Senate flips over to the Democrats, possibly he could be persuaded to sign off on pro-MJ legislation.  That remains to be seen.  I will not be voting for him, though:  Jo Jorgenson has my vote unless Jesse Ventura runs.

Al Gore.   “A lockbox…” & petulant huff/eyeroll.  In a perfect world, Al Gore died of prostate cancer in 1994 and Frank Zappa is still alive and well, and presumably convinced to run as President due to the current occupant of the Oval Office being so colossally incompetent as to induce this man to step forward.  Alas, that’s not what happened. 

Gore had his own share of sliminess.  He got my uncle knocked out as FEMA director because the guy talked back to him at a hearing.  He went to Vietnam in a journalist unit which would not see combat, so he could say he went without risking his life; this may have been why my uncle, a combat veteran of WWII and Korea, and not big on "people skills", saw fit to be a bit direct with Mr. Gore.  He likes to take credit for authoring the High Performance Computing and Communication Act of 1991 – because it eventually resulted in the Internet - but bristles at being accused of trying to take credit for creating the Internet. 

Earlier Democrats were Lyndon Johnson, John F. Kennedy, and Franklin Roosevelt, to name a few, my favorite being Grover Cleveland.  Of these, I’ll note the following:

1.         Johnson.  My mother was his personal nurse, and I have a framed birth announcement, signed by both Lady Bird Johnson and LBJ himself, dated on my actual birthday.  LBJ was from Texas and his legacy was sending US troops to Vietnam in 1965.  Bryan Cranston, aka Walter White from “Breaking Bad”, did a great job portraying him in a recent biopic.

 

2.         John F. Kennedy deserves credit for defusing the Cuban Missile Crisis, otherwise none of us would be here today.  I was not around to experience it, but by all accounts we came perilously close to a nuclear war with the USSR.

3.         FDR I commented on earlier, on a blog about him and his cousin Theodore https://formula57l.blogspot.com/2020/02/theodore-franklin.html.

4.         I also covered Grover Cleveland in a prior blog https://formula57l.blogspot.com/2012/12/time-tothrow-another-curve-ball-at.html.

There you have it.  No demons or communists, just a bunch of guys who were fairly similar to their Republican competitors.