Roommates

As I’ve probably mentioned countless times already, I went to college at the University of Maryland, College Park (UMCP).  I couldn’t get into West Point, and with my GPA and SAT scores, plus my parents being from Maryland, I was guaranteed admission and in-state tuition at Maryland’s state university.  Moreover, the College Park (main/flagship) campus is huge, beautiful, and conveniently located just outside of DC and close by to Gaithersburg, where I grew up.  Though I had really wanted to go to West Point, I wasn’t too disappointed to be going to UMCP.   I didn’t want a small campus in the middle of nowhere, nor a city campus like Boston University or George Washington University.  UMCP gets on screen for “National Treasure” (Cage’s character consults an expert on campus) and “St Elmo’s Fire” (Frat Row for Rob Lowe’s character). 

Unless you either avoid college or spend it commuting from home, you’ll probably spend it with roommates.  Freshmen start out with doubles, working their way to a single by senior year.  My friends Phil and Baron even went off-campus, which changes the picture slightly.   With my parents overseas all four years of my journey at UMCP, commuting from home was not an option (though my brother still stayed on campus his senior year even with my family back in Gaithersburg by then) and my father deemed living off campus not worth the hassle of giving up the convenient ability to walk to class.  Anyhow.

I’ll use first names, adding last initials if necessary to distinguish parties with the same first name.  The high rise dorms were named after Maryland county seats, e.g. Hagerstown, Bel Air, Ellicott, (though I’ve yet to see a Rockville Hall), whereas the low rise dorms were named after counties in Maryland.   In a double you share the room with a roommate, whereas a single you have to yourself.   Depending on the circumstances, you might have a double to yourself (see below). 

With one major exception, all my experience with roommates was bad.  Part of the college experience is having to learn how to deal with unpleasant people you don’t like, total strangers who you have to live with.  It’s not on the syllabus but it’s part of what college inevitably teaches you, one “benefit” of living on campus.  Just like how to drink irresponsibly. 

Freshman Year (F86/S87).  Hagerstown Hall (high rise) (double).  Mike P., from Mount Airey, Maryland, my only good roommate for those whole four years.   We got along fine.  During the spring semester he was gone substantially due to chemotherapy.   Since he’s still alive today, and friends on Facebook, I’d say he kicked cancer.   We caught the Jimmy Page concert at the Cap Center in 1988.

Sophomore Year (F87/S88). Talbot Hall (low rise, renovated) (double).   Fall:  Greg.  Spring:  Mike B.   Greg wasn’t too bad, but he did get into a fight with my best friend Phil after a party we threw in our suite.  He transferred to Towson State, north of Baltimore; I believe he was from that area.   Mike B. came in from Denton Hall, a high school buddy of Chip & Woody from Hagerstown.  He was a major league asshole, and got kicked out of the dorm system before Spring Break for a prank he pulled in Denton.  He successfully got into Kappa Alpha fraternity and into their house, later getting Woody and others into KA as well.  Because he was kicked out mid-semester, Mike B. was not replaced for that period and I had the room to myself for the remainder of the semester. 

The minor irony here is that these assclowns were all from Hagerstown, Maryland, yet none of them were living in Hagerstown Hall, where I had been for my freshman year.  Years later I had a few court cases in Washington County, Maryland, of which Hagerstown is the county seat.  So I eventually got to see this small, unimpressive town 30 minutes west of Frederick, the latter being the second largest city in Maryland after the big one, Baltimore.  Oh, and my dad died in the hospital in Hagerstown in December 2004.  Life has a strange sense of humor. 

Junior Year (F88/S89).  Talbot Hall (Fall)/Montgomery Hall (low rise, renovated) (spring).   Fall:  Eric S.  Spring:  John.  Not learning my lesson with Mike B., I pulled in Eric S., another of Woody’s Hagerstown comrades.   Eric S. was just as much an asshole as Mike B.   I wound up moving to Montgomery Hall (finally in the dorm named for the county I was actually from!) for the spring semester, only to get another asshole roommate, John, who racked up $300 phone bill arguing with his GF Mary back in northeastern MD.  His parents finally paid the bill for him that summer after his incessant promises to pay were all bullshit.  By the way, I found out the hard way that Maryland, though not a particularly large state by American standards, is large enough that some parts of it qualify for long distance calling rates.  The more you know…

Senior Year (F89/S90).  Montgomery Hall.   A SINGLE.   The guys in the suite next door, with whom I got along fine (see below) let me know that the guy in their big single, Eric T., would not be coming back in fall, making that room available.  Thanks to them, and a letter to Resident Life, I got it.   Not only that, it was a big single.  Fortunately, Gene, who had the small single, didn’t voice any objection.   Finally I had a decent living situation.

Due to judicious scheduling and course choice, I managed to complete 156 credits and two separate degrees, a BA in Government & Politics and a BS in General Business, in 4 years, though it took a full summer with two sessions (4 classes) between sophomore and junior years, and a half session (2 classes – COBOL and Money & Banking, dead end classes which weren’t prerequites for any other classes).  This allowed me to start law school at George Mason University (now the Antonin Scalia School of Law) in the fall of 1990. 

All summer housing was in New Leonardtown, an apartment complex on the other side of Route 1 back behind Frat Row.  Apparently New Leonardtown was easily able to accommodate all the summer students, as the units were half empty during this time.  These had kitchens.  My buddies Dave B. and Ken were living in Old Leonardtown our senior year, an older set of apartments right next to New Leonardtown, so I spent considerable time hanging out with them there. 

Summer ’88.   A single in New Leonardtown for both sessions, from after Memorial Day to the middle of August, and I finished up the summer with my family up in New York City for the end of August.  Jeff & Dave F. (Diamondback photographer) were in one double, the other single and double being empty.  Dave F. articulated the clever and plausible theory that New Coke was Coke’s way of switching from sugar to high fructose corn syrup in Classic Coke without anyone noticing.  Well, aside from those of us like my brother who can taste the difference and make it a point to buy Mexican Coke, which has sugar.  

My brother actually came down from NYC and stayed with me in the suite for much of the summer.  This was also the summer I got my first car, a 1984 Chevrolet Cavalier, which served us well until 1991.  It was a great summer for concerts:  Pink Floyd, Van Halen Monsters of Rock (Metallica, Dokken, Scorpions, Van Halen) at RFK, Iron Maiden & Judas Priest at the Cap Center, and AC/DC at Madison Square Garden.   

Summer ’90.   A double to myself in new Leonardtown.  I can’t recall who else might have been in the suite, and I was only in it for the first session, going back to Paris in mid-July.  That ended my stay at University of Maryland, College Park. 

Suitemates.   The high rises are all doubles and singles.  In the newly renovated low rises, they had suites without kitchens and either three doubles (Talbot Hall) or two doubles and two singles (Montgomery Hall).  So the suitemates are those in the same suite but not the same room. 

Talbot Hall:  Woody & Chip, Bill D. & Scott, then Chris.   Scott was not an issue, though he moved out, replaced by Chris.  I got along with him even though he didn’t actually like me.  Same deal with Chip & Woody, both from Hagerstown.  I had met Woody at Freshman Orientation and been friends with him during freshman year.  It was a coincidence that I wound up moving to a suite in Talbot Hall that he and Chip also moved into.  Bill D was not a problem either, and he was a former roommate of my buddy Dave.   Bill, Dave & I are still friends today, though I haven’t met Bill since college. 

Montgomery Hall.   Senior year:  Marcus & Jay, AJ & Bill M; Gene in the small single.  Except for Gene, they were all Theta Chi brothers.  Jay actually brought me to a 2 a.m. party at Theta Chi.  Had I not been a senior I might have considered rushing Theta Chi, as I actually got along very well with them. 

Other Roommates.  My best friend Phil was on campus at George Mason University for his first two years, and for much of that time his roommate was a Costa Rican guy, Victor.  They got along fine and even wound up living in a house in Centreville with Victor’s fellow Costa Rican, Mariano.  Baron had a roommate for his first year, in Wicomico Hall, before getting a single in the same dorm the next year and then moving off campus for junior and senior year.  While he was living in Bel Air Hall at the beginning of his college experience, my brother Matt had a roommate, Dave K., from somewhere northwest of Baltimore.  He got along fine with Dave K., later getting a single in Montgomery Hall.  So of all of us, I had by far the worst roommate experience.  

The Monarchist Party

Now we have President-Elect Donald Trump.   Whoa.

Watching the election night coverage on Tuesday, and seeing Trump’s electoral vote tally rise far faster than Hillary’s, it dawned on me that, “Trump is going to win this.  After all….”  And my first reaction was to think…

“Well, we all have to die someday anyway.”

Now I see that Trump is backtracking on some issues and making a few proposals (Second Amendment) which sound like they came from Mitt Romney or John McCain.  I believe that – bluster and bullshit aside – he did NOT really expect to beat Hillary Clinton and now is faced with the task of actually being President.  That includes a real platform, not this random nonsense he farted out during the election.  I mean, if he didn’t expect to be elected, what difference did it make what he proposed?   YUGE WALL?  Why not?  Repeal Obamacare?  Why not?  Execute Hillary?  Sure.  All under the vague and pompous banner of “Make America Great”. 

Was there anything else?  I don’t recall.  He couldn’t articulate anything more than that and since he contradicted himself daily and had no chance of winning (right?) I paid little attention to this orange Casino Hitler, his stupid speeches, or his Kool Aid Minions.  My vote was locked in for Johnson. 

All this reminds me of the Monarchist Party.   Back at the University of Maryland, College Park (1986-1990, AD), there was student government.  It had very little power and was mostly a joke.  So much so, that a group decided to take that to its logical extreme and actually run AS a Monarchist Party.  Their leader was King Tom, and his #1 campaign promise was building a moat of beer around the campus.  College Park is the main campus of the University of Maryland, mostly on the west side of Route 1 inside the Beltway, though Frat Row, Leonardtown, and Richie Coliseum are on the east side.  I don’t recall seeing a map of this plan, but it would have to involve bridges north and south of College Park for Route 1 to cross.  Nowadays it would be filled with some hipster-approved IPA.  Anyhow. 

Despite – or perhaps because of – these ludicrous campaign promises, the Monarchists did win, and King Tom did become student government president.  Guess what – NO MOAT.  Drive down Route 1 if you don’t believe me.  Nope, so far as I can tell, he simply did what the last student government president did, and most likely what his successor, whoever that was, did after him.   I believe their only power is to distribute student activities fees among the groups.  Beyond that, I couldn’t tell you – except that building moats was probably outside his power.

While I’m on the topic of the election, I’d like to address three issues.

Reasons for Hillary’s Failure.  We went from “Hillary will win in a landslide” to “Trump has been elected.”  Why did this happen?

1.         Many feel that Hillary’s email issues caused Democrats to defect en masse to Trump.  She messed up on email security and you’ll vote for the enemy.  Yeah, I don’t think so.  For every confused Democrat I’m sure there was at least one GOP-er who was horrified that Casino Hitler won his party’s nomination.

2.         Trumpers Drank the Kool Aid.  Actually, Trump won less votes than Mitt Romney.   The GOP candidate won less votes than the prior guy.   GOP voting numbers have been relatively stable for the last few elections.  Try again.

3.         Hold on, who is voting?  I think the biggest issue was that since the election was said to be a foregone conclusion, why bother voting?  This lulled too many voters – most of them Democrats - who normally would have come out to vote in a close race, to stay away from the long lines at the voting booths on Tuesday.  I find that the most plausible explanation for Trump’s victory over Hillary.

The Protests.  Apparently not everyone is happy that Trump won.   So we have protests.   A few observations about this.

1.         Your proper time to “protest” was on election day.

2.         If you didn’t actually vote for Hillary, and stayed home, what business do you have protesting?

3.         Let’s assume that 100% of the protesters did in fact turn out to vote, and voted for Hillary Clinton.  Despite that, Trump still won.  Doesn’t that show that more people wanted Trump to be president?

4.         The protests will not convince Trump to step down.  They won’t induce Congress – controlled by the GOP – to change the election.  They won’t induce the electors to change their votes.  They won’t convince the Trump voters.  They won’t convince the third party voters.  And they won’t convince all those people who stayed home instead of voting.  So who will it influence?  The protesters themselves.  If they can get this crap out of their systems without interfering with the rest of us, fine.  Whatever makes you feel better.  But don’t try to prevent the rest of us from getting on with our lives.

5.         Stories of people dying because an ambulance couldn’t get through traffic blocked by protesters appear to be recycled stories of Black Lives Matters protesters causing similar fates, themselves originally made up.

6.         People have a right to protest for whatever reason they want, no matter how stupid or unpopular the cause.  This includes KKK marchers.  What they don’t have a right to do is block traffic, kill people, beat people up, or destroy property.   None of that endears the protesters to the nation at large and is in fact counterproductive.

7.         As asinine as I find these protests, the litany of Trumpers telling protesters to get back to work – if they have jobs – is equally annoying.  The Trumpers are showing just as much arrogance and cluelessness as the PC crowd and SJWs they bitch about. 

Not My President.  For the last eight years we’ve endured the anti-Obama crowd whining, “not MY President”, “it’s the WHITE House!”, “kick out the Kenyan”, etc.  Now that Trump has won, his supporters somehow expect us all to fall in love with the guy and shut up.  Nope.  Facebook – among other forums for public opinion - will be full of anti-Trump stuff for the next 4-8 years.  We’ll make fun of his bizarre orange tan, his Boris Johnson hair, his tiny hands, his thin skin, his bankrupt casinos, his hot immigrant wife, his spoiled kids, and whatever mistakes he makes will be blown up 100x.  The slightest hint of dishonesty and corruption will be grounds for incessant demands for impeachment.  Turnabout is fair play.  If the Trumpers want to deny they’re fascists who expect complete obedience to authority and no tolerance for dissent, they can prove it by showing the same thick skin to criticism and complaints as Obama had to all this time.  From what I’ve seen so far, Trump is incapable of laughing at himself – unlike Obama – and his followers likewise do a poor job of tolerating opposing viewpoints.   It’s like they need trigger warnings and safe spaces.  Trump won?  Tough s**t for everyone who didn’t vote for him.  Trump is ridiculed and made fun of?  Tough s**t for him and his minions.  Consistency is all we ask for….

Anyhow.

As of November 18, it’s still two months to go before Obama moves out and Trump moves in.  That’s two months for him to figure out what the hell he’s going to do for the next four years.  My subjective impression – and we’ll see how accurate my prediction works out to be – is that his more outlandish proposals will fall into the same oblivion as King Tom’s moat of beer, leaving us with a platform of politically feasible policies indistinguishable from what any other conservative Republican president – e.g. Mitt Romney, John McCain, Jeb Bush, John Kasich, etc. (except for outliers like Ted Cruz or Rand Paul) – would do.  If that’s the case, I think we can all sleep a little easier.  We survived 8 years of Reagan, 4 years of George H.W. Bush, and 8 years of Dubya.  A properly restrained Trump – assuming that’s possible – is not something to worry about.   And if it is? 

“Well, we all have to die someday anyway.”

Cafeteria

Scraping the bottom, eh?  Come on. 

According to Wikipedia, a cafeteria is “a type of food service location in which there is little or no waiting staff table service, whether a restaurant or within an institution such as a large office building or school; a school dining location is also referred to as a dining hall or canteen (in British English). Cafeterias are different from coffeehouses, despite being the Spanish translation of the English term.”  For that matter, I found the Wikipedia entry to be fairly useful and informative, so I’ll refer you there and try to avoid simply repeating its contents.

I think of a cafeteria as simply a dining hall specific to a large location such as a school, business, government building, etc., but the Wikipedia definition seems to be, place where you stand up and push your tray past, workers give you food that way, you bring your food to the cashier at end, and pay for it – as opposed a restaurant where a waiter/waitress takes your order and brings your food to your table.  By that definition, the fast food places at the New Jersey Turnpike rest stops (e.g. Roy Rogers) qualify - in fact, due to its setup, so does Chipotle - but most standalone Roys do not.  I consider my definition a bit more consistent with real-life experiences.

As for that: this week I had to drop off paperwork at the Fairfax County government building around noon, and hunger compelled me to visit their ground floor cafeteria.  It was pretty much the same as the one in the Fairfax County courthouse.  I just picked up potato chips and a fountain drink, so I really didn’t give the staff a chance to shine or impress me with their institutional cooking.

Schools.   Probably the bane of these.  In Paris – the American School of Paris - I’d just get French fries, a Coke, and a Raider bar (Twix to us Americans).  I never ventured further than that.  We had no real alternatives within walking distance, as I never even sampled the fare at the café across the street from the school. 

University of Maryland, College Park (UMCP) had its huge Dining Services, with several huge dining halls across campus, South Campus being my general base of operations.   In senior year, before going off to White Flint Mall for an LSAT prep course, I sampled the steak & cheese sub, and got hooked ever since.  I haven’t been back to UMCP to eat at the dining hall since summer 1990.  I do see that the Eateries at the Stamp Union have been replaced by a food court of mainstream fast food places. 

Government.  Government buildings have their own unique cuisine, very close to hospital cafeteria in nature.  In the past we’d visit the cafeteria in the Dept of Commerce building in DC, which was as generic as any other and probably served as my baseline.  A special shout out to the National Shrine cafeteria, which is odd when you think about it: a CATHEDRAL with its own cafeteria?  GET OUT OF HERE.  However, as cafeterias go, it’s normal and ordinary.

My favorite.   Not merely nostalgia and loyalty, but also outright quality: that has to be the US Embassy in Paris, in the basement of the main building at Place de la Concorde.  My favorite meal was a hamburger “au point” (medium rare), fries, and a Coke, plus maybe a hot fudge sundae for dessert.  The dark and smokey lounge next door served cold roast beef sandwiches.  Nice.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been there since 1990.  Because it’s a US facility, the lounge could not serve alcohol to anyone under 21, while you could go outside the embassy to any French bar and be served if you were over 14. 

The only other embassy cafeteria I sampled was London (US), which was VERY substandard; the Navy Annex next door was County Fair quality, but still better.

I suppose an Army mess hall is the ultimate “cafeteria”, but never having served in the military I can’t comment thereon by firsthand experience.  I do have extensive experience eating in PX facilities, though, which are often open to civilian dependents of military personnel (my mother is a retired Navy officer) such as myself.  Those would tend to pretty much mimic standard cafeteria food you might find anywhere else.  Lately many of the PX locations are subcontracting to mainstream fast food places such as McDonalds (Bethesda - USN) and Burger King (Henderson Hall – USMC).  I lost my PX privileges when I turned 23, so it’s been a rare occasion since then that I’ve been able to go back.  But I will make one comment…

At the Raymond Hotel in Mons, Belgium, which catered to US personnel – military and civilian – they had a kitchen which made pizza.  This was a strange and unique mozzarella pizza which bore no resemblance to any pizza I’ve ever experienced anywhere else.  Not Domino’s, not crappy cafeteria, nor any European “you call this pizza?” variant.  In Brazil they make a pizza that seems to be crust and cheese with no sauce – “oh, here’s ketchup”, they tell you if you inquire about that – which is the closest I’ve found, but the Raymond Pizza did have sauce, it was the cheese that was utterly unique.  If anyone has the recipe, let me know.

The University of Maryland

I’ve addressed Maryland itself in an earlier blog, but have yet to discuss its University, which is where I went for undergrad from Fall 1986 (F86) to Summer 1990 (SS90).

College Park.   UMCP is the flagship campus, located northeast of DC within the Beltway, straddling Route 1.   The campus is actually fairly large, and continues to grow.  The northeast section has a huge agricultural zone full of long barns, the kind you find at agricultural fairs.  My dad told me that UM was quite advanced in agricultural technology, something about breeding better Thanksgiving turkeys or juicier pigs.  Something like that. 

There’s also UM-Eastern Shore, UM-Baltimore Campus, UM-Baltimore County (Catonsville), and UM-University College.  UM-UC covers the overseas operations around the world, primarily on-base education at US military bases.  The Munich campus closed in 1992.  From what I understand, although California’s state university system dwarfs Maryland’s, excluding UM-UC, if you add in UM-UC, Maryland’s system exceeds California’s. 

History.  The campus began in 1856, with Morrill Hall as the oldest – and it looks it, almost “H.P. Lovecraft Hall”.  It turned into Maryland Agricultural College (MAC), with mandatory ROTC, until it finally renamed University of Maryland in 1920. 

Majors.  I started out as a government & politics (GVPT) major, with most of my classes in LeFrak Hall.  By sophomore year I realized that business and government complemented each other, so I added a second curriculum of general business (BMGT) to get a second degree, for 156 credits in 4 years.  To do this I had to take summer courses after sophomore year (1988) and two more courses after spring semester of senior year (1990), but still managed to do it, so I could start law school in Fall 1990 at George Mason.  I actually applied for the University of Maryland law school, but was not accepted.  My diplomas, a B.A. in GVPT and B.S. in BMGT, are dated August 1990, with the commencement ceremony in December 1990.

Dorms.  The UCMP campus has 9 high rise dorms (plus 2 low-rise), of which I was in Hagerstown Hall for my freshman year (F86/S87).   The North Hill dorms were somewhat run down when I was there; I knew people in Somerset Hall, and a friend of mine – not an asshole – lived in Wicomico Hall.   I moved to Talbot Hall for sophomore year (F87/S88) and fall of junior year (F88), then to Montgomery Hall (South Hill) for spring (S89) and senior year (F89/S90).   Plus there are Old Leonardtown and New Leonardtown apartments on the other side of Route 1, just behind Frat Row.  I stayed in New Leonardtown during summer school, SS I&II 1988, and SSI in 1990.   As you can see from the pictures, the campus is sprawled out and very attractive.  Brief bits of “National Treasure II” (the Quad) and “St Elmo’s Fire” (Frat Row) are filmed at UMCP. 

Sophomore and junior years meant 4 different roommates, all 4 being unpleasant experiences.  Freshman year was Mike, who was fine; and senior year I had a huge single, in a suite with a bunch of guys I got along with fine.  Aside from Gene and I, they were all Theta Chi brothers (Gene, where are you?).  By the way, my brother also went to UMCP, a year behind me, and during my senior year – his junior year – he was also in Montgomery Hall, in the middle section.  My sister went to UM, had to drop out when she and her first husband moved to Arizona, and came back later and finished that off.  So our family has no less than three UMCP graduates.

Terps.  Our mascot, technically the Terrapins (a small aquatic turtle which no one fears) and personified by Testudo at sports events.  UMCP won the NCAA basketball tournament in 2002.  Neil O’Donnell was our QB while I was there, before going on to the Steelers.  Someone said our lacrosse program was supposed to be good.  I have no clue.  We were in the Atlantic Coast Conference, competing with UVA, WVU, Wake Forest, UNC, NC State, Duke, and Clemson, but now we’re in the BIG 10, a group I’ve ignored because until recently, UM was not part of it.  I can’t say I follow Maryland that zealously – if there’s a game on a TV at the gym I’ll pay attention. 

In all the time I was at UM living on campus, I maybe went to two football games at Byrd Stadium and one basketball game at Cole Field House – my usual reason for visiting either was to jog (Cole) or get horribly sunburned (Byrd Stadium).  Richie Coliseum was where we saw concerts:  Black Sabbath in 1994, and Megadeth earlier. 

Diamondback.  The school newspaper.  I remember the comics:  Clyde (Al Via), Pat Schaefer, plus the overindulgent Eric Dunn & his “aren’t I cool?” crap.  After I graduated Aaron McGruder started off his own strip which later became The Boondocks.  And there were our competing editorialists, Eron Shosteck (the GOP point of view, somewhat of a minority at uber-liberal UMCP, where you could fit the College Republicans in one room), and Dave Bitet, giving us the Opposition perspective, since the White House was in Republican hands during my time at UMCP – 1986-1990, i.e. Ronald Reagan and then George H.W. Bush, the father of the none-too-popular George W. Bush and his politically flailing brother Jeb. 

Alumni.  Jim Henson (Muppet guy) is the most famous.  I suppose Larry David (Seinfeld & Curb Your Enthusiasm) is #2, followed by the guy who wrote The Wire (David Simon).  Carly Fiorina, Connie Chung, and Oprah’s friend Gayle, are also UMCP alumni.  

More Proletarian Adventures

Much earlier I had described my pre-law adventures.  I had left out the fast food experience, and have some post-law experiences to share as well – for those who bother to read these things. [In this case, I preferred to use images from “Clerks II” – particularly that impressively delicious poster of Rosario Dawson...sorry, I couldn’t resist!]

 Dining Services.  This was 6 weeks in fall 1987, my sophomore year at University of Maryland.  To earn some extra cash, I joined my comrades Woody, Chip and Bill at the Food Court at the Stamp Union.  Mostly my work was at the pizza stand, but I also spent some time at the sub shop and the ice cream stand. 

 Pizza.  I didn’t actually make any pizzas, I simply served various slices.  I love pizza and have strong tolerance for wide varieties in quality, but this was the most horrible, disgusting pizza I ever had.  Something about the cheese, I don’t know.  It was also an excellent place to burn yourself fairly often, which was unpleasant.  And I recall various shady characters showing up at closing to ask for free pizza, since we had to throw away anything left over before cleaning up.

 Subs.  I was only here briefly.  This pissed me off because the subs were wrapped in tin foil, then placed in a superheated drawer.  They were made fairly simple (not by me) and wrapped up and placed in this drawer, and had to be opened up and modified to the customer’s particular order.  All hot hot hot.  And this was before I had ever tasted one, so they weren’t my type of food.

 Ice Cream.  Ah, this was more like it.  Finally a place where 99% of the items were cold, with the obvious exception of hot fudge.  I learned to make milk shakes.  My frequent co-worker was a girl named April, who I recently relocated on Facebook.

 Cleaning. That was something I really detested: we had to clean up completely, utterly spotless to the manager’s satisfaction, and couldn’t leave until then (those of you who have worked in the food industry know what I’m talking about).  My prior jobs had been office jobs where you leave at closing time with no fuss or bother.  This could have been avoided by taking a non-closing shift, but my only free hours – with classes – were in the evening. 

I ended up quitting after six weeks as the money was minimum wage and not worth the long hours and bullshit.  It wasn’t so much poor treatment by management – most of the managers were fairly cool and laid back (except for one dick who always made me mop up whenever the customers were gone), and some of the assistant managers were fellow students.  Mostly it was the work itself I didn’t like and this business of being kept an hour after closing to clean up.

 Trak Auto.  In 1995 or so I was working as a very poorly paid attorney, still waiting for – and not getting – a long-promised raise from my boss, a sole practitioner by the name of Jerry.  So I took this part time job, Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and the noon-to-closing shift on Saturday, at the Track Auto in downtown Falls Church, on Broad Street, across from Don Beyer Volvo.  Later it turned into an Advance Auto Parts, but this location was swallowed up by the Staples next door.

 Initially I was a cashier, then later did some work at the parts counter.  This was back when Trak Auto employees wore the white button down shirts which were pretty sharp – even with epaulets.  Years later they switched to the more casual dark grey polo shirts.  I was frequently recommended for management, but managers had to put in at least 32 hours per week (not compatible with a full time job as an attorney) and got a fairly low salary considering their high responsibilities – not a good combination.  Plus the company didn’t seem to treat even its valued employees very well.

 Trak Auto cashiers were just that: cashiers.  They didn’t have to know anything about cars, and frequently knew far less than many of the customers.  Most of them were teenagers or young 20-somethings with poor attitudes and work ethics, and turnover was horrendous.  With my experience at NOVA, plus having taken all of the optional parts quizzes (though I never took the ASE Parts exam) I was in a much better position than most of the cashiers, so I got the coveted parts desk position fairly often.   I did get used to the whole “closing the register” deal, counting out $75.00 cash, counting out the excess, splitting up the checks and charge slips, and putting everything in the right envelopes.  Before long I was consistently having the register close out on target.

 We frequently had customers ask us to install wiper blades and headlights, or even batteries.   Since we were only cashiers and only qualified to run a register (which for some of the guys was a challenge in and of itself), we weren’t paid or authorized to do any services on cars, no matter how simple.  I’m sure the customers felt stupid paying a mechanic $20-50 to do something that simple, and at the same time embarrassed (particularly male customers) that they couldn’t manage to do it themselves.  As a practical matter we would do some of these things, free of charge, on rare occasions if the store was dead quiet – and if the customer was nice enough and appeared to recognize that this was an accommodation on our part and not part of our job description.  Of course, if the customer was a particularly attractive female, that would also be a bargaining point.

 90% of our staff was male.  Occasionally we’d get female employees, or even managers, but that was rare.  An auto parts store is a man’s place, by mutual agreement of the sexes – I can’t imagine any straight guy volunteering to work at Sephora or Victoria’s Secret, for example.  I don’t think women were actively discouraged from applying: first of all, a cashier job is pretty much unskilled, so we’d hire practically anyone, and with our turnover we almost always could use more help.  Second, as male-dominated as the stores were, we’d gladly welcome any female presence to make the job more interesting.  It’s just not the kind of place the average female employee would want to work.  On the other hand, if she was looking to find a guy, this was probably an excellent job to have, both in terms of her co-workers and the heavily male proportion of customers.

 Eventually Jerry was embarrassed explaining to clients why his associate was leaving the office at 4 p.m. in a white Trak Auto shirt, so he gave me a raise which let me quit the Tuesday and Thursday shift.  I kept the Saturday shift until November 2000, when I got a reasonably well paying job at a firm in Woodbridge.  Around December 2001, unemployed again, I took a parts counter job at the Super Trak Warehouse in Sterling, which I held onto until about April 2002, yet again finding the atrociously low wages were not worth the long hours.  Shortly after that I ended up at the current office, Saigon Central.

 I would say I learned alot at Trak Auto, mostly from my fellow workers. I still stay in touch with Ed, who turned out to be a great friend, and frequently run into some of the others at various Advance Auto Parts.  I had a 10% employee discount, which came in handy for lots of auto parts and Mobil One.  For what was supposed to be simply a part-time job to earn some extra money, it was a surprisingly positive and useful experience.

 Domino’s.  I must have worked this job for a week at most.  For all the work driving around, finding someone’s house number on a curb in total darkness, for a modest tip, it was really not worth the bother.  It didn’t help that the branch I was working at was fully staffed already and sent me home after only an hour or two a night.  I’m not Fry – count me out of the delivery business.

 Next up will be an analysis of post college office jobs – outside the legal industry.  Stay tuned!

Summer of '88

As the snow falls early this year, I’m reminded of…summer. Particularly, another special summer, 1988.


Background. I had finished sophomore year at University of Maryland, and was taking 4 summer classes in order to get into the business school in fall. This meant staying on campus over the summer instead of returning home to Paris. Fortunately my best friend Phil was around, and one of my top friends at UMCP, Baron, was also taking summer classes, even staying in the apartment next door.


Classes. I took Accounting I, Accounting II, Calculus and Statistics. The accounting I professor was a Chinese woman with an impenetrable accent. Calculus was an easy A, as it was less challenging than the calculus class I’d already taken in high school. Statistics was dull, but it was a night class. Although the summer schedule meant classes 5 days a week, they were at noon or 2 p.m. so I could sleep late every day. I had no idea summer school was this laid back.


Apartment. I was in an on-campus apartment with Dave – a Diamondback photographer – and Jeff, a Texan from Houston studying urban studies. In July my brother came down from NYC, and then my Dad came down, and we all went up to NYC when my summer session ended.


Car. I had been saving up for a late 70’s Trans Am, but just as I was about to buy one, my parents bought me an ’84 Chevrolet Cavalier. Excellent gas mileage, if not particularly reliable, but it had A/C, automatic transmission, 4 doors, and a tape deck; and it could fit the 4 cubic foot fridge I was using.
I had gotten my drivers’ license in summer ’86 as a 17 year old, but without a car to drive consistently, my skills were almost nonexistent. The MVA test was “parallel park behind the MVA building”, not a very good indication of highway driving. I knew I’d have to teach myself how to drive.
Fortunately, UMCP has a small “city” worth of roads, and during summer the campus is virtually deserted, allowing me to drive around and teach myself. From there I ventured forth into traffic on Route 1, then brief trips along the Beltway. When I first drove all the way around the Beltway to Fairfax, to visit my friend Phil, it was like crossing the ocean. From there I learned to drive at night, a completely different experience. I even had my first accident: a minor scrape with a UMCP utility pickup truck. The crew said not to worry about it, they wouldn’t even file their own claim.


Music. The big deal was that (A) I got a CD player (er…borrowed my brother’s over the summer) and (B) got into early Scorpions, mainly Fly to the Rainbow and Lonesome Crow. I managed to jam with my friend Ken in Columbia.


Concerts. This was a great year for concerts.

1. Pink Floyd at RFK, the Momentary Lapse of Reason tour. Baron and his buddy Rob sold Floyd pictures Baron had taken at the Philadelphia show. I guarded the stash while reading Ayn Rand books. Our seats were in section 300,000 something.
2. Van Halen’s Monsters of Rock. Also at RFK, this time with Phil. Kingdom Come, Metallica, Dokken, Scorpions, and Van Halen (with Sammy Hagar) on the OU812 Tour. The fans set fire to the seats during VH’s set, forcing them to turn on the house lights. Sammy Hagar wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or amused.
3. Iron Maiden, at the Cap Center, with my brother. This was the Seventh Son tour. I got great tickets at the Stamp Union, “camping out” with minimal competition. A great show!
4. Judas Priest, at the Cap Center, with my brother. This was the Ram it Down Tour. More awesome seats! Not quite “Heavy Metal Parking Lot”, but close. This was the first time I’d ever seen Priest in concert.
5. AC/DC at Madison Square Garden, with my brother. I scored 5^th row seats buying them at the box office a week before the show. White Lion opened. Another great show, even if the album they were touring, Blow Up Your Video, totally sucked.
   

NYC. Every other year we went back to the US for home leave in summer. In ’88, my parents decided to swap places again, but unlike ’84, when we got Bag End, this time we scored a huge apartment on 5^th Avenue & 96^th Street in Manhattan. We went to the Empire State Building, the World Trade Center, the guitar stores, the subway, Central Park, the library, and even walked all the way from 34^th Street back to 96^th. The AC/DC concert I mentioned above. Finally, we rode the Cyclone at Coney Island.

In 1998 I visited our relatives in Glens Falls, New York, only vaguely aware that France won the World Cup (“o que aconteceu????"). I have to wonder what summer 2008 has in store for us.