Ted Lasso and Major League

 

Season 1 of Ted Lasso came out in August 2020, and season 2 was released more recently, both on Apple TV.  That streaming service also gives us For All Mankind, the alternate history story, in two seasons, which speculates what might have happened had the Soviets beat us to the Moon in 1969.  In real life, despite having a head start with Sputnik in 1957 and Yuri Gargarin in 1961, we caught up to them and beat them to the moon, at which point the Sovs then implausibly denied they were even trying to compete with us.  There’s also Foundation, which is based on the Isaac Asimov stories – which I have not read.

Ted Lasso.  This features Jason Sudeikis as the central character.  It seems a fictional Premier League (top tier) soccer team, AFC Richmond, from London, wound up being owned by a vindictive woman, Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham) out to destroy the team out of spite for her ex-husband, who cheated on her and now has a baby on the way with his 20-something sex kitten.  So she hires Ted Lasso, a college football coach from Kansas City, USA of all places, with absolutely ZERO prior experience in soccer, let alone a Premier League team. 

Lasso appears to be a lightweight, annoyingly optimistic and naïve, with as little clue about London and England as he does about soccer.  He brings his assistant coach (Beard, and he has a beard, Brendan Hunt) along with him.  The local fans are highly skeptical of his chances (WANKER is the universal cheer at the local pub, not meant endearingly) as are the players and the local press.  Lasso also learns, firsthand, how brutal not only the English tabloids can be, but also mainstream journalists as well, e.g. Trent Crimm from the Independent (James Lance).  It seems literally everyone has written him off.

Remarkably, he rises to the challenge, and somehow manages to navigate all these obvious issues, partly with his happy-go-lucky charm but also with a fair amount of strength of character which eventually cuts through the incessant cynicism.  It turns out he has some underlying issues which make his character not only more complex but also more sympathetic.  Season 2 picks up with the team finally turning things around, partly with the help of a therapist.  What’s interesting is that though AFC Richmond itself is fictional, the team is up against real-life Premier League rivals such as Liverpool, Manchester City, Tottenham, West Ham, Aston Villa, etc., all names which soccer fans are sure to recognize. 

I also find the array of characters to be highly entertaining.  Higgins (Jeremy Swift), the owner’s XO, bumped around without a permanent office; Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein), the abusive and cynical ex-player who winds up a sports anchor – with NO filter! – and then back on the team as an assistant coach; his GF, Keely (Juno Temple), very cute (!!!); Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster), one of these spoiled, highly talented but egotistical players who left the team earlier with extreme prejudice only to have Man City dump him – and then no one else will take him except his former team, with whom he’s already burned all his bridges and has to crawl back begging for his old job back.  ("Be careful who you piss on, on your way up, as you'll be meeting them on your way down...") That’s just a few…

I’ll spare anyone spoilers or specific details of the plot and simply advise:  you may well find the modest fee for Apple TV to be worth it for this show alone, never mind the aforementioned sci-fi shows which are worthy in their own right as well.

Major League.  My buddy Dave advised me that the “team sabotaged by a vindictive female owner” plot was the premise of this 1989 film about the Cleveland Indians.  I saw it when it came out but I don’t think I’d seen it again before now, when I took another look at it. 

In this case the owner, Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton) is angling to move the Indians from cold, dreary Cleveland to warm, sunny Miami.  The catch is that the team is bound by contract to remain in Cleveland…UNLESS their attendance figures fall below a certain number.   So she deliberately assembles a motley crew of renegades, washouts, and misfits deliberately calculated to result in a last place finish.  The team includes catcher Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger) whose knees sidelined him earlier; the temperamental pitcher Ricky Vaughn (Charlie Sheen); pampered, rich third baseman Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen, aka Arnie Becker from “L.A. Law”), voodoo shaman Cerrano from Cuba (errr.. I thought voodoo was from Haiti, not Cuba, but whatever) (Dennis Haysbert); and flashy Willie Mays Hayes (Wesley Snipes).  Rene Russo plays Berenger’s love interest, and Bob Uecker is basically playing himself as the team’s announcer,  Harry Doyle.

I have to marvel at how much I remember from this film despite only having seen it once.  Dorn’s wife catches him slipping away behind a TV commentator at a party with another woman, so she seduces Vaughn at a bar.  When housemate Taylor sees her leaving Vaughn’s bed the next morning, Vaughn says, “honest, I had no idea who she was!”  

Getting back to the basic premise, eventually the team learns of Rachel’s ulterior motive and decides to pull out all the stops and get to the Series for the team’s first title since 1948 – and winds up against the Yankees, of all teams.  I would think that once the team entered playoff contention the attendance would surpass the threshold which would allow it to walk away from the lease with the city.  Certainly once it made the playoffs itself, you could expect the stadium to be mostly full.  Either way, it’s an entertaining story, made more so by watching Sheen’s later work – “Two and a Half Men” – and indulging in the Washington Nationals in recent seasons with my brother. 

Actually, the two wind up as opposites of “Fever Pitch”.  The original featured Colin Firth (with buddy Mark Strong) as die hard Arsenal supporters in London, with the remake featuring Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore as Red Sox fans.  

Baseball

 

I mentioned this back in 2011, in a blog about lots of different sports, for which I devoted a paragraph to baseball.   Attending quite a few games in the recent past, an update may be in order.

 First off, I never attended a baseball game as a kid, back when the Orioles were playing in the prior stadium.  My family weren’t big on sports.  No Redskins games at RFK, nor any Bullets games at the Cap Centre (RIP).  We may have seen one hockey game there, the Caps vs. the Colorado Rockies. 

 A few years ago my buddy Dave and I saw the Orioles play against the Yankees at Yankee Stadium.  We were up high and behind home plate.  I recall we had a good time, but Dave felt the PA was a bit loud – “Abu Gharib level”. 

 More recently my brother has tickets to the Washington Nationals, whose stadium, brand new, is in Southwest DC near the Navy Yard, a few blocks away from the War College.  We saw at least one World Series game vs. the Astros, but the final game was in Houston – which we still watched, with everyone else, at the Nats stadium.   Lately I’ve been attending more of the current season games, and his seats are well situated, upper deck over by third base.  You get a good view of the field and you’re high enough up that the fans are less inclined to verbalize their thoughts and comments, incessantly so, to the players down below. 

 Last weekend we saw the Nats play the Orioles at Camden Yards.  We had been to Hammerjacks twice, then M&T Bank Stadium next door for the Metallica concert in May 2017, but never to Camden Yards.  A good experience, except for a heckler right behind us, a Nats fan, who would NOT SHUT UP.  You know, the kind of guy overly impressed with his own wit and verbosity, the kind of asshole who can’t enjoy the game without ruining the whole experience for everyone else around him.  At a concert this would be the 6’5” jackass who insists on standing front and center, blocking everyone else’s view and insisting that he has the right to stand wherever he wants.  Or the mosher who wants to smash into everyone else instead of watching the band itself. 

 I found the food at Nats Stadium to be aggressively bland, like deliberately bad and overpriced as “the experience”.  The pizza at Camden Yards was good, and it’s hard to screw up a bottle of Pepsi.  I suppose the “CHARGE!” and “MAKE SOME NOISE!” exhortations to the crowd are less objectionable elements of the experience.

 Race!  The Nats have four mascot-type “Presidents” with oversized heads race against each other. They seem to be George Washington (#1), Thomas Jefferson (#3), Abraham Lincoln (#16) and Theodore Roosevelt (#26).  For the Nats I would recommend they use the full range of 45 Presidents racing against each other.  Hell, have Grover Cleveland (#22) race against himself (#24).  Come on, pick some more obscure or oddball presidents for the race.  William Henry Harrison vs. his grandson Benjamin Harrison!  John Adams vs. his son John Quincy Adams!  George H.W. Bush vs. GWB!  Andrew Johnson vs. Lyndon Johnson!  Kennedy vs. Nixon!  Gerald Ford and Joe Biden stumbling after each other!  FDR in a wheel chair!   Have Alec Baldwin play Millard Fillmore – or Trump.  I’m sure that will push his buttons. 

 Impressions.  We all know how the game works, so here are my little tidbits.

1.         Time.  Football, basketball, hockey and soccer are all timed.  Aside from overtime, you know when the game will end.  NFL games last 3 hours, except for the Superb Bowl, which lasts 4, due to that halftime nonsense no one really cares about.  But baseball goes by innings.  It’s not over until the ninth inning – or extra innings if the game is tied.  Again, even when timed games go into overtime, the overtime is timed… know what I’m saying?  We saw the England vs. Italy game go to penalty kicks. 

2.         Ninth inning.  I was intrigued by this.  If the team at bat in the top of the inning finishes the ninth still losing, the game ends there.  If the team at bat in the bottom of the inning scores so much as one run more than the other team in the bottom of the ninth, the game ends there.

 3.        Fouls as strikes.  Here’s what really annoys me.  Fouls count as strikes, but not as the THIRD strike.  This means the batter can literally hit as many foul balls as he likes.   I’d rather speed the game up by allowing a foul ball to cause a strikeout.

4.         Scoring on defense.  Basketball, hockey and soccer don’t really have offense and defense; whichever team happens to have possession is on offense.  In football, a fumble or interception, especially when the team on offense is way back on its own side of the field, can be run in for a touchdown.  With baseball, there’s no way for the team on the field to score.  Its best case scenario is strikeouts or fly balls.  But we still have to wait for all those damn foul balls.

 As an adult, I haven’t played any baseball.  As a kid, we played in the youth leagues in Gaithersburg, which uses a pitching machine which put the ball straight across the plate.  Not sure I recall any batters being hit or walked.   More fun, though, was the Intellivision baseball game.  

Nats WIN!

In June 2018 the Capitals won the Stanley Cup over the Las Vegas Golden Knights.  I wrote a blog on the issue almost immediately, and about 3 weeks later had completely erased all memory of this occasion from my brain.  When the Nats recent World Series victory over the Houston Astros had people also bringing up the Caps’ win, I had to look it up again.  Oh, 2018.  No wonder.

Anyhow.

My brother became a Nationals fan in recent years.  I live at Bailey’s Crossroads, in Northern Virginia.  This is very close to Washington, DC, and on many trips, either to New Jersey or to Prince George’s County, Maryland, I take the major highway 395 into DC, a route which takes me past Nationals Park.

On two prior occasions, not during this season, my brother has brought me to Nationals games.  These were regular season games and losses, sparsely attended with a minimum of excitement – especially by the fans who were present and not too thrilled to see their team lose yet again – least of all to the Phillies, who the Nationals do not seem to like.

This time around the Nationals made the playoffs.   I tracked their progress through the bracket, starting with their wildcard win over the Milwaukee Brewers and their ultimate faceoff against the Houston Astros. 

I did NOT attend any of the local games, and of course did not go to Houston to attend any away games.  Some games I watched on TV, some games I followed over the Internet, and Game 6 (10/29) I watched at Nationals Park with my brother and many very enthusiastic Nats fans who watched the team conclusively defeat the Astros and keep their hopes alive to force a Game 7 the following evening.  I found that experience highly enjoyable, especially since the Nats won.  Although the game itself was not occurring there, simply being shown on literally every flat screen TV in the venue, the presence of so many fans, even in the stands – with the game televised on the huge main monitor – it was almost like being at the game itself.   Oh, and they also gave us free small red towels, though they look too small to be of much use for anything other than cleaning your kitchen or bathroom.  I’d welcome an explanation as to their purpose, though I appreciate the gift. 

As a member of the Virginia Bar, I have continuing legal education (CLE) requirements which culminated on October 31, 2019.  I had to watch some of these on the night of October 30, so on that evening I was watching online legal seminars while keeping track of Game 7 – NATS WON!  WOOHOO!

I mentioned baseball earlier but I’ll mention it again here in more detail.

Best of 7.   Part of what turns me off about baseball, basketball and hockey is that the playoffs and finals are best of 7 rather than a single Super Bowl.   Either there’s a 4 game sweep – 19 World Series – a 7 game series – 35 World Series – or something in between.   That taxes my patience  unless I have some particular connection, as I did with the Nationals this year.  With the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the NBA Playoffs, and the World Series playoffs I’ve been printing out the playoff bracket and keeping track of the eliminations, but not watching any actual games.  Here I didn’t actually start watching games until the Nats finally wound up in the final series against the Astros. 

Nats Fan?   Actually, only in the loosest sense.   I had zero reason to support the Astros, and as a Maryland native and UMCP graduate I should be an Orioles fan.   But I’ve never had a chance to see a game at Camden Yards, despite passing it frequently as the main street feeds off I-95 into downtown Baltimore.  Likewise, my sole visit to M&T Bank Stadium, almost next door, was not for a Ravens game but for a Metallica concert in May 2017.  Either way, I don’t think I can truly call myself a Nats fan, especially since the existing fans may resent my bandwagon deal with the World Series win.  But I’m happy to cheer the team and share their excitement, joy, and pride at this victory.

 

Score on Defense.   One thing that highly bugs me about baseball is that you can’t score on defense.  The prior weekend I briefly saw a college football game, in which a defensive player intercepted a pass in his team’s endzone, burst through the opposing players, and run the ball all the way back to the opposite endzone for a touchdown.   Awesome, huh?  But in baseball your best case scenario when your team is on the field is strikeouts, fly balls, or ground outs.

Mostly I catch and understand baseball.  Back when we played Intellivision, the MLB baseball game was one of our favorite games, especially with its crude umpire voice.  “YER OUT!”  Sadly, a game with no runs by either team is dull, UNTIL players actually get on base and then a player hits a home run.   This tedious business of ball…ball…strike…ball…FOUL (effectively unlimited foul balls because they don’t count as a third strike)….whoa! is that a home run??  Oh, dang, too far to the left or right, just a big foul ball…etc. wears me down and puts me to sleep.  Then there’s a ground out or a fly ball – OUT!  Do home runs offset runless innings?  Not sure.  I suppose the bottom line is that I’m probably not going to be interested enough in watching a game unless I care for one of the teams playing, e.g. the Nationals. 

Yankees.  The only other stadium I’ve been to is Yankee Stadium, the current version, seeing them crush the Oreos with my buddy Dave.  He described the PA system as being a bit on the loud side, “Abu Gharib” as he put it.  I picked Aaron Judge as my favorite Yankee player.   

Rendon.  If I had to pick a favorite National, it’s Anthony Rendon, the third baseman.  He hit key home runs in games 6 and 7, and caught some left field line drives and zipped them over to Zimmerman to knock out the runner on his way to first base.   The funny thing is he’s originally from Houston, Texas, and those two games were in Houston.  D’oh!     

Anyhow – I found this World Series exciting and enjoyable, and here’s hoping either the Nats or the Oreos wind up in next year’s series.  

Live Sports

I’ve gone on at length about my concert experience – mainly because it’s extensive enough to discuss at length.  Here it’s the opposite:  I can address this issue because of my relative lack of experience.  I don’t consider myself a sports fan, although I do watch the NFL and the Super Bowl. 

Football.   I grew up in Maryland in the 1970s, though never became a Redskins or Colts fan.   This was when the Vikings were doing fairly well, going to three Super Bowls with Fran Tarkenton – I’m too young to remember their first Super Bowl against the Chiefs, but in any case that was with Joe Kapp, as Tarkenton was playing with the NY Giants at the time.

I’ve seen several concerts at RFK Stadium, but no Redskins games.   My only visit to M&T Bank Stadium was a recent Metallica show, which I enjoyed. 

College.  I went to University of Maryland, College Park, from 1986 to 1990.  Byrd Stadium is large and conveniently located, and us students were given good deals on tickets to ensure a stadium packed with a loyal home audience.   Moreover, the QB at the time was Neil O’Donnell, who later went on to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers, continuing UM’s  tradition of providing the NFL with halfway decent quarterbacks like Boomer Esiason.

University of Maryland vs. ?, Byrd Stadium.  Probably freshman year.   I can’t remember the ACC rival or the outcome.  I did enjoy the atmosphere.  I was up in the stands, behind the endzone.  I was probably NOT drinking.

NFL.     Washington Redskins vs ?, FedEx Field.   I went with my brother.   We were up high on the sides, perhaps accompanied by his son, my nephew, Ian.  I can’t remember the outcome.  Even though the Vikings are in a different division than the Redskins, occasionally they come here to play during the regular season, e.g. week 10 of last year – I can’t recall why I didn’t bother to go to that game. 

Baseball.   I’m not a big fan of baseball, hardly ever watch it – even the World Series – and virtually never attend in person.  I could scarcely drum up enthusiasm for the Orioles or the Nationals.  I’ve been past Camden Yards dozens of times without ever going inside it.  But I have seen two games, both of which I enjoyed.

Nationals vs. Phillies, Nationals Stadium.   Philadelphia is close enough so that the audience was 50% visiting team fans.  The Phillies won.  Matt took me with Ian.  A good time overall.

Yankees vs. Orioles, Yankee Stadium.   I went with Dave, who is a Yankees fan and we enjoyed it, notwithstanding the loud PA system.  The Yankees crushed the Orioles 16-3.  

Basketball.   Not a basketball fan at all, and I’ve never seen an NBA game.  Nor do I plan on it.

Georgetown, UM.   In the 70s, we went to a Georgetown game with our friends, the O’Connells.  I don’t know why (maybe a birthday party event).  What I recall was spending the game making fun of the players.

Later on, I went to one Terps game at Cole Field House.  Not bad, but not compelling either.   The Terps won the NCAA Final Four in 2002, which I paid attention to at the time, but I generally do not follow them.  Generally I went to Cole Field House to jog around the concourse for exercise.

Hockey.   Guess what, not a hockey fan, of the Caps or otherwise.   However, I have been to a few games.

Capitals vs. Rockies, Cap Center.   Late 70s, a group of us kids went and enjoyed it. 

Ottawa ‘67s vs. Sudbury Wolves.  In 1991 I visited my buddy Sean, ASP class of ’86 like me, who lives in Ottawa.   He felt (correctly) the visit wouldn’t be complete without a hockey game.  At that time the Ottawa Senators did not yet exist (coming online the following season), so we went to a minor league game.  I enjoyed it.

Soccer.  Despite growing up in Paris, and visiting London several times back then, I resisted the call until a Brazilian (former) girlfriend, a proud carioca, infected me with this damn virus, in 2000.  Since then I’ve seen a few soccer games.

DC United vs. LA Galaxy; DC United vs. Bayer Leverkusen (exhibition); Barcelona vs. AC Milan (exhibition).  All were at RFK, the only times I caught sporting events at what used to be the Redskins’ home stadium.   All were enjoyable, if only marginally memorable.  We have yet to develop sufficient enthusiasm and passion for the game to produce any hooligans – as The Simpsons have noted (Groundskeeper Willie: "You call this a soccer riot???") - so our soccer experience is fairly tame by international standards.

Flamengo vs. Fluminense, Maracana Stadium, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  While this wasn’t a final, it was a regular season game between Rio de Janeiro’s archrivals, at the famous stadium in Rio.  We were in the lower tier (tourists) while the die hard fans were up in the second tier.  One half was red and black, chanting MEN-GO!  (Flamengo), the opposite side, in dark green and maroon, responding NEN-SE (Fluminense).  This traditional rivalry is called “FLA-FLU”.   Now-retired soccer star Romario, previously linked to Flamengo, was actually playing for Fluminense.  Flamengo scored an early goal, responded by 3 from Flumimense, so apparently it was game over for the Mengão.  NOPE.  They wound up scoring three more goals, ending up in 4-3.   Those of us familiar with 0-0 being an acceptable result for a non-final game will remark at this, as did the headlines of the local papers afterwards. 

Funny enough, this was on the same day as the Patriots-Panthers Super Bowl – yes, the Janet Jackson Bowl.  We had the bus drop us off close to Ipanema, because the Super Bowl was NOT – shock horror, I know – being televised on local TV, so we had to watch at the Lord Jim Pub.  I wound up getting drunk on hard cider, spending all my cab money on that (cider being three times as expensive as draft beer, but much less filling) so I walked from this pub, on the border of Ipanema and Leblon, all the way to Leme, which is at the other end of Copacabana.  [Much like the time I walked home from the New 9:30 Club after a Monster Magnet show, the Metro had closed, so I went down 14^th Street, across M Street to Key Bridge, and home to Rosslyn, though nowhere near as drunk as I had been in Rio].  

Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, and Other Sports

A few months ago my brother took me to the Nationals game at Nationals Park, my first baseball game ever.  Although the Nationals performed poorly against the Phillies – and the crowd was 50% Phillies fans – I still enjoyed the experience.  Maybe not enough to get season tickets, but if the opportunity arises again, I’d be inclined to take it.  I’ve driven past Camden Yards in Baltimore dozens of times without ever attending an Orioles game.  I suppose I’m long overdue.  But this gives me the opportunity to comment on sports other than the two I actually follow:  NFL and professional soccer.

 Baseball.  It’s funny, I understand most of baseball.  Balls, strikes, walks, outs, fly balls, innings, home runs, grand slams, etc.   I even understand about rotating pitchers whose arms wear out and drift further and further from strikeouts, much less no-hitters.  One of my favorite Intellivision games was the MLB game.

            What I really don’t buy into is this “America’s past-time”, “take me out to the ball game”, nostalgic reverence for baseball and adoration for Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner, Hank Aaron, Mickey Mantle, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, etc., the classic ballparks, and really can’t stand “The Natural”, “Bull Durham”, “Major League”, “The Rookie” and all those teary-eyed baseball movies – much less sharing George Will’s bizarre, academic, abstract appreciation for the game.  I zone out about National League vs. American League, and don’t follow the games.  I don’t even watch during the World Series.  But if I’m forced to watch a game, I can follow it and enjoy it.  I played baseball and softball in school much younger, and I tended to enjoy it – with the exception of being stuck out in the outfield by a coach who didn’t like me.  I was OK – I could hit the ball and catch it fairly well, not spectacularly but not useless either; “adequate” probably best describes my aptitude at baseball.  Aside from that, I’m fairly neutral (definitely not hostile) towards baseball.  I suppose I’m an Orioles fan, but very lukewarm at best.

 Basketball.  Like soccer, basketball can rapidly change from offense to defense, but the scores are much higher – never a 0-0 tie! – and the action is far more intense.  But for some reason I can’t really get into it.  Here’s another sport where I understand the basics but zone out on the subtleties.  I don’t watch the Finals.  I don’t even have a favorite team.  As for ability, I’m in the lower percentiles in amateur games, just one step up from totally useless.  (If I had to pick the sport I play best at, it would be soccer.)

Hockey.  Same with hockey.  I get the idea – skate around on the ice, try to hit the puck into the net past the goalie.  Beyond that I zone out again.  And I don’t have a favorite team.  The fights don’t interest me either.   I have never played ice hockey, but I enjoyed field hockey ages ago at school.

 Lacrosse.  Never played this, even at college.  I really can’t imagine why anyone athletic enough to play lacrosse wouldn’t prefer to play football instead.  I wouldn’t call it a “faggot sport” but it really doesn’t compete well with most any other team sport.

 Golf.  Talk about boring.  I’ve played golf a few times, and really did not like it.  Face it: your best case scenario is to hit the ball into the hole the first time, every time, and then go home. The sole source of enjoyment I get on a golf course is driving the cart around.

            Golf strikes me as a sport designed to (hope) to make you look rich and sophisticated without having a shred of athletic ability or working up a sweat – a game for rich, out-of-shape men to enjoy.  It’s a degree removed from sitting in a fishing boat, drinking beer and waiting for a fish dumb enough to bite your hook.  At least with golf you walk around, swing a club, and walk some more.  I agree it takes skill to golf well, but I still find hitting the ball – whether with a driver, an iron, or a putter – very dull and watching someone else do it, no matter how good they are, is ten times duller.  The sad part this is this: the easier they make it look, the better they are at it, the more boring it looks.

 Bowling.  I went bowling recently, and enjoyed it.  Of course, this time the alley had gutter guards, which prevented 2-3 of the balls in each game from being gutter balls.  I did get a few strikes and spares.  This is a game I’d probably enjoy more if I had some decent lessons and better technique.  Unfortunately, I don’t know how much I’d enjoy throwing 11 strikes (a perfect 300 game), but this is something I probably don’t have to worry about.

 Boxing/MMA.  I don’t care if it’s Rocky, Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, or whoever, I find this dull.  Two guys beating each other up.  And MMA tends to degenerate into jiu jitsu all too often, which to my eyes is indistinguishable from wrestling (not the make-believe professional type).  I did enjoy aikido when I was involved with that (1995-99, ending up with a black belt) but watching martial arts or boxing is not particularly interesting.  Some of the movies, e.g. “Enter the Dragon” and Jackie Chan films, or the more recent slew of implausibly but impressively choreographed martial films such as “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” or even “Kung Fu Shuffle” and “Kung Fu Panda” (yes, I know it’s animated) are enjoyable.  I suppose “The Matrix” even qualifies as a martial arts film.

 The Olympics.  I tend to zone out on this: leaving aside sports like soccer or basketball which have non-Olympic equivalents, the main summer Olympic games are track and field, which don’t interest me.  Skiing is OK for winter Olympics, but not exciting to watch – much more fun to actually do in person.

 X-Games.  I watched some of the skateboarding and biking.  They look fun.  Like skiing, this looks like something more fun to do than to watch.   Unfortunately, 42 seems a little old for skateboarding, but I was tempted to join in at Venice Beach were it not for….not having a skateboard.

 Women and sports.   About the only women’s sport I pay any attention to is gymnastics, but “women” there is loosely used, few of these girls are as old as 16.  They do have nice legs.

            As for women actually watching sports:  my experience is that the majority of women do not care for sports, even (or especially) women’s sports.  Those that do, do so for the following reasons:  (1) to hook up with guys, (2) to watch the guys playing the sports, or (3) shock, horror and amazement, they actually DO like the sport.

 Poker.  PLEASE, don’t get me started on this.  This is not a sport.  Why is this on ESPN?  I agree it takes skill to play, a skill I concede I lack.  But this requires no athletic ability.  Big Blue could play it.  Keep it off the “sports” channel.

 Having said all these nasty things about other sports, I will agree 100% that soccer – one of my own favorites – can be excruciatingly dull to watch, especially those terrible games that go on for 0-0 even after overtime and require a penalty shoot-out (which is only required when they absolutely, positively can’t tolerate a tie).  And the brutal action of the NFL is often interrupted by penalties, commercials (scarcely appreciable with the obvious exception of the Super Bowl), and referee review of questionable calls.  Bad games are bad games.  But those are the sports I enjoy watching – and to a lesser extent, when the opportunity arises, playing.