Love At First Hate

Maggie Gyllenhaal sneers "TAXMAN!!!" at Will Ferrell...as Howard Crick, in the movie "Stranger Than Fiction". Yet by the end of the film they’re very good friends. Yet again, Hollywood gives us "love at first hate": the romantic couple start off hating each other, gradually get to know each other, and eventually fall in love. Great story, huh? How many different times have we heard it? Here are just a few:

 "Stranger Than Fiction" - Will Ferrell (IRS Agent) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (socialist-anarchist baker). He’s sent to audit her – and ends up giving her tax advice in bed

 "Cars" – Sally Carrera (Bonnie Hunt) and Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson). Ok, they’re cartoons. Do they still count?

 "The Sound of Music" – as mentioned earlier. Initial mutual disagreement between Fraulein Maria (Julie Andrews) and Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) turns to love. Awww....

 "Star Wars" - Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) and Han Solo (Harrison Ford); from bickering in the ice tunnels on Hoth to kissing on the Falcon...in the same movie ("The Empire Strikes Back").

 "When Harry Met Sally" – Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan); it takes 10 years but they hook up! "I’ll have what she’s having."

 "Gone With the Wind" – Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) and Scarlett O’Hara (Vivien Leigh). Actually, the animosity here is one-way; when Butler takes an immediate shine to Scarlett but she can’t stand him. Oddly, he’s the one who leaves her! "Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!"

 "The Goodbye Girl" – Marsha Mason and Richard Dreyfus. Dreyfus crashes in her house and eventually her heart.

 "You’ve Got Mail" – Meg Ryan AGAIN. Maybe it needs to be updated: "You’ve got SMS!"

 "Moonlighting" - David Addison (Bruce Willis) and Maddie Hayes (Cybill Shepherd) initially spar off against each other as private detectives but eventually wind up together. 

 And we can go all the way back and blame Shakespeare for this: "Much Ado About Nothing", with Benedick & Beatrice as the quarreling couple who eventually fall in love with each other. But in the same play, Claudio and Hero fall in love at first sight. Even here it’s balanced by another opposite dynamic. This is well illustrated in the movie version from 1993, with Kenneth Branagh as Benedick and Emma Thompson (aka Karen Eiffel in "Stranger Than Fiction") as Beatrice – also featuring Keanu "WHOAAA" Reeves, Denzel Washington, Michael Keaton, and Kate Beckinsale.

 With every woman I’ve been romantically involved with, the first reaction was always positive – "love at first sight" has happened to me; "love at first hate"? Uhh, no – not yet. The one girl with whom I have a Benedick & Beatrice relationship, now, is still miles apart from me romantically and geographically [I can't remember who she is]. I never did hook up with the prior girl (Heather) with whom I sparred like that. It’s tempting to try to perceive some sort of passion and love under the mutual antipathy, but for all the mysteries, lies, inconsistencies and illusions associated with love and romance, sometimes the truth is staring us right in the face: mutual antipathy is, in fact....mutual antipathy, not love. Underneath the shit is – more shit.

 And that holds true for everyone else I’ve known. "Love at first sight" appears to be far more common in real life than "love at first hate", which is what we’re given over and over again in the movies. My guess is that "love at first sight" makes for a much more direct and less interesting plot than "love at first hate", which is why more movies focus on the latter than the former. We love to see the ice melt, the contempt fade away, and also appreciate this idea of "damn, I hate that [woman/man], but why can’t I stop thinking about [her/him]?" "I love you, despite myself!" "I hate myself for loving you," etc. It’s a powerful, passionate dynamic, and hard to resist using. I’ll admit it’s interesting, even if it is much less realistic.

 Keep this in mind next time you think someone who hates you actually loves you. Chances are they really do hate you.