Blondes

I haven’t discussed women in some time.  I guess I’m overdue to address the topic once more.  In this case, it’s blondes.

My preference is for brunettes.  The darker the hair, the better, which is why I’ve dated Asians.  Come to think of it, “blonde” necessarily means “white”, because – hair coloring notwithstanding – few black or Asian women come equipped with blonde hair.  And I can’t say that blonde hair is such a huge benefit such that black or Asian women should feel compelled (except out of sheer boredom) to try being a blonde. 

Obviously I can’t comment on ALL blonde women, so I’ll keep my analysis brief.  The list is NOT exhaustive.

Kate Upton.  This woman is as noticeable for her….assets…as her hair color.  She could be any color and we’d still lose our tongues rolling to the ground, Tex Avery style.  But she still counts.

Scarlett Johansson.  Nowadays she’s more of a redhead as Black Widow, but still scrumptious anyway.  Check her out in “Vicky Christina Barcelona”, or – if you’re inclined to see her as a nude, slightly out of shape brunette, “Under The Skin”.

Emily Wickersham.  I was watching “NCIS” at the gym, and saw this girl “Bishop”, with the dark eyebrows and killer smile.  If she’s on the screen, I can’t take my eyes off her.  I haven’t seen her in anything else, though she has been busy. 

Marilyn Monroe.  The original.  In “The Seven Year Itch” she’s highly provocative, tempting poor Tom Ewell whose wife is away on vacation.  You can’t tell whether she means to tease him or just does so by nature. 

Helen Mirren.  Still a fox, but she was definitely HOT HOT HOT in “The Age of Consent”, a 1969 film with James Mason.  She plays a young Australian girl who swims around half naked and poses nude for Mason’s character, an artist. 

Amanda Seyfried.  I liked her in “Mama Mia” and look forward to seeing her in “Ted 2”.

Reese Witherspoon.  Pretty, but not hot.  She has her moments.

Pamela Anderson.  “NO TO MAKE HAND PARTY WITH PAMELA!”  No, she didn’t marry Borat.

Christina Applegate.  Or Alicia Silverstone?  I get them mixed up.

Jenny McCarthy.  Cousin of Melissa McCarthy.  JMcC doesn’t seem to do much except be hot.  I prefer her as a brunette, though.

Britney Spears.  Still desirable, though in a kind of white-trashy way. 

Sofia Vergara & Emma Stone.  Remarkably, both women are natural blondes, but almost never portray blondes on screen.  Vergara usually plays brunettes as – for some reason – us Americans can’t fathom a blonde Latina (they do exist).  Vergara is hotter now than she was when she was younger.  What makes her irresistible is this ability to laugh at herself (which Carrie Fisher has as well). 

            Stone found she got more work as a redhead, though she went natural in “Birdman”. 

Dumb blondes?  I haven’t known any blondes to be any dumber than brunettes or redheads, nor is there any reason why hair color would have any effect on intellect.  If so, could a woman improve her intelligence by changing her hair color?  Doubtful.