Christmas TV Specials

It’s the time of year when the TV Christmas specials are on again.  We’ve been watching them since we were kids, and some are better than others.  I’ll list the ones I recall the most, but of course there have been “Christmas” specials of practically every show and type imaginable – so long as we’ve had TV to show them on.

 Charlie Brown Christmas.  I mentioned this one earlier.  I really do NOT like “Peanuts”, and this is no exception.  CB manages to score a really lame tree, much to everyone’s contempt (“good grief”).  Schroeder wails on the little piano, and the kids dance (Dieter: “Now it is the time on ‘Sprockets’ vhen ve dance!”).  It’s all really low-key and jazzy.  The only thing missing are cigarettes dangling from their lips and cynical French people.  Bah!  SNL’s TV Funhouse parodied this – the kids discovered that they improved CB’s tree by simply waving their arms around it, so they used their magic on other things…

 Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas.  A Jim Henson/Muppets special (1977), kind of lame.  EO is an otter, who lives with his “Ma” down by the river.  He starts a skiffle band and competes with his “Ma” in a local talent show: the top act is a METAL band with a snake, rat, fish, and a frog (not Kermit), led by a bear (somewhat like Eric Bloom of BOC).  The metal band redeemed this whole show – especially since they won.  This should have been “Jam Band” Christmas with Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd type music.

 Frosty the Snowman.  Animated, not stop-action – kind of a lame one, done by Paul Coker.

 Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  An older, 1964 stop action one which is offbeat – the Land of Misfit Toys?  An elf who would rather be a dentist? A Yeti?  See, enough original stuff to make it more interesting, but still festive.

 A Christmas Carol.  Ok, by now Dickens’ story has been overdone to death.  Now we have Jim Carrey as Scrooge, and before that was the non-Christmas, Michael Moore spoof – which liberals hated and everyone else laughed at.  My favorite of the countless variations of these has to be the Rich Little version, with WC Fields as Scrooge (“you’re burning wood like it grows on trees”) and Paul Lynde as Bob Cratchit (“it’s disgusting!!!”).

 Christmas Story.  What’s with the goofy kid in the glasses?

 Star Wars Christmas Special.  I recall seeing this when it was on – and never again.  I vaguely recall something about visiting Chewbacca’s home world.  The whole premise of a “Star Wars” Christmas special is silly. Why would Christmas be celebrated a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away?  Do they celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving and July 4^th too?

 The Year Without a Santa Claus.   Another stop-action one – Rankin/Bass, the “Return of the King” lame-os, from 1974 - and this was, and still is, my favorite.  Santa gets the flu and decides to skip Christmas this year.  A scheme is hatched to bring snow to a normally warm climate in exchange for a snow-less Christmas somewhere colder, in the hopes of convincing Santa to change his mind.  This requires the consent and agreement of not only Snow Miser (a cool dude) but also the Heat Miser (a real hothead).  Their dual musical numbers (and mini-me’s) are hilarious.  And Vixen, the little reindeer mistaken for an unlicensed dog – and sent to the pound (awww) – is also very cute. 

 It’s a Wonderful Life.  I lump this one in because it’s so frequently considered a “Christmas” movie and shown at that time of year, but I disagree.  As a MOVIE, it’s fine – even if it is somewhat depressing and cynical.  I don’t think the story is necessarily Christmas-oriented.  And the idea that George Bailey made a positive impact with this life, that his brother would have died, and the town devolved into a Biff Tanner hell had he not been around, are great ideas, but to me that’s really not Christmas. 

 Steven Colbert Christmas Special.  Mr. Daily Show #2 guy steps up to the plate and..lstrikes out.  He has Elvis Costello do various things; Willie Nelson as the 4^th Wise man (busted by little cops for weed, of course); Toby Keith tell us that Uncle Sam is really Santa Claus; Feist (who?) and Legend (who?, part II); and finally Jon Stewart (who I do like) on Hannukah.  Colbert is a little too much impressed with his own wit, and his “parody of serious news anchor” bit wore off its welcome eons ago. 

 And here’s a glaring oversight brought to my attention by Dave:

 How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966).  The classic Dr. Seuss story brought to life, ages ago.   The story is charming, and the Grinch is suitably mean-spirited.  Whenever I see the part when he sweet-talked Little Susie Who about the Christmas Tree, I think of Ralph Nader trying to weasel us into giving up complete control of the country so he can fix GM or the environment or whatever it is he claims is so screwed up with the country.

            Seriously, if some town had its toys ripped off by some green maniac living in a cave, no matter what country you’re in, you could bet the villagers would be forming a posse (“let’s roll!”) to kick the Grinch’s ass, NOT singing carols oblivious to the complete absence of all the presents they bought and paid for. 

            As it was, I liked the 98 Rock twisted version, in which the local cops pull over the Grinch on his sleigh (“you wouldn’t happen to know about all those toys which were reported stolen from Whoville, would you?”) and slam him in jail, where his lack of pants proves a major liability.  “And it wasn’t the Grinch’s heart that grew three sizes that night…”

 The 2000 version, done by Ron Howard and featuring Jim Carrey as the Grinch, was OK.  Clearly they understood the spirit of the thing and went along with it.  I can’t really express much of a preference because I was never a big fan of the original.