Riding the bomb

The classic ending of "Dr Strangelove" - even featuring James Earl Jones, the voice of Darth Vader (das tut mir leid - es ist in deutsch!!). See for yourself.

Who Needs A Hummer When You Can Have A...

Time for some more lighthearted stuff I try to pass off as “humor”.


I suppose the original Jeep, and subsequent VW “Thing” – better known to WWII enthusiasts as the Kubelwagen – should have provided enough precedent for the civilian Hummer. But why stop there? We’re missing the golden opportunity to expand to civilian versions of all sorts of fun and exciting military hardware.

Each branch has its own catalog of cool stuff for everyone - and it’s as close as your local PX.


Army. Take out the massive 120 mm Rheinmetall main armament and its coaxial .50 cal and 7.62mm machine guns, but leave in the heavy duty depleted uranium armor, and you have the ultimate SUV: the civilian M1-Abrams main battle tank. Truly an all-terrain vehicle and impervious to car crashes – or at least, being the victim of one….Can’t be too safe! Of course, if you consider a politically incorrect gas hog like a Hummer a status symbol, you’ll love the Abrams. Its 1500 HP gas turbine engine gets a gallon per mile, consumes 10 gallons just to start up, and sucks 12 gallons per hour when idle. It will run on diesel, gasoline, jet fuel, or kerosene. The top speed is 45 mph on roads and 30 mph cross country. Forget olive drab or cammo, you can order it in any color you want – even pink! Even blast a Gulf War or OIF soundtrack from the killer mil-spec stereo system. “Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor…” [Seriously, there is a firm which sells WWII Russian T-34/85s…if you can only find somewhere to actually drive it.] Come on down!


Navy. Civilian subs, PT boats, destroyers, cruisers, even battleships! How about a civilian aircraft carrier? Jimmy Buffett, eat your heart out! Fits 100 planes, with a slip at Pearl Harbor, San Diego, or Norfolk. Only $4.5 billion for the Nimitz class, and they’ll throw in the uranium for free – oops, “if you have to ask how much it is, you can’t afford it.” Optional: civilian F14s and F18s, and for the Vietnam war enthusiasts, civilian F4 Phantoms. We still have some Hellcats, Dauntlesses or even – Baa Baa Black Sheep! – a Corsair! But wait, that’s not all! The Japanese want in on this lucrative market, so Mitsubishi is reissuing its Zero in civilian format. Lightly armored, but very fast – with a GPS system a Kamikaze could only dream of! No reasonable offers refused!


Air Force. You want it, we got it! Your pick: F15…F16…or perhaps something more old school? A Sopwith Camel? Albatross (red, black, or purple – the Flying Circus edition)? Spad? Nieuport? Fokker Triplane? (Spandaus non-functional, of course) Or how about a WWII flavor: Mustang? Spitfire? Stuka? Folke-Wulf? Messerschmidt – and our special Blue Oyster Cult ME262 (complete with Junkers Jumo 004s). Have a family? Don’t worry, have we got something for you! Take the whole gang on trips in your B17, B24, or the Enola Gay B29. “It’s the BOMB!” For the Jane Fonda set, we can put you in a MiG-15, a MiG-21 (HO HO HO Chi Minh!) or a more modern MiG-29. And don’t miss our “Dr Strangelove” edition B-52 – sorry, strategic nuclear weapons NOT included. If you act now, we’ll throw in flying lessons at NO EXTRA CHARGE!


HUNTERS please take note: the fully armed military versions are still available (extra cost, of course). Experience the thrill of hunting in a bright orange tank! Shooting down cape buffalo in your F16! Fishing with the main armament on your very own destroyer! Duck hunting with an AA gun, or better yet, a surface-to-air missile! And of course, hunting mosquitos with a bazooka! It’s like shooting fish in a barrel – quite literally! The possibilities are endless!

State Of The Motherland w/ Bob Barr and Borat

Our beloved Libertarian candidate (at least, for 2008) had a charming cameo in the "Borat" movie, in which he samples Borat's unique cheese. Enjoy.

Injustice 2008

I’m watching the poll numbers – but ignoring the debates – and seeing Obama’s numbers rise and McCain’s fall.  No one seems to be paying any attention to Bob Barr except as a novelty item in the Style Section, not the A (News) section.  I see “Saturday Night Live” crucify McCain as some sort of senile idiot, while Obama is some man of pure reason and ethics.  Yet I see plenty of McCain stickers in my neighborhood, which should be solidly Obama territory.

My buddy Dave hit the nail square on the head.  The Republican Party is beholden to what he refers to as the Bush Crime Family (BCF).  In 1988, with Ronald Reagan’s second term ending, the field was wide open for GOP candidates.  Among them was Bob Dole, who had served in the trenches as senator from Kansas and was even Ford’s running mate in 1976.  But the powers that be in the GOP, the party machine, decided to give the nomination to George Herbert Walker Bush (Bush I).  Eight years later, in 1996, with Bush I no longer an appropriate candidate, they threw the bone to Dole and let him run against the immensely popular Bill Clinton – with predictable results.

And history repeated itself.  In 2000, the GOP had a very capable – and electable – candidate in John McCain.  Indeed, the Democrats were worried McCain would win the nomination, because they knew he would crush Gore.  There would have been no goatfuck in Florida, it wouldn’t have been close.  And who knows what McCain might have done on 9/11 and after?  Probably something much better than Bush II.

So now it’s 2008, and the GOP threw the bone to McCain, putting him up against the immensely popular Barack Obama, 8 years after his own popularity had peaked.  He is not the same man now as he was in 2000.  And I can see he is going to lose, big time.  He does not deserve this.  The GOP has used and abused McCain, and spit him out.

On a darker note, several other things are clear:

1.         The GOP has its own best interests at heart, not those of even its rank and file members, those of the soldiers, or those of the country at large.  Our soldiers are simply pawns in a chessboard to be used and thrown away.

2.         The GOP shamelessly exploits the sincere patriotism of all the Americans who support it out of a misguided belief that the party represents traditional American, capitalist values.  It doesn’t.  It represents the corporatist, even quasi-fascist values of corrupt big business, companies asking for subsidies and handouts and not expecting to compete fairly in the marketplace.

At this point, I need to make something “perfectly clear”.  The Democrats are NOT the answer.

1.         If the Republicans are slammed for appealing to “fear”, the Democrats appeal another base emotion: greed.  Vote for us, they claim, and we’ll take from everyone richer than you and give to you.

2.         Yet look at the facts: many of the same big corporations who donate to the GOP, also donate to the Democrats, covering their butts either way.  Maybe the GOP is in bed with Big Business, but so are the Democrats (it’s a very big bed).  Too many politicians on both sides owe too much influence to the same interests which plague the other.

3.         The Democrats claim to be looking out for the middle and lower classes, but do very little to assist these groups – it’s all just smoke & mirrors to attract votes.  When I hear yet another “populist” politician like Obama talk about sticking up for the little guy, I have to laugh.  Haven’t we heard this before??  Lies, lies, and more lies.  The Republicans have no monopoly on deceit.

 With Barack Obama we have at best another politician who will tell us what we want to hear; at worst we have a socialist who really does intend to take from the rich and give to the poor (and we saw how well Comrade Lenin did that).  The Democratic Party machine represents its own interests and those of a minority of its own special interest groups such as unions and teachers.  We won’t get any improvement in education, for example, despite the Democrats’ claims that THEY support education and that it’s “their” issue, because the Democrats insist on supporting a corrupt and ineffective public school system and oppose vouchers – and these same Democratic politicians send their OWN children to private schools!  Likewise, the Democrats continue the war on drugs, and they oppose 2^nd Amendment rights, among other unacceptable positions.  Why are our two choices fascism and socialism?  Why not capitalism? The system will not change so long as pro-capitalist Americans identify with the Republicans out of fear of the socialist Democrats, or the lower classes mistakenly vote Democrat due to some misguided belief that the Dems are looking out for their interests and not their own.  We need a third party.  Now.

This is why I support the Libertarian Party.  It is the closest we have to a Capitalist Party.  Yes, I know it “has no chance”.  Bob Barr is not an ideal candidate - he’s somewhat of an asshole, and wasn’t particularly popular even when he was in Congress.  And the geniuses running the party refuse to pick celebrity candidates – to the extent there are any who want to run on their ticket – out of some misguided fear of being labeled wacky and not taken seriously, so they pick complete nobodies and lack the resources to compete effectively against the major parties.  The party screwed up big time by shunning Jesse Ventura, who could have been the first Libertarian governor.  But I will support it anyway, and vote Libertarian across the board, in every election.  We have to fight, each time, every time, until we have a Libertarian congress and President.  Maybe not in my lifetime, but who knows.  

Heavy Metal Parking Lot (1986)

Just a small sample of the extremely articulate and well-mannered crowd members at the Judas Priest concert in 1986 at the Cap Center in Maryland. Check out the Glen Burnie chick who proudly claims she'd jump Rob Halford's bones (but would he jump hers?). By all means, purchase the full 15 minute video, now on DVD!

Concert Venues - DC/Baltimore

The concert scene in the DC, Virginia, Maryland (Baltimore) area is actually pretty good, with a variety of venues to cover the range of bands and audiences. Now that I’m older and have to get up early for work, I have less patience for the venues up in Baltimore, especially since I’m either going alone, or the only one who knows how to get there; this means I can’t drink, and I really hate driving home drowsy when I’m falling asleep leaving the club, much less trying to drive an hour back to Virginia in such a state. But I still go to as many concerts as I can. The clubs are better as they are closer, cheaper, and you can always see the band up close. At Jaxx you might even be able to meet the band after.

MARYLAND

Side Bar Tavern [2 shows]. A very small dive (without even a backstage) on Lexington Street in the downtown financial district of Baltimore, a few blocks from the Baltimore City Circuit Court. If you saw “Die Hard 4”, you probably saw the block this club is located on. I saw Orange Goblin and Atomic Bitchwax here a few years ago, but haven’t noticed any major acts playing there recently.

Otto Bar [2 shows]. This is a small dive in the rundown north part of Baltimore, but right on Charles Street (so it’s easy to get to); it’s a bit bigger than the Side Bar. I saw Fu Manchu and Atomic Bitchwax here. As with the Side Bar, I haven’t noticed any major acts playing here recently.

Ram’s Head On Stage [2 shows]. In Annapolis, on a trendy little street, with “sit here and eat” reserved seating perfect for those of us older fans who hate standing all night – although it is pretty small. You can order dinner and a beer from the Fordham brewery located next door. Incidentally, Annapolis is only about 20 minutes east of the DC Beltway, so the drive is not nearly as bad as it is for the Ram’s Head Live.

Ram’s Head Live [5 shows]. This is in downtown Baltimore near the Power Plant and the newly redone party district; it’s fairly new and has only been around for a few years. Baltimore Ave., which leads up to it, is Baltimore’s red light district. The place is fairly large, with 3 levels and a small seating area. They also have a restaurant with plasma TV displays of the stage, so you can watch from there while you chow down a burger. This place gets nationally known acts such as Tesla, The Mars Volta, Ted Nugent, Queens of the Stone Age (Josh Homme was impressed with the club), etc. I agree - I just hate the drive.

Hammerjacks [2 shows]. This famous Baltimore club closed in 2006. Up to that point it was supposedly the premier rock club on the East Coast. At UMCP I’d see the stickers plastered everywhere. We saw two concerts there, but due to heavy construction in that neighborhood (around what is now M&T Bank Stadium, home of the Ravens, and Camden Yards, home of the Orioles) we could never get there the same way twice. It was pretty much like the Ram’s Head Live is now.

Recher Theater [1 show]. Up in Towson, immediately north of Baltimore, within its beltway, and moderately sized – one large common ballroom with no levels. I’ve only seen one concert there, Tesla in 2004. This is a nasty drive from the DC area, as you have to go up around Baltimore on its Beltway (695) for another half hour after leaving 95. Not a bad place, and downtown Towson is fine – pretty close to the Baltimore County Circuit Court building. Just a hateful ride.

Richie Coliseum [3 shows]. This is the University of Maryland’s 40’s era gymnasium before Cole Field House was built. Not only did we catch Megadeth here in 1985, but I also saw the Black Sabbath “Cross Purposes” show here in 1994 (Tony Martin on vocals) – and they played “Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath”, “Into the Void”, “The Wizard”, and the FULL “Symptom of the Universe”. Thanks to Ken for the heads up on that one. The place is very small and has concrete seat bleachers, very old fashioned. Most high school gym auditoriums are bigger than this (I know mine was).

Paragon. Closed. This was the club in College Park where we used to see Honor Among Thieves, now known as SR-71. We didn’t see any nationally known acts there, though every now and then such a band was rumored to play there. We’d typically party in the bar downstairs, the Cellar, fairly often.

Mike’s 8^th Ave [1 show]. This is up close to Baltimore-Washington Airport (BWI). This is another “ballroom” type venue, with a stage and a large standing room area with absolutely no seats. I saw Danzig here, with Type O Negative opening, and half the crowd was moshing. This was the first show where I just kind of rolled with the punches and ignored the moshing and didn’t let it annoy me.

Baltimore Arena/First Mariner Arena [5 shows]. Somewhat smaller (14,000 capacity) than the Cap Center (mentioned below) and reopened, located in downtown Baltimore – much older, though, put up in 1962 and still standing. If the band couldn’t sell out the Cap Center they would play here. I saw Iron Maiden here on the Somewhere in Time tour in 1987, and most recently saw a killer Tool show last summer. The Beatles and Led Zeppelin both played there (shows that I, unfortunately, missed).

Merriweather Post Pavilion [6 shows]. This is the Maryland equivalent of the Nissan Paviliion – a large, semi-covered amphitheater - but it’s been around much longer (1967), with a capacity of 16,500. My friend Ken’s parents saw Wishbone Ash play here on the Wishbone 4 tour in 1973. It’s right across 175 from Columbia Mall, so you can park in the mall parking lot and get out of there fairly quickly, and catch a reasonably priced dinner at the mall’s food court before the show. Ken still bitches that the parking is included in the ticket price, as we have NEVER used their parking lot – I don’t even know where it is. The surrounding (non stage) areas where the t-shirt concessions are, etc. are kind of rough, muddy, and foresty, very natural, unlike Nissan Pavilion where it’s all concrete and new.

Capital Centre [18 shows]. Best known as the Cap Center, though briefly renamed the USAir Arena. It closed in 1997, and was demolished in 2002. Its capacity was just under 19,000. It went up in 1973, so many of the 70s rock bands played there, including Deep Purple on the Burn tour. Its parking lot is featured in “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” (as mentioned in my Judas Priest blog). This place had the unique shape of a Pringles chip, a circular roof which scooped down dramatically in the middle. If you were going to see a heavy metal band, e.g. Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, Iron Maiden, KISS, Rush, Judas Priest, AC/DC, etc. at the peak of the metal era, THIS is probably where you went to see them. Back when we lived in the US (before 1979) a friend of ours took us to see one of these IceCapades things for a birthday party, and we were up in the sky box – a real treat. One of our youth league coaches also brought us there to see the Capitals play the Rockies (NHL) in 1978.

DC

9:30 Club [4 shows at the old one, 5 at the new one]. Formerly at 930 F Street, thus the name, in downtown DC (very close to the FBI Building). At that location we saw Faith No More (“the Real Thing” tour in 1989) and even got Jim Martin and Mike Bordin to sign my CD insert; Type O Negative; and Hawkwind – both the real band and Nik Turner’s version. This location was small – probably the smallest, most claustrophobic club I’d ever been in. Eventually they moved to their current location at 9^th and V Street, a somewhat rougher part of town, but a much bigger place, with two levels. According to their own horn they toot, this place is the CBGB’s of DC and now of the East Coast now that the NY venue is gone. It certainly gets internationally known acts. I’ve seen QOTSA there three times, plus Ratdog, Dark Star Orchestra, Fu Manchu, and Monster Magnet. I have no idea if the Ramones have ever played there.

Bayou [4 shows]. Closed. This was under the Whitehurst Freeway on K Street, and was about the same size as the current 9:30 Club. It was within walking distance of my place in Rosslyn, and the site of the Motorhead show during the blizzard of 1996.

Black Cat [4 shows]. On 14^th Street, fairly easy to get to if you can remember exactly what block it’s on (just north of S Street). It actually has a large upstairs and a small “backstage”, which I learned after seeing Blue Cheer, Nebula and Fu Manchu upstairs and …Nebula again, “backstage”. They have Woodchuck on tap! Woohoo!

DC9/Capital Ballroom [1 show]. Off in a bad part of town, but fortunately it’s two blocks from the Metro so you’re fine. It’s fairly large inside (must have been a warehouse or something, especially given the moving company warehouses in the neighborhood) so it’s not so bad. I recall seeing Ozzy here on the tour for Ozzmosis, when he started that business of playing humorous videos on the screen before starting the show.

DAR Constitution Hall [2 shows]. This is right on Constitution Avenue and has a real 1920s feel to it. You can imagine the Republicans or Democrats having their conventions here back in the 1920s. And to juxtapose this, we saw Black Sabbath (Dehumanizer tour) and Jethro Tull (recent Aqualung live tour) here.

Bender Arena, American University [1 show]. This is like a large college basketball arena. I saw exactly one show here: Soundgarden, on the Superunknown tour in 1994. Even Chris Cornell made some weird remark about the name of the place.

Warner Theater [1 show]. Now it’s mostly for upscale comedy shows (Defending the Caveman, Bill Maher, etc.) but they used to show metal concerts – Twisted Sister (???) and Great White. This is one of these old turn of the century type theaters with big curtains on the stage and plush seats.

Verizon Center [1 show]. Formerly the MCI Center. Fairly new, it took over from the Cap Center as the home of the Capitals and Wizards. I’ve seen KISS here, but no one else. It seems pretty much like a new version of the Cap Center, as it was obviously intended. The one show I saw there, KISS on the Psycho Circus Tour, was from the luxury of MCI’s sky box. Pretty damn cool.

RFK Stadium [5 shows]. Former home of the Washington Redskins, now home of DC United. The Redskins now play at FedEx Field; while some shows are played there, I’ve only seen the Redskins play. RFK was the host to various shows I remember fondly, mainly the June 20, 1992 Grateful Dead show and the 1988 Van Halen Monsters of Rock show. With its huge parking lot encircling the stadium, it was perfect for the Dead scene. Unfortunately the acoustics sucked and the nearest reserved seating in the bleachers was still 100 feet away from the stage.

VIRGINIA

Birchmere [2 shows]. “Sit down and eat” but general admission. It’s in an old warehouse so it’s actually fairly spacious inside (capacity 500). Unfortunately the bands tend to be mostly acoustic and folk, with some Robin Trower and Frank Marino thrown in. Ram’s Head on Stage has a better line-up of bands with more balls, but not the more obnoxious modern stuff that plays the Ram’s Head Live.

The State Theater [5 shows]. In downtown Falls Church, easily the closest to me. It has a standing area in front of the stage, a balcony with seating, and a middle “sit here and eat” section, so it has all the bases covered. This place gets Blue Oyster Cult more often these days and lots of tribute bands (The Machine, Dark Star Orchestra, etc.).

Jaxx [22 shows]. In Springfield, Virginia (not the Springfield of the Simpsons), tucked away in the corner of a strip mall with Indian, Korean, etc. food stores and an Afghan restaurant. Formerly Zaxx and Boots. Jaxx attracts two types of bands: death metal bands with unreadable logos, and past-their-prime 80s metal acts. Blue Oyster Cult tend to play here quite often. The owner, Jay, comes by to talk to the fans, and this is the one venue where bands tend to actually stick around to sign autographs. More than any other club, this is the one I come to most often.

Wolf Trap [1 show]. An outdoor ampitheather like Nissan and Merriweather, but woodsy, artsy and pretentious, for the “wine/cheese/wicker basket picnic” type of crowd, and considerably smaller than either (7,000 capacity). If your band is playing at Wolf Trap you are decades too old to be cool anymore (except maybe Jethro Tull).

Patriot Center [3 shows]. At George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, the home of the GMU basketball team, but also site of some great shows: front row at the Yngwie Malmsteen-Triumph show on Halloween 1986, and an Iron Maiden show much later. It’s about the same size as the Baltimore Area.

Jiffy Lube Live formerly the Nissan Pavilion. [12 shows]. Very much like Merriweather Post Pavilion, but much newer, dating from 1995 and seating 25,000. Unfortunately it’s isolated in the woods between Manassas and Warrenton, so you can’t zip across to a mall for reasonably priced shit. Fortunately the hell-hole parking lot situation has FINALLY been solved – after 10 years!! – so you can get out in 30 minutes instead of an hour. Still not as convenient as Merriweather. The other problem is that tickets are very expensive, as are the t-shirts and all the concessions ($10 for a beer!). Unlike Wolf Trap, Nissan gets the metal acts like the Ozzfest and Masters of Metal tours.


I tend to buy my tickets will call. We rarely resort to eBay or scalpers except when we absolutely have to see the show and the good seats sold out fairly quickly. Club shows are better as they’re cheaper, you have a much better view, and sometimes you get to meet the band after the show.

Cam Ranh Bay: Base Exchange 1966

Obviously, this is one that I haven't been to, but I thought it was interesting anyway. Unfortunately the narration drops for long periods of time, as if they had more footage than useful things to say (military way of doing things: utilitarian and practical, if not particularly adept at presentation). Check out the co dep nguoi Viets (pretty Viet girls) working as cashiers.