Kevin Smith

 

By now I’ve seen all of Kevin Smith’s films, starting with “Clerks”. 

 Clerks (1994).  Shot in black & white, somewhere near Red Bank, New Jersey, which is east central Jersey not far away from Sandy Hook.   Dante (Brian O’Halloran) has to open the quickie mart on a day he’d normally have off, because another employee either quit or called in sick, prompting Dante’s persistent gripe of “I’m even supposed to BE HERE today”.  His buddy Randall (Jeff Anderson) runs the video rental store next door, stocked full of VHS tapes – remember those? – including a fairly wide selection of obscure and exotic porn titles.  Outside Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith himself) sell dope, although, true to his name, Silent Bob says nothing and Jay does enough talking for the two of them.

 Not much happens, aside from Dante’s ex-GF hooking up with a stranger under highly unpleasant circumstances.  

 Mallrats (1995).  Now in color, taking place in a NJ mall (though actually filmed in Minnesota).  Jay & Silent Bob are back, but the main characters are TS (Jeremy London), Brodie (Jason Lee), and Shannon (Ben Affleck).  Shannon Doherty is in here too.  There’s a Truth or Date “The Dating Show” game show at the mall at the end. 

 Chasing Amy (1997).  Clueless guy Holden (Ben Affleck) chases after average looking girl, Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams) who is lesbian and constantly reminds him of it.  Lots of talk about sex but no nudity.  The whole thing seems to be mainly an excuse for lots of characters to talk about sex.  Jason Lee is here as Banky Edwards.   

 Dogma (1999).  Anti-religious film featuring Alanis Morisette as God.  Jay and Silent Bob are here, but the main characters are two fallen angels, Bartleby (Ben Affleck) and Loki (Matt Damon) (their first pairing in a Kevin Smith film) who seek to upset everyone and get back into Heaven.  George Carlin, Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, and Alan Rickman are here as well, meaning we now have more famous cast members.   I wasn’t offended, more like bored; instead of the movie thinking itself clever for talking about sex nonstop, we have a film thinking itself clever for talking about religion nonstop. 

 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001).  J&SB found out a movie will be made by Miramax about their comic book characters, Bluntman and Chronic – the comic itself written by Holden (Affleck) and Banky (Jason Lee) - without their knowledge or consent.  They go out to L.A. to stop it, over the course of which all sorts of colorful people, including cameo appearances by various actors, occur, including (among others) Carrie Fisher (playing a nun) and Mark Hamill.  Finally they wrap everything up flying around busting up all the yahoos who insulted them online.  This is one I should watch again.

 Jersey Girl (2004).   No sign of Jay & Silent Bob, but Ben Affleck is here, playing a single father in New Jersey trying to raise his baby daughter after his wife (Jennifer Lopez) dies in childbirth.  Liv Tyler plays the video store clerk who becomes his subsequent romantic interest.  Essentially KS is trying his hand at a chick flick, at which he does a fairly competent job.  But it’s nowhere near as irreverent and messed up as his other films.

 Clerks II (2006).   Now in color, taking place at a fast food place called Mooby’s.  Dante and Randall are back, Randall being just as annoying as ever – even to the point of booking a “donkey show” (whatever horrendous thing you might imagine, it’s in that ballpark).  Rosario Dawson plays the manager and is very nice in that role.  

 I’d say the highlight is an epic debate between Randall supporting the “Star Wars” movies and Elias (Trevor Fehrman), the naïve and probably virginal cashier, along with a sympathetic customer, supporting Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy.  By the way, why would anyone watch “Fellowship”, “Twin Towers”, and “Return” a different number of times??  It’s a full trilogy.  Anyhow.

 Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008).  This time there’s something more, Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) agree to make a porno together, ostensibly to test the common theory – first articulated, to my knowledge, in “When Harry Met Sally” – that men and woman cannot be friends AND share intimacy. 

 Cop Out (2010).  KS tries his hand at “cop buddy movie” with Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as the duo.  Mexican drug lords are involved, as is a rare baseball card.  Oh, and Seann William Scott (aka “Stifler” from the “American Pie” films) is here as a bank robber.  A fair amount of violence, but I’d say Smith gets credit for checking the box here on this genre.

 Red State (2011).  Smith asks himself, have I made a horror film?  No?  Well, here goes.  Michael Parks plays a charismatic but criminally insane cult leader who lures teenage boys with a “milfy” woman in a trailer who drugs them, the next thing they know they are ritual sacrifices for a bizarre cult.  Not much fun here, the usual BS of horror films being nasty for the sake of being nasty.  Well, he did that job. 

Tusk (2014).  Hold on, I need to make ANOTHER messed up horror film.  And Michael Parks, you were so good as the cult leader, I’ll bring you back as a serial killer.  Nasty Wallace (Justin Long) has a podcast show in L.A. with his buddy (Haley Joel Osment) in which they comment on YouTube videos.  One video featured a guy from Canada accidentally cutting his leg off with a samurai sword.  Wallace goes to Canada to interview the guy, only to find he killed himself.  Not wanting the whole Canadian adventure to be a washout, he takes up an offer posted on the men’s room wall of the local tavern and finds – thanks to two Colleens at the “Eh-to-Zed” convenience store – “the guy”.  The man regales Wallace with strange tales at his remote mansion, only for Wallace to be Qaaluded, Cosby-style, waking up surgically modified into a walrus (!!!).  Unable to speak, Wallace is highly dissatisfied with this turn of events.  Not such a great story.   Johnny Depp is here, almost unrecognizable, as Guy Lapointe, an investigator with Surete Quebec, the French-Canadian province’s version of the FBI. 

 Yoga Hosers (2016).   Those two Colleens – Harley Quinn Smith, daughter of Kevin Smith himself, and Lily Rose Depp, daughter of Johnny Depp himself – are back, this time the focal point of something closer to a comedy than a horror film, and so is Guy Lapointe.  It turns out there were Canadian Nazis during WWII, and they are still around, in the form of a small, intelligent hot dogs with pickelhaubes.  It’s all fairly stupid and messed up, but nowhere near disturbing as “Tusk”.  And everyone says “aboot”.   It’s Kevin Smith’s homage to Canada.

 Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019).   Yes, they’re back again, somewhat older.  Kevin Smith plays himself AND Silent Bob.  The two lost their identities, so to speak, and go to Comic-Con to win them back.  Many of the prior characters are back as well.  Somewhat of a repeat of “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”, and another one I should revisit.

 Oddly, he has some actors like Ben Affleck and Jason Lee play different characters in the same universe.  Matt Damon comes and goes.   I was more a fan back when I was younger and less excited these days.  Having said that, the only two I feel are true stinkers are “Red State” and “Tusk”.