Twisted & Biblical

 

For Christmas I received several books – which were on my Amazon wishlist.   Two of these I’ve finished:  Twisted Business and Biblical.

Twisted Business:  Lessons From My Live In Rock’n’Roll, by Jay Jay French and Steve Farber.  JJF was the rhythm guitarist for heavy metal band Twisted Sister.   He actually formed it in the early 1970s (March 20, 1973 was their first show), but due to a tragically comic array of circumstances, the band didn’t get its first record,  Under The Blade, out until September 1, 1982.  Then its heyday of albums, tours, and notoriety lasted until its fifth album, Love Is For Suckers, released August 13, 1987.and their last show before breaking up, October 10, 1987, at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Stay Hungry is by far their most popular album, the one which catapulted them to fame, and contains their best known hits, “I Want A Rock” and “We’re Not Gonna Take It”.   We managed to see them in Paris (4/28/86 at the Casino, the only show we saw at that fairly modest venue), and in Washington, DC at the Warner Theater (9/30/87).  A series of massive miscalculations (more clearly articulated in the book) explain how the band crashed and burned at that time.   JJF had to declare bankruptcy and find some other work to do – which eventually resulted in him producing and managing Sevendust. 

Dee Snider.  From Long Island, New York.  As not only the singer, but also extremely outspoken, Snider served as the de facto “mouth” of the band for much of their peak period, though he was not the original singer; he joined sometime in 1976.  According to JJF, the band members didn’t get along with each other very well, but years after the breakup, somehow managed to patch things up between them.  French himself made certain at an early point in the band’s career to secure the sole rights to the band name.

Drugs.  JJF is quite open about his initial history as not merely a drug user, but dealer.  This contrasts with Twisted Sister, an in-your-face heavy metal band not known for drugs or psychedelia, specifically because JJF abruptly went cold turkey AND insisted on a no drugs or alcohol policy in the band, as his own experiences with drugs, and the impact they had on bands, told him to avoid that.  And of course the band’s demise had nothing to do with drugs.

That being the case, he does have a remarkable array of war stories to tell about his experiences, especially with LSD.  These were interesting in and of themselves.  He found the Grateful Dead to be intolerable as a live band once he quit doing drugs, which is not hard to imagine.  Albums like American Beauty, with short and simple songs, are easy enough to enjoy sober, but a 3+ hour Dead show with extended jams pushes into territory where some form of herbal or chemical enhancement may be necessary to endure, much less enjoy and appreciate. 

Business.  At some point JJF realized that for the band to succeed, someone needed to exercise some form of control and common sense about money.  Although bands have managers for this reason, if all the band members (cough cough, Black Sabbath) are clueless about money, it’s too easy for the manager to either ruin everything or steal their money.  So teaching himself business and taking an active role in managing the band fell into his lap by default and necessity, and he discovered a natural aptitude for it.  In fact, he recognized it as a skill set which applies outside the rock business, and which he reduced to several principles conveniently in the form of T W I S T E D.

Tenacity.   Don’t give up simply because things get tough.

Wisdom.    Don’t be stupid.

Inspiration.  Use your imagination.

Stability.   Keep your act together.

Trust.  You have to be able to trust your business associates (band members).  And above all, you have to earn and keep their trust – it’s a two-way street, which many people don’t seem to realize.

Excellence.   You have to know what you’re doing.  Hone the basic skills which are the substance of your business.  For musicians, this usually means practicing your instrument constantly.

Discipline.  This means keeping yourself and your comrades behaving properly and keeping your eyes on the prize. 

As you can see, these are more philosophical principles than business ideals.  However, they’re pertinent and sensible, a good set for anyone to follow in their daily lives. 

Overall very intriguing, but the gist of it is 25% war stories and behind the scenes backstory on what was going on with Twisted Sister (and why they crashed and burned), and 75% articulation of these principles which he learned the hard way and considers valuable and applicable to people in their daily lives.  Since I only had a vague knowledge about the band outside its peak era, the history part was illuminating in its own right and very much a fun read (especially the acid stories).  Actually I found the music element to be far more interesting than the business element.

***

Biblical: Heavy Metal Scriptures, by Rob Halford.  Halford, of course, is the singer for Judas Priest, one of the more popular and famous heavy metal bands, originally from Birmingham, England (though drummer Scott Travis is from Norfolk, Virginia).  His prior book, Confess, was his autobiography, with lots and lots of details about his homosexuality.  Technically he only “came out” after leaving Judas Priest in 1992, but for many fans he was already “out”, and his official acknowledgement was more confirming what everyone – with any discernable “gaydar” – already knew.  Remaining officially in the closet, however, he had to remain discreet about his lifestyle, so all the tricks of remaining in the closet and “cruising” (this business where repressed homosexuals give each other subtle clues to alert that they’re up for slap and tickle) were likewise articulated at length in Confess.   All that was TMI for me.

Having gotten all that out in the open, now his goal is to wax poetic about literally every aspect of heavy metal:  album covers, songs, setlists, managers, producers, tours, tour buses, groupies, merchandise, etc.  It’s set up in a quasi-biblical fashion but 100% down to earth and non-spiritual.  70% of this is common knowledge which any Judas Priest fan who has been to a few shows is very much aware of; to the extent he had any deep secrets to reveal, they were in Confess.   In fact, so much of this is straightforward, it’s almost like he’s writing this for a 14 year old kid just learning about Judas Priest and music.  For my part, I found the circumstances behind each album’s creation and studio time were the areas of most interest because they were least obvious or well known.   So despite this business of telling me what I already knew, the reading experience was worthwhile all the same, and most likely of value to any Judas Priest fan of any age and experience. 

Oh, one element which is fairly substantial, and which I did not know, is that Rob Halford hates Spotify with a fierce passion.   As we may know, Spotify pays the artists a tiny percentage of a cent - not even a full cent - each time a song is played.   The result is that the artist can effectively discount Spotify as a direct source of income.  Moreover, many fans seem to use streaming sources as their exclusive means of listening to music, forgoing even downloads.  To that extent, Spotify is severely restricting the ability of musicians to make music.   Halford acknowledges that Judas Priest fans are more likely to use Spotify in addition to, not instead of, traditional formats such as vinyl and CD, but newer bands might not have the same fortune.  I'm one of those old school dinosaurs who still buys CDs; I only use Spotify to listen when I'm in a car without a CD player or on the cardio machine at the gym.  I can say I "feel your pain"/"see your point" without fully agreeing with him, as I do use Spotify myself AND still buy the music, AND see the band in concert.  If I listen to a band on Spotify I'm not familiar with already and like it, I'll tend to buy the CD and see the show.  

Confess, Maynard

 I put two books on my Amazon Wish List last Christmas, and my Santa-esque brother (my only one, Matt) thankfully got both for me.  The first is Confess, the autobiography of Judas Priest singer Rob Halford, and the other is A Perfect Union of Contrary Things, by Sarah Jensen with Maynard James Keenan, the enigmatic singer for TOOL, plus his side projects A Perfect Circle (APC) and Puscifer.  Confess is told in the first person by Halford himself, and covers the period all the way up to Andy Sneap’s replacement of Glenn Tipton for Firepower, the band’s latest album.  APUCT is in the third person with some direct quotes from MJK himself.

 Confess.  With the exception of original singer Alan Atkins – who left the band long before its first album, Rocka Rolla, was released in September 1974 – and brief replacement singer Ripper Owens, who only sang on Jugulator and Demolition (1995 and 1998), the singer for heavy metal band Judas Priest has been Rob Halford, from Walsall, a suburb of Birmingham, England. 

 Defenders of the Faith.  We received this album, on cassette, for free, in spring 1984 (i.e. their newest album at the time) and immediately got hooked on the band. That summer we picked up Sad Wings of Destiny on vinyl and discovered Early Priest.  When the issue of Halford’s social life came up, we took at face value his denial of homosexuality, but my friend Sean said – back in 1984 – “if he isn’t gay, why is he dressing that way?”  When Halford finally did “come out” in the early 90s, it was hardly a surprise.  Well, whatever.  We still bought Angel of Retribution, Nostradamus, Redeemer of Souls and Firepower, and still went to the concerts. 

 Having said all that, his autobiography is a bit heavy on the gay-ness, roughly 50%.  I wasn’t concerned about his “keeping in the closet”, of cruising and hooking up, of winding up with straights who have sex with men (“then you ain’t that straight!!!! Tiger Guy).  Talk about a heavy dose of TMI.  He could cut it down by half and still tell us all the stuff we care about:  how he joined Judas Priest (long before Rocka Rolla came out), the circumstances of each lineup change (particularly drummers), the background on each album and tour, and the band’s interaction with other metal bands.  Oh, and he loves “Spinal Tap”.  That’s the part I care about, and fortunately it’s here. 

 Gay Stuff.  I don’t want to devote an entire blog to this topic so I might as well address it here.   I am straight and always have been.  I have very few friends these days, and none of them are gay.  I’ve had gay acquaintances but not close relationships.   But what other people do among themselves, as consenting adults, is their business.  I have enough to worry about in my own life without getting bent out of shape about others.  Moreover, most people who bark and bray the loudest against gays usually turn out to be deep in the closet.  Again, I don’t care.

 If there is one part which does bug me, it’s this business of gays being pretentious.   I love watching “Modern Family” (though Sofia Vergara, Ariel Winter, and Sarah Hyland receive most of my attention) and the gay couple, Mitch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) seem to click all the boxes on gay stereotypes, even to the point of their friends, e.g. Pepper (Nathan Lane).  Of course, the show makes fun of Colombian drug lord culture (Gloria Pritchett, played by Sofia Vergara), goofy magic nerd realtors (Phil Dunphy, played by Ty Burrell), and stupid hot chicks (Haley Dunphy, played by Sarah Hyland), so the ridicule is evenly spread throughout. 

 In any case, Halford’s orientation was already common knowledge when he formally “came out” in the early 90s after leaving Priest, and certainly is now.  So “Confess” is somewhat of a meaningless title.  Anyhow. 

 A Perfect Union of Contrary Things.   Apparently MJK grew up in the Midwest, Ohio & Grand Rapids.  He joined the Army, but though picked to go to West Point itself from West Point Prep, actually decided to go to art school (????) in Michigan, then work in a pet store in Boston, and eventually relocated to L.A., where he worked at another pet store and met guitarist Adam Jones and drummer Danny Carey.  They formed TOOL with bassist Paul D’Amour in 1992.  After only 6 live shows, all as opening acts at microscopic clubs in L.A., somehow they got a record deal almost instantaneously. 

 After Aenima, their second album, TOOL had legal issues regarding their record contract, so MJK wound up with free, idle time, which he spent getting A Perfect Circle off the ground.  At some later point he started his second side project, Puscifer.  He also discovered jiu jitsu and set up a vineyard in Arizona.   ZZZ.

 Awhile back I read the autobiography of Brian Johnson, the singer for AC/DC (Rockers and Rollers), and blogged about it (back in 2012).   I also blogged when Axl Rose took over on the recent tour.  Brian Johnson’s voice has been accurately described as “Marge Simpson”, and of all the band members, he’s clearly the band’s weakest link.  Whether it was 1980, 1990, 2000, 2010, or 2020, Angus could find any number of singers, either professional or undiscovered in a club somewhere, who could do better than Brian Johnson. 

But to get back on topic:  Johnson’s autobiography actually made me like him LESS.  And same deal with Maynard’s.   Goes to art school instead of West Point?   Jiu jitsu and wine?  The utter pretentiousness of the book is off the chart, yet this is not a critique or expose, it’s supposed to be HIS story. 

 In fact, it does such a spectacular job at making him appear pretentious that I begin to wonder if that wasn’t the whole point all along.  Of course he’s pretentious.  He’s Maynard.  Listen to TOOL lyrics and you’ll figure that out.  The book just adds into the whole equation, a Fibonacci spiral….

 Will I stop listening to TOOL or going to their shows?  Of course not.  Same deal with seeing AC/DC live even if Marge Simpson is still their singer.  And Halford’s private life is not my concern, his music is.  These people are imperfect humans just like I am and their music is still top quality.   Sometimes, though, you find your heroes have clay feet.  And life goes on. 

Bald and Goatee

Back to less substantial issues, in this case, a “look”, naturally limited to men:  bald with a goatee.  Where have we seen this before?

Bryan Cranston as Walter White (Breaking Bad).  I’ll start with this, because Walter White is a fictional character.  In fact, by the last season of “Breaking Bad”, he had shaved his goatee and let his hair grow back.  Moreover, I’m not aware that Bryan Cranston himself ever adopted this look. 

For those of you out of the loop, “Breaking Bad” is an AMC TV show about a high school chemistry teacher who says, “WTF”, and decides to translate his skills as a chemist into the lucrative drug trade making crystal meth.  He teams up with a former student, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) and goes into business.  It also turns out he has cancer, the chemotherapy costing him his hair, so he grows the goatee and adopts a clever nickname, Heisenberg.  Ironically, his brother-in-law Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) is a DEA agent who is trying to track down this mysterious kingpin whose crystal meth is 99% pure and the most popular strain around.  And there’s a colorful attorney, Saul Goodman – who we’re seeing in prequel series “Better Call Saul” – who makes the show that much more intriguing, especially for guys like me who went to law school (George Mason U., now Antonin Scalia Law School, somewhat more prestigious than the University of American Samoa), passed the bar (Virginia and Maryland, plus waive-ins to DC and New York) and are actually practicing law.  Anyhow.   If you haven’t already, check out “Breaking Bad”, and if you’re already familiar, you know who Walter White is…

Rob Halford of Judas Priest.   Back in the 70s he was clean shaven with long, blond hair.  In the 80s he switched to short blonde hair and leather (was he gay?  Need you ask?) and around the time of 2wo, his second solo project after he left Judas Priest (Ripper Owens taking over briefly for two albums) he finally adopted the current look.  It’s usually combined with sunglasses.  His voice and stage presence remain impressive, though I can’t say I really care that much for the bald and goatee look in his case.  I remain a fan of Judas Priest and continue listening to the music, buying the albums, and attending the concerts.  I’d say my favorite Priest album is, hands down, no contest whatsoever, Sad Wings of Destiny.  

Andy Powell of Wishbone Ash.  Back in the 1970s, Andy Powell had long hair and glasses and was clean shaven.  As the rest of Wishbone Ash melted away – Ted Turner (guitar), Martin Turner (bass) (no relation), and Steve Upton (drums), Powell kept the band going.   I actually have Ted Turner’s solo album, purchased directly from him.   Martin Turner wound up creating his own Wishbone Ash band, appropriately named Martin Turner’s Wishbone Ash.   As with Priest, I’m still an ‘Ash fan and still go to shows as often as possible.  I’d say my favorite Wishbone Ash album is Argus. 

Nick Oliveri, currently with Mondo Generator and formerly of Kyuss and Queens of the Stone Age.  He’s grown his goatee down a little further.  I saw him with QOTSA and Kyuss Lives!   I haven’t followed his post QOTSA career and haven’t seen him in concert since he left the band, though that’s more out of indifference than any principled objection.  Rated R, by QOTSA, is probably my favorite work of his.  Back in that band he would sometimes play naked, only covered by the Fender Precision bass covering up his naughty parts – a look I never witnessed in person – and that got him in trouble when the band played Rock in Rio in Brazil.  I sense he’s quieted down a bit in recent years. 

Anton LaVey.  Here’s the guy who started this whole thing back in the late 1960s, forming the Church of Satan and writing the Satanic Bible; he died in 1997.   For all his provocativeness, he was actually an atheist and pro-life.  As I noted before, his “Satanism” is more a deliberately provocative form of atheism, very similar to what Ayn Rand preached:  do whatever you want as long as you don’t hurt other people.  Initiating the use of force is wrong, but if attacked you’re free to retaliate as you see fit.  Remarkably sedate notwithstanding all the rigamarole around it.  I suspect far more of us are practicing Satanists without even realizing it…(wicked smile)….

Too Old To Rock'n'Roll, Too Young To Die

No, not the Jethro Tull album (1976).  Ironically, Ian Anderson is still touring today.  So much for that. 

My topic comes up due to Judas Priest replacing Glenn Tipton with Andy Sneap on its current Firepower tour of the US.

Glenn Tipton has Parkinson’s Disease and has had to stop touring (though he did play the most recent JP show…).  There’s some dispute as to whether he’s in the band or not.  My understanding is he’s become like Brian Wilson in the Pet Sounds and later era Beach Boys), contributing in the studio but with a live replacement for the tour.

For the upcoming tour, he’s been replaced by Andy Sneap, much to the annoyance of K.K. Downing (second from left above), who quit several years earlier (2011) and resented not being asked to fill Tipton’s shoes.  This has opened a whole can of worms.  As I understand it, Tipton actually wrote and played on this album, along with Downing’s replacement (and youthful lookalike) Ritchie Faulkner.  As noted, Downing QUIT the band several years earlier, and my impression is that it was under bad terms but everyone concerned kept their mouths shut out of mutual respect and tactfulness.  It was NOT because Downing was too old to tour and had to retire for health reasons, the usual excuse these days.  But when the Tipton/Sneap deal emerged, Downing felt no longer compelled to hold his tongue.  As I said, a can of worms.  One thing is certain:  Sneap, not Downing, has replaced Tipton on the current tour.  We’ll see how well he does and IF Downing can repair any damage.

Judas Priest (Black Star Riders, Saxon), at Anthem, DC.  This is a brand new music venue in Washington DC, on a newly developed pier/wharf district just southeast of 395 and the 14 Street Bridge.  It opened last fall with the Foo Fighters being the first act to play here.  In terms of format it’s a bit like a larger version of the 9:30 Club:  big floor/standing room with seats up on the edges.   The original 9:30 Club at 930 F Street (1980-1996) had a capacity of 200 standing, probably a minority of that standing room actually anywhere near the stage. We saw Faith No More (The Real Thing tour), Hawkwind, Nik Turner’s Hawkwind, and Type O Negative (headlining) (RIP Peter Steele) at this venue.  The new version, at 815 V Street, is much larger: 500-1200, most being floor standing room (except Steven Wilson’s show, which was floor seated), with some upper level sitting areas.  This new venue is much larger: 2500-6000. 

The Black Star Riders went on first, and I immediately recognized Scott Gorham, former Thin Lizzy guitarist, at stage right playing – you guessed it – a Les Paul through Marshalls.  Only one TL track: “Jailbreak”.  Although Gary Moore is deceased, classic Lizzy guitarist Brian Robertson is still alive and playing music.  If anyone knows why he hasn’t played with Gorham in decades please let me know.

They were followed by Saxon, who still have Biff singing and Paul Quinn on guitar, plus Nigel Glockler on drums.  “Heavy Metal Thunder” closed the set.  Thank you.  We’d first seen Saxon back in Paris in the 80s on the Innocence is No Excuse tour.  Along with Iron Maiden and Def Leppard, Saxon are one of the few surviving bands from the so-called New Wave of British Heavy Metal which emerged in England around ’79-81, after the punk movement finally lost steam.  Whereas Def Leppard morphed into a pop band with Hysteria, and Iron Maiden developed their sound without straying too far from their NWOBHM roots, Saxon has been by far the most faithful of the three in trying to remain true to their roots of 1980.  Fortunately we’ve seen them a few times in the past, mostly as headliners in smaller clubs, and they were always honest and high energy.  My brother even got his picture taken wiff Bith. 

And then… The Priest came on, and it was sad seeing two relative unknowns on guitar:  Ritchie Faulkner replacing K.K. Downing, even down to the long blond hair and Flying V; and as noted above, now Andy Sneap on a Gibson Explorer (or clone) (similar to mine before I swapped in EMG81s and a mirror pickguard).   Faulkner joined the band in 2011 and is on Redeemer of Souls (second newest album), Firepower (newest, freshly released album), and the live video Epitaph, which I have on DVD.  Our last JP show was in 2009 at Merriweather, the tour when they played British Steel in its entirety, so this was our first time seeing them live with Faulkner.   Sneap did a fair job of replacing Tipton.  Ian Hill (bass) and Scott Travis (drums) were as solid as ever.  “Painkiller” made it into the set, apparently the band’s most popular late-model song, but I never cared for it.  “Saints In Hell”, a song I much prefer, also made it, for the first time ever since its original release on Stained Class all those years ago (1978); “Beyond the Realms of Death” is my favorite from that album, and fortunately we’ve seen them play it on prior tours, just not this one.   For me the top song of this set was “The Ripper”, but my prayers to have Sad Wings of Destiny played in its entirety instead of British Steel have fallen on deaf ears.  On Epitaph they did play “Never Satisfied”, from Rocka Rolla.  Fingers crossed for “Run of the Mill”. 

Overall set:  Firepower (new); Running Wild; Grinder; Sinner (!); The Ripper (!!!); Lightning Strike (new); Bloodstone; Saints In Hell; Turbo Lover; Angel; Evil Never Dies (new); Some Heads Are Gonna Roll; Breaking The What?; Hell Bent For Leather; Painkiller (zzz); Encore: Hellion/Eclectic Eye; Metal Gods; You’ve Got Another Item On Its Way; Living After Midnight.  Nothing at all from Rocka Rolla, Point of Entry or Ram It Down. 

Ironically, with Halford replacing original singer Alan Atkins (far right in the picture above) ages ago (before the first album was even released) this makes bassist Ian Hill (far left) the only remaining original member left, similar to Deep Purple, Ian Paice being the only member to serve in all lineups from 1968 (Mark I, Shades of Deep Purple) to the present. 

To go a step further, the current touring lineup of Foreigner has NO original members left, though guitarist Mick Jones (getting too old to tour) has played with the lineup in the past and has apparently given his blessing to this one.  I don’t know where singer Lou Gramm is these days.  The Eagles are down to Don Henley, although Don Felder is alive and active (touring separately as he doesn’t get along with Don Henley), and Joe Walsh still tours with them.  Blackfoot is touring without Ricky Medlocke, himself in Lynyrd Skynyrd which only has Gary Rossington left.  Wishbone Ash only has Andy Powell, but that’s because he won’t let Martin Turner into the band.  Ted Turner and Steve Upton are retired.  I don’t know if their absence is because Powell insists on keeping the profits to himself and touring with paid musicians, or whether Ted and Steve would rejoin even if Andy asked nicely and agreed to share $ with them on acceptable terms.   [Mind you, Rick Wright was demoted to paid musician on The Wall tour, but since that tour lost money, he was the only member of Pink Floyd to actually make money on that tour.] 

All these bands are getting old and losing their original members, leading some fans to accuse the current lineups of being little more than officially sanctioned tribute bands.  This is nothing new, though:  the Marshall Tucker Band lost Toy Caldwell ages ago (1993), and the Sensational Alex Harvey Band (SAHB) actually toured without Alex Harvey after his death.  

The fans seem to be split on this.  One segment refuses to see a band under these circumstances, no matter how well the band actually plays on stage; the other segment is willing to see the band IF the replacement members do a respectable job and know their places.  I took a chance and saw Wishbone Ash back in 2002 despite Andy Powell (as noted above) being the only original member, and I’m glad I did.  The rest of the band is competent and they play all the classic songs well.  Holding out for the return of both Turners and Upton means missing some good shows. 

Van Halen recently got David Lee Roth back, but bassist Michael Anthony was not invited back even though he was ready & willing to do so.  I suspect Eddie was paying his son Wolfgang nowhere close to the cut Anthony would be justified in asking for, so it’s money above all.  Having said that, we saw the show with Roth and he was fine.  Then again, we had never seen them play earlier with him (1984 and earlier tours) so the only comparison we had were the OU812 and F.U.C.K. tours with Sammy Hagar. 

Hell, there were people bitching that Tommy Clufetos was touring with Black Sabbath instead of Bill Ward on this final farewell tour.  But Ward has NEVER been consistent since 1978, dropping off tours as early as Mob Rules and Born Again, and only showing up again briefly in 1999.  Expecting him to tour now is downright idiotic, as is a boycott of a tour with Clufetos on drums.  

Finally, the big NO NO here was the infamous Deep Purple tour of 1980.  Rod Evans was the only original member left.  The Mark IV lineup had broken up back in 1976 and the other members were scattered through other bands like Rainbow and Whitesnake; fellow Mark I veteran, bassist Nick Simper, wisely refused to join this fiasco.  Yet they claimed to be Deep Purple and played Mark II and III material as it was their own.  Surely a distinction can be made between this blatant ripoff and an older band trying to bring music to the fans with as many original members as can reasonably get up on stage and play. 

One more thing I’d like to point out.  Not only musicians, but us fans as well are getting older and dying, whereas some fans are younger and had no opportunity to see the band play decades ago with its classic lineup intact.  For the latter group, the current lineup is the only option.   If you’ve seen the band play back in the day and don’t want to waste your money on what you consider a glorified tribute band, save your money and stay home.  As for me, intent on seeing the band in as many different lineups as possible, regardless of how many past shows I’ve seen, I’ll spend the money and see the show and won’t bitch that so & so is too old to tour, is dead, doesn’t get along with the rest of the band, or for whatever reason, good or bad, isn’t on the tour.  And I’ll enjoy sitting in the seat you might have taken if you weren’t staying home.  We all win.

Pink Triangle

I’ve been watching more of “Modern Family” – the gay couple, Mitchell and Cameron, are hilarious.  Both of them fit the stereotypes so well.  I suppose it’s time to tackle this particular issue.

 Hardcore haters.  I’ve noticed that the people who bark and bray the loudest against gays almost invariably wind up being bumped out the closet quite dramatically.  Whether it’s denial or self-hatred, I don’t know, but the gay bashers all too often seem to be confused as to which team they’re actually on.  On the other hand, simply not being a “sympathizer” and hanging out with gays, frequenting gay clubs, or embracing them and their lifestyle, is not even prima facie proof of being a “homophobe”.  

 Having said that, I do have a few problems with gays.  None relate to religion, though.

A.         Roger the Alien, from “American Dad”.  Rather, I should say this is my problem with gays as portrayed on TV.  Too many of them have this annoying tendency to be excessively impressed with their own wit and sophistication.  This pretentious depiction exceeds what I’ve noticed of gays in person.  The TV people are so intent on positive portrayals of gays that they go overboard with depictions that are, in fact, annoying.  Fortunately the “Modern Family” writers have dodged that bullet.

B.         I’m not particularly worried that a legion of gay men are going to find me irresistible and hunt me down.  I don’t find all women attractive; do all gay men find me attractive simply because I’m male?  Probably not - especially since not all women find me attractive either.  What I’d be more concerned about is being considered gay simply by association.  The way to avoid that is to avoid gay bars and other places where they socialize as a majority.  But even around Dupont Circle in DC, not every place is mobbed.  

            Way back when, on “L.A. Law”, Douglas Brachtman (Alan Rachins) was invited to lunch by an old friend (law school classmates?  I don’t remember) who wanted to disclose his orientation to him.  And this guy picked a restaurant known – apparently not to Brachtman – as a gay hangout, with serious consequences for Brachtman.  And I’m thinking, Mr. Pink Friend didn’t have to go to this particular place to make his big confession, he could have picked a regular restaurant.  All very well and fine to embrace who you are, but dragging your straight friend into the equation was gratuitous and inconsiderate – a serious lapse in discretion on his part.

C.         Flamers.  Now on “Dancing With the Stars” there is are not one but TWO flamers, Judge Bruno and the contestant Carson Kressley.  Lee, on “Desperate Housewives”, is the flamer; Jack (Sean Hayes) was the flamer on “Will & Grace”.   This is annoying, to be sure, but not offensive per se.  At least not to me.  Then again, a flamer is putting you on notice as to his orientation.  You have been warned!

 Metrosexuals.  “Metrosexual” basically means “acts gay but doesn’t sleep with men” – the whole manicure/pedicure, obsessive grooming and dressing, cooking & wine, etc.  I don’t think any of them are actually gay; to the contrary, it often seems like a desperate attempt by luckless straight guys who can’t seem to attract women any other way.  Be careful: she may think you’re actually gay.   

 Choice vs. Genes.  I really don’t care about this one way or another.  I have no attraction to men, and if put in a position where access to women was practically nil I’d just…take care of myself.  I’m not bisexual or even curious – and no amount of alcohol or drugs will change that.  Nor do I buy into this idea that (A) all women are secretly bisexual or (B) all men are “bi-curious”.  While I’m sure certain women are bisexual, it’s been my experience that this proportion is extremely small.  And my take on the latter is that many truly bisexual – or in fact, gay – men don’t want to admit that the majority of the male population is neither gay nor even bisexual, so they cook up this nonsense about “bi-curious”, partly defensive and partly wishful thinking. 

            But I say “irrelevant” for this reason:  I don’t really care WHY gays do what they do.  Whether something inside them makes them prefer other men, or one day they simply CHOSE to be gay, so long as their sex is 100% consensual and they leave me alone, what they do neither interests nor concerns me. 

            “Not that there’s anything wrong with it”. Jerry Seinfeld joked that straights were worried that with the proper “sales pitch”, they could be persuaded to switch sides.  “Start with holding hands, there’s no obligation.”  Whatever you are, you are, whether you’re in or out of the closet.  Closer examination reveals “switching sides” to be nothing more than “coming out” – a public recognition of true orientation rather than an actual change in preferences.

 Expediently Bisexual.   By this I mean the type of guys who will nail guys when women are not available, but are exclusively hetero when women are around.  The best examples involve (A) prison or (B) Islamic terrorists out in the field.  I’ve noted earlier about Yasser Arafat; the more knowledgeable experts, from Lawrence of Arabia all the way to the Israelis, have observed the dirty secret that the heavily homophobic Islamic world hides a substantial minority of repressed homosexuals.  As we saw during Prohibition (1919-1933), gun control, the Drug War, etc. repressing something never stamps out the behavior in question, it simply raises the cost of doing what we’d do anyway. 

 Molesters.  The big issue with molesters is not that they’re gay, it’s that they prey on children who are too young to understand what’s going on or too weak to resist.  And this is true whether the child is a little girl or a little boy.  It’s also objectionable when a person in a position of trust – e.g. a priest, father, uncle, Michael Jackson, etc. – takes advantage of that to satisfy his own darker desires at the expense of a small child. 

 Will & Grace.  This was the first show which really showcased the lifestyle.  I never watched it unless it came on the TV in front of me at gay church (the gym) while I was on the treadmill.  Even then it wasn’t particularly amusing or funny, just an excuse for these two (McCormack and Hayes) to marvel at their own wit.  I much prefer watching Mitchell and Cameron (and Lily) on “Modern Family” – a clever, sophisticated gay couple who AREN’T pretending to be the most intelligent people on the planet or better than all the straights around them.

 Freddie Mercury & Rob Halford.  We pretty much knew Queen had a bisexual singer; Mercury was fairly open about his lifestyle.  As for Judas Priest, Halford had consistently ACTED gay but denied it.  The music?  Queen did have a drama, show-tune kind of quality to their music, particularly “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “Flash Gordon”, but deep down inside the music still rocked.  Songs like “Best Friend” could be considered ambivalent, as with “Eat Me Alive” and “Love Bites”, two of JP’s more raunchier songs, with “Raw Deal” being the nastiest.  But the clever part about it is that Mercury and Halford knew how far they could go without stepping over the edge – make it, at worst, ambiguous and not explicit. 

            Of course, how could we have missed The Village People?  Apparently the Navy did.

 Gay Marriage.  My take on this is the following:  allow them to have “civil unions”.  If the state had a finite amount of marriages they were willing to perform each year, and straight couples were locked out because gay couples took up the available slots, then it would be a zero-sum game whereby gay marriages were imposing some sort of cost on straight ones; then I could see some sort of problem.  But civil unions do not (A) force straight people to marry gays, (B) prevent any straight couple from getting married if they want to, or (C) somehow “ruin” it for straight couples, who now have to get divorced, live together, or pursue common law marriages in the few states which still recognize them.  The state has no legitimate interest in interfering with the happiness of consenting adults.   

            Having said that, the Constitution has no provision protecting gay marriage (nor, for that matter, should it), so at this point the 50 individual states and D.C. can make their own determination.  If DC, MA, NY, CA, etc. want to legalize gay marriage (or civil unions) and VA, NC, SC, GA, MS, AL, FL, TX, AZ, etc. wish to ban it, that’s their prerogatives.  Part of the beauty of a federal system is that if you’re not thrilled with your state, you can move to a state you prefer; moving out of the country completely due to unfavorable Federal laws is considerably more inconvenient (and unfair) than simply crossing state lines.  This will clearly encourage gays to live in certain more “tolerant” parts of the country, but if they are in the minority in the “less tolerant” areas they really have no business dictating their particular political agenda to the rest of the state.  Tolerance works both ways, and gays have to accept that not everyone loves them, nor do they have the right to unconditional acceptance by the entire country.

 AIDSCAP.  Back in 1994 I had a temporary job working for this USAID agency in Arlington.  Myself and perhaps 3 other guys were the only straight men at this whole project.  However, only about 2-3 of the gay men were actually flamers; the rest were pretty normal.  I got along fine with everyone and was not molested, groped, or mistreated. 

            I did learn something interesting, though:  according to the literature put out by this agency, which was 99% pro-gay agenda, in the US the AIDS problem is 90% a gay problem.  It’s overseas in the Third World, where it seems half the male population regularly visits prostitutes, that straight men and women start having problems with AIDS. 

 Condemnation & Gay Rights.  Having said all that, South Park is still on point: “simply because you tolerate something doesn’t mean you have to like it.”  If gays are free to do as they please with each other, straights likewise have the right say what they want about them, and private organizations like the Boy Scouts have the right to screen out for gays.  Even G. Gordon Liddy pointed it out correctly:  gays have the SAME RIGHTS, no more, no less, as straight people; they have no “gay rights” and no rights specifically because they are gay.

             We know there are two kinds of vegetarian:  the Paul McCartney style who adopt it as a choice but respect the non-vegans’ rights and choices to continue to eat meat, vs. the militant types who try to gross us out from eating meat and ruin it for everyone.  Likewise there are the discreet gays who aren’t out to rub their lifestyle in our faces and just want to be left alone, vs. the militant types who flaunt it outrageously and get off on shock for the sake of shock.  The latter types aren’t doing the movement any favors; most straight people are content to let the gays alone so long as the sex is consensual and discreet.   

            Personally, I don’t think being gay is anything to be proud of, such that a “gay pride parade” is a good thing, but somehow I also don’t think that a Gay Shame Parade, where they block off the street for a few hours to see absolutely no one parade at all, would fly or work very well in practice.  The whole thing works best when everyone just minds their own business and leaves each other alone.

Judas Priest Then And Now

I recently caught Judas Priest on the Masters of Metal tour with Heaven & Hell and Motorhead.  Somehow I knew we weren’t going to hear “Dreamer Deceiver” or “Run of the Mill” (although Halford had specifically mentioned the latter song in a recent interview, which shows he hasn’t completely forgotten that era), so what we could expect would be the best of their more recent material.  I have to divide their material into two phases:  “old” and “metal”.

The “old” phase includes the first two albums Rocka Rolla and Sad Wings of Destiny.  Rocka Rolla has a few so-so songs, “Rocka Rolla” itself and “One For The Road”, the better ones, “Winter”/“Deep Freeze”/”Winter Retreat”/”Cheater”, “Never Satisfied”, “Dying to Meet You”, and the best of all of them, “Run of the Mill.”  Sad Wings has “Victim of Changes”, “Tyrant”, “Genocide”, “The Ripper”, “Island of Domination” (a great closer); the two light songs to balance it out, “Prelude” (opening side 2) and “Epitaph”; and my favorite Judas Priest song, hell, one of my favorite songs, period, by any band, “Dreamer Deceiver”/”Deceiver”.  Ages ago a pair of US teenagers killed themselves over this song, but I never heard anything in it which would lead to depression or suicide, or which I perceived as a call to either; “Beyond the Realms of Death”, however, would fit that role far better.  Priest were sued over the issue but won – rightly so.

This older material has a 70s feel and vibe to it, and Halford sometimes even sings with a normal voice (wait, is that the same guy? Do they have two singers?).  The clear highlights are “Run of the Mill” and “Dreamer Deceiver”, which have long, winding guitar solos and really take you up into the clouds, or deep into Hell.  I can hear some vague touches of this on Nostradamus, emphasis on the word “vague”.   Even the logo – in an English font – is somehow older than the more modern version they’ve had since Stained Class.  We picked these up on vinyl back in 1984.  Just like Rush prefer to avoid mentioning Fly By Night and Caress of Steel (I’m sure Neil Peart cringes whenever anyone even mentions “The Necromancer”) Judas Priest tend to avoid these albums.  Even “Ripper” and “Victim of Changes” are out of the setlist these days.  With “Live At Wacken” the Scorpions played with Michael Schenker and Uli Roth, and played songs from their first two albums Lonesome Crow and Fly to the Rainbow, which have a similarly stylistic relationship to the rest of the Scorpions’ mainstream metal material.  If the Scorpions can Accept their past, why not Judas Priest?  In addition to the usual gripes about the sound quality, they talk about not having the rights to this material – so it can’t be properly remastered the way Sin After Sin and later albums were redone.  What we need is a tribute band to play a 1975-era Judas Priest lineup.

Alan Atkins.  This was the first singer, before Rob Halford.  His name still appears on credits for some songs on the first two albums, including “Victim of Changes”.  In a more recent interview he explains that he left the band because he didn’t think it was going anywhere; most likely it was Halford’s voice which made the difference, so yes, they weren’t going anywhere – with him.  I got his solo album, which contains reworked versions of some of those songs.  Verdict?  Excellent voice, but not Halford – like comparing a Z/28 to a Corvette.  [Hmm… maybe get Atkins to sing for that tribute band….]

The “metal” era starts with the third album, Sin After Sin, and continues to the present, including the classic albums British Steel, Screaming for Vengeance, and Defenders of the Faith.  Of these, Defenders is my favorite, even over British Steel.  From “Freewheel Burning” all the way to “Defenders of the Faith”, the album is solid.  The production kicks ass, without being too polished (it also happens to be the very first Priest album I ever listened to, which may affect my objectivity somewhat).  Ram It Down and Painkiller were a little too raw and obnoxious; I analogized Painkiller to daring someone to drive fast, and they did so pulling their tired, broken-down Chevy Nova (80s era) to 100 mph with the damn thing falling apart.   I’ll probably catch hell from the entire faithful for saying this (especially since I don’t like Painkiller), but I like Turbo.  “Parental Guidance” and “Private Property” are bit too catchy and goofy, but the rest – particularly “Out in the Cold” and “Reckless” are fine. 

            As for the other albums, Sin After Sin gives us “Sinner”, Stained Class gives us “Beyond the Realms of Death” (now THAT’S a call to suicide), Hell Bent For Leather gives us “Delivering the Goods” and “Before The Dawn”, and Point of Entry gives us…well ok, it’s a shitty album.  For some reason, I can’t get too excited about the Halford comeback album Angel of Retribution, though I can’t identify any truly Point of Entry moments on it.  In any case, these albums established Judas Priest as one of metal’s defining elements, even before Iron Maiden came around to give them competition.  [Incidentally, if you subtract out the people wearing t-shirts of bands actually appearing at a metal concert, which includes freshly purchased tour shirts, and disqualify an Iron Maiden concert (for obvious reason), the most common band’s t-shirts at most metal shows seems to be Iron Maiden.  They must have an entire village in Indonesia doing nothing but making 1000 different Maiden shirts.]

Halford’s solo & Lifestyle.  For a brief period of time, Halford went off on his own, with two thrashy/industrial projects, Two and Fight (neither of which I’ve heard) before establishing a very brief solo career of material which sounded more like Judas Priest than Priest itself, which at the time was indulging its thrashier tendencies with Ripper Owens for two albums, Jugulator and Demolition. 

            Back when we were in high school, our friend Sean claimed that Halford was gay.  At this time Halford was still denying it – but dressing in leather, with the spikes, etc.  Hey, he denied it, it was good enough for us, even if we did share Sean’s suspicion, if not his conviction.  After Halford left Priest, he finally came out of the closet, and admitted that – despite all the denials to the contrary all this time – he had always been gay (he revealed that his dream celebrity crush was on…Howie Long!  I wonder if Long himself has ever been notified of this as-yet unrequited love).  Looking back, none of the songs have lyrics which would indicate this, with the possible exception of “Raw Deal” from Sin After Sin,  Was Point of Entry an anatomical reference?  It would be more accurate to say that some songs such as “Eat Me Alive” and “Before the Dawn” could be interpreted as having a female OR male love interest, but they are deliberately vague and ambiguous.  The reality was that we really didn’t care much when he did come out.  Part of that was because we already “knew” (despite the denials – and thanks to Sean!) and part was because the music really didn’t reflect his orientation.  We enjoyed the music before, and we still do.  What he does behind closed doors is his own business, as distasteful as we may find it.  We’ll focus on the music instead.  If the next Priest album, after Nostradamus, is called Penetrator, with songs about “between the pitcher and the catcher”…then we’ll find another band to listen to.

Ripper Owens.  Talk about up and down.  On one hand the guy went from being in a Judas Priest tribute band, to replacing Rob Halford himself.  On the other, he was put in the position of singing thrash songs on two Priest albums, Jugulator and Demolition, which are extremely atypical albums.  Vocally he acquits himself well, and he also does a passable Halford impression on the classic JP tracks on their live album from this era.  Similarly, these albums sound like well-executed thrash metal performed by competent musicians.  If you like or want that kind of stuff, it’s not bad.  For some reason, though, I can’t bring myself to compare it to Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax, Slayer, or Trouble, which are “real” thrash bands; I can only compare it to other Judas Priest material, and it comes up short.  By being put in this bizarre position, Owens was doomed to failure.  It was as if the Beatles hired a different drummer to replace Ringo, but only to make two albums of reggae music.  Of course Halford eventually came back, and of course, Owens was let go.  The whole thing is surreal, like a dream that’s so fucked up you can’t even call it a nightmare.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot.  If they ever gather all the Judas Priest live DVDs together as a group package, they should definitely include this.  Although it clocks in at all of 15 minutes – and the band itself is completely absent from it - this low budget (local access cable) documentary clearly captures the audience of a Judas Priest concert at its worst…er…best.   And I have to confess that had I been there in May 1986 at the Cap Center parking lot, waiting for the Turbo show to begin, I’d have been just as stupid and incoherent as any of the live action Beavis & Butt-heads they found cheering, hooting and hollering.  The extra features are just as entertaining, including “Neil Diamond Parking Lot”, a reunion with some of the HMPL morons, and one fan’s fairly accurate analysis of Judas Priest’s albums.  This movie is definitely a must-see for any true Judas Priest fan who was “there” in the 80s, even if they weren’t in that particular parking lot.  However, for anyone not into this music to see this film would give a grossly inaccurate picture of the music itself, as Judas Priest are far more intelligent and competent musicians than their fans would indicate.  However it is, after all, heavy metal, just some of the better examples of that genre.