Flash Gordon

In the past few weeks I inflicted myself with a barrage of Flash Gordon.  I don’t know why.  Maybe I was curious about the intrepid space hero and thought I’d see something fun and interesting in it all, but very little of it was very entertaining.  The least I can do, however, is describe my experiences.  Maybe someone else will enjoy it more than I did.

 Characters.

Flash Gordon.  The rugged, handsome, space hero.  Not a genius, but bright enough to get the job done.  He can fight, but it’s mostly brute force; he doesn’t seem to know any martial arts.  Flash has no particular skill as a space pilot and not much in the way of ray guns, rockets, or other high-tech gadgets.  Mostly he seems to punch his way out of trouble.  Buzz Lightyear is actually smarter than Flash.

Dale Arden.  The obligatory female love interest so we don’t wonder about Flash and the other male characters (a real danger given some of the costumes, which are more flattering for the men than they are revealing for the women).  She is marginally attractive, average intelligence, and doesn’t seem to do much besides scream and get into or out of danger.  In a sense, she’s the prototype for most of the Bond movie women.  Unlike those women, however, Dale never appears in a bikini or even shows even the slightest cheesecake – nor, for that matter, do any of the other women.  Like Star Trek: The Next Generation, where sex in the future seems to be obsolete.

 Dr. Zarkov.  The scientist, not particularly mad or really that much of a genius, not all the brilliant or imaginative (I could claim that Geordi would run rings around him, but even Scotty is his match) but given Flash’s aptitude for science (or lack thereof) that really makes the Dr. the go-to guy for this by default.

 Emperor Ming (the Merciless).  Despite the name and make-up, he doesn’t seem to be Asian, especially since none of his minions from Mongo appear to be Asian either.  In fact, all the extra-terrestrial races appear to be white.  Even Edgar Rice Burroughs gave the aliens different-colored names (though these were still simply alternate-colored whites, even the “black” and “yellow” men). 

 Sources

Cartoon.  By Alex Raymond.  This appeared in the Sunday comics from 1934 to 1943.  By now there are compendiums available on Amazon.com for $46, but I wasn’t tempted to splurge on these.  I’m not really into comic books in general and don’t even spend that much on Dr. Strange or the Freak Brothers, much less this one that I’m only marginally interested in.  I can’t even remember reading them in the papers myself (I was born in 1969).  So I had to pass on the original source material.

 Movie Serials.  These were black & white and fairly short episodes done in three batches:  Flash Gordon (1936), Flash Gordon’s Trip to Mars (1938), and Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940).  They were originally shown in movie theaters as trailers before the main features, but each of these was later turned into a feature length film.  I’ve seen the 2^nd and 3^rd.  Buster Crabbe plays the lead role.  He has the strongest claim to having established the character, as no one else improved on his portrayal. 

            The acting is about as good as any porn movie, and the special effects are endearingly cheesy, but both elements wore thin to me in about 5 seconds.  Overall I found them extremely boring.  Something about the plots struck me as being as sophisticated and enthralling as those of a children’s TV show, yet these are supposed to be for adults.  The absence of the slightest romance (even with Dale) pushes this further into the kiddie zone.  Even Harry Potter has more than these.  So they managed to make a space-adventure epic series, spanning all sorts of different planets and races, which is dreadfully boring. 

 1980 Movie.  It had a modestly impressive soundtrack by Queen, featuring Sam Jones as Flash, Timothy Dalton as Prince Barin (the Robin Hood type guy), Topol (best known as Tevye from “Fiddler on the Roof”) as Dr. Zarkov, and Max von Sydow as Ming.  It was pretty flashy (!) with respectable production values and special effects, and had considerably better acting than the original serials, so this is probably the best format to enjoy it in.  Despite not liking the movie serials, I did enjoy this movie. We had actually seen it in the movie theater in Paris, France when it came out.  This one does the best job of keeping some element of campiness without being too silly – the right balance.  Sam Jones has a cameo in "Ted", as Mark Wahlberg's character has a particular nostalgic fondness for this film. 

 1974 Parody – Flesh Gordon.  Remarkably, this predates the 1980 movie by 6 years; there is enough similarity with the latter (though a completely different plot) that I wonder if the 1980 producers had seen this.  For a soft-porn parody the acting is remarkably good.  Moreover, it has considerable stop-action animation special effects, in the famous Ray Harryhausen tradition: some penis-snake one-eyed monsters early on, corkscrew penis killer robots later on, and a huge Cyclops type of demon at the end.  These ingredients alone give it some cinematic merit, though I’ve never heard of it being touted as a cult film, e.g. “Jason and Argonauts”, which some (Tom Hanks) consider the premier stop-action animation film.  Of course there is also considerable nudity and some soft-core sex (the collector’s edition DVD, despite its claim, did not restore the long-lost hard-core scenes which were cut out long ago).  I put this as a close #2 to the 1980 film.

 Honorable Mention/See Also:

Leather Goddesses of Phobos.  Ages ago, back in high school (1982-1986 B.C.) we were playing text adventure games by an imaginative company called Infocom (watch for a blog in the future).  This was a time at which graphic adventures were developing but still fairly primitive and not all that impressive; we never did finish the “Hi-Res Adventure: Cranston Manor”.  I suppose the Infocom designers were frustrated novelists, because they felt that a thousand words were much better than any picture.  Anyhow.

            LGP was their tribute to Flash Gordon.  Since it was kind of raunchy (it even had a 3D cartoon booklet which included considerably more cheesecake, though no nudity, than the original Flash Gordon) I’m beginning to suspect the writers had indeed seen “Flesh Gordon”.  I have to say I enjoyed it.  NOW, someone needs to adapt these text adventure games as smartphone apps.  Who’s on it?

Quality / Price = Value

This is yet another vague and abstract topic, but it still means something – insofar as our buying choices in a capitalist economy are varied.  I suppose in the USSR your options are “generic, generic and generic” – all shitty, when they’re available at all.

 I reduce the formula to Q / P = V where

Q          =          quality

P          =          price

And

V          =          Value.

 This results in the following outcomes:

a)         If you raise quality relative to price, you increase value. 

b)         If you lower quality relative to price, you reduce value

c)         If you increase quality, but increase price even more, you reduce value.

d)         Similarly, if you reduce price, but reduce quality even more, you also reduce value.

 If you were to chart price and quality on a graph, with x axis being price and the y axis being value, you would probably wind up with a bell curve.  The cheapest stuff is crap.  And the most expensive stuff is a bad value because the marginal cost far exceeds the marginal benefit.  So items in the middle are the best value.  For any item there will be an equilibrium point of maximum value where additional expenditures do not offer correspondingly higher quality, thus value drops off.  This, however, not completely objective as “quality” is by its nature subjective and some features mean more to some people than others. 

 “Cheap” people claim to be focused on value but in reality simply take the cheapest item as a matter of principle, even if a slightly more expensive item has a much higher quality, i.e. is a better value.

 Extremely rich and status-conscious people at the other end of the spectrum pay top dollar for the highest quality even if it means ignoring value.  They are aware that they are ignoring value, their point is, “I’m rich enough to be able to afford to be indifferent.”

 The rest of us, with limited budgets but some appreciation of quality, prefer to actually focus on value and seek it in the goods and services we purchase.  

Brian Johnson and Tony Iommi

Those who know me well, know my favorite two bands are AC/DC and Black Sabbath.

 Rockers and Rollers.  This is the book by Brian Johnson, the singer for AC/DC.  He took over from Bon Scott in 1980 after the latter’s untimely “death by misadventure”.  Now he’s been with the band for over 30 years, well beyond Bon’s tenure.  However, while all the Bon albums were excellent, only the first few BJ albums were of top quality:  Back in Black, For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) and Flick of the Switch.  The band ran out of steam after those three early 80’s albums and have been coasting in neutral ever since, though as a live experience the band remains as energetic, entertaining, and enjoyable as ever.

            Johnson’s book is a loosely collated collection of non-chronological anecdotes.  While he loves cars, he almost never mentions American muscle cars (even though he lives in Florida now): his focus is on the motley array of oil-leaking, short-circuiting, rusty iron which England produces and a handful of luxury cars (some of which are actually English).  Sometimes he races around in sports cars, but never mentions Nick Mason (maybe the Pink Floyd drummer snubbed him somewhere along the line).  He’s never at a dragstrip, he doesn’t seem to know how to work on cars himself, and the racing part seems like an expensive hobby he can now indulge in now that he’s got some money in the bank.  He’s more Tim Allen than Jay Leno.  As a car enthusiast I found the car element of his story extremely disappointing. 

            The non-car portions are marginally more interesting:  a series of rock star anecdotes which are as much about his pre-AC/DC band Geordie as about AC/DC, which gets about as much coverage as Rush did in Neil Peart’s books – with the obvious exception of Roadshow.  One mention each of Cliff Williams and Phil Rudd.  And these revelations: Malcolm drives a minivan?  Angus doesn’t even have a driver’s license?  Who would have imagined that when it comes to horsepower, AC/DC are left behind at the dragstrip by the Beach Boys?

 Iron Man.  Ah, this was MUCH more like it.  The guitarist for Black Sabbath, Tony Iommi, manages to keep the attention of a fan who has already read 99% of the literature available on the band.  Iommi’s account is chronological and makes no pretense of being a car book (!).  What’s even better, Iommi steers clear of simply repeating all the Ozzy stories we’ve already heard over the years, without shunting Ozzy off as some irrelevant nonentity only incidentally responsible for the band’s success.  What does Tony tell us?  In addition to explaining how each Black Sabbath album was made – and not in particularly tiresome detail, mind you – he helpfully discloses a full range of topics of interest to us rabid and/or rancid Black Sabbath fans:

            1.         Exactly what happened to his middle and ring finger and how he solved that problem

            2.         Which bands he was in before Black Sabbath

            3.         What happened in his month with Jethro Tull and his experience at the Stones’ Rock & Roll Circus

            4.         His 4 marriages

            5.         His fun with Frank Zappa

            6.         Why Dio left Sabbath after Live Evil and Dehumanizer

            7.         What was Glenn Hughes’ major malfunction

            8.         What is the problem with Tony Martin and Ian Gillan

            What’s even more remarkable is that Ozzy comes off as extremely sympathetic – as do Geezer Butler and Bill Ward, and even Sharon Osbourne (though I’m puzzled that even now he doesn’t know the story behind Speak of the Devil).  I’m surprised, Ronnie James Dio comes off as less likeable than them.

            Overall, easy to read (big typeface and doublespaced) with interesting pictures and again – well worth the time of anyone who thought they already knew all there was to know.  THANK YOU, TONY.

The Godfather

Some time ago I told my friend Dave that I considered “The Sopranos” a show for people who thought three Godfather films was not enough.  The funny thing was, I had never seen all three.  So I finally sat down and watched them – and it was time well spent.

 Godfather I.  The first, and essentially the classic.  There have been lots of Mafia films, and many made back in the 1930s-50s with James Cagney or Edgar G. Robinson (Billy Crystal: “Where’s your Moses NOW???”).  But somehow this one tops them all.

            The first film introduces us to the Corleone family:  Godfather Vito (Marlon Brando), Consigliere Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall), hotheaded oldest brother Sonny (James Caan), incompetent weasel brother Fredo (John Cazale), sister Connie with an abusive husband (Talia Shire), and the war hero puppy brother, Michael (Al Pacino).  Initially reluctant to take part in the “family business”, Michael is gradually brought forward, if only by default.  Sonny is dispatched at a toll booth plaza, Fredo is incompetent, and Connie…well, she has ovaries instead of testicles.  Vito is getting old, and someone needs to take over.  He picks the wrong time to retire, as things are starting to heat up with a war with a rival family on the horizon.

            In addition to setting up the family, the film has all the classic ingredients:

            1.         Brando as the Godfather – whispering voice, granting favors, demanding respect, and the undeniable patriarch of the family;

            2.         Hagen as Consigliere, “Kraut-Mick” (German-Irish) but objectively giving excellent advice to the family without Sonny’s irrational passion;

            3.         Horse’s head in the bed of recalcitrant Hollywood movie director, persuading him to allow Johnny Fontaine to be the lead actor in his film.

            4.         Italian restaurant murder of Sollozzo and McCluskey by Michael

            5.         Toll booth murder of Sonny by goons firing Thompsons with drum magazines (my favorite scene)

            6.         Sicilian “Old Country” vacation for Michael + marriage to local belle

            7.         Ending montage where multiple scores are settled – and Michael is in church for his baby’s baptism

            As I said, everything is here.  They could have stopped here, but no…

Godfather II.  Most of the gang is back again, with a notable addition: De Niro is introduced as the young Vito Corleone, as the film switches from a prequel flashback to modern day, Michael continuing to develop the business.  His wife Kate (Diane Keaton) is not particularly attractive and is kind of clueless about the whole thing.   Is she looking the other way? Is she condoning his behavior?  She figures things out a few dozen years after she should have.  STUPID!

            Cuba and Las Vegas are front & center for this chapter.  Hyman Roth (thinly disguised Meyer Lansky) is their rival in Cuba until Castro shows up to ruin everyone’s hard work.  A family friend, Pentangeli, who feels slighted by the Corleones initially agrees to rat them out to the Feds, then abruptly turns 180 and recants his testimony.  Fredo’s duplicity is finally resolved – against him.  This was not as good as the first one, but not much of a letdown, especially since De Niro does such a remarkably good job as the young Vito.  Unfortunately this setup gives no screen time for Pacino and De Niro together (wait for “Heat” and “Righteous Kill”).

 Godfather III.  If for nothing else, the third movie will be known for this quote: "Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in." (Michael).  Fastforward to the late 70s, Michael is much older (grey hair) and his two kids are grown up, but his son wants nothing of the business, preferring to be an opera singer.  His nephew, Sonny’s son (Andy Garcia) shows the mean and nasty look his son lacks, and is looking to take over, which is fine by Michael.  Connie seems to confuse her ovaries with testicles and asserts a surprising degree of influence and aggressiveness, which she believes is necessary to counteract Michael’s apparent softness.  In an effort to extract his family from the crime business and go legit, Michael gets involved in Vatican politics, and starts alienating some very powerful enemies – fellow families in the crime syndicate who aren’t ready to allow his family to opt out.  Don Altobello (Eli Wallach – the “Ugly”) is the older, friendly advisor who is really part of the problem and not the solution.  This is a remarkably heroic effort to wind up the series but inevitably falls far short of the other films.  Nevertheless I found it worth watching if only to see what eventually happens to Michael Corleone.

Mao Tse-Tung

I recently finished reading a massive tome, Mao: The Unknown Story, by Jung Chang and Jon Halliday. I had actually received it for Christmas in 2010 and only completed it now.  Rather than go into detail about the Chinese leader, some of the book’s more pertinent facts and trends would make a decent summary.

 He was born in December 1893 and died in September 1976, of natural causes.  He married 4 times and cheated on all 4 wives.  The fourth was the infamous Jiang Qing, “Madame Mao” (above), who killed herself in 1991.

 He never brushed his teeth and didn’t bathe.  He denied medical treatment, operas, sex, culture, books, music, etc. to the people of China but fully indulged in all of these himself with no shame.  He had concrete, bomb-proof villas built for him to stay in across the country but rarely visited them in person.  Mao essentially wiped out Chinese culture but didn’t replace it with anything except a bland cult of personality devoted to himself. 

 The Long March was a hoax, as the Reds went wherever Chiang Kai Shek wanted them to go.  Mao’s success in the Civil War (1946-49) was mainly due to several Nationalist generals who were sleeper Reds and essentially delivered their armies to Mao on a silver platter.  George C. Marshall also deserves some blame for this, forcing Chiang to a cease fire which allowed the Reds to reorganize their Manchurian operations at a time when Chiang had been close to wiping them out.  While the book is obviously highly critical of Mao, it pulls no punches re: Chiang, explaining how poorly Chiang vetted his generals – keeping them in command long after their “incompetence” (really simply secret alliance to Mao) became obvious – and how he failed to rein in his corrupt brother-in-law, T.V. Soong.

 The dynamic between Stalin and Mao was especially interesting.  Stalin never trusted Mao, and Mao never liked Stalin.  They saw each other more as dangerous rivals than fellow travelers – they were never friends.  Even after WWII, Stalin insisted on keeping concessions in Manchuria which the Tsars had won decades earlier, e.g. Russians considered exempt from Chinese jurisdiction.  Stalin was also extremely stingy about releasing nuclear and military technology to Mao and only traded on terms extremely advantageous to the USSR, just like he sold tanks, planes and guns to the Spanish Republicans at full price. 

 The “Chinese volunteers” Mao sent to fight in Korea were mostly former Nationalist armies which Mao simply fed into the meat grinder to be slaughtered.  I recall so many “M*A*S*H” episodes where Hawkeye bitches and moans that the Korean War is going on forever, and he invariably blames MacArthur and the US brass, never mentioning the North Koreans or Mao.  The North Koreans wanted the war over – they knew it had been blown.  The US and its allies had no interest in continuing the slaughter.  Mao continued the war because he was angling to get concessions from Stalin, particularly nuclear weapons and military factories, essentially trading Chinese lives for technical know-how from the Soviets. 

 Likewise during the Vietnam War, Mao was willing to sell out the North Vietnamese if it meant getting favors from Nixon, since by that time the Russians had long stopped helping the Chinese.  The last thing Brezhnev wanted was to give Mao missiles he could use to nuke Moscow.  Having alienated Krushchev, then Brezhnev, Mao’s source of expertise dried up in the mid-60s.  The Chinese couldn’t build jets or helicopters that wouldn’t fall out of the sky.  Mao threw money at Third World countries (bought with Chinese lives starved to pay for the hard currency), who accepted the aid with a “big smile” but wouldn’t reciprocate with anything useful.  Albania was Mao’s lone ally and even Hoxha berated Mao for cozying up to Nixon. 

 I recall my high school history teacher laughing that “Let A Thousand Flowers Bloom”, a late 50’s campaign of openness (what Gorbachev would later call “glasnost”), resulted in an embarrassing explosion of gripes and complaints against the regime, but according to this book, Mao was well aware of his unpopularity and used the campaign as a way of luring his critics out into the open.

 Mao knew his Great Leap Forward in the early 60s was killing the Chinese peasants, but like Lenin before him, was indifferent to the millions of deaths by artificial famines.  The grain was shipped to Russia to pay for military factories, nuclear technology, and Mao was especially hoping for ICBM technology.  This much was evident for ages:  Mao was yet another dictator who did not care how many people died because of his policies and did whatever he wanted. 

 One son died in the Korean War, the other was mentally handicapped. With Kim Il Sung’s death in North Korea, it has been mentioned that “even Mao” did not favor hereditary succession, but he had no suitable male heirs to appoint anyway.  Even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have done so, out of paranoia that his son would probably dispatch him prematurely.  He told Deng Xiaoping, the man he guessed (correctly) would most likely succeed him, to consider open season on his wife.  What happened to China after his death was not his concern.

 In some ways Mao reminds me of George W. Bush and Warren Harding: politicians who had no genuine skills in any line of work or profession EXCEPT politics.   Mao was an indifferent student, never had a real job or legitimate skill, and his sole talent seemed to be getting himself into power and remaining there.  He was ruthless about sacrificing others to his ambitions: whether it was Red armies commanded by his political rivals thrown to Chiang in the 30s; Nationalists forced to fight the Japanese, with no help from existing Red armies, because Mao wanted Chiang to wipe himself out fighting the invaders; and during the Cultural Revolution, dozens of cadres sacrificed and disgraced, tortured, imprisoned, and executed, either because they had opposed his famine-inducing policies of prior years or simply because he considered them dangerous rivals.  Outwitting political opponents, all this “sausage-making” and behind-the-scenes intrigue, back-stabbing, manipulation, etc. were what Mao knew best, really the only thing he knew how to do.  None of this was motivated by any genuine affection for China or its people – for anyone except himself.       

Fantomas

My readers know I’m a big fan of Paris, France, having lived there for 11 years.  A blog on Baron Haussman should be forthcoming in the near future when I finish reading about him.  Recently I finished two excellent books on the city, Parisians: An Adventure History of Paris, by Graham Robb, and Paris: The Secret History, by Andrew Hussey.  The former book spotlights individual moments in the city’s history from Napoleon’s first visit (well before taking power) all the way to “Sarko” and the immigration riots in recent times.  While the segments proceed in chronological order, they are not continuous.  Hussey’s book, by contrast, is a continuous history of the city from Roman-era Lutetia to the present.  The amount of overlapping is fairly minimal, and the books complement each other well. 

 Hussey’s book alerted me to the early 20^th century (“Belle Epoque”) gangs of thieves and hooligans who called themselves “the Apaches”, and an intriguing fictional character, created by Marcel Allain and Pierre Souvestre, known as Fantomas.  Normally I’d seek out the French language originals and read them, but in this particular case I decided to “cheat” and go directly to the silent movies made by Louis Feuillade just before WWI.  The DVD set I purchased from Amazon has 5 episodes spread out over 3 discs.  This is quicker than reading the original serials (43 in all); I can’t recommend them as I haven’t read them, but the movies were intriguing.  It’s a kick to see Paris in 1913, much of which I can recognize – I liked the reference to Ave. Richard Wallace in Neuilly, a street I’ve been on many times.  Many segments take place at midnight but were obviously filmed in broad daylight, so the filmmaker tints the film blue to indicate night time.  Feuillade worked for Gaumont from 1906 to 1924 and made 600-800 films, but these were mostly 10 minute serials. 

 Fantomas is an anti-hero, a protagonist of pure evil genius.  He is a master of disguise and impersonation, and has no scruples about murdering anyone to achieve his goals.  Typically he seems to seduce lonely rich widows (after having murdered their husbands).  In one instance, on death row and facing imminent execution, he changed places with a stage actor – who was saved from the guillotine by the clever Inspector Juve, who acts as his consistent nemesis.  Unlike the bumbling and incompetent Inspector Clouseau of the Pink Panther movies, Juve is fairly bright and imaginative, though always seems to be just a few steps behind Fantomas.  In one episode Juve actually helps Fantomas to escape from jail in Louvain, Belgium (home of Stella Artois beer) so he can be tracked down to France.  Juve is assisted by his “Watson”, the journalist Fandor, who reminds me a bit of Tintin.  Because he assumes different identities and disguises, Fantomas’ only “look” is the black ninja gear and hood (above left), though he doesn’t seem to know martial arts or be especially physically dangerous, nor does he have any magic or super powers. 

 Mike Patton.  Actually, I’d heard of the name Fantomas much earlier, as this was a supergroup band project of Mike Patton, best known as the singer for Faith No More.  This band lasted from 1995-2005 and put out 4 studio albums, but despite expropriating the name, none of this material actually has anything to do with the character of Fantomas himself.  I haven’t heard any of it, as Mr. Bungle (his other non-FNM project) never impressed me, although Patton’s FNM material post-Jim Martin hasn’t been too bad.  

The Chaco War

I’m not entirely convinced that the Iraq War was solely about oil, though given how much oil Iraq produces, to claim oil was not a factor at all would certainly be naïve.  Here, however, it seems that oil was the primary motivation: the Chaco War between Bolivia and Paraguay between July 29, 1932 and July 31, 1935.  As is the case with most of these minor war issues, my sourcebook is from Osprey Men-At-Arms, their publication The Chaco War 1932-1935 (South America’s Greatest Modern Conflict), by A. de Quesada with P. Jowett, and illustrated by R. Bujeiro.

 My first exposure to this was a Tintin story (yes, the character now brought to life by Spielberg & Jackson just before Christmas) called “The Broken Ear”.  Tintin winds up in a fictional South American country and his two enemies are drafted into what looks like the Bolivian Army in this dispute.  Tintin, acting as an aide-de-camp to General Alcazar, initially turned down the oil company’s request to start a war; only to have his orders overruled by Alcazar himself shortly thereafter.

 It seemed a large, undeveloped semi-jungle wasteland between Bolivia and Paraguay called The Chaco, which had previously been ignored by both countries – even to the point of conclusively establishing their mutual borders – was now front center focus when someone decided there might be oil in them there hills.  Competing oil companies (Standard Oil for Bolivia, Shell Oil for Paraguay) lined up behind the two countries and a war broke out.

 Bolivia nominally had the advantage with not only a much larger population from which to draft its army, which topped out at 6 divisions, but also German military advisors.  These included Ernst Roehm, the infamous leader of the Nazi Sturm Abteilung (SA, better known as the Brownshirts), though by this time he was back in Germany and taken out in the June 1934 “Night of the Long Knives”.  Bolivia’s soldiers had better weapons and equipment and something vaguely similar to a German uniform (in any case a standard uniform for an army in the 1930s) but Roehm’s successor, General Kundt, did a poor job of advising the Bolivians and whatever advantages they may have had were mostly squandered.

 Paraguay, however, was not down for the count.  Its soldiers, though dressed in Daisy Mae floppy hats (neither side wore steel helmets), sandals, and rustic cow-horn canteens, adapted better to the poor environment.  The Paraguayans also aggressively drafted their population to fight, bumping up the army to 4 divisions.  But most of all, the Paraguayans had a brilliant commander, Jose Felix Estigarribia, very much a Robert E. Lee-class general.  This man knew how to best use the forces at his disposal and faced no one in the Bolivian Army with anywhere near the same talent or imagination. 

 Both sides used Mauser bolt-action rifles in 7.62mm – the ammunition issue was greatly simplified due to both sides using the same caliber.  The Madsen light machine gun was a popular weapon on both sides.  The Paraguayans captured so much ordnance from the Bolivians that they were set up for the next 40 years; they were able to sell much of the surplus to the Spanish Republicans during their Civil War. 

 The “armor” war was quite limited, as the terrain wasn’t suitable for tanks; the Bolivians were the only ones with any appreciable armor, the main one being the Vickers Mark E Type A, twin turret six ton tank.  The few tanks they had were used in infantry support roles – some were even captured by the Paraguayans.  Apparently Guderian was not among the German advisors in Bolivia. The Paraguayan Air Force had a small fleet of French Potez 25 light biplane bombers; the Bolivians had 88 planes of various different types.  Much of the air war was reconnaissance and ground support, with very little dogfighting.  The “naval war” simply consisted of Paraguayan support operations on the Rio Paraguay and Rio Picomayo.

 War of the Triple Alliance (1864-70).  I might as well cover this war.  This was Paraguay vs. the TA of Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay.  Paraguay, led by its dictator Solano Lopez, attacked Brazil, Uruguay, and Argentina.  Although initially successful, the Paraguayans were eventually kicked out and invaded; Asuncion was taken.  Lopez tried to conduct a guerilla war but wound up being killed.

War of the Pacific (1879-83).  Instead of oil, this was fought over… bird poo, better known as guano.  Guano is an excellent source of nitrates which are used to make gunpowder.  Chile fought against Bolivia and Peru – eventually defeating both countries and landlocking Bolivia.

All three of these wars are described in much more detail - with a heavy dose of sarcasm and contempt - in Stupid Wars: A Citizen's Guide to Botched Putsches, Failed Coups, Inane Invasions, and Ridiculous Revolutions, by Ed Strosser and Michael Prince.