Heavy Metal

Here’s yet another remarkable topic:  previously untouched (Dana Carvey as Robin Leach: “I don’t know WHYYY!”) and practically writing itself.  I suppose the critical mass was seeing the sequel and digesting its soundtrack album. 

There are not one, but two films based on the sci-fi cartoon magazine.  That started in 1977 in the US and is still published today.  The main topic is science fiction, of course, but there’s a fair amount of nudity and sex as well, which makes it a modest substitute for porn when you’re too young to buy porn. (Not that I would know.)  It’s based on a French comics magazine, Metal Hurlant (Screaming Metal), which started in 1975.  So let’s give the French credit for something cooler than wine and 2CVs. 

Heavy Metal (1981 film).  We saw this in the movie theater in Paris in 1982.  I was 13 at the time, and Paris had two levels of rating:  “Interdit au moins 18 ans” (forbidden to those under 18 years old, essentially rated X or NC17, 90% applicable to porn movies, 10% to ultraviolent films, and in all my time in Paris, even returning after I turned 18, I never saw a single AUM18 film in the movie theater); and “interdit au moins 14 ans” (forbidden to those under 14 years old, essentially PG-13).  The box office sold me a ticket without a fuss, the usher let me in without a fuss.  Also, no problem for my brother, who was 12 at the time.  Paris!

Several unrelated segments.

1.         Intro.  Corvette descends from space, driver is the scientist, who deposits the Loc-Nar at home, only to be devoured by it.  The Loc-Nar then begins narrating its story to the scientist’s horrified daughter.

2.         Harry Canyon.  A cab driver from NYC in 2031 (not Bruce Willis) picks up an attractive woman escaping thugs with the Loc-Nar.  She stays with him and rewards him with cartoon sex.  Eventually she makes a deal to sell the Loc-Nar to some scumbags but screws up in trying to betray Harry.  Bitch.

3.         Den.  Nerdy teenager (brilliantly voiced by John Candy) is teleported to a fantasy word where he becomes a bald Conan-type guy, Den.  He befriends a hot chick – more cartoon sex.  They’re captured by a quasi gay guy who wants Den to steal the Loc-Nar from a sexy but evil Queen.  Den agrees, has more cartoon sex – this time with the Queen – and the Loc-Nar is stolen again.  Both QGG and EQ are defeated, and Den rides away with the Hot Chick, refusing to take possession or control of the Loc-Nar. 

Ok, that’s it for the cartoon sex, for those looking for that.  But much more fun is still in store…

4.         Captain Stern.  Stern (Eugene Levy) is on trial for various misdeeds, ignoring his lawyer (Joe Flaherty) advising him to plead guilty.  “I have an angle”, Stern assures him.  Indeed he does:  the prosecution’s star witness, Hanover Fist, has agreed to change his testimony.  But the Loc-Nar interferes, turning meek, humble Fist into an angry beast testifying AGAINST Stern and then chasing him throughout the space station to the tune of “Reach Out” (Cheap Trick).  Finally Stern manages to resolve the situation.  [Or did he?  Fist had already testified against him, and I seem to recall a court reporter at trial.  Hmmm.....]  Note: the prosecutor was voiced by John Vernon, best known as Dean Wormer in “Animal House”.

5.         B-17.  A WWII B-17 winds up taken over by zombies, thanks to – guess what – the Loc-Nar.  A short segment made memorable by “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” by Don Felder.

6.         So Beautiful & So Dangerous.  A hot secretary is rescued (?) from the Pentagon by a huge, spherical, space ship piloted by two stoners (Harold Ramis’ classic line: "Look, man, if there's one thing I know, it's how to drive when I'm stoned").  She hooks up with a robot, voiced by...John Candy.  Not much on action, but the soundtrack entries include “All Of You” (Don Felder) and “Heavy Metal” (Sammy Hagar).

7.         Taarna.  The covergirl, an Amazon warrior, avenges a city destroyed by a Mob (“Rules”) warped and corrupted by the Loc-Nar.  Victory is gained, at a price.  One of the longest, and most serious pieces (no discernable humor) which caps off the movie.

8.         End.  The young girl at the beginning of the film gets a serious upgrade.  And that’s it. 

Soundtrack.  It’s rare that a movie soundtrack is this good – good enough to listen to independently of the film.  It was our first introduction to Sammy Hagar, Blue Oyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Don Felder (who I didn’t know had been in The Eagles), and most of the others.  Despite the name, not all these songs are heavy, and very few truly qualify as “heavy metal”.

Track Listing:  Heavy Metal (Hagar); Heartbeat (Riggs); Working In the Coal Mine (Devo); Veteran of the Psychic Wars (Blue Oyster Cult); Reach Out (Cheap Trick); Heavy Metal (Taking a Ride) (Don Felder); True Companion (Donald Fagen); Crazy (A Suitable Case For Treatment)(Nazareth); Radar Rider (Riggs); Open Arms (Journey); Queen Bee (Grand Funk Railroad); I Must Be Dreaming (Cheap Trick); The Mob Rules (Alternate Version) (Black Sabbath); All of You (Don Felder); Prefabricated (Trust); Blue Lamp (Stevie Nicks). 

Comments.  This led us to get into Sammy Hagar, years before he joined Van Halen.  I wasn’t impressed with the two Riggs songs, or the two Cheap Trick songs, for that matter.  While we never got into Devo, their contribution, itself a cover, was very amusing and entertaining (Lord, I am SO tired…).  The BOC song led us into BOC.  I tried in vain to find the Felder album those two tracks came from, only to discover they were written expressly for this soundtrack.  Too bad, because they’re MUCH better than his solo albums, or even his Eagles material.  Thank God he plays “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” live these days.   “Queen Bee” is a lousy excuse for a GFR song and led me AWAY from that band until much later.  Their earlier material is much better, and they have better songs than the annoyingly persistent “We’re An American Band”.  “Open Arms” is the quintessential slow dance number for our school dances.  Oh, while I prefer Ozzy to Dio, I don’t have an issue with the albums they did with him, EXCEPT that I hate “The Mob Rules”.  “True Companion”, “Blue Lamp”, “Prefabricated”, and “Crazy (A Suitable Case for Treatment)” were all fairly mediocre and I only picked them up ages later.  None induced me to look into the respective bands responsible.

By the way:  the original plan was to have Blue Oyster Cult do the entire soundtrack.  Along the way obviously that changed, but consider their album Fire of Unknown Origin to be the template.  “Heavy Metal: Black & Silver”, “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”, and “Vengeance: The Pact” on that album are obvious giveaways.  If you’re moving on to BOC from Heavy Metal, start with this album.

Heavy Metal 2000.  Instead of a series of independent segments loosely tied together with the Loc-Nar as the common thread, this is one continuous story.   What’s more remarkable is that the main female character is not only voiced by Penthouse Amazon Julie Strain, but they also use her actual likeness.  The bad guy is voiced by Michael Ironside, who takes a perverse delight in playing nasty villains.  Billy Idol also plays a major role.  The story itself is not bad, with enough nudity to make it interesting.  Overall a poor sequel but decent enough to watch once.

HM2K Soundtrack.   Unlike the original soundtrack, which was all over the place and fairly eclectic, this one is firmly in the hardcore heavy metal theme.  However, I didn’t find it all that great.  The tracks by Monster Magnet, KMFDM, Pantera, and Queens of the Stone Age were the best, and Bauhaus’ contribution was surprising and good.  The rest was nu-metal nonsense, especially Insane Clown Posse (eye roll x100). 

Since 2008, a third movie has been in production, with some well established directors on board to direct specific sequences, which implies a return to the original format of loosely connected sections.  As of 2014 it’s still in the works, notwithstanding prior delays.  Stay tuned.  

Sammy Hagar

I was sick recently, and having already blogged about being sick – in addition to being generally uninspired – I waited until now to post.   Especially since I finished reading Hagar’s autobiography.

Montrose.   He started out in this band and is on the first two albums.  Highlights are “Rock Candy” and “I’ve Got The Fire”.  According to Hagar, this was his first major break.  But Ronnie Montrose was insecure and couldn’t handle a singer getting more attention and credit than him, so he had to leave the band and go solo.

Solo.  He went solo fairly early and amassed an impressive volume of material.  We purchased Street Machine, Three Lock Box, and VOA, the latter having “I Can’t Drive 55”.   Our first ever exposure was “Heavy Metal”, from the soundtrack album, which occurs on Standing Hampton.  Nine on the Ten Scale, the first solo album, has a strange vibe to it, but I enjoyed listening to it.

HSAS.  Hagar, Neil Schon (Journey & Santana), Kenny Aaronson and Michael Shreve.   Only one album, plus a cover of “A Whiter Shade of Pale" that I’d like to hear. 

Van Halen.   Here’s the only times I’ve seen SH live:  on the OU812 and F.U.C.K. tours with Van Halen.  Total of four albums:  5150, OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Balance.  Of this material my favorite is “Black & Blue”. 

Chickenfoot.   A supergroup with Chad Smith (RHCP), Michael Anthony, and Joe Satriani.  It refers to the peace symbol and is neither sex, drug, nor car related.  Actually damn heavy and well worth listening to.  The second album is deliberately misleadingly titled III. 

The Circle.  Vic Johnson on guitar, Michael Anthony on bass, Jason Bonham on drums.  Another excellent collaboration.  I’d never heard of Vic Johnson before, but he gets the job done well.  The album has an impressive array of covers and his own material, including “Rock Candy”. 

Cars.   He loves cars, especially Ferraris and late 70s Trans Ams.  The car he bought with his first advance from Montrose was a Citroen 2CV.   “I Can’t Drive 55” is one of my favorite songs.  I’m not aware that he actually knows how to work on them, he sings about going fast but nothing more detailed than that.  He shared Eddie Van Halen's mechanic, which is how he got into that band.    

Mexico.  Give him credit – he went down to Cabo Wabo when there was nothing there, and put something there.  Is his tequila any good?  Who knows.  He smoked weed, did acid, but never cared for heroin or beer.  He also admits not being faithful on the road.   What can he say?  He knows he's human.   All too human.

If I have a problem with Hagar it’s his narrow range of topics.  Moreover, much of his material can’t figure out it it’s meant to rock or be commercial.  I suppose you could say he successfully straddles both, but I’d say only a few songs like “Heavy Metal” truly hit the sweet spot. 

The autobiography is actually intriguing.  By nature these things are self-serving, and too many are full of insincere crap, like blaming all mistakes on someone else.   Brian Johnson’s book makes him look like a buffoon – his OWN BOOK – and Ritchie Blackmore’s documentary also makes him look like an arrogant asshole.  Too many oddball stories about Ian Gillan.  But Hagar seems willing to own up to his own mistakes and take responsibility, presumably because he knows that when it comes time to blame someone else – like Eddie Van Halen – it will sound more sincere.  By now we’ve heard about the meltdown, and I suppose some of us may have heard Eddie’s side.  Without having been there in person, I can’t say I can really say for sure, but Hagar puts his case convincingly.  

Sammy Hagar

The other night I watched – for the “umpteenth time”, Heavy Metal, the animated motion picture.  Aside from a few misses, the soundtrack is fantastic. In particular, I love the two Don Felder songs, one of which he played last summer at Jones Beach Arena.  And it was from that soundtrack, the title track, that I learned about Sammy Hagar.

Montrose.   This was his start, the singer for guitarist Ronnie Montrose (RIP).  He’s on two albums, Montrose and Paper Money.  Top songs are “Rock Candy” and “I’ve Got The Fire”, the latter which Iron Maiden covered, and the former he still plays on solo tours.

Solo.  Lots of albums by himself: Nine on a Ten Scale, Sammy Hagar, Musical Chairs, Street Machine, Danger Zone, Standing Hampton, Three Lock Box, VOA, I Never Said Goodbye, Marching To Mars, Cosmic Universal Fashion, Sammy Hagar & Friends, and Life Roast, plus 4 with the Waboritas [his solo backing band] Red Voodoo, Ten 13, Not 4 Sale, and Livin’ It Up. 

            We liked VOA, particularly “Dick in the Dirt” and “I Can’t Drive 55”.  Street Machine features “Highway Wonderland”, a tribute to the late 70s Trans Am and its “6.6 liter”.  Three Lock Box and Standing Hampton were the only others we bothered to get. 

I never did get the only Hagar-Schon-Aaronson (the Dust bassist) -Shreve (HSAS) album, Through The Fire, which is half live.  Neal Schon went back to Journey, and Hagar continued his solo career. 

Van Hagar.   Apparently Eddie Van Halen and Sammy Hagar shared the same mechanic, which is how they claim Hagar joined Van Halen.  By that time, I already knew who he was.  He survived for four albums, 5150, OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Balance, before leaving.  OU812 was one of the first albums I bought on CD, and we saw that tour in summer 1988, followed by the For Unlawful tour in October 1991, at which Alice in Chains (with Layne Staley) opened up.

            I can’t say I prefer this to Roth-era VH, but I do like it.  My favorite song is “Black & Blue”.  It’s funny that even Hagar now refers to this as “Van Hagar”, even though he knows most VH fans don’t mean it as a compliment.  You can call it commercial, but only if you ignore how commercial all those David Lee Roth albums were. 

Chickenfoot.  This was his “supergroup” with Joe Satriani (guitar), Michael Anthony (bass), and Chad Smith (Will Ferrell’s doppleganger, on drums).   The name is a slang term – which I’d never heard before – for the peace symbol.  They have two albums, self-titled and III, the latter being a joke on albums with numbered names.  The material is not bad; I think it sounds more heavy like AC/DC than the commercial crap you might otherwise expect.

The Circle.  I suppose Chad Smith went back to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, so Hagar got Drum Slut Supremo, Jason Bonham, to fill in.  Old friend Michael Anthony – out of his main job ever since Wolfgang Van Halen learned to play bass – is on bass, and some guy I’ve never heard of, who looks like Tom Morello, Vic Johnson, is doing a great EVH imitation.  They have a live album which is actually pretty good.  Because of Bonham, they do a few Zed Leppelin covers, but they also do some Van Hagar and some solo material, like “Heavy Metal” and “I Can’t Drive 55”. 

Red Rocker.  Hagar obviously likes the color red, but clearly has no leftist tendencies.  He also likes fast cars, which hardly distinguishes him from anyone else who likes Ferraris and Trans Ams.  As I mentioned earlier on my blog about Van Halen, Hagar strikes me as a regular guy who would join you for a beer and hang out, whereas David Lee Roth would probably screen you with a David Spade “and you are…” handler and bask in his phony persona.  Nowadays Hagar seems to prefer t-shirts than those goofy jumpsuits he wore in the early 80s.

Van Halen 2012

Last week my as-cool-as-can-be brother (the only one I have) invited me to see Van Halen in concert at the Verizon Center in Washington DC.  Needless to say, I accepted – and enjoyed it.  I had seen Van Halen before, but those shows were with Sammy Hagar:  OU812 tour in 1988 at RFK (Van Halen’s Monsters of Rock, with Kingdom Come, Metallica, Dokken, and the Scorpions opening) and the F.U.C.K. tour in 1991 at the now-gone Cap Center with Alice in Chains (R.I.P. Layne Staley) opening.

 VH have reformed with David Lee Roth on vocals and Wolfgang Van Halen (Eddie’s son) on bass.  I still do not understand why Michael Anthony is persona non grata, whether it’s due to some deliberate attempt to avoid splitting money with him, excessive monetary demands on his part, or just Eddie’s preference to allow his son to play.  Having said that, WVH did a competent job on bass, and absent the zzz bass solo which Anthony could have expected to inflict upon us, was indistinguishable to my ears.

 David Lee Roth, on the other hand, is inimitable.  Now his hair is cut short.  Sammy Hagar, for all his down-to-earth, likeable amiability, is actually a victim of his good nature.  He is actually TOO nice.  You can honestly imagine him having a beer or tequila with literally any member of the audience, male or female, with zero arrogance or pretension.  Roth strikes me as the kind of guy you need to pass through a David Spade-type “and you are….” handler to approach.  But lo and behold, that phony show-biz persona actually works for him.  Go figure.  Is it a “true reunion” without Anthony on bass?  No.  But in between this version with Roth, and “Van Hagar” with Hagar and Anthony (not that Roth and Anthony are mutually exclusive) I think I speak for most, if not all, VH fans when I say I’ll take the Roth w/o Anthony VH bastard over the Hagar w/Anthony VH bitch any day.

 By the way, I wouldn’t mind seeing Chickenfoot (the Hagar w/Anthony “supergroup” also featuring Joe Satriani and Chad Smith/Aronoff), but they’ve yet to realize that DC is on the map, and I don’t like them enough to drive to Atlantic City or NYC to see them. 

 For his part, Roth did not disappoint.  He was on his game and enjoying himself immensely: 100% showman, vaudeville huckster, even a bit… swishy (even swishier than Rob Halford!).  But he hit the notes, kicked around a bit, and kept us entertained with banter (though to me, both Bruce Dickinson and Ian Anderson are still tied for top).  Very few frontmen can match DLR for style.  As I said, he is irreplaceable in Van Halen.

 Set list:  heavy on VH1 (Running With the Devil, Eruption, Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love, You Really Got Me, Jamie’s Cryin’, Ice Cream Man), VH2 (Dance the Night Away, Beautiful Girls, Somebody Get Me A Doctor), Diver Down (Pretty Woman, The Full Bug, Hang ‘Em High); 4 songs from the new album, A Different Kind of Truth (Tattoo, She’s The Woman, China Town, Blood And Fire) a few from 1984 (I’ll Wait, Hot For Teacher, Panama, and Jump) and just one each from Women and Children First (Everybody Wants Some) and Fair Warning (Unchained – not Mean Street, the song I most wanted to hear). 

 Alex’s drum solo was mercifully short, and Eddie’s extended guitar solo featured “Cathedral” and “Eruption”, as could be expected (as I recalled from the prior shows – one aspect in which “Van Hagar” was no worse than this current version).  I had forgotten how good he really is.  Dweezil Zappa joked that when he first heard the Kinks play “You Really Got Me”, his reaction was, “these guys really butchered that Van Halen song”.  Eddie played through his signature Peavey amps (5 full stacks), and had at least two of the older-style Strat-types with the distinctive red/white/black stripes, though not the classic original Kramer with the humbucker falling out.  Mostly he used his Peavey signature model, which I find rather dull considering his flamboyant style.

 Bottom line: make no mistake, this band rocks, and will keep you entertained for the duration of the festivities, all 2 hours.  I’m getting older, so many concerts veer towards tedium for me – particularly if I’ve seen the band before.  But here I was wide awake from start to finish.  Bravo!

 I even got an excellent tour shirt, but here’s a question:  why not sell brown M&Ms with the VH logo?  Missed the boat on that one.  Get on it, people!