Jupiter

Sorry for letting my loyal readers down – however many of you might be out there.  Work this week kept me not only busy but uninspired, until now.  Our fifth and largest planet, Jupiter, provides the muse for a book and two movies.

First off, Jupiter is planet #5.   It’s the largest planet, has a big red spot (a storm which has been going on for hundreds of years) and 16 moons of various sizes.   It’s visible in the sky, but just as a dot.  With a telescope it can be seen a little better.  Pioneer (1973 & 74), Voyager (1979) passed by and took some awesome pictures, which they immediately posted to Instagram; the Galileo probe orbited the planet for 7 years starting in 1995.  It’s a big ball of gas (aka “gas giant”, like Saturn, Uranus and Neptune) with a small core of rock and ice.  It has 1321 times the volume of Earth, but is only 318 times as massive – presumably all that gas doesn’t weigh much.  The largest moons are Io, Ganymede, Callisto, and Europa.  It also has rings, but unlike Saturn’s, they aren’t nearly as visible, so we treat them as if they’re not there.   Sorry.

Jupiter Ascending.   Given the negative hype and bad reviews this film got, it’s tempting to call it “Stupider Ascending”, but it’s not total crap.  It is good eye candy, particularly Mila Kunis.  I suppose the ladies might be more inclined to admire Channing Tatum, even with elf ears.  Anyhow.

   Kunis plays a Russian girl.  Not much a stretch for a Ukrainian.  Well, she’s an alien queen who scrubs toilets, until Caine Wise (Tatum) appears out of nowhere, rescues her from aliens, and takes her back to ….somewhere else.  She’s revealed to be royalty, but the plot to return her back to Jupiter has some nasty ulterior motives behind it.   It played like a movie based on book written by Suzanne Collins (Hunger Games) but was actually an original story by the Watchowski clan, who gave us one excellent Matrix film and two less impressive sequels; when you finally learn the nasty secret these near immortal aliens hide for their longevity, the Matrix angle, recycled here, will be a little more obvious.   As with those, the formula appears to be, “let’s dazzle them with graphics and visuals and hope the audience is too stoned to care that the story sucks.”  Perhaps the best use of the movie is just to watch it with the sound off, ignore the story, and enjoy the visuals.   A good plan, except that not all of us are stoners.

2010: Odyssey Two.  Arthur C. Clarke, author of 2001, actually wrote a sequel, which follows up from the prior story.  Moreover, they made it into a movie, and thankfully did NOT use Stanley Kubrick this time.   The story makes sense, as does the movie.  While the movie left out a few items, it’s essentially faithful to the book. 

                Here, Haywood (Roy Scheider) returns to Jupiter (note:  the movie version of 2001 changed Jupiter into Saturn) on a Russian spacecraft, the Leonov, with a Russian crew, except for another American (John Lithgow), and an Indian, Chandra (Bob Balaban – “cleavage!”).   HAL – the supposedly murderous computer of the prior ship, Discovery – is reactivated and this time around he’s OK, mainly because Chandra essentially becomes his best friend, a partnership the prior astronauts lacked.  Speaking of prior astronauts, Dave Bowman, the sole survivor (?) of the prior mission, is actually still around, but in a much different format.   Much strange stuff happens, with a spectacular finish, but neither Clarke nor the film ever take us away from sanity or coherence.   While I’d recommend reading the book in addition to, and not instead of, seeing the film, as Clarke’s writing is enjoyable in its own right, unlike 2001 you don’t have to have read the book to understand this movie.

                For those of you looking for good visuals of Jupiter, we have it here too - except here the plot is much more satisfying.

2001 A Space Odyssey

Some time recently I read Childhood’s End, by Arthur C. Clarke, the author of 2001: A Space Odyssey.   The book was good, though rather depressing in its ultimate outcome.  I had seen the movie form of 2001 several times, but was never impressed.  It was not only fairly long (over two hours) but also very dull.  But I figured the novel might be a different story – and it was.

 Here’s an interesting fact: the novel was written simultaneously with the production of the movie by Stanley Kubrick.  The movie premiered on April 2, 1968, whereas the book was released in June 1968 (hardback) and July 1968 (paperback).  Anyone attending the premiere would have had no access to the book.  Audiences’ reactions were mixed: Rock Hudson was quoted as complaining, “can someone tell me what this is all about?”, whereas the Doors, forced to see the film from the front row (the only seats left) were knocked out and impressed; Morrison stood up and said, “Well, that’s the best movie I’ve ever seen, we can go now.”  For my part, I shared Hudson’s impression.

 Unfortunately for most of us (including me), the movie surgically extracts the plot and leaves us with barking monkeys, man vs. homicidal computer, and an extravagant light show.  The novel, as you might expect, fills in the gaps and tells us what is really going on, particularly useful and necessary towards the end.

 Let’s start with the movie, sans novel.

Part I.  Apes jump around mysterious monolith, grab bones, and start kicking ass.

Part II.  Humans find monolith on the moon.  “Gee, that’s peculiar” (in Eddie Murphy mocking white people voice).

Part III.  Astronauts go off to Jupiter on a big ship.  The computer, HAL 9000, suddenly goes apes**t and kills off all but one of the astronauts.  The surviving astronaut, Bowman, succeeds at neutralizing the computer and continuing the mission.

Part IV.  Bowman makes it to Jupiter and enters the master monolith, which was just floating out in space.  After an extended, very trippy light show, he winds up inside a fancy hotel room, grows old, and becomes a fetus (mother unknown).

After witnessing this for two hours, most of us (even those partaking of chemicals or herbs to enhance the movie-watching experience) have the same reaction: W T F?

 Here’s the explanation the novel provides but Kubrick did not.

Part I.  Apes can’t do much except hoot and holler, even at each other.  The leopard is at the top of the food chain.  The monolith comes from nowhere (this is 3 million years ago) and scans, probes, and analyzes the apes.  Finally it puts the suggestion in the alpha male (Moon-watcher) head of “try making a tool out of something”.  Moon-watcher crafts a crude club, teaches the others to do the same (and sharpen stones, etc.) and pretty soon they’ve got the idea.  Now they can not only assert dominance over the competing tribe of apes, but also take down the much-feared leopard and jump to the top of the food chain.  This sets the apes on the road to humanity – to become us.  (“And there was much rejoicing.”)

 Part II.  Humans find the monolith on the moon.  It is clearly NOT natural and was deliberately buried on the moon, though with an unmistakable magnetic signature someone was sure to recognize and start digging.  Whoever left it there, left it there to be discovered.  Sure enough, when uncovered and exposed to sunlight, it immediately sends a transmission in the direction of Saturn (movie: Jupiter).  The monolith is 3 millions years old, so it’s clearly alien.  And the aliens are probably not from Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, or anywhere else in the solar system.  Whatever is on Saturn is most likely itself a relay to the stars. 

 Part III.  5 astronauts are on Discovery, two remaining awake and the other three in suspended animation.  Another ship, Discovery II, is being built, but will not be ready for several years.  The plan is that once this crew reaches Saturn, they will go into stasis (cared for by HAL) and the next ship will wake them up when they get there.  That’s the plan, at least.

            HAL 9000 abruptly decides – on its own – that for some reason, the astronauts are inimical to his plan and must be wiped out.  It sets Bowman off on a wild goose chase to fix an antenna that isn’t broken.  It shuts down life support on the sleeping astronauts, killing them.  It also killed Poole, the other conscious astronaut.  Bowman, exercising extreme discretion and care, manages to deactivate HAL.  However, since he knows the next ship won’t be there for years, and he would need HAL to remain in stasis, deactivating HAL means the trip to Saturn will probably result in his death.  Nevertheless, he decides to complete his mission and see what happens.

            He does reach Japetus, the moon of Saturn on which the master monolith exists, and manages to “enter” it.  Light show?  Yes.   Hotel?  Yes.  However, this proves to be a gate to another dimension, and Bowman…well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.  But suffice to say that Clarke actually DOES explain what happens to Bowman, and it differs considerably from the movie ending. 

 Normally book & movie complement each other so that reading the book is not necessary to understand the movie.  Not so here.  My recommendation would be to read the novel, then watch the movie again (no matter how many times you may have seen it before) and enjoy it now that you can FINALLY understand what is really going on.  Voila!