Back to School

May 22, 1993.  On this date I graduated from George Mason University School of Law, and my formal education ended.  Ruth Bader Ginsburg, soon to be on the US Supreme Court, gave our commencement address (not that I can remember a word she said, but all such addresses are exactly the same) and I got my diploma, with name correctly spelled, on the spot.

            I had to take the Virginia and Maryland bars before I could be an attorney, but those involved bar review courses, not actual classes.  The end of law school marked the end of education, which had begin in the early 70s with nursery school and kindergarten, continuing in Paris in the early to mid 80s for high school, at University of Maryland for college in the late 80s, and then law school.  Law school, with its assigned seating, corporate track thesis, and Socratic method, was far beyond the laid back, low standards of Huge State Party School.

            After law school it was time for the real world, in the form of my first legal job.  No more summer vacations, but then again, September wasn’t any worse than August.

NOVA.  In 1994 the real world bit me in ass, in the form of a layoff.  Suddenly having a surplus of free time and determined to make productive use of it (aside from looking for a job, which I was determined to do anyway) I studied auto mechanics, a topic I knew nothing about.  From reading a high school auto mechanics textbook, I then took two classes at the Arlington County Adult Education Center, these “intro to auto mechanics” courses for people who know nothing about it and want to know how to change their spare tire, etc.  Most of students in the class were women.

            After having taken both classes and still not satisfied that I’d exhausted my opportunities for practical, hands-on education (as I knew that book smart meant nothing when it comes to turning wrenches and getting dirty, and getting a job as a mechanic was impractical as I had not given up on continuing my legal career) I enrolled at Northern Virginia Community College for classes in auto mechanics.  Although some of the students were NOVA students, 2/3rds of the class members were gas station mechanics and dealer techs, so I knew I was in good company. 

I took classes in fuel systems (carburetor and fuel injection), transmissions (manual and automatic) and engines.  They even let us work on our own cars!  I changed my own oil, transmission fluid, differential fluid, and spark plugs.  I took apart and rebuilt a Rochester Quadrajet.  We took apart and put together two GM TH350 transmissions.

Oddly, I was still working as an attorney during this time.  My boss, Jerry, was gracious enough to allow me to leave work early from Falls Church to attend classes at NOVA in Alexandria, a luxury I haven’t had with any subsequent employer.  Ironically, I now live next to the school, but can no longer fit any of the classes into my work schedule. 

This was school, so it did involve reading and tests, but I was so excited that I devoured the textbook and read it on my own initiative, acing every exam.  My transmission teacher, Sandy, was the shop foreman at Stohlman Oldsmobile, so I could bring my Formula there for service and he’d always fix what was wrong for less than I expected (unfortunately Stohlman is now a Mercedes dealer, so I have to bring the car elsewhere).  I also took, and passed, the ASE exams on Auto Repair, Automatic Transmissions, and Manual Transmissions. 

However, despite all that, I am not a mechanic, have never worked as a mechanic, and cannot fix everything that goes wrong: I know what I don’t know, and I know my limitations.  I don’t try to handle body work; I never took any classes on that – what I know, I know from watching the guy who painted my car 3 times.  Also, no-start conditions and electrical problems still baffle me.  But I can have a normal conversation with a mechanic, and from talking to me they can sense I’m not someone they can fool.  I have the factory service manual for my Formula and it’s falling apart from so much use and review.

CLEs.  The second form of post-law school education are Continuing Legal Education (CLE) classes.  The Virginia bar requires 12 credits a year, including 2 credits in ethics.  They typically last between 4 and 6 hours and take place in hotel conference rooms.  They’re either live – in which case you can often ask the experts questions – or videotape replays.  You show up in polo shirt and jeans, almost a vacation from the law office and certainly from court.  There are no quizzes or tests, you just listen and take notes.  Hell, you could snooze for the entire time, pick up the materials binder, and then leave, and get as much credit for having taken the class as if you’d eagerly absorbed every word and took copious notes.  Typically a firm will pay for the class so long as you take a relevant topic and take notes for the other lawyers.  I used to take the courses on DUI (drunk driving) and divorce law, and now I take the general civil litigation ones.  They vary from dull snoozefests (especially ethics seminars) to fairly well presented courses with film clips to illustrate various topics.  I also frequently run into lawyers I haven’t seen in awhile, including former GMUSL classmates.  Of course, if you take a course in your line of practice, it’s even better.  Once, I had a DUI case continued because the court date conflicted with a DUI CLE.  I took the CLE, and sure enough what I learned was immensely helpful to me when the case came around. 

The ethics ones used to be the dullest, typically presented by the least engaging lawyers monosyllabically reciting sections of the code of professional responsibility, but in recent years they have improved the quality.  A recent one I took even had a video vignette of a parody of “Dirty Jobs”, called “Dirty Lawyers”, featuring an over-the-top shark of an attorney who really jumped over the ethical rules.  He joked about insulting an opposing party at a deposition, calling her a “slut” and “bimbo” who wasn’t smart enough to know what a restraining order was.  Certainly one of the more entertaining CLEs.

This ethics seminar, unlike most of the CLE’s I’ve been too, was actually at NOVA Annandale, so it really was like going back to school.  But as with all of them, no homework, no tests, just turn in your attendance form and you’re outta there.  Woohoo!