Trouble in Paris

Yet again, the Islamobastards are causing trouble in Paris.   I’ll use this as a catch-all for these issues, though I can’t claim to be an expert on French politics.  My colleague, teaching history down in Boone, North Carolina, deserves that distinction. 

Charlie Hebdo.   From growing up in Paris I seem to recall several of these highly provocative political publications staring at me from the newsstands.  They had poorly drawn cartoons which poked fun at all sorts of targets.  I ignored them, mainly because the cartoons were so crude I couldn’t even be bothered to ascertain their message to even be offended by them.

            The Mohammed depictions I saw seemed to be less targeting Mohammed himself than his followers here on Earth among the living – and killing – mortals.  I’ve noticed in the US that while many offensive depictions are made of Jesus (e.g. Jesus having sex with himself, aka Jesus f**n Christ) others are more targeted at the Modern Day Pharisees who invoke Jesus’ name for all sorts of moronics of which Jesus Himself would never have approved.   A Brazilian cartoon shows Jesus complaining, “I NEVER told you to crucify homosexuals!” and an angry crowd ignores His disclaimer, accusing Him of being a “maconheiro” (doper).

            I’m aware that Muslims consider even depicting Mohammed – no matter what the intent or context – as per se blasphemy.  Of course, that doesn’t give them the right to kill the offender.  As Bill Maher might point out, when Jesus or the Church are unfavorably described or depicted, we don’t see the Pope’s Swiss Guard show up (“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!”), halberds blazing, getting medieval on asses, at the scene of the crime.  

            “They had it coming.”  Did they?  If you piss someone off, they’re entitled to kill you?  Survey says…”[X]!”

Action Directe.   Back when I lived in Paris (1979-1990) the terrorists we were concerned about were these home-grown Marxists, Action Directe.  They threatened my high school, the American School of Paris, even to the point where I had to take some IB exams elsewhere; this was in 1986.  Shortly afterwards, the authorities arrested and imprisoned the leaders of the group and it fell apart, which is why we haven’t heard of these clowns since 1987.

Front National.  They’re still around, and thanks to these recent events may pick up more political steam in the next elections.  They’re France’s most prominent and strident far-right party, with the symbol of a tricolor (red/white/blue) flame.  The current leader is Marine Le Pen, the daughter of founder Jean Marie Le Pen.  It seems Marine is more telegenic, media-savvy, and David Duke-y than her father.   In recent years the FN has edged out the PS to become the second most powerful party in France, and although they haven’t yet translated this into absolute numbers of Assembly seats or a Presidency, the FN candidate made it to the run-off in one of the more recent presidential elections. 

Fifth Republic.   Some people complained, “why didn’t the French government censor Charlie Hebdo and prevent his from happening?”  I don’t know… something like freedom of the press?  France is not an Islamic theocracy – yet.  France is a republic, and they’re on their FIFTH version (RF 5.0).  Let’s review the prior versions.

1)   Up to 1792.   Monarchy, ending in Louis XVI.  We all know how he died.

2)   1792-1804.  First Republic.  The French Revolution ushered in RF 1.0.  This included the Reign of Terror under Danton and Robespierre, the Thermidor Reaction, and a bewildering pair of provisional democracies called the Directory and Consulate.  Oh, and RF 1.0 had its hands full fighting full-fledged wars on its eastern frontiers against European monarchies intent on restoring the Bourbons to power.  The last ruler of RF 1.0 was a guy named Napoleon Bonaparte.

3)  1804-1814.  The First Empire (EF 1.0).  Napoleon I crowned himself Emperor and kicked butt across Europe for some time before finally losing at Waterloo and banished to St Helena.

4)  Louis XVIII (1814-1824). The Bourbons returned.

5)  Charles X (1824-1830).  Another King.

6)  Louis Phillippe (1830-1848).  The last King.  In 1848 Europe erupted in revolutions.  This was the time the Communist Manifesto was first published.

7) 1848-1852.  Second Republic (RF 2.0).   Louis Napoleon, aka Napoleon III, won the election in December after the Revolution deposed Louis Phillippe.  Wondering what happened to Napoleon II?  He was Napoleon Bonaparte’s son, who died in exile in Austria without taking power.  LN/N3 was Napoleon’s older brother’s son, i.e. his nephew, and technically the next in line.  LN/N3 spent most of his life before this in Switzerland and London, de facto exile.

8) 1852-1870.  Second Empire (EF 2.0).  LN/N3 took over as Emperor like his famous uncle.  Nowadays he’s remembered for unsuccessful romps in Mexico and Italy, plus beginning French colonization of Indochina.  I say he should be remembered for remodeling Paris into the form we see today – thanks to his good friend Baron Haussman. 

   The Second Empire ended with the Franco-Prussian War (July 1870-January 1871), followed briefly by the Paris Commune (March-May 1871).

9) 1871-1940.  Third Republic (RF 3.0). This emerged after the Paris Commune and survived World War I.  It came down when the Nazis invaded France in May 1940 and set up the Vichy Republic.

10) 1946-1958.  Fourth Republic (RF 4.0).  After World War II until 1959, when they changed the constitution and form of government – without a revolution!  It took the crisis in Algeria to show that RF 4.0 wasn’t good enough.   Charles De Gaulle was the last prime minister of RF 4.0 and the first president of RF 5.0, until his resignation in 1969.

11)  1959-present.  Fifth Republic (RF 5.0).  That’s what we have today.  The biggest difference between RF 4.0 and 5.0 is that the new version is led by a President, yet they still have a prime minister, he’s just not the top guy anymore.  As you might expect, as a republic this country has free elections, freedom of religion, and freedom of the press.  So Charlie Hebdo has a right to publish anything it wants without fear of violent retaliation by Islamobastards. 

French Military.  As I said, a catch-all.  I’ve read some recent articles written by US soldiers in Afghanistan.  They were consistently highly favorable about French soldiers serving there.  The general idea is, “we’ve all heard the jokes about French surrendering, but these soldiers – and they’re not even Foreign Legion, they’re regulars – are all highly motivated and competent.”  Let’s look at the big picture

1.  Napoleon I.  France conquers Europe until everyone gangs up on Napoleon.  Not a bad track record.

2.  Napoleon III.  France suffers defeat in the Franco-Prussian War.  The Prussians outmaneuvered the French, helped immensely by their Krupp guns.  At a tactical level, the French Chassepot rifle was superior to the Prussian “needle gun”.

3.  WWI.  The French fought hard and bravely.  The leaders were a bit stupid, sometimes, but Petain was no slouch.

4.  WWII.  Here’s the doozy.  Hitler completely outflanked the French with his cut through the Ardennes.  Also, the French military was heavily demoralized in the interwar years, as the country itself was polarized into far-right and left-wing factions who couldn’t agree on anything.  Thus the French were completely unprepared for WWII.

5.  Dien Bien Phu.  The French screwed this up big time, mainly because they completely underestimated the Viet Minh’s abilities.  The Germans in the FFL complained that the training they received was in Africa and had no relevance to jungle fighting.  Mind you, the French also lost to the guerillas in Haiti back in the early 1800s, marking twice that its conventional forces have been defeated by a guerilla army. 

            French forces in Afghanistan are up against the Taliban.  Since the Islamobastards have a long track record of causing trouble back in France, you can expect French soldiers to be very motivated to sticking it to the Taliban on its own turf.