Heavy Metal

Here’s yet another remarkable topic:  previously untouched (Dana Carvey as Robin Leach: “I don’t know WHYYY!”) and practically writing itself.  I suppose the critical mass was seeing the sequel and digesting its soundtrack album. 

There are not one, but two films based on the sci-fi cartoon magazine.  That started in 1977 in the US and is still published today.  The main topic is science fiction, of course, but there’s a fair amount of nudity and sex as well, which makes it a modest substitute for porn when you’re too young to buy porn. (Not that I would know.)  It’s based on a French comics magazine, Metal Hurlant (Screaming Metal), which started in 1975.  So let’s give the French credit for something cooler than wine and 2CVs. 

Heavy Metal (1981 film).  We saw this in the movie theater in Paris in 1982.  I was 13 at the time, and Paris had two levels of rating:  “Interdit au moins 18 ans” (forbidden to those under 18 years old, essentially rated X or NC17, 90% applicable to porn movies, 10% to ultraviolent films, and in all my time in Paris, even returning after I turned 18, I never saw a single AUM18 film in the movie theater); and “interdit au moins 14 ans” (forbidden to those under 14 years old, essentially PG-13).  The box office sold me a ticket without a fuss, the usher let me in without a fuss.  Also, no problem for my brother, who was 12 at the time.  Paris!

Several unrelated segments.

1.         Intro.  Corvette descends from space, driver is the scientist, who deposits the Loc-Nar at home, only to be devoured by it.  The Loc-Nar then begins narrating its story to the scientist’s horrified daughter.

2.         Harry Canyon.  A cab driver from NYC in 2031 (not Bruce Willis) picks up an attractive woman escaping thugs with the Loc-Nar.  She stays with him and rewards him with cartoon sex.  Eventually she makes a deal to sell the Loc-Nar to some scumbags but screws up in trying to betray Harry.  Bitch.

3.         Den.  Nerdy teenager (brilliantly voiced by John Candy) is teleported to a fantasy word where he becomes a bald Conan-type guy, Den.  He befriends a hot chick – more cartoon sex.  They’re captured by a quasi gay guy who wants Den to steal the Loc-Nar from a sexy but evil Queen.  Den agrees, has more cartoon sex – this time with the Queen – and the Loc-Nar is stolen again.  Both QGG and EQ are defeated, and Den rides away with the Hot Chick, refusing to take possession or control of the Loc-Nar. 

Ok, that’s it for the cartoon sex, for those looking for that.  But much more fun is still in store…

4.         Captain Stern.  Stern (Eugene Levy) is on trial for various misdeeds, ignoring his lawyer (Joe Flaherty) advising him to plead guilty.  “I have an angle”, Stern assures him.  Indeed he does:  the prosecution’s star witness, Hanover Fist, has agreed to change his testimony.  But the Loc-Nar interferes, turning meek, humble Fist into an angry beast testifying AGAINST Stern and then chasing him throughout the space station to the tune of “Reach Out” (Cheap Trick).  Finally Stern manages to resolve the situation.  [Or did he?  Fist had already testified against him, and I seem to recall a court reporter at trial.  Hmmm.....]  Note: the prosecutor was voiced by John Vernon, best known as Dean Wormer in “Animal House”.

5.         B-17.  A WWII B-17 winds up taken over by zombies, thanks to – guess what – the Loc-Nar.  A short segment made memorable by “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” by Don Felder.

6.         So Beautiful & So Dangerous.  A hot secretary is rescued (?) from the Pentagon by a huge, spherical, space ship piloted by two stoners (Harold Ramis’ classic line: "Look, man, if there's one thing I know, it's how to drive when I'm stoned").  She hooks up with a robot, voiced by...John Candy.  Not much on action, but the soundtrack entries include “All Of You” (Don Felder) and “Heavy Metal” (Sammy Hagar).

7.         Taarna.  The covergirl, an Amazon warrior, avenges a city destroyed by a Mob (“Rules”) warped and corrupted by the Loc-Nar.  Victory is gained, at a price.  One of the longest, and most serious pieces (no discernable humor) which caps off the movie.

8.         End.  The young girl at the beginning of the film gets a serious upgrade.  And that’s it. 

Soundtrack.  It’s rare that a movie soundtrack is this good – good enough to listen to independently of the film.  It was our first introduction to Sammy Hagar, Blue Oyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Don Felder (who I didn’t know had been in The Eagles), and most of the others.  Despite the name, not all these songs are heavy, and very few truly qualify as “heavy metal”.

Track Listing:  Heavy Metal (Hagar); Heartbeat (Riggs); Working In the Coal Mine (Devo); Veteran of the Psychic Wars (Blue Oyster Cult); Reach Out (Cheap Trick); Heavy Metal (Taking a Ride) (Don Felder); True Companion (Donald Fagen); Crazy (A Suitable Case For Treatment)(Nazareth); Radar Rider (Riggs); Open Arms (Journey); Queen Bee (Grand Funk Railroad); I Must Be Dreaming (Cheap Trick); The Mob Rules (Alternate Version) (Black Sabbath); All of You (Don Felder); Prefabricated (Trust); Blue Lamp (Stevie Nicks). 

Comments.  This led us to get into Sammy Hagar, years before he joined Van Halen.  I wasn’t impressed with the two Riggs songs, or the two Cheap Trick songs, for that matter.  While we never got into Devo, their contribution, itself a cover, was very amusing and entertaining (Lord, I am SO tired…).  The BOC song led us into BOC.  I tried in vain to find the Felder album those two tracks came from, only to discover they were written expressly for this soundtrack.  Too bad, because they’re MUCH better than his solo albums, or even his Eagles material.  Thank God he plays “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” live these days.   “Queen Bee” is a lousy excuse for a GFR song and led me AWAY from that band until much later.  Their earlier material is much better, and they have better songs than the annoyingly persistent “We’re An American Band”.  “Open Arms” is the quintessential slow dance number for our school dances.  Oh, while I prefer Ozzy to Dio, I don’t have an issue with the albums they did with him, EXCEPT that I hate “The Mob Rules”.  “True Companion”, “Blue Lamp”, “Prefabricated”, and “Crazy (A Suitable Case for Treatment)” were all fairly mediocre and I only picked them up ages later.  None induced me to look into the respective bands responsible.

By the way:  the original plan was to have Blue Oyster Cult do the entire soundtrack.  Along the way obviously that changed, but consider their album Fire of Unknown Origin to be the template.  “Heavy Metal: Black & Silver”, “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”, and “Vengeance: The Pact” on that album are obvious giveaways.  If you’re moving on to BOC from Heavy Metal, start with this album.

Heavy Metal 2000.  Instead of a series of independent segments loosely tied together with the Loc-Nar as the common thread, this is one continuous story.   What’s more remarkable is that the main female character is not only voiced by Penthouse Amazon Julie Strain, but they also use her actual likeness.  The bad guy is voiced by Michael Ironside, who takes a perverse delight in playing nasty villains.  Billy Idol also plays a major role.  The story itself is not bad, with enough nudity to make it interesting.  Overall a poor sequel but decent enough to watch once.

HM2K Soundtrack.   Unlike the original soundtrack, which was all over the place and fairly eclectic, this one is firmly in the hardcore heavy metal theme.  However, I didn’t find it all that great.  The tracks by Monster Magnet, KMFDM, Pantera, and Queens of the Stone Age were the best, and Bauhaus’ contribution was surprising and good.  The rest was nu-metal nonsense, especially Insane Clown Posse (eye roll x100). 

Since 2008, a third movie has been in production, with some well established directors on board to direct specific sequences, which implies a return to the original format of loosely connected sections.  As of 2014 it’s still in the works, notwithstanding prior delays.  Stay tuned.  

Deep Purple 1984-Present

[Originally posted 12/13/07.  Edited 6/30/2020.]

This could be called “Deep Purple Marks II, V, VI, and VII”. I love those Roman numerals.

Background. Deep Purple, as most people know it, is best known in its Mark II lineup: Ian Paice (drums), Jon Lord (keyboards), Ritchie Blackmore (guitar), Roger Glover (bass), and Ian Gillan (vocals). It originally disbanded in 1976 with the so-called Mark IV lineup: Ian Paice (drums), Jon Lord (keyboards), David Coverdale (vocals), Glenn Hughes (bass), and American guitarist Tommy Bolin. Their sole album, Come Taste The Band, wasn’t bad, but live the band started off OK but descended into mediocrity when they toured overseas and Bolin couldn't sustain his heroin habit.

Coverdale went off to form Whitesnake, Blackmore had already formed Rainbow, and the other members frequently jumped from one to the other. In 1980 Mark I & Captain Beyond vocalist Rod Evans was lured into a shady promoter’s scheme to resurrect “Deep Purple” (for which Evans was the only person with any connection to the band – Mark I bassist Nick Simper wisely refused to take the bait) which backfired badly.

By 1984 the various Mark II members were ready for a reunion, and came out with a new album, Perfect Strangers. When I first saw the album in the stores, I ignored it, assuming it was another compilation album. I got it for Christmas in 1984, and was pleasantly surprised to learn it was a reunion album for the Mark II lineup. We saw them at the Palais Omnisports Bercy the following summer, opened by Mountain (Leslie West forgot the words when singing).

They followed this up with House of Blue Light (which I listened to exactly ONCE), and then a live album, Nobody’s Perfect, featuring “Hush” brought back into the set.

Mark V. Thanks to Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Gillan was fired and Joe Lynn Turner (Rainbow) was brought in for Slaves & Masters, another remarkably mediocre album. I suppose you could call this lineup (Turner in place of Gillan) as Mark V.

Mark II returns. For 1993, this was the 25^th anniversary, so the rest of the band felt Gillan should come back. They recorded The Battle Rages On, and went on a remarkable tour before Blackmore quit in the middle of the tour. This time Tommy Bolin was not available to take his place.  Famous guitarist Joe Satriani filled in for the remainder of the tour but declined to join the band permanently.

Note:  some people are classifying the Satriani touring lineup, 12/2/93 Nagoya through 7/6/94 Bayreuth, as "Mark VI".  Others are classifying the reunited Mark II lineups for Perfect Strangers/House of Blue Light and The Battle Rages On as separate marks.  Both are, of course, utter nonsense.  Satriani's lineup simply finished the Battle Rages On tour and did not record any new material, not even releasing a live album from that leg of the tour.  And the same five members who gave us Machine Head also recorded Perfect Strangers and The Battle Rages On.  Enjoy the band, but don't be stupid.  Please.  

Mark VI. With Satriani refusing to join the band, they brought in Steve Morse, an American from the Dixie Dregs (a band I’ve listened to none of) to take over, and he’s been in ever since. This should be referred to as Mark VI. They released Purpendicular and Abandon, both produced by Roger Glover, the bassist.

Mark VII. Eventually Jon Lord decided it was time to retire, and Don Airey took over on keyboards, resulting in DP Mark VII. This lineup recorded Bananas and Rapture of the Deep, produced by Michael Bradford, followed by Now What ?! and Infinite, produced by Bob Ezrin, with another album due out in August 2020, Whoosh!. With Lord gone, this means that Ian Paice is the only DP member in all seven lineups.  

Quality. I suppose many bands like Deep Purple could rest on their laurels and cynically release regurgitated crap year after year, assuming the fans will buy whatever they put out. But Deep Purple make a sincere effort at making quality material. I can’t say it compares favorably to In Rock, Fireball or Machine Head (the classic three original Mark II albums) but it certainly doesn’t suck.

Of the post 1984 material, I'd say Now What ?! and Infinite are the strongest.  The key is producer Bob Ezrin, veteran of Alice Cooper, KISS and Pink Floyd.  

Live. This is up and down. On one hand, Marks VI and VII play a lot of the lesser known (but no less quality) Mark II tracks such as “Pictures of Home”, “Maybe I’m a Leo”, “Woman From Tokyo”, “No One Came”, “Bloodsucker”, etc. Part of the problem with bands which have been around for some time is that get into a fixed pattern of certain classics which MUST be played. Iron Maiden did a recent tour in which they claimed to only play songs from the first 4 albums (which must have kept Janick Gers busy) yet such was the setlist that the only song we hadn’t heard in some time was “Phantom of the Opera”. Blue Oyster Cult seem to have ONE slot (song) per set which is some random variable, with the rest of the set being pretty much what we heard on the last tour. Granted, we know Purple will play “Smoke on the Water” – in the encore – but these other songs really make a difference.

On the other hand, they hardly tour nearly as much as they used to – especially here in the US.  When I originally wrote this blog, I hadn't seen them since the Bercy show in Paris in 1985.  Since then I've seen them at Bergen PAC (8/25/14) (Englewood, NJ), NYCB Westbury (7/26/15) (Long Island, NY), and the Warner Theater in DC (10/2/19).  They seem to release live material fairly often.

Roger Glover. My favorite member has to be Glover, who only missed out at the very beginning, and has been the band’s most consistent bassist. He’s eternally optimistic, a great source of information on all the liner notes, and the helpful re-producer of all the remastered Mark II material – and the source, through a nightmare, of the title to their anthem, “Smoke on the Water.”

TOOL and Concerts

On Friday, June 8, 2007, I saw Tool in concert at the 1^st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, formerly known as the Baltimore Arena.  They played for two hours with no encore, and pretty much played the songs as they are on the albums, with over half the set from their newest (and in my opinion best) album 10,000 Days: Jambi, Stinkfist, Forty-Six and 2, Schism, Rosetta Stoned, Flood, Wings 1&2, Lateralus, and Vicarious.  9 songs in two hours = 13 minutes a song!  Since the running time for the studio versions of the songs comes up to less than an hour and a half, some of the songs were obviously extended.  I had to endure Friday rush hour traffic, including a substantial detour off 95 North, and the venue was NOT air conditioned, which the hot, humid June weather made quite noticeable.

 I’m not going to claim that I didn’t enjoy the show, because I did.  These guys are talented musicians and I like their music.  And they focused on the album of theirs which I like the most.  But it prompted me to consider certain things.

 This was concert 134 for me, since October 1984.  Tool was clearly worthwhile as I had never seen them before and had no idea what to expect – even though I’ve known of this band since 1992 when their first album, Undertow, came out, and their first single, “Sober” dominated the airwaves and MTV.  I don’t know why I ignored them for so long, as I liked “Sober” and hadn’t heard anything by them that I didn’t like.  I guess I just never got around to getting into them, and it took Maynard’s “we’re not worthy” worshipping at the altar of King Crimson to get me to pay attention to them. 

  OK, so seeing Tool was a good idea.  But why bother going to a concert at all?  Just to see the band play?  Why is that important?   You can hear the music at home – any song you want, not just the greatest hits the band wants to shove down our throats tour after tour (“the fans demand it”, they claim.  Which fans?  They never asked ME).  Maybe because seeing a band play live gives you an experience you don’t get at home.  Every band claims to be great live, but they clearly differ in this.

 At one extreme are bands like Rush, who go onstage and play every song, note-for-note, exactly as it is on the album, with no improvisation, no jamming, and no unexpected gems popping out.  Alex and Geddy pretty much stay on their sides of the stage and play.  Neil gets his drum solo, though I find drum solos so dull that as far as I’m concerned, they don’t really count as “improvisation”.  More like “cure for insomnia.”   A reviewer made similar remarks about Boston, noting that from a distance, for all we knew these were cardboard cutouts of the band members; he wished Tom Scholz would sneeze or bend over to tie his shoelace so we could see it was a real, living human being up there.  For bands like this, there doesn’t appear to be any dramatic improvement over simply staying at home and listening to whatever album you want to hear – especially older ones they never play live!!! – such that you should feel compelled to pay $60 for a ticket, endure the crowds and parking lots, and see them again for the xth time. 

 At the other extreme is the Grateful Dead, where every night was a different set, they frequently played covers, and often had guest musicians – and you could expect a jam.  Moreover, they might play a familiar song in a different way, faster, slower, heavier, etc.  Even so, a Dead concert had a format you could count on: two sets divided by an intermission, with “drums/space” in the second set, a de facto second intermission as most of us don’t really care to watch Mickey and Bill square off against each other yet again.   But here again, you’re getting something completely different than what you could expect at home.  I don’t have an entire stadium parking lot of stoned hippies, selling dope and clever Calvin & Hobbes toke-off vs. Bart Simpson t-shirts at my apartment!  Somewhat more of an incentive to get off your butt and over to RFK, Nissan Pavilion, or Merriweather.

 In the middle are bands like AC/DC, Deep Purple, and Blue Oyster Cult.  You can expect certain songs are going to be in the set, but they leave room for jams and you get an experience you don’t get by simply sitting at home listening to the music on your stereo.  Ian Gillan talks alot during the show, though much of what he says doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense; his introductions to songs are somewhat obtuse.  Eric Bloom can usually be counted on to make a few clever offhand remarks.  In this regard, Jethro Tull are probably one of the better bands: Ian Anderson not only jumps around with his flute, far more spry than you would imagine a man his age would be, but also very clever and witty with the onstage chat.  He’s one singer where you DON’T think to yourself, “shut the fuck up and play more music!”

 Concert Crap. One element I could do without are these “call and response” sections.  Metallica, Judas Priest, and Iron Maiden are worst at this.  15 minutes of “seek and....” “SEEK AND DESTROY!!!” “Very good!  Again!”  which could have been 2-3 songs.  Thanks!  I came to hear music, not to scream lyrics I’ve known for years at a band who also know them (or do they need 10,000 screaming idiots to remind them?).  MOSHING is another idiocy.  Whoever came up with that concept deserves a lobotomy, though I wonder if it would really make much of a difference.  Then there are these “food court druids”, especially at metal shows (Marilyn Manson comes to mind).  You know the type.  They can’t simply wear a t-shirt and jeans; they have to dye their hair black, white, purple, or other weird colors, have some tattoos and piercings, and wear some sort of really outlandish outfit (e.g. those black trench coats or fishnet stockings) and you can tell they take themselves SOOOO seriously.  It’s a whole IMAGE and PERSONA they’re cultivating.  Anyone wearing KISS makeup – or anything close to the full costume – at a KISS show definitely qualifies (has anyone ever seen anyone pretending to be Eric Carr or Vinnie Vincent?).  What are you, a General in the KISS Army?  Give me a break.  Finally, there’s the complete asshole who can only enjoy himself if he gets totally tanked and yells, screams, bumps into people, and makes a complete ass of himself; his “concert experience” consists of ruining it for everyone else around him.  At least potheads and Deadheads don’t do this.  Moshing at a Dead show?  I don’t think so.

 Venues.  I’ve gone to a fair amount of shows at clubs, which are an amazingly good deal.  Several times cheaper than a stadium show and no bad seats in the place – none of this business of paying $80 for a seat up in section 30,000,000 where you need the Hubble Telescope to see the band, AND the sound quality totally sucks.  Plus at the club shows the band frequently hangs around to sign autographs with the 30 fans it has left.  Good luck trying to meet Mick or Keith at the stadium concert.  Finally, you’re not stuck in a huge parking lot, breathing that fragrant aroma of carbon monoxide, for an hour trying to get out.  The trick is to show up in between the last (completely incompetent) opening act and the headliner.  Woo hoo!

 T-shirts.  When we were younger we’d eagerly snap up as many as we could.  We didn’t have many, so we wanted to accumulate a collection.  As years went by, and we can’t wear the Judas Priest or Metallica shirt at the office (and we have 3-4 of each anyway) AND the prices went up, it got to the point where you look and go, “do any of these $35 shirts reach out and blow me? Otherwise forget it.”

 I still go to concerts.  But I no longer have the youthful enthusiasm, unlimited energy, and clueless tolerance for inane bullshit and idiocy that I had when I was 15.   Life goes on. “Plus ça change, plus c’est le meme chose.”