The Hobbit

I’d already done a blog on Lord of the Rings (LOTR), now it’s hobbit time.   For some reason I had tackled LOTR in print, and even digested The Silmarillion as well, but had never read this one.  With the new Peter Jackson film coming out, I decided to read the book once and for all.  I enjoyed it. 

The original 1933 book by J.R.R. Tolkien came long before LOTR was published in the 1950s.  It’s considerably shorter and warmer and casual than LOTR (Central Scrutinizer: “Hey, it’s me again.”), which makes it somewhat easier to read.

Plot:  Hobbit (Bilbo) goes on adventure with Dwarf (Thorin) and his friends, plus a powerful magic guy (Gandalf), to win the dwarves’ treasure back from the dragon (Smaug) who took it.  Along the way the group meets trolls, goblins, High elves, wood elves, spiders, eagles, wolves, and even humans.  Bilbo finds a magic ring which makes him invisible, but this upsets its prior owner, the freak (Gollum).    Bilbo talks to the dragon, and learns a weakness.   Told of this weakness, Archer (Bard) shoots down the dragon.  Dwarves refuse to share treasure with Bard.  War breaks out between dwarves, elves and men.  Goblins attack.  Dwarves, men and elves team up and defeat goblins.  Dwarves reconsider and share treasure.  Everyone goes home.  Happy ending.

The 2012 movie is part one of a trilogy to be released in subsequent eons.  Back in the 1970s, the Rankin-Bass people (responsible for such holiday classics as “The Year Without A Santa Claus”) took a stab at doing an animated film of “The Hobbit”.  This version adds some goofy music, and really makes Bilbo look like a dull tub of inoffensive goo.  The best which can be said for this effort is that it is very quick and efficient.

Jackson’s effort seems like an intense steroid injection to get “The Hobbit” bulked up to the heavier specs of LOTR.   Freeman is a substantial figure, even with hairy feet.   The biggest boost is explaining what Gandalf was up to during the brief interludes of the story where he leaves Bilbo and Thorin to their own devices, which means including characters who were in LOTR but not The Hobbit itself.   The intensity is also dialed up – yes, to LOTR spec. 

At first I was upset that “Hobbit” was split into three like LOTR instead of kept at one – until I actually watched the film, in 48 fps format – and understood what Jackson was trying to do.   I suppose ultimate judgment should be deferred until the final installment is released (and I’ve had a chance to see it) but if the first of the trilogy is any indication, I’d say I agree with both the attempt and the execution.   Huzzah!  Bully!

Elric of Melnibone

A few months ago I finished re-reading this saga for the third time.  These were fantasy stories written by Michael Moorcock in the 1960s.  I had originally read them in high school, long before digesting Tolkien or Robert E. Howard, so for a long time they were my standard for fantasy fiction.

 The main series consists of six silver (or white, depending on the publisher) small paperback books:

 Elric of Melnibone.  We’re introduced to the initial set of major characters:  Elric, Yyrkoon, and Cymoril, and the setting:  a fantasy world where Chaos & magic predominate; law, which takes the form of reason, logic, and science, is extremely weak, and the Lords of Law, while they do exist, are essentially banished to other planes, whereas the Lords of Chaos tend to be widely worshipped and acknowledged, and even appear in person several times, mostly Elric’s own patron deity, Arioch.  In particular, the two major countries, Melnibone and Pan Tang, worship Chaos, while none of the upstart Young Kingdoms appear to worship Law. 

            By this point, Melnibone, an island empire run by decadent sorcerors, has been in decline for centuries, and the former vassal states of humans, contemptuously referred to as the Young Kingdoms, have gained their independence and are beginning to flex their muscles.  Although still not yet fully capable of defeating Melnibone itself – which is protected by long-sleeping dragons which breathe napalm – they are moving in that direction.  In particular, Melnibone’s major rival, Pan Tang, is developing its sorcerous powers and cultivating a tighter relationship with the Lords of Chaos in order not merely to challenge Melnibone’s supremacy but to take over the entire world, on behalf of Chaos itself.  Melnibone and Pan Tang are loosely analogous to early 20^th century England and Germany, respectively.  Some of the Young Kingdoms have Earthly analogies, but this whole element is so attenuated, that it’s clear Moorcock was less interested in making any real political statements and more interested in simply using the world he knew as a convenient basis for his fantasy land, nothing more. 

             Elric himself starts off as the Emperor of Melnibone, but he is an albino, weak and unable to do much without sorcery and drugs.  Moreover, he’s moody and introspective, and doesn’t blindly accept centuries worth of brutal hegemony and depravity at face value.  His cousin Yyrkoon, who has no such scruples or doubts, covets the throne himself – “if you’re not willing to wield Melnibone’s vast power to corrupt and enslave the world, why don’t I take over?” - and barely bothers to conceal his ambition or contempt.  Elric is dating Yyrkoon’s sister Cymoril, and hopes to make her empress one day.  But fate has other plans…

            After Yyrkoon kidnaps Cymoril and takes her to the remote and primitive land of Oin & Yu, Elric follows them with the aid of the Ship of Land and Sea.  Eventually Elric has to chase Yyrkoon into a shade dimension, where he finds Stormbringer, a greater demon bound into the form of a huge, black sword.  The sword eats the souls of those he slays, excreting the magic energy into strength for Elric to enjoy without having to rely upon the drugs and sorcery (unreliable and far less effective) he used before.  But the sword also has a mind of its own, and is never completely under Elric’s control; is he its master or its slave? In particular, it has a nasty habit of impaling itself into the friend standing closest to Elric. This tends to give Elric a bad reputation, though doesn’t seem to affect his ability to find companions, lovers or adventures.

 Sailor on the Seas of Fate.  Elric leaves Melnibone run by Yyrkoon – despite everyone’s advice to the contrary – and goes off to explore the Young Kingdoms in one of these “finding myself before college” type of deals, albeit considerably more complex and dangerous than backpacking around Europe.  Fortunately he has Stormbringer to assist him.  Three separate adventures:  the 4 who are 1 (Eternal Champions cameo, part 1), Saxif D’aan, and R’len K’ren Aa.

 Weird of the White Wolf.   Elric leads the Young Kingdoms fleet to Imryrr; they loot the city, then get wiped out by the Dragon Riders on the way back.  In a heated confrontation deep inside the city, Elric ends up killing not only Yyrkoon, but also Cymoril as well – both victims of Stormbringer’s appetite for souls, both good and evil.

            Elric meets Moonglum, and from then on they are inseparable companions.  While Elric has his head in the clouds, pondering issues of fate, destiny, death, love, etc., Moonglum manages the pair’s finances and makes sure they have a place to sleep that night and food to eat. 

 The Vanishing Tower.  Elric meets the Burning God in Nadsokor (city of thieves and beggars), meets up with the other Eternal Champions (cameo part 2), finds Tanelorn (a magic, neutral city of peace) and FINALLY dispaches Theleb Ka’arna, a nasty sorcerer he’d been butting heads with ever since they competed for the affections of Queen Yishana.

 Bane of the Black Sword.  Back to Tanelorn, and he hooks up with Zarozinia, his last girlfriend.  [According to the Stormbringer stats, she is 10 years old, but the story describes her as no younger than her late teens.]

 Stormbringer.  Everything gets tidied up!  While the prior two books were on auto-pilot and don’t have much strategic value in the series, the final book does move things along in a dramatic fashion.  In particular, the Gods of Law, previously practically nonexistent in the series, now decide to emerge from literary obscurity and assist Elric.  He battles the armies of Chaos, who are led by the Theocrat of Pan Tang, Jagreen Lern.  The ultimate outcome is…well, I consider it worth wading through the six book series to get here.

 These are the main six books.  There are two more, plus a trilogy, which don’t really fit into this:  Elric at the Edge of Time (somewhat psychedelic but not very entertaining) and Fortress of the Pearl, which is enjoyable in its own right.  The latter sets up the Dreamthief trilogy, which is very recent, but promises only a more tangential role for Elric. 

 Eternal Champion.  Moorcock couldn’t leave well enough alone, and created 3 other “champions”: Erekose, Hawkmoon, and Corum.   Of these Erekose has only one book, The Silver Warriors, written in the first person.  Corum has a set of six (two trilogies: The Knight of the Swords, The Queen of the Swords, The King of the Swords; and The Bull and the Spear, The Oak and the Ram, The Sword and the Stallion), which are very similar to Elric’s.  His deal is he’s lost a hand and an eye, both of which are replaced with magical artifacts.  I recall an SNL skit parodying Steven King’s amazing ability to churn out horror novels seemingly automatically – the pages fly out of his typewriter.  For me, the Corum stories were like that, Moorcock’s fantasy system reduced to a set of repetitive and forgettable books.  Hawkmoon was a little better (The Jewel in the Skull, The Mad God’s Amulet, The Sword of the Dawn, and The Runestaff).  These are set in a “fantasy Europe” with “Grenbretan” as the arch-villain nation.  After the disappointment with the Corum series, I was expecting to dislike the Hawkmoon stories, but I found them to be quite enjoyable – except the very end, which was extremely disappointing.  

 In fact, realizing that his own fiction had become somewhat self-parodying, Moorcock went a step further to develop the Jerry Cornelius series (which I have not read, but plan on doing). 

 Stormbringer, the roleplaying game.  Similar to RuneQuest (also made by Chaosium), this allowed you to make an Elric wanna-be character, though Mournblade (Stormbringer’s twin sword) was off-limits.  My top character was a grotesquely powerful Melnibonean sorcerer, Jermyn Relic, thanks to a poorly designed scenario, “Hall of Risk”.  The game was well-supplied with scenarios, but I don’t recall any of them having the same cosmic impact as Elric himself; the idea was to play IN his world, without changing anything which actually happened.  A clever DM could have arranged a meeting with Elric, but chances are your character would probably lose the fight.  On the other hand, perhaps Jermyn Relic would have had a fighting chance….

 Moorcock and Hawkwind.  Leaving aside the two songs Moorcock co-wrote with Blue Oyster Cult, “Great Sun Jester” from Mirrors and “Black Blade” on Cultosaurus Erectus (for all its brevity, however, the song nevertheless nicely sums up Elric’s issues), Moorcock’s main musical relationship was with Hawkwind.  He wrote several of their spoken word songs, e.g. “Sonic Attack” and “The Black Corridor”, and inspired an entire concept album devoted to Elric, The Chronicle of the Black Sword.  Moorcock is often described as being as much a member of the band as Stacia or Bob Calvert, in a role like Robert Hunter (Grateful Dead) or Peter Sinfield (King Crimson).

 Elric vs. Conan.  Robert E. Howard was writing in a small town in Texas, mostly in the early 1930s, during the Great Depression, when most people would probably enjoy escaping into fantasy worlds far away from unemployment and starvation.  I keep hearing about “Conan seeks to regain his lost throne of Cimmeria” and similar Aragornesque allusions, but somehow I must have missed the story where this is explained, and I’ve read most of the original Conan stories.  In fact, even when offered to share a throne with a lusty queen or empress, Conan declines, and goes off on his own again for more adventures.  The man cannot be tied down.  I really see no evidence that he’s anything more than a lone adventurer who makes his own rules and goes his own way.  Nor does he ever speak of destiny, fate, or anything of that nature.  Conan is the ultimate man of action: he simply goes out and does things.  If they were ever to team up together, Conan would probably smack Elric in the face and say, “Stop asking silly questions with no answers.  Just go out and do.  If this is indeed your destiny, you’ll wind up doing it anyway.  If it’s not, you can do as you please.  So why ask?”

 Elric vs. LOTR.  Likewise, “fate and destiny” don’t appear to be an element in Lord of the Rings.  Frodo and Sam take the Ring to Mount Doom not because Gandalf or someone else told them, “it is your destiny”, but because “it would be really bad if Sauron got hold of this, so it needs to be done, and someone needs to do it.  Tag, you’re it.”  Tolkien falls short of implying the mission is guaranteed to succeed.  On the other hand, for all of Tolkien’s rich linguistic and cultural background for Middle Earth, even The Silmarilliion is very vague about who the gods and deities of Middle Earth are….if any.  Is Sauron the Devil?  Or simply a vastly powerful being of evil?  Who is God?  Are there gods?  No real answers.  All the most powerful magical beings disappear into self-imposed exile and/or retirement in the Grey Havens (whatever, and wherever, they are), and non-human races either die off or – as the hobbits do – simply seem to converge with humanity.  

            However, despite the absence of Lords of Law, Lords of Chaos, a “balance”, etc. there is “good” and “evil” in Middle Earth and not merely a difference of viewpoints; Tolkien was not a moral relativist.  The good guys fight for what they know to be good against what they know to be evil; good is indeed good, and evil is indeed evil.  Aside from Sauron, Tolkien simply doesn’t identify or personify these forces into tangible deities who can be summoned (“blood and souls for my lord Arioch”) or appear for whatever reason.  

            I find it difficult to decide, between Elric and Lord of the Rings, which is better.  Suffice to say that they are different, and both are very good.

 As yet, none of Moorcock’s stories have been made into movies.   Since the Elric stories are his most famous and popular, I would think those would be first; much has been made of the stark contrast between Elric and Conan, and the latter by now has had no less than three movies.  Likewise, not only has Peter Jackson adapted LOTR to the big screen – successfully – even Tolkien’s more childlike prequel, The Hobbit, is due to be released  (I won’t hold my breath for a Silmarillion movie).  For Elric himself as a character, I’d be inclined to cast Stuart Townsend in the role, if not Orlando Bloom.  But we’ll have to see what happens.  The colossal failure of the “John Carter” film, a good story with a solid literary background, may be scaring the money away from an Elric project.  Stay tuned.  

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

I was referred to C.S. Lewis by my brother, through the backdoor of The Great Divorce, Lewis’ story about Heaven and Hell.   Although I had read the Elric books by Moorcock, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy (and the Silmarillion) by Tolkien, I had never read any of Lewis’ books.  I had seen “Prince Caspian” on DVD, but my impression of Lewis was that he was “Tolkien Lite”, very much a childlike, less sophisticated variant of Tolkien.  But if I could handle 7 Harry Potter books, surely Lewis was not beyond my tolerance.

 The Chronicles of Narnia are the books for which he’s most well-known. This order is completely different than the actual publishing order and was established after all seven books were published.

 The Magician’s Nephew.  Nominally the first book, Lewis wrote this after LWW as a prequel.  He introduces us to Aslan, the White Witch, Digory Kirke (the “Professor” in LWW), and Narnia, which actually Aslan brought into existence here.  I followed my brother’s advice and read this after LWW.

 The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe [hereinafter, LWW].  Clearly the Dark Side of the Moon of Lewis’ series.  The Pevensie children – Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy – are introduced to the magical world of Narnia via a magic wardrobe portal.  Narnia is a magic land of centaurs, fauns, satyrs, dwarves, an evil White Witch, and the ever-popular talking lion, Aslan.  It starts out as a land of perpetual winter and snow – but no Christmas – but as Aslan’s power grows, spring returns and the snowmelts.  There is even a London lamp-post in the middle of nowhere. Theoretically you could get by with only reading this book, as it stands alone well on its own; indeed, Lewis wrote this one first and originally did not plan on writing any sequels. 

 The Horse and His Boy.  This is somewhat of a sidetrack to introduce the Calormenes to us, who are Lewis’ cartoonish, fairy-tale analogs to Earth’s Muslims/Saracens – think “Aladdin” and “Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves”.  They worship Tash, a deity whose true nature is revealed in The Last Battle.  Although they seem to have a rivalry with Narnia, to call them villains or enemies to Narnia is a bit of a stretch.  Tactically, the story involves two talking horses and a “Prince and the Pauper” plot with a noble-born boy, Shasta, who escapes his humble upbringing in the Muslim world and finds his twin Narnian prince brother.  He’s accompanied by Aravis, a stuck-up little Jasmine princess trying to escape an arranged marriage to some loathsome old noble.
  

 Prince Caspian.  Narnia has been taken over by an outside king, Miraz, and his Hamlet-like nephew Caspian enlists the aid of the oppressed talking Narnian animals – and eventually the assistance of Peter, Edmund, and Lucy – in overthrowing Miraz and liberating Narnia.  This has been made into a movie by the same people who made LWW.

 The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  A punk-like kid, Eustace Scrubb, the cousin of the Pevensies, is pulled into this adventure along with Edmund and Lucy, joining Prince Caspian on a voyage to the eastern seas to find his 7 uncles, lords who were banished by Miraz, also to discover exactly what lies in the eastern seas of Narnia (possibly Aslan’s homeland).  Along the way, Scrubb turns into a dragon and learns not to be a spoiled punk-ass.  This story has a very Star Trek (original series and movie VI) kind of flavor to it; it’s one of the better ones.  Sure enough, it’s due out in digital 3D on December 10.

 The Silver Chair.  Scrubb returns and pulls in Jill Pole (I love that name – Lewis would have done well to provide stage names for exotic dancers) who are enlisted by Aslan to rescue Caspian’s grandson, who had been captured and enchanted (not yet seduced, it seems) by a successor Evil Witch to the White Witch; this one uses a magical chair instead of candy.  They are assisted by Puddleglum, a depressing, tall and skinny elf-like creature. 

 The Last Battle.  This is the last story.  Scrubb returns again with Jill to Narnia.  It seems that a talking ape, Shift, has persuaded his donkey pal Puzzle to put on a lion’s skin and impersonate Aslan.  Claiming to be Aslan’s “mouthpiece”, as it were, Shift invites the Calormenes to enslave all the talking animals of Narnia.  Tirian, a direct descendant of Caspian, gets Scrubb and Jill to assist him in the resistance to Shift’s new form of tyranny, and they manage to fix everything.  Remarkably, the deity whom the Calormenes worship, Tash, is revealed to be something close to Satan; however, Aslan explains that “good deeds done in the name of Tash are in fact done in my name, whereas evil deeds done in my name are in fact done for Tash”, echoing Dante’s concept of “virtuous pagans”. Another remarkable element is that once Puzzle is revealed to the Dwarves to be a fake Aslan, the Dwarves then refuse to accept the existence of the real Aslan.  Anyhow, Lewis wraps everything up with this story in a grand climactic finale which ties up all the loose ends and ensures there will NOT be an eighth book.  No word on a movie of this, or whether Eddie Murphy will voice Puzzle.

 The stories are nicely illustrated by Pauline Baynes, in a manner reminiscent of Tenniel’s Alice in Wonderland stories.  They were published around the same time as Lord of the Rings (early-to-mid 1950s), and Lewis and Tolkien were good friends and colleagues at Oxford.

 Narnia.  Unlike Middle Earth, which Tolkien apparently intended as a very old version of Earth, Narnia is a parallel dimension.  It gets confusing, because within the “world” of Narnia is a nation of Narnia, separate from some other nations such as the Calormenes.  The nation of Narnia is meant to be what we think of as fairy tale Europe, a romanticized and glamorized Camelot-type Euro-centric nation of blond haired, blue eyed Northern Europeans, as opposed to the swarthy, dark-skinned, Tash-worshipping Calormenes.  In Prince Caspian, the ruling class is said to Telmarines, as distinct from Narnians, but where the Telmarines come from is never quite explained. 

 Animals.  There are several classes of animals.  In Magician’s Nephew, Aslan separated the animals into talking, intelligent ones, who are slightly larger than their nontalking nonintelligent counterparts.  There are also giants, halfway between mythical giants and the Norse “jotuns”.  There are fauns, satyrs, centaurs (Greek mythology), dwarves, dragons, etc.  I don’t recognize any races or animals specifically created by Lewis; he seemed to be recycling familiar types of monsters and creatures, types the readers would probably already be familiar with from other stories.

 Cast of Characters

Aslan.  Instead of a tall guy with a beard and robes, the Jesus figure of Narnia is a huge, talking lion of immense wisdom and virtual omnipotence.  Aslan tends to stay in the background and ever-so-conveniently come out when he’s most needed.  He is the one who manages to get the Earthbound characters back and forth from Narnia.  Like Jesus, he has the ability to rise from the dead.

 The White Witch.  She is first inadvertently awakened by Digory Kirke and Polly Plummer, escapes to late nineteenth century London, and returns to the newly created Narnia.  Eventually she is defeated in LWW.

 Prince Caspian.  I find the “Princes” to be fairly interchangeable, differing only by generation.  Rilian, the prince of Silver Chair, is his son, and Tirian (Last Battle) is his descendant.

 The Earth Kids. The Earth kids spend years in Narnia, grow up, and then get magically returned to England where they discover that mere minutes have passed there.  They return to Narnia after a year in England and discover that hundreds of years have passed in Narnia.  The “Prince” they befriended in the prior adventure is long dead, and the prince they befriend in the next one is his son, grandson, or heir.  The Earth period, though, is WWII England; I liked how they added the Blitz, with Heinkel He111s dropping their loads over London, to the first movie.

 Peter.  He is the eldest of the Pevensie children and the wisest.  He ends up as High King. 

 Susan.  The older girl.  Later on she’s absent and slammed as being more interested in “nylons and lipstick” than Narnia.

 Edmund.  The younger brother.  In LWW he’s seduced by the White Witch, not by sex but with “Turkish Delight”, a sugary snack popular ages ago in England.  It has an effect on him which in a modern context would be considered crack or crystal meth.  After some “Turkish Delight” rehab he recovers and is OK from there on in.

 Lucy.  The younger sister.  She is the one who initially discovers the magical wardrobe, and unlike Susan does not forsake Narnia when she grows older in England.

 Eustace Scrubb.  He is the cousin of the Pevensies.  His parents are vegetarian atheist liberals with New Age ideas, who prefer to let children do as they please (no discipline whatsoever) and send the boy off to liberal school; no wonder he’s a spoiled punk brat to begin with.  Scrubb is introduced in Voyage, and becomes the main character thereafter.  He meets Jill Pole, who has been mercilessly bullied by the other children.

 Jill Pole.   Scrubb’s female companion in the last few books, almost indistinguishable from Polly Plummer.

 Polly Plummer.  Digory Kirke’s companion in The Magician’s Nephew, a generic girl character.

 Digory Kirke.  He first appears as a boy in The Magician’s Nephew, then as the wizened Professor in LWW, and has a brief cameo in The Last Battle.  Strategically not much of an important character.

 Allegories.  My brother remarked how Tolkien hated allegories and went out of his way to make sure Middle Earth had no clear God vs. Satan; even Sauron is not clearly the Devil.  Lewis himself denied any allegorical intent, insisting that the themes wrote themselves, so to speak.  But the allegories seem too obvious to ignore.  Aslan is blatantly a Jesus-type figure.  The Calormenes are clearly Muslims.

 Occasionally I’ll be at the gym in the morning and stuck on a treadmill in front of a TV tuned to children’s programming.  Unlike movies, which have substantial elements which appeal to adult intelligences, TV shows seem to wield their morals with a sledgehammer and practically zero subtlety.  Lewis’ morality is likewise front and center, impossible to miss.  Having read the seven Harry Potter books by now, and now the 7 (same number!) Narnia books, it’s likewise impossible to miss the clear Lewis influence in J.K. Rowling, far more so than anything Tolkien may have contributed. 

Lord of the Rings

There’s a classic (?) scene in the movie “Clerks II” in which Randall harshly criticizes his fellow co-worker and customer who are Lord of the Rings fans, whereas he is a Star Wars fan – “there’s only one ‘Return’, and that’s of The Jedi.”  I like them both, and don’t see why they are mutually exclusive; nor, for that matter, are Star Wars and Star Trek.  But I was into Star Wars long before I could bring myself to read the J. R.R. Tolkien classics.  Something about a story focused on Frodo Baggins, a hobbit, could scarcely grab me.  Especially since I had Elric of Melnibone, and his demonic sword Stormbringer, to compare it to.  But eventually I did read the books, long after high school but well before the movies came out.  And I did enjoy them, despite (or more likely, because of) the hobbits.

 Fellowship of the Ring.  Tolkien intended the story to be one book, but the publisher convinced him that it would be too big that way, split it up into 3 separate books, and even suggested the titles.   They were originally published between 1954-55.  The first book sold so well that the publisher advanced the releases of the two subsequent books.  Tolkien lived to see his books develop enormous popularity, unlike H.P. Lovecraft, who was virtually unknown when he died in 1937 and only achieved notoriety posthumously in the 1960s.

            In Fellowship, we get the story which Tolkien started with The Hobbit: the Shire, the quaint little land where the hobbits live, Bilbo declaring himself retired and passing on “his precious”, the Ring, to Frodo.  We also meet Frodo’s best friend Sam Gamgee, and their ne’er-do-well, mischievous friends Peregrin Took, aka “Pippin”, and Meriadoc Brandybuck, aka “Merry”.  Tolkien deliberately made the Shire and hobbits as gay (as in  lame) as possible, to contrast them with the other members of the Fellowship – a point which Randall missed.  Frodo in particular finds strength and endurance in himself he had no idea he had, as do Sam, Pippin and Merry.  We expect Aragorn and the others to perform heroic deeds – that the hobbits manage to be competitive is what makes these books so enthralling.

 The Ring.  Everything centers around this Ring.  It turns the owner invisible when he actually wears it (except for Tom Bombadil), and confers a twisted form of immortality, corrupting the bearer into a perverse shadow of himself.  Even heavy hitters such as Gandalf and Elrond are loathe to take it, fearing they would become tyrants and menaces to the rest of the world (plus, they can see what it did to Gollum).  Eventually they decide the only appropriate course of action is to destroy it, trusting it to Frodo, as the least likely bearer.  This means bringing the Ring to Mount Doom, a volcano in Mordor, which is the evil place where all the bad things live.

            There were lesser rings, given to the Elves, Dwarves, and nine for men.  For some reason the elven and dwarven versions have no discernable effect, but the human ones turned the nine men into hooded wraiths, the so-called ringwraiths or Nazgul, Sauron’s scouts and spies. 

 Hobbits.  ("Hey faggot, they're not gay, they're hobbits!") They live in the Shire.  They’re short, stubby people with hairy feet who enjoy food, beer, and pipeweed (unknown whether this is tobacco, marijuana, or something else).  With the notable exception of Bilbo Baggins, Frodo’s uncle (or adopted father, I was never sure of their exact relationship), the hobbits never leave the Shire.  The Shire is often interpreted to mean Tolkien’s analogy to traditional, agrarian England, under attack from technology, modern capitalism, and industrialism, as most forcefully exemplified by Isengard.

 The Fellowship.            The good guys put together a crack team of volunteers: 

            Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry: the Four Hobbits of the Apocalypse.

            Gandalf.  An old, wise, and powerful wizard, acts as their advisor and de facto leader

            Legolas, an elf

            Gimli, a dwarf – friendly rival to Legolas

            Aragorn, a human – the heir to the throne of Gondor, but currently employed as a shady ranger

            Boromir, a human – son of Denethor, the Steward of Minas Tirith.  Denethor is supposed to be holding the missing king’s slot open for him until the rightful heir (Aragorn) returns, but he has other plans.  Boromir, though, is more or less a beefy Viking type.

             After hooking up in Rivendell at Elrond’s place, they go off through Moria, an underground dwarven empire now overrun by orcs, lose Gandalf to a Balrog (big-ass demon), and get broken up soon thereafter.

 Gollum.  By the way, there’s this creepy guy, Gollum, formerly known as Smeagol, who had the Ring for several centuries before Bilbo tricked it out of him.  He wants it back, and is determined to do what it takes to get it.  After first shadowing Frodo and Sam, eventually they use him as a guide to get them through Mordor, as he’s the only one who knows it well enough – although they don’t trust him, they have no choice but to go along with him.  He tries – unsuccessfully – to trade them to Shelob (a huge female spider) but eventually catches up with them on Mount Doom.  Surely he must know that Frodo and Sam intend to destroy the Ring (“his precious”) but is calculating to steal it from Frodo when the opportunity presents itself.  For his part, however, Frodo starts becoming corrupted by the Ring as well, and is wary that even Sam will take it.  Gollum tries to split the two friends up and play them off each other, with varying degrees of success.

            The good guys have several opportunities to kill Gollum, but for different reasons, hold off on doing so.  Gandalf notes that “even Gollum has a role to play.”  Sure enough, he comes in handy at the very end.

 Saruman.  Another wizard, not to be confused with Sauron.  Saruman believes Sauron will ultimately win, so he sells out to evil and turns his home tower (Isengard) into a base of operations to develop an orc army.  He briefly imprisons Gandalf in Isengard, but the good wizard manages to escape thanks to the Eagles.   

 Orcs.  The orcs are the primary non-human forces of evil, and come from various tribes (e.g. Uruk-Hai) and don’t even speak the same language – so they have to speak Common Tongue among each other.  They’re piglike, nasty, foul, cannibalistic, aggressive, militaristic, combining all the worst features you can imagine in an enemy race. 

 Humans.  Although Sauron has considerable human allies, e.g. the Black Numenorians and a band of pirates, most of his forces are orcs, and most of the humans are on the “good side”.  The primary humans are the Rohirrim of Rohan, a horse-riding tribe most closely analogous to Vikings, and the Dunedain of Gondor, which is the kingless country with its capital, Minas Tirith.

 Minas Tirith.  The closest thing to a “capital city” or human metropolis in Middle Earth.  It lies right across the river from Mordor, not particularly convenient for defensive purposes.  It has concentric circles of walls and a white tree at the top.  In Return of the King it comes under direct attack by the forces of evil at a huge battle.

 Elves.  Mysterious, long-lived, and arrogant.  Their rep in the Fellowship is Legolas, but the hobbits also meet Elrond (old enough to have participated in the battles in which the Ring was captured from Sauron), and Galadriel, a beautiful elf queen who gives the hobbits some powerful magic items (which prove extremely useful later) and gives Frodo a vague glimpse of the future.  Another major character is Elrond’s daughter Arwen, who falls in love with Aragorn, and he with her – she trades her immortality in order to marry him.

 Dwarves.  A band of them persuaded Bilbo to join them on an adventure in The Hobbit (see below) but in LOTR the only dwarf is Gimli himself. 

 The Two Towers.  Part Two of the story.  Much of this is transition; I have a difficult time distinguishing from the end of this story to the beginning of the next one.  Frodo and Sam end up with Gollum, finding their way into Mordor.  Initially captured by orcs, Pippin and Merry escape and wind up with the Ents, huge living trees.  Although tempted to simply bug out and return to the Shire, P&M realize that if they do so, the bad guys will win and eventually wipe out the Shire itself – so they have to do something.  They manage to persuade the Ents to crush Isengard and send Saruman packing, and are rewarded with Saruman’s huge pipeweed stash.  Gandalf reappears, and the Rohirrim are recruited to join the good side.  …And there was much rejoicing!

 Return of the King.  Part Three, in which everything is wrapped up.  The Battle of Pelennor Fields – the climactic battle outside the gates of Minas Tirith between the massed armies of good and evil.  Pippin is in Minas Tirith itself, as a member of the guards, whereas Merry manages to sneak his way to the battlefield among the Rohirrim.  Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam work their way through Mordor, guided by Gollum, and run into Faramir, Boromir’s brother – and eventually find their way to Mount Doom.  All the good stuff happens then, the hobbits return to the Shire, and the top big shots go to the Grey Havens to disappear forever.

 The Silmarillion.  If you liked the Lord of the Rings trilogy, be sure to read this: this is Tolkien’s extensive prequel, giving a voluminous background to how Middle Earth was developed from the beginning of the world up until the time the trilogy takes place.  It really has no narrative and is more historical/mythological background.  The prog band Marillion take their name from this book.

 The Hobbit.  This was a narrative prequel, focusing on Bilbo Baggins.  It explains how he found the Ring and took it from Gollum.  It’s not, strictly speaking, necessary to read this to understand LOTR.

 Animated Films.  Ralph Bakshi, best known for his adaptation of Robert Crumb’s underground comic Fritz the Cat, took a stab at making an animated version of LOTR in 1978, but the project ran out of money about halfway through the story.  His version uses an animation technique which overlays animation over live action, a effect similar to “A Scanner Darkly”.  The remainder of the film was taken up by the Rankin-Bass people, best known for the various animated Christmas specials we used to watch as kids, and they turned it into a goofy quasi-musical version in 1980.  The coolness of the Bakshi version is cancelled out by the lameness of the Rankin-Bass conclusion.  Rankin-Bass also made a similar animated version of The Hobbit in 1977.

 Peter Jackson trilogy.  PJ was determined to do this right, and wouldn’t handle the project unless the studio committed itself to making all three movies – a huge gamble, but it paid off handsomely.  The films were all made at the same time and released year by year (2001, 2002, and 2003).  Big name actors: Ian McKellen as Gandalf, Viggo Mortenssen as Aragorn, Hugo Weaving (the bad guy from “The Matrix”) as Elrond, Sean Bean as Boromir, Liv Tyler as Arwen, Elijah Wood as Frodo, Ian Holm as Bilbo, and Kate Blanchett as Galadriel.  Orlando Bloom was fairly unknown before his portrayal of Legolas made him a star – combined with his role as Will Turner in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy.  The production was fantastic, the actors all did well, and the movie finally did the books the justice they deserved. The third film dominated the Oscars.  The extended DVD versions splice in the extra footage where they would have been in the films, and extend each of the three films by 30-45 minutes.  I borrowed the set from my brother and watched them back-to-back on a day when I was snowed in. 

 Bored of the Rings.  This was a 1969 parody by the National Lampoon people.  Frodo turns into Frito, and the whole thing is ridiculed in a fairly lame way – a weak, meager attempt far beneath the scale and heroism of the original.  I also noted that “Epic Movie”, one of the recent parody movies, made no references to LOTR and focused its attacks on The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – which was written by C.S. Lewis, a colleague, contemporary and friend of Tolkien’s.

 Middle Earth.  This is the fantasy world in which the Lord of the Rings takes place.  The map shows one large continent, but the Silmarillion shows much more – neither of which bears any resemblance to our own map, or to New Zealand, for that matter.  The question is whether this is our own Earth or a completely fictional world.  Tolkien himself contradicted himself, but the books themselves tend to point towards Earth, albeit a very long time ago – 6,000 years?  A million years?  Who knows, but it would have to have been a considerable time to allow for continental drift.  Part of the reason for the departure of the elves (+ Bilbo & Frodo) [Arwen, of course, is the exception – staying behind to marry Aragorn] at the Grey Havens was to put these ancient races out of the contemporary picture, although this wouldn’t explain the absence of dwarves or orcs.  Gandalf observes that younger hobbits such as Pippin and Merry are taller than the older generation, implying that hobbits and humans will converge in size and cease to be separate races, but the most obvious means of doing so – intermarriage – doesn’t appear to be going on.  Also, magic was prevalent then, and is no longer possible now.  Moorcock’s explanation (in his Elric books) was that the current world was formed by the Lords of Law (of reason and science); Heinlein would push his characters into alternate dimensions to engage in magic, similar to Zelazny’s approach in the Amber series.  A plausible explanation in the Middle Earth context is that anyone who knew magic – the wizards and elves – is long gone.  In any case, the simplest explanation is usually the best, as it is here: Middle Earth is a fantasy world corresponding to Earth in the extremely distant past in between the dinosaurs and our own time. 

 The Scouring of the Shire.  If there is one complaint I have with the Peter Jackson movies, it’s the omission of this epilogue in Return of the King.  I can’t fault PJ for leaving out Tom Bombadil, as that early segment was strategically meaningless to the story.  While this chapter is also inconsequential to the plot, it was very entertaining.

            Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry return to the Shire after these adventures, laden with armor, weapons, treasure, and an intangible wealth of combat experience.  They find the Shire locked down in terror to a mysterious character referred to as “Sharkey”, who turns out to be Saruman, accompanied by Grima Wormtongue.  After having faced down Gollum, Shelob, orc armies and the worst Mordor had to offer (Frodo and Sam), and participated in the Battle of Pelennor Fields (Pippin and Merry), these four “combat hobbits” are ill-inclined to be intimidated by Saruman.  They quickly raise a local army of hobbits and bring him down.  NOW the story can end.