Bald and Goatee

Back to less substantial issues, in this case, a “look”, naturally limited to men:  bald with a goatee.  Where have we seen this before?

Bryan Cranston as Walter White (Breaking Bad).  I’ll start with this, because Walter White is a fictional character.  In fact, by the last season of “Breaking Bad”, he had shaved his goatee and let his hair grow back.  Moreover, I’m not aware that Bryan Cranston himself ever adopted this look. 

For those of you out of the loop, “Breaking Bad” is an AMC TV show about a high school chemistry teacher who says, “WTF”, and decides to translate his skills as a chemist into the lucrative drug trade making crystal meth.  He teams up with a former student, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) and goes into business.  It also turns out he has cancer, the chemotherapy costing him his hair, so he grows the goatee and adopts a clever nickname, Heisenberg.  Ironically, his brother-in-law Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) is a DEA agent who is trying to track down this mysterious kingpin whose crystal meth is 99% pure and the most popular strain around.  And there’s a colorful attorney, Saul Goodman – who we’re seeing in prequel series “Better Call Saul” – who makes the show that much more intriguing, especially for guys like me who went to law school (George Mason U., now Antonin Scalia Law School, somewhat more prestigious than the University of American Samoa), passed the bar (Virginia and Maryland, plus waive-ins to DC and New York) and are actually practicing law.  Anyhow.   If you haven’t already, check out “Breaking Bad”, and if you’re already familiar, you know who Walter White is…

Rob Halford of Judas Priest.   Back in the 70s he was clean shaven with long, blond hair.  In the 80s he switched to short blonde hair and leather (was he gay?  Need you ask?) and around the time of 2wo, his second solo project after he left Judas Priest (Ripper Owens taking over briefly for two albums) he finally adopted the current look.  It’s usually combined with sunglasses.  His voice and stage presence remain impressive, though I can’t say I really care that much for the bald and goatee look in his case.  I remain a fan of Judas Priest and continue listening to the music, buying the albums, and attending the concerts.  I’d say my favorite Priest album is, hands down, no contest whatsoever, Sad Wings of Destiny.  

Andy Powell of Wishbone Ash.  Back in the 1970s, Andy Powell had long hair and glasses and was clean shaven.  As the rest of Wishbone Ash melted away – Ted Turner (guitar), Martin Turner (bass) (no relation), and Steve Upton (drums), Powell kept the band going.   I actually have Ted Turner’s solo album, purchased directly from him.   Martin Turner wound up creating his own Wishbone Ash band, appropriately named Martin Turner’s Wishbone Ash.   As with Priest, I’m still an ‘Ash fan and still go to shows as often as possible.  I’d say my favorite Wishbone Ash album is Argus. 

Nick Oliveri, currently with Mondo Generator and formerly of Kyuss and Queens of the Stone Age.  He’s grown his goatee down a little further.  I saw him with QOTSA and Kyuss Lives!   I haven’t followed his post QOTSA career and haven’t seen him in concert since he left the band, though that’s more out of indifference than any principled objection.  Rated R, by QOTSA, is probably my favorite work of his.  Back in that band he would sometimes play naked, only covered by the Fender Precision bass covering up his naughty parts – a look I never witnessed in person – and that got him in trouble when the band played Rock in Rio in Brazil.  I sense he’s quieted down a bit in recent years. 

Anton LaVey.  Here’s the guy who started this whole thing back in the late 1960s, forming the Church of Satan and writing the Satanic Bible; he died in 1997.   For all his provocativeness, he was actually an atheist and pro-life.  As I noted before, his “Satanism” is more a deliberately provocative form of atheism, very similar to what Ayn Rand preached:  do whatever you want as long as you don’t hurt other people.  Initiating the use of force is wrong, but if attacked you’re free to retaliate as you see fit.  Remarkably sedate notwithstanding all the rigamarole around it.  I suspect far more of us are practicing Satanists without even realizing it…(wicked smile)….

The Satanic Bible

As promised, here is my analysis of this book.  It was published in 1969 by Anton LaVey, the founder of modern Satanism.  I originally read this in college (UMCP, 1986-90) at which time I was also reading another author, Ayn Rand.  The two authors are very similar, and LaVey admitted being influenced by Atlas Shrugged, Rand’s famous novel – which I’ve read three times.  This is certainly shorter and more concise than her book.  I’ve noted earlier that Satanism, as advocated by LaVey, could more accurately be described as a deliberately provocative form of atheism.  Re-reading it again as a 50 year old with almost 30 years of experience since finishing college, how does it hold up?

First Off, the Nine Satanic Statements.

1.         Satan represents indulgence, instead of abstinence!

2.         Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

3.         Satan represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-denial!

4.         Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!

5.         Satan represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!

6.         Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires!

7.         Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those which walk on all fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual developments”, has become the most vicious animal of all!

8.         Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!

9.         Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!

Bravo, huh?  Here are a few more tidbits…

Book of Satan, Chapter III, Paragraph 4 states, “Are we all not predatory animals by instinct?  If humans ceased wholly from preying upon each other, could they continue to exist?”

Chapter IV, Paragraph 2 states, “There is no heaven of glory bright, and no hell where sinners roast.  Here and now is our day of torment! Here and now is our day of joy! Here and now is our opportunity! Choose ye this day, for no redeemer liveth!”

In the next chapter, LaVey claims that “it is a popular misconception that the Satanist dos not believe in God.”  He then proceeds to describe a system best known as “deism”, which means “I believe in God, but this God is passive and does not interfere in – or care about – the lives of Men.”  By this definition, the Founding Fathers were Satanists.   Go figure.  In any case, we’re on our own to live, love, fight, die, etc. with no expectation of forgiveness or salvation from any higher power.  Deism is, for all practical purposes, another word for atheism.

Indeed, he says, “all religions of a spiritual nature are inventions of Man.”  That being the case, why bother with Satanism?   LaVey answers that “man needs ceremony and ritual, fantasy and enchantment.  Psychiatry, despite all the good it has done, has robbed man of wonder and fantasy which religion, in the past, has provided.  Satanism, realizing the current needs of man, fills the large void between religion and psychiatry. The Satanic philosophy combines the fundamental of psychology and good, honest emotionalizing of dogma.  It provides man with his much needed fantasy.  There is nothing wrong with dogma, providing it is not based on ideas and actions which go completely against human nature.”   I suppose you could call it hedonism wrapped in ritual, rational self-interest provocatively flavored with historically taboo imagery but with no actual belief in a dark lord of evil downstairs.

Sex.  I’m too young to remember when LaVey and his gang were more famous and notorious – presumably this was during the late 1960s – but there is a chapter here about sex.  And it’s fairly common sense.  Satanism welcomes any and all sexual desires and activities but exclusively with consenting sexual partners.  This includes homosexuality, sadism-masochism, and group sex, but excludes children, animals, or partners who otherwise do not or cannot consent.  Masturbation, which presumably does not invoke issues of consent, is perfectly fine. 

Overall, the gist of this is pretty much the same as Ayn Rand’s Objectivism:  what we do with our 80-odd years on this planet before we die is our own business so long as we don’t hurt anyone else.   Aside from his brief reference to “preying”, which suggests deliberately abusing others, LaVey appears to echo the Non-Aggression Principle (NAP) which Libertarians center upon, which is “don’t initiate the use of force on others, but if attacked you are privileged to defend yourself appropriately.”

The second half of the book is absolute bullshit about Satanic rituals and the Enochian Keys, which I recall from the half-assed Necronomicon of days gone by.   The sole element of the book which makes any real, practical sense winds up, as I said before, being simply rational self-interest provocatively dressed in anti-Christian rhetoric.

The truly stupid thing about this whole thing is this.   There are TWO possibilities on this planet.  #1 is that there IS a Good Guy Upstairs and a Good Place, and a Bad Guy Downstairs and a Bad Place (as “The Good Place” TV show seems to show us, with Kristen Bell and Ted Danson, among many others).   #2 is that there is NO Good Guy Upstairs, no Good Place, nor any Bad Guy Downstairs nor any Bad Place.   When we die, whether we were the nicest person on the planet who died saving children, or the nastiest bastard who existed who murdered millions, is exactly the same:  permanent oblivion.

Let me address the second scenario first.   Classic Rock Magazine, up until 2018, had this Q&A thing at the end of the magazine in which they ask rock stars a bunch of deep questions.  “What can you do better than anyone else?”  “Any regrets?”  and 80% of the time, “do you believe in God?”  A surprising minority flat out state that they don’t believe in God.  A similar proportion, also a minority, state that they DO believe in God and identify as Christian.  The rest tend to say something like “I believe in a higher power, but not an old guy in a white beard, or organized religion per se.”  George Thorogood joked that “I pray when I fly”.  

One particular guy, who I can’t recall, said something remarkably different: “Logically, I know there is no God and no afterlife.  But emotionally I can’t accept a world without a God or an afterlife.  So I’ll choose to believe in them anyway.”   To me, that was the best and most honest answer anyone gave.

If scenario #2 is the true situation, then all this nonsense about Satanism, dogma, ritual, etc. is just that: nonsense.  Ayn Rand, who essentially believed and argued the same things as LaVey did – and as noted earlier, clearly influenced LaVey – avoided all that and kept things real.  For all her arrogance and hypocrisy, she didn’t give us this idiocy.   If there is nothing wrong with consensual sex, with masturbation, with enjoying yourself while you live without hurting anyone else, why accept the mantle of evil, of Satan?  “If good’s on the left, I’m sticking to the right.”  Rand wouldn’t accept that.  And neither should anyone else.

And if scenario #1 is the true situation, LaVey, who died in 1997, must be rather warm right now….   

Islam Re-Revisited

Another Friday the 13^th.  I hate the films.  And it’s rarely bad luck.  Here’s something completely different.

Obviously Islam is a relevant topic these days.   I can’t turn on the Book of Faces without seeing someone bark and bray about “banning Sharia” or “Muslims taking over America”.  I have a few things to say on this topic, which might be rather provocative.  Bear with me.

Misguided Satanists.   As we know, Islam is the religion founded by Arabian warlord Mohammad in the early 600s.  He claimed Allah told him a bunch of stuff, most (if not all) of which was fairly self-serving.  The most accurate description of this religion is that it was made up by him to justify his military campaigns to take over as much of the known world as he could.  His followers carried on the tradition after his death in 632 and continue worshipping Allah and attempting to spread his Word even to this day.   There are several predominantly Muslim countries, and one (Shi’ite) theocracy, Iran.  The Sunnis of Iraq and Syria have attempted to set up a competing Sunni theocracy in those countries.

C.S. Lewis.  In his The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe series of books, Lewis created a fictional race of Calormenes, who worship a deity named Tash.  These were obviously meant to be Muslims worshipping Allah.  Aslan, the wise and benevolent talking Lion, tells the children that Tash is essentially the Devil.  “Good deeds done in Tash’s name are in fact done in my name, and evil deeds done in my name are actually done in Tash’s name”.  Even Lewis, having identified Allah as Satan, still recognized that there were good Muslims and evil Christians. 

If you don’t believe God or Satan exist, then “Allah” is an imaginary being created by Mohammed to justify his exploits.   Neither option – Satan or make-believe deity – reflects well on Islam.

Reformed Church of Satan.   It’s too difficult for me to conceive that Muslims around the world consciously worship the Devil.  Naturally they view Allah as God.  And Islam has a Devil, Iblis, in their theology.  I’ve yet to hear of any sect of Islam that worships Iblis, as the Devil.

            In the US, we have self-professed Satanists.   In particular, I’m familiar with Anton LaVey, his Church of Satan, and his Satanic Bible, which I own and have read.  Oddly, despite ostensibly worshipping the Devil himself, these “Satanists” are really atheists.  Their brand of Satanism is more accurately described as a deliberately provocative form of atheism which personifies Man and his right to carnal and physical pleasure while he lives his short and brutal life on this planet, followed by eternal oblivion.   LaVey’s positions were extremely close to Ayn Rand’s, and we know she was an atheist too, although I’m not aware of any actual connection between the two.  Rand would have considered LaVey as an arrogant huckster who elevated atheism into a circus sideshow to gain popularity and notoriety for himself.

…so what?   Having said that, I don’t believe Muslims in the United States are any threat to us.  Here is why.

Rome.   This is the capital of world Catholicism.  Rather, I should say, the Vatican City, which has a population of ….557.   Rome itself has a population of 4 million.  There are 1.2 billion Catholics around the world.  The largest Catholic country is Brazil, with 124 million Catholics.   Clearly, 1.2 billion cannot fit in the Vatican, nor in Rome, or even Italy.  I visited Roma and the Vatican myself in 1981 on a school trip, but have no desire to live there.  Nor, it seems, do the Catholics living outside Rome. 

Israel.  There are 14 million Jews worldwide, of which 83% live in Israel and the US.  Zionism aside, not all Jews want to live in Israel.   Half the world’s Jews live in Israel, most of the other half in the US.

Mecca.  Islam’s holy city has a permanent population of 1.6 million.  While all Muslims have a duty to make a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca, living there permanently appears to be neither required nor expected.   Worldwide there are 1.7 billion Muslims.

Muslims in the US.  Less than 1% of the US population is Muslim.  There are far more Buddhists and atheists – plus Jews, of course – than there are Muslims.  The US is almost 80% Christian.  Of a population of 321 million, that means 256 million Christians and 3 million Muslims.  By numbers alone, it would be almost impossible for Muslims to establish a majority in this country.  And I don’t even think they want to do this.  Why?

Someone posted an infographic on how the world’s Muslim countries are the poorest, shittiest, countries.  Maybe true for Bangladesh, less so for Turkey or Saudi Arabia.  Iraq and Syria are unlikely to get better any time soon.  Egypt isn’t too bad.  Libya is having problems.  Anyhow.

Islam has different varieties:  at the very least there is Sh’ite vs. Sunni, and even the Sunnis have different sects.  If you live in Iran, you have to be Shi’ite.  Presumably living in ISIS controlled territory you have to be Sunni.  When Muslims get uptight about their religion, they are particularly harsh on fellow Muslims who don’t worship Allah quite the same way. 

We take our religious freedom in the US for granted.  We don’t have to worry that our church will blow up, that strangers will accost us on the street and threaten us if we don’t convert to Mormonism, or receive thinly veiled anonymous threats of violence.  Christians in Egypt come to the US to escape persecution, and Muslims come to the US for similar reasons.  (Also, to leave places where suicide bombers and rocket attacks, or all-out war, are a daily risk.)

Again, here in the US, which is less than 1% Muslim?  No one gives a damn.  If Abdul wants to get a bacon cheeseburger at McDonald’s or Burger King, or drink alcohol, or do any of the things which Islam declares “haram” (forbidden), who will stop him?  Who will even care?  Abdul and his family are free to do as they please, without being harassed by the locals about how they practice Islam.  They get to enjoy the benefits of living in a huge, rich country with no Civil War (since 1865), no suicide bombings, no Sharia, no Imams, none of the hassles Muslims have to deal with in Muslim countries.  And most likely they came here for THAT REASON.  So turning the US into a Muslim country is not only impossible, it’s highly undesirable – it defeats the purpose of why they came here, which is not to turn the US into another screwed up Muslim country, but to live somewhere that isn’t a screwed up Muslim country. 

Suicide bombers.   Ok, take away the risk of an outright takeover.  Muslim suicide bombers could still cause problems, right?  Not really. 

            Aside from 9/11, we haven’t seen any suicide bombings in the US.  That Muslim guy in Texas – the Army guy who went BSI – didn’t even blow himself up, nor did the idiots who tried to blow up the World Trade Center back in 1993.  It looks like the shooting spree yahoos who do shoot themselves at the end were all non-Muslims.  The guy at Initech with the unpronounceable name isn’t blowing himself up.  And I don’t see Arab oil sheiks who already have harems of 72 women on this worldly planet blowing themselves up.  Mostly it’s loser virgin boys from Loserstan who do that.  Muslims in the US know they’re well off.  They have too much to lose.  Not gonna happen. 

9/11 & ISIS.   The attack on 9/11 was definitely a bad one.  19 Saudis learned to fly jumbo jets and took down the World Trade Center, knocked a hole in the Pentagon (now fixed), and messed up the Pennsylvania countryside – plus all the crew and passengers on all 4 flights and many firemen and first responders on the ground.  To date, ISIS remains dominant in much of northwest Iraq and northeast Syria.  The Taliban looks like it’s taking back much lost ground in Afghanistan.  The crazies are definitely NOT done yet.  However, those theaters are on the other side of the world from us and no threat to the continental US.

            Closer to home, and more relevant to our concerns here, among all those “peaceful” Muslims coming to the US, who knows how many are truly peaceful and how many are Al Qaeda sleeper cells?  It might be arrogant to assume that 100% of them succumb to the charms of American society.  The FBI needs to remain vigilant at home (while respecting our Constitutional rights, a balance we can acknowledge is not always easy or obvious to make), and the cowboys from Langley better be on top of their game overseas.  Aside from the yahoo in Fort Hood, Texas, and the Boston bombings, all of our mass shootings since 9/11 have been home grown nutjobs with non-Islamic agendas.  But that doesn’t mean there’s not another cell of the same caliber as the 19 from 9/11 cooking up a scheme to do something bad.  However, we’ve seen those to be few and far between.  We have far more to worry about in our daily lives from the mundane dangers of cancer, highway accidents, or random, good old American street crime, to make it sensible to worry about the extremely remote odds of another terrorist attack from Muslims.  They are, in fact, the least of our worries. 

So if you’re obsessed about Muslims invading from Mexico or another 9/11…get a massive clue and CHILL OUT.  They may be Satanists but they’re really no threat to us.