Things that Piss Me Off

Swerving back to more personal and subjective items here.  You may sympathize with some of these, much of which is behavior which offends my sense of honor and decency. 

Back in the late 1880s when I was attending the University of Maryland, College Park, I had occasion to dine at the South Campus Dining Hall with my comrade, Phil, who was visiting from George Manson.  Something provoked an angry and contemptuous reaction from me, which provoked a humorous reaction from him.  “What’s so funny?” I asked, and his response was, “I’ve never seen you pissed off.”  “I get pissed off all the time.” “Maybe so, but never in my presence.”  Well, there we go.

Here are some.

Hey, Pig.   Fast food restaurants frequently have a range of seating arrangements, usually for four, but also for two or one.  When the place is almost empty it really doesn’t matter where you sit, even if you’re alone.  But when the place is full at lunch hour, like Chick-Fil-A so often is (especially on Sunday, its peak time) those dining alone should take a solo spot – not an entire four person table.  Come on.

Hey, Pig of the Road.   If there’s a double yellow line in the road, we know better than to drive on the left or use the yellow line to center our car.  But sometimes you have a wide road, like through a subdivision or parking lot, not obviously intended for one-way traffic.   Then, logic, common sense and courtesy demand you stick to the right side of the street, short of sideswiping the parked cars on your right.  As opposed to, driving RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.   Is that so hard to figure out?

Hold On, I’ll Just Be A Minute.   I saw one guy park his car in front of the bank, in the road itself, to use the ATM when plenty of parking spaces free.   I saw a woman park her car on Viers Mill Road, in a lane of traffic, to post flyers on the bus shelter, despite plenty of empty spaces in the parking lot behind the shelter.   As a matter of fact, you do own the road, don’t you?

Cut-ins.  Imagine you’re at the store, and there’s only one cashier open, and thus the line is fairly long – everyone having to patiently await their turn at the register.  Would you cut to the front, in front of everyone else who’s been waiting, and petulantly and arrogantly assert your right to avoid waiting in line because you’re special or your time is more valuable?  Probably not. 

Now it’s a two lane road merging down to one lane.  Instead of merging with everyone else and waiting, you decide, now protected by 3-4k lb of steel, plastic and glass, to cut in front of everyone because you’re “special” and your time is worth more than everyone else’s.  Some of that glass might be tinted, most plausibly to hide your face from the others on the road inconvenienced by your rude driving habits.  Same deal.  Wait, you asshole. 

Or I'm driving down the road in the right lane, and someone pulls right out in front of me.  WTF?  And I look in my rear view mirror and see NO ONE behind me.  Huh?  This person couldn't wait for me to pass by?  Dumbass.

Tailgaters REALLY piss me off.  I don't mean people BBQ'ing in the parking lot before a sporting event (though my preference is for Shakedown Street), I mean yahoos driving right behind you on the road.  My reaction varies from slamming on the brakes to slowly decelerating to the posted speed limit.  GET A CLUE.

Nope, no bathroom.  Any establishment which restricts bathroom use to customers.  "Please buy and consume food and drink BEFORE you use the bathroom, though I can see your bladder is full and you're about to urinate everywhere."  Yeah, a very intelligent policy.   NOT.

A special place in hell is reserved for those who don't even allow patrons to use their bathroom.  The DC Metro has "water closets" closed to the public, and in their entire system there is no station with a restroom open to the public.  The only retail establishment I can recall is Vintage Vinyl in Ford, New Jersey (up the road from Rutgers) which won't even allow its own customers to use its facilities.  "Try the pizza place next door."  Those pizza people - who don't require you to buy a slice - will be strumming harps in the clouds while the VV jerks enjoy their perpetually skipping vinyl in the Hot Place forever.  

Of course, sometimes the customers screw up.  In an empty restaurant it doesn't matter where you sit whether you're alone with a group.   But I've seen people, in busy restaurants, take up an entire table to themselves when they're eating alone.  It would serve them right if 2-3 strangers sat down with them.  In France, people think nothing of sitting down at a table with you.

“Sellouts!”  People who knee jerk to accuse a band of selling out as soon as an album sells more than the last one.  Especially convenient that these bands happen to sell out AFTER the person got into them and saw them in concert.  Uh, yeah…

Bill Ward.  When Black Sabbath completed their final tour, original drummer Bill Ward was not behind the set.  Instead, young and competent Tommy Clufetos handled that role.   Most Sabbath fans have some grey matter between their ears and accepted that, purchasing tickets and enjoying one last tour from Ozzy, Tony and Geezer.  A minority bitched and moaned that Ward, who has bailed on tours as far back as The Mob Rules and has never consistently been able to tour with the band since then, was not arbitrarily included.  These assclowns were privileged to stay at home and feel superior, so the rest of us could actually enjoy the band play one more time.