Toys

Every August (Shelby), September (Ian), October (Zoe), and February (Beatrice) I go shopping for gifts for my nephew and three nieces.  I make an effort to get gifts they’ll enjoy, though it’s easier for Ian as I’m a guy, than it is for the girls.  Recall that Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates the woman with an eccentric collection of 70s-era toys, and he and George drug her with wine and turkey so they can play with her toys while she sleeps.  Elaine is horrified…until George mentions the Easy-Bake Oven.  But shopping for toys brings me back to the age when I used to play with them myself.

 It would be insane to try to list every toy I played with from birth to the present, but some trends are worth noting.

 Big Wheel & Green Machine.  Years ago at University of Maryland, my suitemate Chris and I were in the North Gym on our way to work out, and we noticed a very familiar kid’s plastic tricycle in a dumpster.  I smiled at him and asked, “do you know what THAT is?” and he smiled and said, “a BIG WHEEL!”  Before we could ride bicycles, even with training wheels, this was the Porsche of kids transportation.  We had another vehicle, something circular with two large wheels which were parallel to each other but perpendicular to the base (here I feel I’m some archeologist or anthropologist); and the Green Machine.  The Green Machine is like those reclining stationary bicycles or the sit-down ones the uber-dorks ride around on – but much cooler because it was green and bad-ass.

 GI Joe.  As boys we played with these – and these were the tall, 9” (or so) anatomically incorrect figures you could dress in cloth uniforms, not the more recent completely plastic figurines brought to life in the movie.  No sign of “Cobra” or other fictitious bad guys.  In the process of collecting the “outfits”, I got a fair amount of WWII uniforms: German infantry, British, American, Russian, plus German Afrika Korps and Fallschirmjager.  Too bad there were no WWI uniforms, though I suppose the French Foreign Legion uniform was similar – with white pants instead of red.  The uniforms had pants, jacket, boots, helmet, belt, and weapon, and were very well done.

 Britains.  These were small plastic figurines, about an inch high, with green metal bases, which we picked up at Harrod’s in London.  Of course I was getting the German WWII soldiers with a Kubelwagen, a mortar team (see above) and my brother got the Americans, including a Jeep with a .50 cal MG and a recoilless rifle.  I remember playing with these on the window sill of my bedroom of our apartment in Neuilly.  Although our focus was WWII, I know there were Civil War figures (Union vs. CSA) and more modern British soldiers – I suppose for Falklands or Northern Ireland simulations.

 Models.  I seem to recall having built – unsuccessfully – a P40 Flying Tigers fighter in the US, I must have been less than 9 years old. In Europe I got much better, and even got an airbrush which I learned how to use fairly well.  I got a few Monogram models – which often had these great Shepard Paine diorama features, though his were so well done they were more discouraging than inspirational (no WAY were we going to top him!) - but soon discovered I liked Tamiya the most.  Italerei and Testors were OK, but often they had the bad habit of making the soldiers’ feet separate, so you could never quite glue them to stand up on their own.  I never cared for planes, as you could never decide whether to make the model with the landing gear up or down, although we did make a B-17, a B-24, and a B-29.  I never did make a diorama, but I did subscribe to Military Modeler for several years.  Mostly I was painting German Wehrmacht and Waffen SS soldiers, and a few tanks: Panzer III, IV, and Panther; and an 88.  I never did make any model cars, but I have the Monogram ’92 Formula and Revell ’68 Firebird I may eventually tackle one of these days.  When we started playing role playing games, the skills I learned painting German soldiers came in handy painting various orcs, elves, sorcerors, skeletons, and adventurers.

 Micronauts.  These we played with in the US before going to France.  They were various different robots and figures, some of which were detachable with magnets.  I never learned any of the backstory on this, but I do recall that they were very popular with most of my male friends.

 Legos.  I found Legos to be fairly fun and stimulating.  Eventually we got the Expert set, and I made all sorts of armored cars with “machine guns”.  First you’d follow the instructions to build the castle or whatever, but eventually you let your imagination take you places and came up with all sorts of different things.

 Play-Doh.  It had a distinctive smell to it.  This is something we played with as very young kids, but not too young for me to remember.  Like Legos, it was a “toy” you could be extremely creative and imaginative with, so I think these types of toys are important for developing our little minds.

 Star Wars.  When the first movie came out, we went nuts, collecting all the figures, the X-Wing, the Death Star, and the Tie Fighter.  By the time “The Empire Strikes Back” came out, we were past the age of playing with these, and in Europe, so the focus was on models, Britains and GI Joes.

Hot Wheels & Matchbox.  These are the little cars of various models.  Hot Wheels are more exotic and fun, whereas Matchbox has a more utilitarian and pedestrian (!) collection.  Ideally you play with them on a little track.  I still like them, so every now and then I pick up a few ‘60s muscle car ones at Toys R Us or Giant if something catches my eye.

 Smash ‘Em Up Derby.   I loved these, but they’re long gone.  The cars – Nomad and Ford – would have fenders and parts that bashed up and could be replaced. They had ramps, and you’d slide the T strip through and then quickly pull it out to set the car going.

 Unique Imports.  Later called The Collector’s Armory, and originally located in Alexandria, on Slater’s Lane right off the GW Parkway.  They specialized in very realistic replicas of various guns, of which we got the MP-40 Schmeisser (mine) and CAR-15 (my brother) – which we still have today.  Fortunately no one shot us as we played at the compound with these things.  Much, much later, when I had a Beretta 92FS (9mm) and an AR-15 (.223), out of curiosity I re-examined the guns with real ammo, and found that the rounds would not even enter the chamber or the magazine.   On the other hand, in some toy store in Belgium we picked up fake plastic Thompson (with box magazine) and FN-FAL – probably about 1/3 scale – which actually fired small plastic bullets, but at such a low velocity you’d barely know you were hit, much less injured. 

 In the US we typically bought toys at Toys R Us.  My dad had a running joke that as we passed the one on Rockville Pike, he’d claim, “didn’t you hear? There was a huge fire, it burned down”.  There was a toy store, Jeremiah’s, in the Village Mall – and several Kay-Bee toy stores scattered at malls.  When in NYC we’d check out FAO Schwartz, but that was a bit too upscale: an entire fort?  Downsized Mercedes?  Think of where super rich and royal families go to buy toys for their spoiled princes and princesses, and the rest of us peons simply wish and hope for our parents to win the lottery.

 In Europe, we’d go to Fantou (Neuilly), the Four Seasons at SHAPE, but Galeries Lafayette and Harrod’s had knockout toy section – and of course there’s Hamley’s, an entire toy department store in London.  Now it’s back to the old favorite, Toys R Us, for our needs.