Ron Swanson, Libertarian For President

Lately I’ve been catching up on “Parks & Recreation”, and I’m up to Season 4 on Netflix.   I’d like to be able to claim that Ron Swanson’s politics – Libertarian – attracted me to the show, but I only learned that later after watching a few seasons.  What got me into the show was a Facebook post on Andy & April interactions.   I was pleasantly surprised to learn of Ron Swanson’s ideology, which matches mine.

“Parks & Recreation” is a NBC sitcom on its 7^th and final season.  It features a fictional “parks & recreation” department in Pawnee, Indiana, with a cast of dysfunctional people.

Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler).  The #2 of the department, and because of Ron’s reluctance to do anything, its de facto head.  She means well but can never seem to get much done – much to Ron’s satisfaction.

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman).  Ostensibly the head of the department, but as a Libertarian, Ron believes government – including his own agency – should do as little as possible.  So he lets Leslie do all the work, confident that her idealistic incompetence will never amount to much.

Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari).   An Indian? Or is he Pakistani?  Anyhow, he deliberately changed his name to a WASPY one so no one would judge him by his ethnic name.  He always has some idiotic scheme brewing.  He’s not as brilliant as he thinks he is – he suffers from a surplus of arrogance and a deficit of substance.  Because his ambition and schemes compromise his effectiveness – meaning nothing will get done, so no harm done – Ron values him immensely.

Jerry Gergich (Jim O’Heir) & Donna Meagle (Retta).   Jerry winds up as the butt of jokes – the Milton of the show – while Donna mainly brags about her Mercedes SUV.

Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt).   Originally Ann’s unemployed – except for his band, Mouse Rat, which changes its name continuously – and generally clueless but likeable boyfriend.  Now he’s April’s clueless but likeable boyfriend.  I’ve yet to ascertain any actual musical talent or artistic ability on his part, but he never lets that stop him.

April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza).  Perpetually rolling her eyes and even more cynical than Ron.  Kind of a goth chick in attitude if not dress.  I’m not really crazy about her, except that she is attractive.

Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones).  She started out as Andy’s GF, but remains an ER technician (nurse).  Generally smart, pretty, and sympathetic.  She’s Leslie’s best friend and acts a source of good advice which is never taken.

Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe).  Right out of “Office Space”, Indianapolis sent an efficiency expert to Pawnee to see how the state of Indiana could save money.  Traeger is that man.  However, he’s generally too wrapped up in his own New Age BS to be effective, so like everyone else, does his job best by doing it poorly.

Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott).  Chris’ #2 guy, the numbers guy who knows how a spreadsheet works and can actually grasp the details his boss can’t fathom.  It turns out that when he was 18, he got elected mayor of a small town but totally botched it up, a shame he still can’t live down.  He winds up as Leslie’s love interest.

I can’t tell if the writers are Libertarian or not.  On one level, Ron is portrayed as a caricature of a Libertarian.  He believes government should do as little as possible, so he and his department should do as little as possible.  How does he justify his own paycheck?  Probably he feels that in his absence, his replacement would be a go-getting busybody who would do more harm than good in a quest to do whatever government feels compelled to do (e.g. Leslie running the department herself).  Liberals seem to feel that conservatives look down on them as at best naïve idiots and at worst depraved morons, so they pass the buck on to libertarians by looking down on THEM as at best naïve idiots and at worst depraved morons.

Jane Fonda was famous for claiming that if we all truly understood communism, we’d be communists.  Did she mean we’d all prefer a stateless society wherein goods and services are distributed from each according to his ability, to each according to his need, somewhat like anarchy?  Or as a totalitarian dictatorship like North Korea?  I think if you really put it to everyone in those terms, they would still say “no thanks” to either flavor.  Except maybe Bernie Sanders fans.

With regard to libertarianism, I honestly believe the majority of people would embrace the ideology if fully aware of its nature.  However, Libertarians aren’t stupid.  We know the actual LPA has almost no power.  We’ve never elected a President.  No one in Congress is Libertarian, aside from Republicans like Rand Paul and Justin Amash, who are essentially Libertarians pretending to be Republican.  I’m not aware if any Libertarians have won any governorships or state legislature positions.  If Hillary and Trump win their respective parties’ nominations, two candidates with a deficit of true supporters and mostly “I don’t want the OTHER side to win” voters, we’ll have a general election this November in which both major parties have chosen extremely unpopular candidates counting that voters consider them marginally LESS repulsive than the other side’s.   Maybe it won’t be enough to put Gary Johnson (or MacAfee or Austin Peterson) in the White House, but it could be enough to give them sufficient votes that the general public will finally be aware of the Libertarian Party’s existence.   Rand Paul 2020!

Anyhow.  Leslie’s misadventures and general incompetence seem to justify Ron’s attitude.  And if Ron’s attitude IS justified…then perhaps Libertarians aren’t as clueless and naïve as liberals tend to portray them.  So “Parks & Recreation” becomes a Libertarian show, almost by default.   I’ll take that.  :D

The Korean War

Although I’ve done a blog on “M*A*S*H”, in which I briefly covered this war, I never did a blog on this war itself.  Coming shortly on the heels of World War II – just 5 years after – it pulled in many WWII veterans.

Phase I.  North Korea kicks ass.  On June 25, 1950, the North Korean army (Korean People’s Army, KPA) launched a surprise attack across the 38^th Parallel and pushed the South Korean (Republic of Korea, ROK) forces all the way down to the very southeast tip of the peninsula, at Pusan.  This small pocket held out against amazing odds.  [M*A*S*H item: Veteran surgeon cracks after too long – Hawkeye is disturbed, as the man was at Pusan.  If a man who survived Pusan can break, what hope is there for anyone who didn’t go through all that?].   In addition to the KPA outnumbering the AROK by 3 to 1, they had also had tanks – the South Koreans had none – and more aircraft.  There were no US forces in South Korea, but there were nearby in Japan.

The US got an UN resolution passed, and sent its own forces from Japan to reinforce the South Koreans.  Troops & tanks, of course, but also overwhelming air superiority which blitzed the KPA.  By September the UN forces were actually breaking out of the perimeter.  Note:  although the US provided the majority of troops, air support, and supplies, the Allied effort was a UN effort.  French and Turkish troops wound up playing pivotal roles in several battles.             

Phase II.  UN kicks ass.  September 15, 1950, MacArthur engineered a brilliant landing at Inchon, which is on the west coast of the peninsula about halfway up.  This was well behind North Korean lines and completely took them by surprise.  South Korea was liberated, and the UN forces rolled all the way up to the Chinese border on the Yalu River.  KPA forces disintegrated and left North Korea almost defenseless.  

MacArthur publicly argued that the UN should invade China, and Truman disagreed with him – and sacked him.  Remarkably, the US had competent military commanders aside from him who managed to get the job done. 

Phase III.  Mao kicks ass.  On October 25, 1950, Mao sent millions of “volunteers” over the border – mostly former Nationalist armies who surrendered after Chiang Kai-Shek fled to Taiwan, relabeled the People’s Volunteer Army (PVA) – to overwhelm the UN forces by sheer numbers.  After the initial shock, the UN forces rallied and held the communist forces…right around the 38^th Parallel – i.e. the original border.  The first half of 1951 involved a series of costly but strategically significant battles between the UN forces and the PVA, ending by June 1951.

Phase IV.  Stalemate.   For the next two years the battle dragged on at that place, neither side gaining an advantage over the other.  Peace talks dragged on, much to Hawkeye’s annoyance.  Mao seemed to be the only one who wanted to continue the war, but Hawkeye never bitched to him (by the time “M*A*S*H” aired, Nixon had made Mao a popular guy in the US).

Chinese forces suffered heavy casualties.   They had little air support.  The .50 machine gun did a great job of slicing through dense ranks of soldiers.  Most of the forces were former Nationalist armies Mao didn’t care about.  Moreover, Mao was trading Chinese lives to get Soviet technology from Stalin.    

Leaders.  US:  Harry S. Truman (until January 1953); Republic of Korea (South Korea): Syngman Rhee; Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea (North Korea): Kim Il-Sung (grandfather of current leader); China: Mao Zedong; USSR: Josef Stalin.

Tanks. The communists used mainly T34-85s left over from WWII.  The US forces used M46 Patton tanks, which replaced the T26 Pershing tanks originally designed in 1945 but were outdated by 1951.

MiG-15.  This was originally my angle, until I realized that the war itself was a more substantial topic.  The war gave jets an opportunity to show what they could do on a broader scale than WWII, where the ME262 was the only jet to get any substantial airtime. 

            The Russians brought the MiG-15 to the table.  Although they trained North Korean and Chinese pilots, most of the planes were flown by Russian pilots.  They pretended to speak Korean on the radio, but reverted to Russian when under stress and/or swearing.  Since Stalin didn’t want any captured – which would prove the Russians were in the cockpits – they had orders not to fly over enemy territory. 

            The MiGs themselves were highly competitive with the US jets, the F86 Sabres.  They also shot B29s out of the sky fairly easily, which meant the US had to fly those bombers only at night. 

R&R in Tokyo.  Instead of being firebombed, Tokyo is where Hawkeye and Trapper John go for R&R.  Amusing turn of events, as least as far as the Americans are concerned.  Also, my military history professor at UM, Sumida, made an interesting observation.  It seems there were some North Korean prisoners who refused to talk.  The Americans brought in a Japanese officer, merely as an observer.  When the North Koreans saw him, they immediately started talking.  

Armistice, but no Peace Treaty.  Technically the war ended with a cease fire on July 27, 1953, not a peace treaty, so it’s going on right now.  The demilitarized zone was added as part of the armistice terms. 

Uncle Jeff.  The only relative I know who fought in Korea (he also fought in the Pacific in WWII).  Sadly, I can't remember any war stories from Korea.  For that matter, I don't recall him telling stories about WWII.  My Uncle Larry, navigator in a B17, did observe an ME262.  

Movies.  It turns out that there are lots of Korean War films, but I’ve only seen a handful.

M*A*S*H.  The original, with Donald Sutherland as Hawkeye and Elliot Gould as Trapper John.  This had Robert Duvall as Major Frank Burns and Rene Auberjonois – Odo on Boston Legal – as Father Mulcahy.  Gary Burghoff, aka “RADAR” O’Reilly, was the only actor to play in both the movie and the series.

            Since it mainly dealt with the doctors, I don’t really consider it much of a Korean War film.  Moreover, unlike the TV series, which was a comedy, this film is more of a drama, albeit highly irreverent. 

The Manchurian Candidate.  Although the events in question started in Korea – the US squad captured by the Reds – all the main plot takes place in the USA.  Not much of a Korean War movie.

The Steel Helmet.  B&W, made in 1951.  Features a gruff sergeant, a young Korean boy ("Short Round"), a Japanese-American soldier, Tanaka - proud veteran of the 442nd in WWII - and a black medic.  For a movie of that vintage, it pushes a whole bunch of buttons: racism in the US, internment camps, and general discord and nastiness among US soldiers.  I noticed a few Mosin-Nagants and a PPSH.  Thanks, Dave!

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War.  A South Korean film from 2004, obviously inspired by “Saving Private Ryan” in terms of its direction, editing and pacing. When a South Korean family’s younger son gets drafted into the army, his older brother volunteers to serve so he can look after him.  Bad stuff happens after the South liberates their village which had been overrun and captured by the North Koreans.  Older brother goes apeshit, defects, and becomes a fanatical officer in an elite North Korean unit.  Very intense, and from the South Korean perspective (not US).  But excellent and exciting to watch.

In Praise of Waze

Lately I’ve been using the Waze app on the cell phone.   I’ve been using it even on routes I’m already familiar with.   But first.. a background.

How many of you remember actually calling someone for directions?   I did that years ago for a case down in Charlottesville, Virginia.  The clerk told me to take Route 29 all the way down from Manassas.  Huh?   North of Manassas, 29 is a stoplight-to-stoplight hell like Route 1.   But south?  Sure enough, it was clear travel, no traffic, and 65 mph all the way down.  Who knew?

Road Maps.  Rand McNally. Those folding things?  Good for picnic tables, NOT good while driving – even if you’re the navigator. 

How many of you remember AAA Trip Tiks?   My father and I, back in summer 1998, took a road trip with his sister, Aunt Mary, and her husband Uncle Tom, to visit Aunt Genevieve’s family in Glens Falls, New York, north of Albany and close to Lake George.   We used a Trip Tik from Gaithersburg, Maryland, to Glens Falls.  This was a small map booklet specifically for the route.  It gave an overall trip route, then divided the trip into one page segments.   It told you if there was cool s**t along the way.  We ignored that and just went up the road.  I seem to recall it told us to go up the NJ Turnpike to the end, take I280 West to I80, then I287 to I87, get off at Albany, and continue north to Glens Falls.   Very nice and convenient, but I was acting as the passenger seat navigator for my dad, who was driving.  The TT would have been a bit harder to manage driving alone.

Now we have GPS systems.  I started with Google Maps and switched to Waze.   I can’t tell if Google Maps has raised its game, but Waze does the following:

1.         Alerts on cars on the shoulder.  I don’t drive a tow truck and I don’t drive on the shoulder, so the real impact of this is just to remind me that as of 2016, road travel is still screwed up enough that in a 300 mile trip, I’ll see one car by the side of the road every 10 miles.

2.         Alerts on debris on the road.  On multiple lane highways this is useless.  Which lane is this “thing” you’re talking about?  Are we talking dead animals, treasure chests, gold coins, what?

3.         Alerts on speed traps and cameras.  Much better.

4.         Alerts on cops – either visible or invisible.  Usually it’s the former.  At night I can see the flashing blue lights miles down the road.  But a stealth cop?  By all means, tell me all about them.

5.         Alternate routes.  Sometimes, even if I know the route, I plug in Waze just out of boredom and curiosity.  Am I, in fact, taking the best route anyway?  Is there another way to go?

6.         Traffic advisory.  It will tell you if traffic will suck, how badly, and for how long.  It might even route you another way to avoid traffic.  AND it tells you what time you can expect to get there.  Nice. 

Keep your map skills, as who knows when the Grid will go down and we’ll lose our GPS.  But enjoy it while it lasts.  

Belgium

Recently, as you may have noticed, bad things happened in Brussels, Belgium (or Bruxelles, as the Belgiques call it).  Terrorism rears its ugly head in Europe, as it has in Africa, the Middle East, and the US.  In our country, most of the violence is from non-Muslim sources, but they’re doing their best.  Anyhow.  Rather than dwell on unpleasantness, particularly on a Friday, I’d rather simply discuss Belgium.

Walloons vs. Flemish.  Belgium is another country like Canada and Switzerland, that speaks French (Walloons) AND another language.  In this case, instead of English or German, the second language is Dutch (Flemish).  Most of the Walloons are on the southwestern side of the country that borders France, and most of the Flemish are on the northeastern side of the country, bordering Holland.  They seem to get along as well as in Canada or Switzerland. 

During WWII the Flemish were accepted immediately into the Waffen SS, while the Walloons had a trial period in the Wehrmacht, before impressing the SS and getting an SS division of their own.  Their leader, Leon Degrelle, insisted on starting out as a private and working his way up, and wound up as the most highly decorated non-German in the Greater Hitler Gang. 

Brussels.  The capital.  We’ve been there once, back in the early 80s.  We stayed at the Metropole Hotel.  The two major landmarks are the Mannequin Pis, and the Atomium.

            The Mannequin Pis is a copper statue-fountain of a young boy – practically a baby – peeing.  It dates from the 17^th century, although the current boy was put there in 1965.  No one knows the exact story behind this, but the story – one among many – that we heard was that a rich man’s son was captured.  The father offered a bounty for his safe return, and promised to build a statue of him exactly has he was when he was rescued.  His rescuers discovered him peeing, thus the statue.  As I said, one story among many.  Imagine the statue if the boy had been a teenager, maybe more popular with the ladies.  Anyhow.

            A somewhat less naughty landmark is the Atomium, a huge metallic sculpture of an iron crystal, dating from the 1958 Expo, and which is still there – like Paris’ Eiffel Tower.

SHAPE.   Formerly outside Paris (now the grounds of the American School of Paris) it relocated to Belgium after DeGaulle pulled France out of NATO in the 1960s.  It’s just over the border.   Actually the PX complex is at a slightly different, but not too far away, location, in Chievres.   I’ve reviewed this earlier (10/10/08, Post Exchanges).

Mons.   This town has the distinction of being where the British Expeditionary Force (BEF) first encountered the Germans in August 1914.   When we visited SHAPE overnight, we’d stay at the Raymond Hotel, which was right across the street from the rail station.  We actually ventured forth through Mons itself.  Nice town.

Bruges.  Another medieval city in Belgium.  A modestly entertaining film, “In Bruges” (2008) starring Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, and Ralph Fiennes, takes place there.  Although we visited this town in the 80s, the movie did not bring back any memories.

Ostend.  I recall my parents liked to drive us to England.  On numerous occasions we drove to Ostend, on the Channel Coast, and took the ferry to England (this was ages before the Chunnel).  The ferry took 4 hours and was not particularly interesting.  London was.  Our experience of Ostend was limited to the ferry terminal.

Bastogne.  In both wars, Belgium wound up as a nice place for German soldiers to march.  In WWII, Belgium wound up getting more excitement in December 1944, when the Germans tried one last offensive to throw the Amis and Tommies back into the Channel.  The Ardennes Offensive ran out of gas (almost literally), but not before the Germans surrounded Bastogne.  The US garrison held out, refusing surrender.  “Nuts!”  Patton came by and broke the siege.  And there was much rejoicing.

Waffles & Fries.  Belgians are famous for their cuisine and love of food.  Waffles and “French” fries are excellent to get there.  The Belgians have a strong – though disputed – claim to have invented French fries.  Both countries do an excellent job of them.  I’ll say I’m a bigger fan of fries than waffles.

Beer.  In addition to food, Belgians are also well known for beer.  Stella Artois is the most famous brand.  Blue Moon is based on Belgian beer, and a trip to the local Total Wine or even supermarket will show multiple instances of the word “Belgian”. 

Asterix.  I know he’s Gaulish (French), but his adventure in Belgium was a good view of the French attitude towards Belgians.  In that story the Belgians look exactly like Gauls, are just as brave, and eat humungous meals.  The whole point of the story was because the Romans claimed Caesar said that the Belgians were the bravest, so our Gaulish heroes challenged their Belgian counterparts to a contest.  “You’re ALL equally crazy!!” was Caesar’s final verdict. 

Tintin.  Truly Belgian, although many of the stories take place outside of Belgium.  For years, reading the English translations, I assumed he was British, until he got on a ferry TO England, which settled that question. 

As you might imagine, I also covered him (9/30/10), and in addition to several animated films, a recent computer animated film was done.  The books are entertaining; my favorites are the B&W “Land of Soviets”, the early “Broken Ear”, and the last few, “Flight 714” and “Picaros”.  Enjoy.

Jean-Claude Van Damme.   Belgium’s most recent export, the Muscles From Brussels.   Is he a real martial artist or just an actor?  Actually he does have legitimate karate and kickboxing credentials.  I find him entertaining for the most part.  How about a live action Tintin with him?  Anybody?

The Congo.  I’ll leave on this note.  Belgium used to have a king, Leopold II, who died in 1909.  Before he died, he made the Congo – currently the Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire – into his own private playground.  Bad things happened there, and many people died…possibly in the millions, though the exact count is hazy – but atrocities in the same league as the better-publicized and more recent Holocaust. 

Notwithstanding, but without waiving acknowledgement of said events, Belgium in 2016 is a much better country and its current citizens bear no guilt for those activities.  So we’ll maintain their innocence and mourn their loss.  Amen.

St Patrick's Day

I’ve got to do this a day early as I’ll be out of town on 3/18.   And it just so happens that 3/17 is…St Patrick’s Day. 

As we all well know, St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland, and supposedly rid them of snakes.   It’s unclear exactly when he lived, sometime in the fifth century (the 400s).  We believe he died of alcohol poisoning on March 17.

Parades.  I’ve never participated or been in any of them.  Nor, for that matter, do I recall going out drinking on this date simply for the sake of doing so or celebrating the occasion.

However, in August 2001, visiting my friend Jean, then stationed in Columbus, Ohio (graduate studies at Ohio State U.) we went to an Irish festival in nearby Dublin.  Everything was green, as you might imagine, and alcohol was served.

Ireland.  Never been there, they tell me it’s nice.  I have been to London several times – yes, I know, it’s not the same.  And I’ve been to Boston a few times, which is (more so than Dublin, OH), the Dublin of the US. 

Myles.  Shout out to Myles and his brother Eoin, the only Irish I know.

Irish.    I don’t begrudge the Irish for being proud, or Irish-Americans of being proud of being Irish-Americans.  I’m one quarter English (Scots-Irish?  No clue) and three quarters Polish, and I don’t celebrate Poland, etc.  I consider myself American.  I was born in Maryland, both parents born in the US (NY and MA), and both paternal grandparents born in the US (NY).  I have a US passport and while I’ve lived overseas as a kid and traveled abroad as an adult, my permanent resident as an adult has always been the US. 

The Boondock Saints (I & II).  As I promised, here it is.  Back in 1999, two Irish boys from Boston, Connor and Murphy MacManus (Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) suddenly get the inspiration to form a rhythm & blues band in Chicago.  Nope…to rid Boston of its organized crime elements.  First their buddy Rocco (David Della Rocco), then their father Noah (Billy Connally), helps them out.  They go on a spree, armed with Beretta 92FS, and the body count adds up.  The movie screws around by cutting out immediately as a shootout is due to occur, at which point FBI Special Agent Smecker (Willem Dafoe), who is supposed to be tracking them down to arrest them, “reconstructs” the shootout himself.  Later on, Smecker decides to help them out instead.  That was the original, 1999 version.

            In 2009, the sequel ejaculated onto our screens.  The boys were at it again, summoned back to the US from Ireland to take out the prior bad guy’s son Concezio Yakavetta (Judd Nelson), and Noah (Billy Connolly) also helps out, plus a third wheel, a Mexican guy Romeo (Clifton Collins) taking Rocco’s place.  This time around the FBI agent helping them along – instead of arresting them – is a hot woman, Bloom (Julie Benz), as Smecker is dead by then. 

They also give us the backstory on Noah, who had an Italian comrade back at the start, though that duo broke up in the 70s – his comrade ratted him out to the Feds, and then started his own organization now that their competitors were six feet under.  This story comes to conclusion at the end, when we meet the Old Man (Peter Fonda).   Rob Wells, aka Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, has a role as the Concezio’s consigliere.  Hooking up with their guns & ammo arsenal guy midway through the film, the boys upgrade from Berettas to Desert Eagles.

Finally – GUINNESS.  Sorry, I’ll drink Harp instead.  Never liked Guinness.  Alec, yes, the beer, 

Rugby

Here I was, concerned about what this Friday’s topic would be, when it landed in my lap:  Citizen in Times Square sponsored the London Irish, a rugby team in the Aviva Premier League in England, which was playing a game that weekend in NY against their league rivals, the Saracens.  It brought back memories of my own brief and limited experiences.

High School.   I went to high school in Paris from 1982-86.  Our school did not have an American football team (although it did have a soccer team).  Instead, we had a rugby team.  We played against other international schools.  I went on one trip to Brussels and even got to play, briefly.   I was borderline varsity/junior varsity.  The coaches didn’t seem to like me, but I did get to play in a few games.  I went to the practices like everyone else and did all the drills.  I even went to the pre-season practices against local French teams.  I did not go to any parties and was not socially a member of the team.  I DID get a varsity letter for my letter jacket.   Ironically I preferred playing soccer, but the soccer team rejected me.  Anyhow.

College.  I tried out for the University of Maryland team.  The problem was that with a Division A football team, the Terrapins, this meant UMCP had a surplus of football-inclined males with no outlet for that inclination except for this team.  So many, in fact, that UM could effectively field no less than 5 teams.  I’d have to work my way from the E team, to the D team, the C team, etc.  With few schools having enough to field more than an “A” team, I’d have to spend a lot of time practicing and no time playing.  Moreover, they gave me zero credit or acknowledgement for having played 3 years in high school.   I bought the Maryland jersey from Matt Godek, went to a few practices off campus, and injured my pinky on one drill.  Enough already.

Business School.  My brother joined the team at Thunderbird, a business school in Phoenix which specialized in international management.  His team played in a tournament at Duke, but he injured his ACL and that took care of that.  In fact, the ACL injury wound up plaguing him long after he graduated.  Anyhow.

Professional.   I was stunned to read that until the 1990s, and unlike international soccer, international rugby was militantly amateur.  Arsenal dates from the 1880s, Liverpool from 1892, and many of Brazil’s private teams from the early twentieth century.  But rugby didn’t make the switch until quite recently.  To be fair, while the NFL dates from the 1920s, it wasn’t until the advent of television in the 1950s that it finally emerged from the shadow of America’s (amateur) college football system.  Anyhow.   Now there are professional teams and leagues, with sponsors such as Citizen.

International.  The New Zealand All-Blacks are the most famous, but other countries also compete against them.  I’m not aware that the US has ever been competitive.  Any American player talented enough to play rugby would more likely be attracted to $$$ playing in the NFL.  One advantage of soccer is that with little physical contact – in theory – compared to rugby or football, smaller and lighter players who would be eaten alive in those sports can be competitive in soccer.  Practically anyone can play. 

The Game.  American football and baseball have rigidly “offense” and “defense” phases, though fumbles, interceptions or a triple play can change that.  Soccer, basketball, and hockey have rapidly fluctuating offense and defense based on who controls the ball or puck.  Rugby is much the same.  The closest to “downs” is the scrum, in which 8 men from each side interface into a tight net and the ball is rolled down between them and kicked backwards to the scrumhalf, who then passes it to the backs.

No forward passes.  All passes are backwards, but the ball can be kicked forwards.

Tries.  Instead of touchdowns, you make a “try”, for four points.  And that requires actually touching the ball down in the endzone, not merely breaking the plane of the endzone.

Rucks and Mauls.   These are like mini-scrums.   I recall practicing them.  Along with line-outs.  Unlike soccer, both teams have a shot at recovering a ball thrown back onto the field.

Forwards and backs.  I’m of medium height, broad shoulders, stocky and not particularly fast.  I fit the profile of a forward, defined by our position in the scrum.   Front-middle is the hooker, who tries to kick the ball backwards to the scrumhalf.  He’s held up by two props, the largest two men in the scrum.  So the front line is 3 men.  Behind those three are two second row, each of whom puts his head between the hindquarters of the prop and hooker and pushes forward.  On either side are flankers.  And behind the second row is the 8 man.  After the ball clears the scrum, the scrumhalf picks it up and throws it to the backs.  

My brother, tall, skinny and fast, was a back.  In football terms, the forwards are like linebackers, whereas the backs are like wide receivers, cornerbacks, safeties, and running backs. 

Most often I played flanker, (#6 or 7), which was my favorite position.  The scrum would sometimes collapse, because we were pushing forward almost parallel to the ground, and only loosely bonded.  The props and hookers of the opposing teams actually meshed together.  If the scrum collapsed, as an outside player (flanker) I could escape fairly easily.  I might have played prop a few times, but the other position I commonly played was second row.  Second row had a prop and hooker in front, flanker and another second row to the side, and 8 man behind you – if the scrum collapsed, the second row was in the middle, at least on his side. 

Padding?  No helmets or pads - only cleats.  That, and falling into the mud quite often, makes rugby a much dirtier, earthier, more primal game than football or soccer.  Rugby players are proud of this, and rightly so.  

Last thought.  I recall one game against the British School of Paris.  I don't recall actually getting to play, but I was ready to play if necessary.  I can't even remember if we won or lost.  What I do remember is the opposing coach, of course having a thick British accent, and focusing his anger and frustration on one particular hapless player: "NIGEL!  YOU BLOODY FOOL!  NIGEL!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NIGEL!"  

Beretta 92FS

Recently I rewatched “The Boondock Saints” (1999) and saw its long-awaited sequel, “The Boondock Saints II” (2009).  I’ll address both in a later blog.  For now, my focus is on a prominently featured pistol, the Berettta  92FS.

WWII.  In Infantry Weapons of WWII, Ian Hogg – as colorful as ever – describes yet another poorly made Italian weapon, the Breda 1930 machine gun.  Breda, which previously focused on making trains, tried its hand at assisting Il Duce’s war effort by making machine guns.  “With the utmost respect, they would have served the Italian Army better by remaining in the locomotive business exclusively.”

By contrast, the Beretta M1934 pistol and M1938A submachine gun both get high marks from him, even to the point where the Germans used the latter, a compliment considering the Germans’ obvious skill at firearms making.   Beretta has been around since 1526, so if their guns work well, it’s because they’ve had several centuries of practice by now. 

[Note: the Robert Blake character from the 1970s TV show was “Baretta”.   I never saw him use a Beretta.]

The Model 92 began in 1972.  In 1985 it replaced the .45 Colt 1911A1 as the M9, the US Army’s main handgun.   My current 92FS is a military contractor surplus model; the prior one I had, I had bought new from the gun store.  Both are identical.

The Boondock Saints.  The MacManus brothers, Conor (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) both use the Beretta 92FS, albeit silenced, as their main weapons – up until halfway through “II”, at which point they upgrade to Desert Eagles.

Lethal Weapon.  Riggs (Mel Gibson) consistently uses a Beretta 92FS throughout the series, even prominently displayed on the movie poster.  His partner Murtaugh (Danny Glover), like most other movie/TV cops, carries a .38 revolver.  

Dimebag.  It turns out that Nathan Gale, the jerk who killed Darrell Abbott, aka “Dimebag Darrell”, of Pantera and Damageplan fame, used a Beretta 92FS.  Three 9mm’s at point blank range to the head is probably as lethal as two from behind on camera – minus the prayer.

[Update: 4/21/20.]  Tin Star.  I'm watching this TV series, about a Liverpool police detective, Jim Worth (Tim Roth), who relocates with his family to Alberta, Canada, expecting things to be less intense and troublesome than in a big city like Liverpool.  Certainly the scenery is much nicer - that includes Christina Hendricks, the buxom actress we recall from "Mad Men".  Unfortunately for him, the local Big Evil Company (North Stream Oil) tries to kill him and gets his young son instead.  Anyhow.  I noticed the gun he carries is.... a Beretta 92FS with wood grips.  Oh, in season 3 the Worths return to Liverpool and attempt to address the issues which forced him to relocate to Canada (eh).   

Despite being a 9mm, it’s a fairly large handgun – much bigger than a Browning HiPower, despite only carrying two more cartridges.  I suppose it’s ok for me, because I have big hands.  It feels good, it feels substantial, it feels strong and indestructible.  I can imagine the US military being impressed with it, and certainly Hollywood is.  Perhaps not for everyone, but I’d say its popularity is well earned.