Jupiter

Sorry for letting my loyal readers down – however many of you might be out there.  Work this week kept me not only busy but uninspired, until now.  Our fifth and largest planet, Jupiter, provides the muse for a book and two movies.

First off, Jupiter is planet #5.   It’s the largest planet, has a big red spot (a storm which has been going on for hundreds of years) and 16 moons of various sizes.   It’s visible in the sky, but just as a dot.  With a telescope it can be seen a little better.  Pioneer (1973 & 74), Voyager (1979) passed by and took some awesome pictures, which they immediately posted to Instagram; the Galileo probe orbited the planet for 7 years starting in 1995.  It’s a big ball of gas (aka “gas giant”, like Saturn, Uranus and Neptune) with a small core of rock and ice.  It has 1321 times the volume of Earth, but is only 318 times as massive – presumably all that gas doesn’t weigh much.  The largest moons are Io, Ganymede, Callisto, and Europa.  It also has rings, but unlike Saturn’s, they aren’t nearly as visible, so we treat them as if they’re not there.   Sorry.

Jupiter Ascending.   Given the negative hype and bad reviews this film got, it’s tempting to call it “Stupider Ascending”, but it’s not total crap.  It is good eye candy, particularly Mila Kunis.  I suppose the ladies might be more inclined to admire Channing Tatum, even with elf ears.  Anyhow.

   Kunis plays a Russian girl.  Not much a stretch for a Ukrainian.  Well, she’s an alien queen who scrubs toilets, until Caine Wise (Tatum) appears out of nowhere, rescues her from aliens, and takes her back to ….somewhere else.  She’s revealed to be royalty, but the plot to return her back to Jupiter has some nasty ulterior motives behind it.   It played like a movie based on book written by Suzanne Collins (Hunger Games) but was actually an original story by the Watchowski clan, who gave us one excellent Matrix film and two less impressive sequels; when you finally learn the nasty secret these near immortal aliens hide for their longevity, the Matrix angle, recycled here, will be a little more obvious.   As with those, the formula appears to be, “let’s dazzle them with graphics and visuals and hope the audience is too stoned to care that the story sucks.”  Perhaps the best use of the movie is just to watch it with the sound off, ignore the story, and enjoy the visuals.   A good plan, except that not all of us are stoners.

2010: Odyssey Two.  Arthur C. Clarke, author of 2001, actually wrote a sequel, which follows up from the prior story.  Moreover, they made it into a movie, and thankfully did NOT use Stanley Kubrick this time.   The story makes sense, as does the movie.  While the movie left out a few items, it’s essentially faithful to the book. 

                Here, Haywood (Roy Scheider) returns to Jupiter (note:  the movie version of 2001 changed Jupiter into Saturn) on a Russian spacecraft, the Leonov, with a Russian crew, except for another American (John Lithgow), and an Indian, Chandra (Bob Balaban – “cleavage!”).   HAL – the supposedly murderous computer of the prior ship, Discovery – is reactivated and this time around he’s OK, mainly because Chandra essentially becomes his best friend, a partnership the prior astronauts lacked.  Speaking of prior astronauts, Dave Bowman, the sole survivor (?) of the prior mission, is actually still around, but in a much different format.   Much strange stuff happens, with a spectacular finish, but neither Clarke nor the film ever take us away from sanity or coherence.   While I’d recommend reading the book in addition to, and not instead of, seeing the film, as Clarke’s writing is enjoyable in its own right, unlike 2001 you don’t have to have read the book to understand this movie.

                For those of you looking for good visuals of Jupiter, we have it here too - except here the plot is much more satisfying.

Gender Confusion

Hi there, it’s me again.  It looks like I have something more to say – in particular about bathrooms and sex.

I’m male.  I always have been.  I’m happy with my equipment and intend to keep it until GAME OVER.  Even later, if that’s an option.  My sole interest in the female equivalent is parking my own in my GF’s space when the opportunity allows.  I have no interest in swapping mine for hers.  So I can’t say I can understand, relate to, or identify with anyone who has done so or wishes to do so.

However, IF you were so curious and devoted to the switcheroo that you went and had the necessary work done?  And by that I mean actual surgery and homones and not merely a wardrobe and attitude change.  Well then, welcome to the other team.  And that includes the bathroom facilities for that side.  If, by “transgender”, we mean actually swapping one set of genitals for the other, I’d say that qualifies.

Contrast this with someone who simply claims to identify as the opposite gender.  Mr. Confused went shopping at Victoria’s Secret and Sephora and dolled up, but still has Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew lurking under there.  You’re not transgender, you’re a transvestite.  Eddie Izzard should be using the men’s room.  Sorry.  Simply asserting that you “identify” with the opposite gender should not be enough.

So it looks like both sides on this issue are wrong.  The Fundies are insisting that if you were born with a penis or a vagina, you continue to use those facilities regardless of how you’re currently equipped.  That makes no sense.  But the GLBT community appears to insist that “gender identity”, not merely biological identity, is sufficient to allow the horrendously confused but still cis-gendered (e.g. man thinks he’s a woman but still has a penis) to use the desired facilities.  This makes no sense either.

The news has been confusing and not clear at explaining.  Frankly, I don’t care about “gender identity”.  If you have a penis, use the men’s room.  If you have a vagina, use the ladies room.  Whether you were born with it or had it installed aftermarket, should make no difference – use the correct room, PENIS > MENS, VAGINA > WOMEN.  Again, it’s unclear whether “transgender” is meant to refer only to those who actually had sex-change operation or also to include those who “identify” as the opposite gender but are still biologically cis-gendered.  I believe both sides are being deliberately obtuse because they believe the stakes are high enough to merit outright misrepresentation.

Questions, though:  where do hermaphrodites (those with BOTH sets of genitalia) go?  It looks like these people are a very tiny percentage of the population.  And if you are happy with your gender but unhappy with your equipment, can you upgrade?  Tiny pecker, loose taco, whatever – why should the trannies have all the fun?  Answers, people.  

Ron Swanson, Libertarian For President

Lately I’ve been catching up on “Parks & Recreation”, and I’m up to Season 4 on Netflix.   I’d like to be able to claim that Ron Swanson’s politics – Libertarian – attracted me to the show, but I only learned that later after watching a few seasons.  What got me into the show was a Facebook post on Andy & April interactions.   I was pleasantly surprised to learn of Ron Swanson’s ideology, which matches mine.

“Parks & Recreation” is a NBC sitcom on its 7^th and final season.  It features a fictional “parks & recreation” department in Pawnee, Indiana, with a cast of dysfunctional people.

Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler).  The #2 of the department, and because of Ron’s reluctance to do anything, its de facto head.  She means well but can never seem to get much done – much to Ron’s satisfaction.

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman).  Ostensibly the head of the department, but as a Libertarian, Ron believes government – including his own agency – should do as little as possible.  So he lets Leslie do all the work, confident that her idealistic incompetence will never amount to much.

Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari).   An Indian? Or is he Pakistani?  Anyhow, he deliberately changed his name to a WASPY one so no one would judge him by his ethnic name.  He always has some idiotic scheme brewing.  He’s not as brilliant as he thinks he is – he suffers from a surplus of arrogance and a deficit of substance.  Because his ambition and schemes compromise his effectiveness – meaning nothing will get done, so no harm done – Ron values him immensely.

Jerry Gergich (Jim O’Heir) & Donna Meagle (Retta).   Jerry winds up as the butt of jokes – the Milton of the show – while Donna mainly brags about her Mercedes SUV.

Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt).   Originally Ann’s unemployed – except for his band, Mouse Rat, which changes its name continuously – and generally clueless but likeable boyfriend.  Now he’s April’s clueless but likeable boyfriend.  I’ve yet to ascertain any actual musical talent or artistic ability on his part, but he never lets that stop him.

April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza).  Perpetually rolling her eyes and even more cynical than Ron.  Kind of a goth chick in attitude if not dress.  I’m not really crazy about her, except that she is attractive.

Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones).  She started out as Andy’s GF, but remains an ER technician (nurse).  Generally smart, pretty, and sympathetic.  She’s Leslie’s best friend and acts a source of good advice which is never taken.

Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe).  Right out of “Office Space”, Indianapolis sent an efficiency expert to Pawnee to see how the state of Indiana could save money.  Traeger is that man.  However, he’s generally too wrapped up in his own New Age BS to be effective, so like everyone else, does his job best by doing it poorly.

Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott).  Chris’ #2 guy, the numbers guy who knows how a spreadsheet works and can actually grasp the details his boss can’t fathom.  It turns out that when he was 18, he got elected mayor of a small town but totally botched it up, a shame he still can’t live down.  He winds up as Leslie’s love interest.

I can’t tell if the writers are Libertarian or not.  On one level, Ron is portrayed as a caricature of a Libertarian.  He believes government should do as little as possible, so he and his department should do as little as possible.  How does he justify his own paycheck?  Probably he feels that in his absence, his replacement would be a go-getting busybody who would do more harm than good in a quest to do whatever government feels compelled to do (e.g. Leslie running the department herself).  Liberals seem to feel that conservatives look down on them as at best naïve idiots and at worst depraved morons, so they pass the buck on to libertarians by looking down on THEM as at best naïve idiots and at worst depraved morons.

Jane Fonda was famous for claiming that if we all truly understood communism, we’d be communists.  Did she mean we’d all prefer a stateless society wherein goods and services are distributed from each according to his ability, to each according to his need, somewhat like anarchy?  Or as a totalitarian dictatorship like North Korea?  I think if you really put it to everyone in those terms, they would still say “no thanks” to either flavor.  Except maybe Bernie Sanders fans.

With regard to libertarianism, I honestly believe the majority of people would embrace the ideology if fully aware of its nature.  However, Libertarians aren’t stupid.  We know the actual LPA has almost no power.  We’ve never elected a President.  No one in Congress is Libertarian, aside from Republicans like Rand Paul and Justin Amash, who are essentially Libertarians pretending to be Republican.  I’m not aware if any Libertarians have won any governorships or state legislature positions.  If Hillary and Trump win their respective parties’ nominations, two candidates with a deficit of true supporters and mostly “I don’t want the OTHER side to win” voters, we’ll have a general election this November in which both major parties have chosen extremely unpopular candidates counting that voters consider them marginally LESS repulsive than the other side’s.   Maybe it won’t be enough to put Gary Johnson (or MacAfee or Austin Peterson) in the White House, but it could be enough to give them sufficient votes that the general public will finally be aware of the Libertarian Party’s existence.   Rand Paul 2020!

Anyhow.  Leslie’s misadventures and general incompetence seem to justify Ron’s attitude.  And if Ron’s attitude IS justified…then perhaps Libertarians aren’t as clueless and naïve as liberals tend to portray them.  So “Parks & Recreation” becomes a Libertarian show, almost by default.   I’ll take that.  :D

The Korean War

Although I’ve done a blog on “M*A*S*H”, in which I briefly covered this war, I never did a blog on this war itself.  Coming shortly on the heels of World War II – just 5 years after – it pulled in many WWII veterans.

Phase I.  North Korea kicks ass.  On June 25, 1950, the North Korean army (Korean People’s Army, KPA) launched a surprise attack across the 38^th Parallel and pushed the South Korean (Republic of Korea, ROK) forces all the way down to the very southeast tip of the peninsula, at Pusan.  This small pocket held out against amazing odds.  [M*A*S*H item: Veteran surgeon cracks after too long – Hawkeye is disturbed, as the man was at Pusan.  If a man who survived Pusan can break, what hope is there for anyone who didn’t go through all that?].   In addition to the KPA outnumbering the AROK by 3 to 1, they had also had tanks – the South Koreans had none – and more aircraft.  There were no US forces in South Korea, but there were nearby in Japan.

The US got an UN resolution passed, and sent its own forces from Japan to reinforce the South Koreans.  Troops & tanks, of course, but also overwhelming air superiority which blitzed the KPA.  By September the UN forces were actually breaking out of the perimeter.  Note:  although the US provided the majority of troops, air support, and supplies, the Allied effort was a UN effort.  French and Turkish troops wound up playing pivotal roles in several battles.             

Phase II.  UN kicks ass.  September 15, 1950, MacArthur engineered a brilliant landing at Inchon, which is on the west coast of the peninsula about halfway up.  This was well behind North Korean lines and completely took them by surprise.  South Korea was liberated, and the UN forces rolled all the way up to the Chinese border on the Yalu River.  KPA forces disintegrated and left North Korea almost defenseless.  

MacArthur publicly argued that the UN should invade China, and Truman disagreed with him – and sacked him.  Remarkably, the US had competent military commanders aside from him who managed to get the job done. 

Phase III.  Mao kicks ass.  On October 25, 1950, Mao sent millions of “volunteers” over the border – mostly former Nationalist armies who surrendered after Chiang Kai-Shek fled to Taiwan, relabeled the People’s Volunteer Army (PVA) – to overwhelm the UN forces by sheer numbers.  After the initial shock, the UN forces rallied and held the communist forces…right around the 38^th Parallel – i.e. the original border.  The first half of 1951 involved a series of costly but strategically significant battles between the UN forces and the PVA, ending by June 1951.

Phase IV.  Stalemate.   For the next two years the battle dragged on at that place, neither side gaining an advantage over the other.  Peace talks dragged on, much to Hawkeye’s annoyance.  Mao seemed to be the only one who wanted to continue the war, but Hawkeye never bitched to him (by the time “M*A*S*H” aired, Nixon had made Mao a popular guy in the US).

Chinese forces suffered heavy casualties.   They had little air support.  The .50 machine gun did a great job of slicing through dense ranks of soldiers.  Most of the forces were former Nationalist armies Mao didn’t care about.  Moreover, Mao was trading Chinese lives to get Soviet technology from Stalin.    

Leaders.  US:  Harry S. Truman (until January 1953); Republic of Korea (South Korea): Syngman Rhee; Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea (North Korea): Kim Il-Sung (grandfather of current leader); China: Mao Zedong; USSR: Josef Stalin.

Tanks. The communists used mainly T34-85s left over from WWII.  The US forces used M46 Patton tanks, which replaced the T26 Pershing tanks originally designed in 1945 but were outdated by 1951.

MiG-15.  This was originally my angle, until I realized that the war itself was a more substantial topic.  The war gave jets an opportunity to show what they could do on a broader scale than WWII, where the ME262 was the only jet to get any substantial airtime. 

            The Russians brought the MiG-15 to the table.  Although they trained North Korean and Chinese pilots, most of the planes were flown by Russian pilots.  They pretended to speak Korean on the radio, but reverted to Russian when under stress and/or swearing.  Since Stalin didn’t want any captured – which would prove the Russians were in the cockpits – they had orders not to fly over enemy territory. 

            The MiGs themselves were highly competitive with the US jets, the F86 Sabres.  They also shot B29s out of the sky fairly easily, which meant the US had to fly those bombers only at night. 

R&R in Tokyo.  Instead of being firebombed, Tokyo is where Hawkeye and Trapper John go for R&R.  Amusing turn of events, as least as far as the Americans are concerned.  Also, my military history professor at UM, Sumida, made an interesting observation.  It seems there were some North Korean prisoners who refused to talk.  The Americans brought in a Japanese officer, merely as an observer.  When the North Koreans saw him, they immediately started talking.  

Armistice, but no Peace Treaty.  Technically the war ended with a cease fire on July 27, 1953, not a peace treaty, so it’s going on right now.  The demilitarized zone was added as part of the armistice terms. 

Uncle Jeff.  The only relative I know who fought in Korea (he also fought in the Pacific in WWII).  Sadly, I can't remember any war stories from Korea.  For that matter, I don't recall him telling stories about WWII.  My Uncle Larry, navigator in a B17, did observe an ME262.  

Movies.  It turns out that there are lots of Korean War films, but I’ve only seen a handful.

M*A*S*H.  The original, with Donald Sutherland as Hawkeye and Elliot Gould as Trapper John.  This had Robert Duvall as Major Frank Burns and Rene Auberjonois – Odo on Boston Legal – as Father Mulcahy.  Gary Burghoff, aka “RADAR” O’Reilly, was the only actor to play in both the movie and the series.

            Since it mainly dealt with the doctors, I don’t really consider it much of a Korean War film.  Moreover, unlike the TV series, which was a comedy, this film is more of a drama, albeit highly irreverent. 

The Manchurian Candidate.  Although the events in question started in Korea – the US squad captured by the Reds – all the main plot takes place in the USA.  Not much of a Korean War movie.

The Steel Helmet.  B&W, made in 1951.  Features a gruff sergeant, a young Korean boy ("Short Round"), a Japanese-American soldier, Tanaka - proud veteran of the 442nd in WWII - and a black medic.  For a movie of that vintage, it pushes a whole bunch of buttons: racism in the US, internment camps, and general discord and nastiness among US soldiers.  I noticed a few Mosin-Nagants and a PPSH.  Thanks, Dave!

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War.  A South Korean film from 2004, obviously inspired by “Saving Private Ryan” in terms of its direction, editing and pacing. When a South Korean family’s younger son gets drafted into the army, his older brother volunteers to serve so he can look after him.  Bad stuff happens after the South liberates their village which had been overrun and captured by the North Koreans.  Older brother goes apeshit, defects, and becomes a fanatical officer in an elite North Korean unit.  Very intense, and from the South Korean perspective (not US).  But excellent and exciting to watch.

In Praise of Waze

Lately I’ve been using the Waze app on the cell phone.   I’ve been using it even on routes I’m already familiar with.   But first.. a background.

How many of you remember actually calling someone for directions?   I did that years ago for a case down in Charlottesville, Virginia.  The clerk told me to take Route 29 all the way down from Manassas.  Huh?   North of Manassas, 29 is a stoplight-to-stoplight hell like Route 1.   But south?  Sure enough, it was clear travel, no traffic, and 65 mph all the way down.  Who knew?

Road Maps.  Rand McNally. Those folding things?  Good for picnic tables, NOT good while driving – even if you’re the navigator. 

How many of you remember AAA Trip Tiks?   My father and I, back in summer 1998, took a road trip with his sister, Aunt Mary, and her husband Uncle Tom, to visit Aunt Genevieve’s family in Glens Falls, New York, north of Albany and close to Lake George.   We used a Trip Tik from Gaithersburg, Maryland, to Glens Falls.  This was a small map booklet specifically for the route.  It gave an overall trip route, then divided the trip into one page segments.   It told you if there was cool s**t along the way.  We ignored that and just went up the road.  I seem to recall it told us to go up the NJ Turnpike to the end, take I280 West to I80, then I287 to I87, get off at Albany, and continue north to Glens Falls.   Very nice and convenient, but I was acting as the passenger seat navigator for my dad, who was driving.  The TT would have been a bit harder to manage driving alone.

Now we have GPS systems.  I started with Google Maps and switched to Waze.   I can’t tell if Google Maps has raised its game, but Waze does the following:

1.         Alerts on cars on the shoulder.  I don’t drive a tow truck and I don’t drive on the shoulder, so the real impact of this is just to remind me that as of 2016, road travel is still screwed up enough that in a 300 mile trip, I’ll see one car by the side of the road every 10 miles.

2.         Alerts on debris on the road.  On multiple lane highways this is useless.  Which lane is this “thing” you’re talking about?  Are we talking dead animals, treasure chests, gold coins, what?

3.         Alerts on speed traps and cameras.  Much better.

4.         Alerts on cops – either visible or invisible.  Usually it’s the former.  At night I can see the flashing blue lights miles down the road.  But a stealth cop?  By all means, tell me all about them.

5.         Alternate routes.  Sometimes, even if I know the route, I plug in Waze just out of boredom and curiosity.  Am I, in fact, taking the best route anyway?  Is there another way to go?

6.         Traffic advisory.  It will tell you if traffic will suck, how badly, and for how long.  It might even route you another way to avoid traffic.  AND it tells you what time you can expect to get there.  Nice. 

Keep your map skills, as who knows when the Grid will go down and we’ll lose our GPS.  But enjoy it while it lasts.