The White Album

It seems the Beatles album everyone goes nuts for is Sgt Pepper, but myself, John Lennon, and Charles Manson have a different preference, the self-titled double album released in November 1968, better known as simply the White Album.

My introduction to the album came from the “Blue Album” compilation, The Beatles ’67-70.  But only three tracks, “Back in the USSR”, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”, and “Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da” made it onto that compilation – barely the tip of the iceberg. 

I did get it on vinyl – the American version, in stereo.  It included 4 portrait photos of the band and a poster, one pic showing John naked on a bed.  See that once and then fold up the poster forever.  Most of the material was written when the band was in India, but recorded in the UK when they returned.  Ringo quit the band briefly, later persuaded to return. 

Back in the USSR.  In March 1983 our school trip took us to the USSR – back when it still was the USSR.  I brought my Walkman (remember those?) and several tapes, including this one.  We all gathered in our room at the Hotel Bratislava in Kiev and listened to this one.  I seem to recall we even sang the chorus to “Rocky Raccoon”. 

Side 1.  “Back in the USSR”, “Dear Prudence”, “Glass Onion”, “Ob-La-Di, “Ob-La-Da”, “Wild Honey Pie”, “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill”, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” (with guitar by Eric Clapton), and “Happiness Is A Warm Gun”.   Of these, the opener and “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” are my favorites.  “Happiness” took awhile to grow on me, but I eventually accepted it.

Side 2.  “Martha My Dear”, “I’m So Tired”, “Blackbird”, “Piggies”, “Rocky Raccoon”, “Don’t Pass Me By”, “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road?”, “I Will”, and “Julia”.  RR used to be my favorite at first, but I immediately liked “Don’t Pass Me By” and got hooked on “I’m So Tired” on the Russia trip.

Side 3.  “Birthday”, “Yer Blues”, “Mother Nature’s Son”, “Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey”, “Sexy Sadie”, “Helter Skelter”, and “Long, Long, Long”.   “Helter Skelter” is my favorite, one of the heaviest songs the Beatles ever recorded: thank you, Paul.

In fact, I liked “Helter Skelter” so much, that for a long time I never got around to listening to Side 4 [the same reason I ignored side two of Led Zeppelin IV, after the final track of side one].  I mean, how could they top “Helter Skelter”? 

Side 4.  “Revolution 1” [much slower than the single version of “Revolution”, which I prefer], “Honey Pie”, “Savoy Truffle”, “Cry Baby Cry”, “Revolution #9”, and “Good Night”.  #9 is one of the Beatles’ worst songs, and Yoko Ono’s role in this is probably why.  As annoying and unlistenable as R#9 is, your reward for continuing to the end is the delightful “Good Night”, sung by Ringo.  Nowadays with CD players and iTunes you can simply > to “Good Night”, but with vinyl you’re rarely motivated enough – even by R#9 – to get off your ass and move the needle. 

In addition to the trip of seeing Tony Iommi play guitar with Jethro Tull, and an excellent performance of “A Quick One” by the Who, another advantage of watching the Rolling Stones’ Rock’n’Roll Circus is to see “Dirty Mac” (Lennon, Clapton, Keith Richards on bass, and Mitch Mitchell on drums) play “Yer Blues”, although the usually talented Clapton completely drops the ball on the solo.  The Stones’ own performance is actually pretty good.  Brian Jones was still there, Keith plays a Les Paul Custom, and Mick has yet to degenerate into his androgynous persona of the 1970s.  They’re promoting Beggar’s Banquet, but the material is solid. 

Helter Skelter.  We can’t do this without mentioning Manson, can we?  Vincent Bugliosi, the L.A. prosecutor who put Manson and his family behind bars, studied Manson’s views extensively to develop his theory on the case.  Why did Manson order his followers to murder Tate & her friends, and the LaBianca couple?  Since Manson himself did not murder anyone, Bugliosi had to have some sort of explanation for a conspiracy.

            Manson believed that a race war was inevitable between blacks and whites in California.  The blacks would win, of course, but they needed some encouragement.  Manson hoped that attacking affluent whites, while having his lunatics scrawl “PIGS” and such on the walls, would convince whites that blacks were behind this and stoke up white hatred for blacks.  Instead, everyone just realized the killers were crazed lunatics, regardless of what race they were.  By the way:  Manson’s plan was that after the blacks took over, they would be clueless on how to rule.  The Manson family, having hidden out in Death Valley while the war was going on, would emerge safely, confront the blacks, and put them in their places telling them to “go back and pick cotton”.  Yes, that was what the Beatles supposedly told Manson in “Helter Skelter”. 

Sgt Pepper is an excellent album.  And coming right after Revolver, it blew people’s minds.  Hell, I can even enjoy “Within Without You” (though when it comes to Harrison’s Indian-flavored material, I prefer Revolver’s “For You To”).  The White Album is all over the place.  While it has two of the worst songs (“Wild Honey Pie” and “R#9”) it also has some of their best, including “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and “Helter Skelter”.  I suppose after being treated to a concept album, this heterogenous mix is a letdown; I beg to differ – leave consistency to concept albums and allow the rest to be enjoyed as they were meant to be, as a collection of songs which may have nothing to do with each other but share excellence.  To me it’s an epic masterpiece, and deserves more recognition and respect relative to Sgt. Pepper.   Enjoy.

Shaggy Dogs and Lawyers

The Shaggy Dog (1959).  This was actually Disney’s first live-action comedy, in black & white.  A young teenage boy, Wilby Daniels (Tommy Kirk) discovers a mysterious Italian ring with a Latin inscription, “in canis corpore trasmuto” (“I change into the body of a dog”) allegedly an artifact of the Borgias, the famous medieval Italian family.  He turns into a sheepdog several times.  As a dog he overhears bad guy discussing plots to steal weapons plans (Cold War, remember?) but manages to foil the plot.  The movie is based on an older novel, The Hound of Florence, by Felix Salten, who is better known for having written Bambi (yes, the story about the deer).  Without having read it, though, I can’t comment on how much the story is changed.  It is entertaining.

I did watch the first episode of “The Borgias”, the recent miniseries with Jeremy Irons as Rodrigo Borgia, aka Pope Alexander VI.  His daughter Lucrezia does NOT turn into a dog.  Sorry, no magic.  So much for that show.

The Shaggy D.A. (1976).  This is actually a sequel.  In fact, I recall seeing “The Shaggy Dog” in the US around the time this movie came out.  Before VCRs and cable, the most likely explanation is that the 1959 film was broadcast on TV to tie in with the release of the sequel in the movie theaters.

            Daniels is grown up now, played by Dean Jones, with his wife played by Suzanne Pleshette (most often seen on “Newhart”).  He’s a private attorney but strongly encouraged to run for district attorney (D.A.) because the incumbent, John Slade (Keenan Wynn) is not merely incompetent, but corrupt: in cahoots with local gangster Roshak (Vik Tayback, aka “Mel” from “Alice”, plus “A Piece of the Action”, etc.).  The magic ring gets discovered again, so Daniels starts turning into a sheepdog again – apparently at random, but at the most inconvenient times.  Tim Conway plays the local ice cream man whose dog he turns into, and his would-be fiancé is a roller derby chick.  Here he can actually talk, even as a dog.

The Shaggy Dog (2006).  My initial impression of this was, “oh no…Tim Allen is going to ruin this.”  Not quite.  Despite the title, it’s more of a remake of “D.A.” than “Dog” because the character is a grown man, not a teenager, and he’s an attorney, Dave Douglas.  He’s actually an assistant D.A., hoping to take over the top position from Danny Glover’s character – who presumably is getting too old for this.    

            This time around the cause of the transformation is not a magic Borgia ring, but rather a serum derived from another dog, Po, who is 300 years old.  Douglas is prosecuting an animal rights activist, Forrester, accused of vandalizing the lab of Grant & Strictland.  G&S is trying to extract Po’s essence to cure aging.   Po bites Douglas, which makes him somewhat of a were-dog.   Too bad for Douglas, in this film he can’t talk as a dog, but he does figure out how to deliberately change into a dog (though he never figures out how to change back).  His wife is played by Kristin Davis (Charlotte from “Sex & the City”), and I recognize Shawn Pyfrom (Alex Van De Camp from “Desperate Housewives”) as the teenage daughter’s boyfriend. 

            The bad guy here is Tony Stark himself, Robert Downey Jr, playing the #2 scientist at G&S, Kozak.  Everything comes to a climax at a “Liar, Liar” type trial scene.  

Baltimore Riots!

Timely, não é?  Incidentally, this isn’t the first time Baltimore has had riots.

1861.   Immediately after the Civil War broke out, CSA sympathizers rioted.  Union troops coming from Pennsylvania on their way south to defend Washington, DC, had to march through downtown Baltimore from the President Street Station, west down Pratt Street to the Camden Street Station.  It was along Pratt Street that white protesters, i.e. pro-CSA crackers, attacked the Union troops.  Toll: 4 soldiers, 12 civilians dead. 

1968.  From April 6 to 14, 1968, riots swelled across the country in the wake of Martin Luther King Jr’s assassination in Memphis, Tennessee.  In Baltimore, Governor Spiro Agnew had to call out the Maryland National Guard, and then ask for Federal troops from President Johnson.  The toll wound up as 6 dead, 700 wounded, and $12m ($77.5 in 2015 dollars) of property damage.

By the way….

Fairfax, Virginia.  This shooting went completely off the radar:  in August 2013, Fairfax County Police Officer Torres shot and killed John Geer, who was standing in his front door, even though all the other cops at the scene insist that Geer had his hands up and was not threatening anyone.   Geer’s family brought a lawsuit, which was recently settled.  Remarkably, as of today, there have been NO charges filed against Torres.  None.  Not only that, he’s still on Fairfax’s payroll. 

Riots in Fairfax?  ZERO.   Outcry in Fairfax?  ZERO.   I only found out about this when I read that the case had been settled.  Perhaps Geer’s race is part of the reason: he was white. 

Update on the Michael Brown case in Missouri.  My prediction in my earlier blog notwithstanding, the US Dept of Justice has declined to bring any chargers against Officer Darren Wilson.  Hmm.  If there was a single shred of evidence, any possible chance of a conviction, I cannot imagine the DOJ not bringing charges against Wilson.  Unlike DA McCulloch, the Feds have no dog in this fight, and if anything, have an incentive to step in and fix things, if they do need to be fixed.  But their decision seems to vindicate Wilson.  The Feds had the luxury of plowing through the grand jury testimony and evidence and making a decision without having to worry about a riot erupting on them, so they could be more objective than the local DA.  

            Brown’s family has filed a civil wrongful death suit against the Ferguson PD, and with a lesser standard in a civil case (a preponderance of the evidence, vs. beyond a reasonable doubt) it’s possible that either a settlement or a judgment for the family will be forthcoming.  Stay tuned. 

Baltimore.  Now we have riots in Baltimore.  Naturally I’ll give my impression of that, too:  from a nucleus of peaceful protestors who honestly believe Freddie Gray was murdered by the police while in custody – which is not a fanciful assumption or belief – the opportunistic rioters latched on and made a mess of everything.  As I noted earlier, this unfortunately discredits what might otherwise be legitimate concerns of the black community of Baltimore and reinforces the polarity between those who mistrust the police and those who fall in step behind them no matter what the circumstances. 

Fact: there are criminals.   Dangerous criminals.  We depend on the police to protect us from them.

Fact: there are bad cops.  Dangerous bad cops.  And far too often, the police community closes ranks to protect them from public retribution (due credit for the FCPD cops who supported the Geer family’s position instead of lying to protect Torres).    

Bottom line: we should be safe from criminals – without accepting an unaccountable police state.

Blondes

I haven’t discussed women in some time.  I guess I’m overdue to address the topic once more.  In this case, it’s blondes.

My preference is for brunettes.  The darker the hair, the better, which is why I’ve dated Asians.  Come to think of it, “blonde” necessarily means “white”, because – hair coloring notwithstanding – few black or Asian women come equipped with blonde hair.  And I can’t say that blonde hair is such a huge benefit such that black or Asian women should feel compelled (except out of sheer boredom) to try being a blonde. 

Obviously I can’t comment on ALL blonde women, so I’ll keep my analysis brief.  The list is NOT exhaustive.

Kate Upton.  This woman is as noticeable for her….assets…as her hair color.  She could be any color and we’d still lose our tongues rolling to the ground, Tex Avery style.  But she still counts.

Scarlett Johansson.  Nowadays she’s more of a redhead as Black Widow, but still scrumptious anyway.  Check her out in “Vicky Christina Barcelona”, or – if you’re inclined to see her as a nude, slightly out of shape brunette, “Under The Skin”.

Emily Wickersham.  I was watching “NCIS” at the gym, and saw this girl “Bishop”, with the dark eyebrows and killer smile.  If she’s on the screen, I can’t take my eyes off her.  I haven’t seen her in anything else, though she has been busy. 

Marilyn Monroe.  The original.  In “The Seven Year Itch” she’s highly provocative, tempting poor Tom Ewell whose wife is away on vacation.  You can’t tell whether she means to tease him or just does so by nature. 

Helen Mirren.  Still a fox, but she was definitely HOT HOT HOT in “The Age of Consent”, a 1969 film with James Mason.  She plays a young Australian girl who swims around half naked and poses nude for Mason’s character, an artist. 

Amanda Seyfried.  I liked her in “Mama Mia” and look forward to seeing her in “Ted 2”.

Reese Witherspoon.  Pretty, but not hot.  She has her moments.

Pamela Anderson.  “NO TO MAKE HAND PARTY WITH PAMELA!”  No, she didn’t marry Borat.

Christina Applegate.  Or Alicia Silverstone?  I get them mixed up.

Jenny McCarthy.  Cousin of Melissa McCarthy.  JMcC doesn’t seem to do much except be hot.  I prefer her as a brunette, though.

Britney Spears.  Still desirable, though in a kind of white-trashy way. 

Sofia Vergara & Emma Stone.  Remarkably, both women are natural blondes, but almost never portray blondes on screen.  Vergara usually plays brunettes as – for some reason – us Americans can’t fathom a blonde Latina (they do exist).  Vergara is hotter now than she was when she was younger.  What makes her irresistible is this ability to laugh at herself (which Carrie Fisher has as well). 

            Stone found she got more work as a redhead, though she went natural in “Birdman”. 

Dumb blondes?  I haven’t known any blondes to be any dumber than brunettes or redheads, nor is there any reason why hair color would have any effect on intellect.  If so, could a woman improve her intelligence by changing her hair color?  Doubtful.

War of the Triple Alliance 1864-70

Time for another Obscure War!

I had mentioned this earlier in passing during my blog on the Chaco War (1932-35) between Bolivia and Paraguay.   It’s addressed not only in Stupid Wars: A Citizen’s Guide to Botched Putsches, Failed Coups, Inane Invasions, and Ridiculous Revolutions, by Ed Strosser and Michael Prince, but also a more recent Osprey Men-At-Arms publication, Armies of the War of the Triple Alliance: Paraguay, Brazil, Uruguay & Argentina, by Gabriele Esposito, illustrated by Giuseppe Rava. 

Lasting from 1864 to 1870, this was South America’s biggest and bloodiest war.  It destroyed Paraguay for generations, convinced the other powers to modernize their armies, and indirectly led to Brazil becoming a republic and Argentina finally coalescing into a stable country.

Paraguay.  Landlocked (like Bolivia), this little country wanted more.  Its dictator, Francisco Solano Lopez (upper left), not only had ambition on his own, but was stoked by his Irish mistress-whore, Eliza Lynch, to conquer South America. 

Brazil.  Led by Emperor Dom Pedro II, and with a very good general, Luis Alves de Lima e Silva, better known as the Duke of Caxias (upper right).  The Brazilians were caught off guard initially, but quickly rallied. 

Argentina.  At this time Argentina was fairly unstable, but a leader emerged.  I’d seen his name in Rio de Janeiro, Ave. Bartolomeu Mitre (Leblon & Gavea) and sure enough BM (lower left) did most of the leading of Argentina through this endeavor. 

Uruguay.  This country was divided between “Colorados” (modern, pro-democracy) and “Blancos” (more indigenous and reactionary) factions.  Paraguay supported the incumbent Blancos, while Brazil supported the rebel Colorados, led by Venancio Flores Barrio (lower right).  When the two factions had a meltdown in late 1864, Brazil invaded to support its favorites.  This led Lopez to attack Brazil and Argentina.

Start.  As noted, events in Uruguay encouraged Lopez to attack.  He invaded Mato Grosso in Brazil, which was sparsely populated and poorly defended, thus he was able to take “huge…tracts of land” plus cattle, ammunition, and weapons.  Having done so, most of the Paraguayans went home, leaving garrison forces to be wiped away (when the Brazilians got around to it…) by a Brazilian campaign in 1868. 

Lopez also invaded the Corrientes province of Argentina, that male-member shaped part of Argentina which separates Paraguay from Brazil’s most southern state, Rio Grande do Sul.  The Argentine army was not particularly well organized, and not anywhere near Corrientes, so Paraguay was able to quickly occupy this area and capture 2 of Argentina’s three warships. (D’oh!)

Lopez got an early jump, but he succeeded in pissing off the Brazilians, Argentines, and Uruguayans so much that they put aside their own differences – a big rivalry between Brazil and Argentina which persists to this day, although now playing out on the soccer field – and join together to take down Lopez. 

It was personal.

Remarkably, despite a Brazilian civil war several decades earlier in which Rio Grande do Sul tried to secede from Brazil, the gauchos of that district remained loyal to Dom Pedro II – and volunteered in good numbers.  

Navy.  Despite being landlocked, naval operations played a big role in this war.  With little or no railroads, roads, or infrastructure in much of this territory, river traffic became the easiest and quickest means of transportation.  The rivers in question, the Paraguay and Parana, were quite deep and wide here, which allowed full ocean-going vessels to navigate them.  On June 11, 1865, at the Battle of Riachuelo, the Brazilians decisively defeated the Paraguayan fleet.  From then on, the Brazilian fleet was able to navigate the Paraguay River.  The Paraguayans had fortified the banks with several strong forts, though, so it became a matter of successively dispatching each fort in turn. 

Remember the Maine, the US ship which blew up in Cuba in 1898?  That ship was built in response to a Brazilian dreadnaught, the Riachuelo, which scared the hell out of us.  Now you know how that ship was named.

Tuyuti.  This was a big battle in May 1866, down at the corner of Paraguay where the Parana and Paraguay rivers split off, in which the Paraguayans attacked a large force of Brazilians, Argentines and Uruguayans.  Despite their aggressiveness – and excellent cavalry – the Paraguayans were defeated at huge cost, and permanently on the defensive from that point on. 

Unfortunately for the Allies, they followed this up with a doomed attack on the Paraguayans up the Paraguay River at Curupayti in September 1866.  While knocked onto the defensive, the Paraguayans proved effective and skillful at defending themselves against a poorly planned Allied attack.  This loss set the Allies back enough to delay further offensives for a full year.

During this time, Duke de Caxias consolidated and reformed the Brazilian forces, while Lopez built up his huge fortress at Humaita, the “Paraguayan Sevastapol” (also on the Paraguay River), which protected the Paraguyan capital, Asuncion, from attack.  Taking a page from Grant’s successful campaign at Vicksburg (summer 1863), Caxias did an end run around the fortress and outflanked it.  Combined with Brazilian naval bombardment, the fort was overcome by July 1868, freeing the Brazilians to continue onward up the Paraguay River to Asuncion, which fell to the Brazilians on January 1, 1869. 

By this time, with the war pushed onto Paraguayan soil, the Uruguayans and Argentines dropped out of the war, leaving the Brazilians to press on – out of personal animosity of Dom Pedro II for Lopez.  Once Asuncion had fallen, Lopez ran off with the remnants of his army – by now mostly boys and old men - into Cerro Cora, in northeast Paraguay.  In March 1870 the Brazilians overran his camp.  Lopez was killed (“I die with my country” were his last words), and the Brazilians made Eliza Lynch – who had, remarkably, accompanied Lopez into internal exile – dig his grave.    

Uniforms.  At this point in history, the dark blue sack coat seems to be a popular choice of uniform.  Variations: the French uniform (up to 1914), the US Civil War sack coat, and the Prussian coat, which changed to field grey shortly before World War I.  This style also prevailed among the belligerents of this war, though with several variations:

Paraguay:  red sack coats, white pants, and a tricolor (red/white/blue) shako, with officers frequently wearing a blue kepi.  The Paraguayan cavalry was top notch and acted as elite shock troops.  They tended to have higher morale than the infantry and kept the Allies off-guard with counterattacks.  Lopez stood by his “the best defense is a good offense” and was consistently aggressive, though it didn’t always work (Tuyuti). 

Brazil.  This country actually took Portugal as a default and veered off from there.  They started with dark green, changed to dark blue, and by 1868 had switched to “duck”, a cream color, with a straw hat.  The cavalry, particularly units raised locally (Mato Grosso and Rio Grande do Sul) had a strong “gaucho” (South American cowboy) look to them which was distinctive but also practical.  The picture on the upper right, labelled “Exercito Brasileiro” (Brazilian Army) shows a very Union flavor to the contemporary Brazilian army.

            Moreover, a substantial part of Brazil’s military forces were volunteers from various states.  Like the US and CSA units, they frequently had specific and unique uniforms.  Because of Garibaldi’s involvement in the prior civil war in Rio Grande do Sul, many were “Garibaldi” type units and uniforms, particularly of Italian immigrants, with red shirts, red kepis, and green pants. 

Argentina.  More with the dark uniforms and kepis, closest to the US Civil War uniform, although copied mostly from the French dark blue uniforms of the time. 

Uruguay.  Mostly blue, then white, taking the French contemporary uniforms as a basis.  Two units, the Florida Battalion (Uruguay’s elite troops) and the Volunteers of Liberty, had distinctive uniforms.     

Zoauves.  Remember those US Civil War units inspired by French North African troops?  Well, the Brazilians (Zouaves de Bahia) and Argentines (Legion Militar) had them too.  In fact, slavery was still legal in Brazil at this time, and many slaves fought in the Brazilian militias in an effort to gain their freedom. 

Weapons.  The Brazilians managed to get hold of some Sharps repeaters for their cavalry, which helped the Brazilian gauchos fight back against their Paraguayan counterparts.  The British Pattern 1853 Enfield, a muzzle-loading rifle which got its start in the Crimean War and was featured in the US Civil War, was Brazil’s main infantry rifle.  The Argentines and Uruguayans also used this rifle, so it could be considered the standard Allied rifle as well.  The Paraguayans typically used older muskets and the blockades prevented them from importing any more modern weapons. 

Aftermath.  As noted above, the high casualties and major problems all belligerents suffered made the various countries reconsider their militaries after the war and import European advisors.  As with the Civil War, this was another bloody conflict in which most soldiers died of disease than actual combat wounds.

            Paraguay lost almost half its territory to Brazil and Argentina, though Brazil rejected Argentina’s suggestion to divide the entire country between them.  It also lost over half its population, and the majority of its male population, leading to a 4-1 ratio of women to men.  The war was expensive for Brazil and helped encourage them to abolish slavery, which they did in 1888.  Thanks to Lopez, the Argentines finally got their act together and stabilized their politics by 1880, resulting in a much stronger, prosperous country.  The war also solidified the Colorados’ control of Uruguay for the next 80 years.  So in other words, the war which Paraguay started and the Triple Alliance ended was good for everyone except Paraguay.  

Paris Nuggets

When I listen to early Iron Maiden, or Bon Scott era AC/DC, I remember one particular “nugget” of Paris, France: a record store on George V called Nuggets.   Somehow I doubt it’s there anymore, but I remember it fondly.   I bought AC/DC’s High Voltage (US/European version) from there, and I recall an Iron Maiden display in the entrance windows.  It wasn’t nearly as large as FNAC, nor as claustrophobic as other record stores in Paris.  The prices were reasonable, and they had lots of other stuff – as you might find in a FYE in the US these days.

While I’m on the topic of Paris, I might as well bring up other issues, though not the Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, the Champs Elysees, the Louvre or any other tourist locations.

Roscoe’s.   This was a dingy bar a few blocks off the Champs Elysees.  I have to admit I never went there when we were still going to the American School of Paris, but I certainly went there while back in Paris during college: the drinking age in Paris is something low like 14.  We could usually expect to run into a fair amount of ASP alumni there.   I exclusively drank Heineken there.

The Marine House.   Around the corner from Roscoe’s was the Marine House, on Boetie.  We went to a few parties there, and I worked in the building, the RAMC department, in summer 1989.  It has a small café on the ground floor, but for lunch we’d have to go to the cafeteria at the Embassy – not too far to walk – or simply eat something at McDonalds or Burger King on the Champs Elysees.   I had to laugh about bringing our friend John Ellis here after he graduated from Boston University – and ROTC.  Since the highest ranking Marine was the commanding sergeant, 2LT Ellis (newly minted) outranked the entire Marine detachment. 

Neuilly Compound.  The US Embassy had two apartment complexes on the west side of town.  This one, next to the Bois de Boulogne, on Rue de la Ferme (“Farm Street” – no farm there anymore) had two four story buildings and a playground.  We lived here from February 1979 to March 1984.

Boulogne Compound.   When my parents swung by this place, I was amazed:  I had no idea it existed.  The same types of buildings, except 3 three story buildings.  The Marines would host Fourth of July parties there during the summer, which was our main reason to go there.  We also trick-or-treated there for Halloween (in addition to doing so earlier at our home compound).

Clignancourt.   North central Paris, right inside the Peripherique (Paris’ Beltway) is this huge outdoor flea market.  My initial quest going there was trying to find – with zero success – a WWI German pickelhaube.  Instead we discovered it was a great place to score heavy metal t-shirts and patches.  They also sold back issues of porno mags and US letter jackets for the French teenagers to wear – for some reason, looking like a 50’s US teenager was in style for some time.

La Defense & Les Quatre Temps.   La Defense is a big network of skyscrapers west of Paris.   Nestled underneath, along with a huge RER and SNCF station, is a mall: Les Quatre Temps.  Not exactly identical to a US mall, but it was close enough.  A small record store, a big toy store, a Cafeteria Casino, and much more.

Puteaux.   This was an outdoor swimming pool within walking distance of the Neuilly compound.  It had a high diving board, and you could also rent large inner tubes.  After running off the high dive a few times, we’d relax in the inner tubes.

Courbevoie.  Up northwest of Paris, this had a small mall, a pool, and a bowling alley.  I recall getting firecrackers there once. 

Le Vesinet & Abbe Pierre.  The latter was a huge flea market with a river of broken toilets and pottery.  If you were looking for a used toilet or all kinds of stuff, you might find it here.  I can’t remember what my parents bought here, but it was nothing that interested me.   Out further, at Le Vesinet, was an English bookstore, Tridias.  I believed we went to a Casino supermarket in Le Peq.

Sunday Brunch.   Our Catholic family went to mass at St. Joseph’s, on Ave.  Hoche right off the Etoile.  After church, we’d go somewhere.  First was a McDonald’s near a Rex Theater, which had a video arcade next to it.  This McDonald’s was a first generation greasy spoon, with horrendous green fries, greasy tables, and flies.  The arcade was cleaner.   Second was brunch at the American Legion, a few blocks off the Champs Elysees.  My dad was like Rod Swanson, a big breakfast enthusiast.  But bacon, eggs, and orange juice were not my scene.  Third was breakfast at Burger King, right on the Champs, with a visit to the video arcade next door.  That one had Pacman, Space Invaders, Galaxian, and Rolling Thunder.  

Canada Rocks

Our friends upstairs, in the Great White North, haven’t been content to give their bigger, more arrogant neighbors to the south – or their cousins across the ocean - a monopoly on good music.  While a few bark out loudest, I’ll also review the B-list.  I can’t really comment on the rest, but they’re out there.

Rush.  Easily the biggest, at least in my humble opinion.  Bassist-singer Geddy Lee’s voice takes some getting used to, but it is distinctive and not unpleasant.  Unusually for most drummers (guys who “hit things with sticks”), Neil Peart actually writes lyrics, and even wrote a few books.  However, guitarist Alex Lifeson is adamant about replicating his solos note for note, so a Rush concert is basically hearing the studio versions faithfully reproduced. 

            Arising from Toronto in 1968, they quickly shed both drummer John Rutsey (RIP) and their initial Led Zeppelin influence in 1974 with Peart’s addition, to veer off into Ayn Rand prog territory, peaking that era with a prog-rock masterpiece, 2112.  Although that album is my favorite Fly By Night, Caress of Steel, A Farewell to Kings, Hemispheres and Permanent Waves are also top quality.  While Hemispheres (side 1) can be a bit tedious and pretentious, “Trees” and “Villa Strangiato” on side 2 make this album a must-have for Rush fans.

            After 1981’s Moving Pictures, though, the band settled into a skinny tie, techno-rock mediocrity of stellar musicianship and talent with zero passion; that album was not only my introduction to the band back in the early 80s, but also the last Rush album I listen to with any regularity.  Listening to anything from Signals to Clockwork Angels is like digesting a textbook for coursework, not music to be enjoyed.  I’ve seen them in concert a few times (the first tour being the Hold Your Fire tour) and they are much more interesting live than on record, even if they never jam or improvise.  2112 got a full treatment a few years back, but Fly By Night and Caress of Steel get scant attention.  Their 60s-retro-covers album, Feedback, was enjoyable, but then they weren’t doing their own material.

Triumph.  Starting in the late 70s and continuing through the 80s before disbanding – guitarist Rik Emmett still tours and plays Triumph material, albeit in small clubs – this band is more straight up rock and roll.  As Emmett himself said, “I’m a Les Paul-though-a-Marshall kind of guy”.  Drummer Gil Moore also sang; bassist Mike Levine just played the bass, well enough.  Thunder Seven is probably their top album, with Never Surrender a close second.  Stages is a good double live album with an impressive set.  I saw them in concert, front row seats at the Patriot Center on 10/31/86 with Yngwie (who?) Malmsteen opening.  Great show! 

Max Webster.  Led by singer-guitarist Kim Mitchell, this band could be the Canadian Blue Oyster Cult: blending commercial sound with offbeat lyrics and quirky sense of humor, but just enough heavy guitar to give it some balls.  They have 5 albums: Max Webster, High Class in Borrowed Shoes, Mutiny Up My Sleeve, Million Vacations, and Universal Juveniles, of which I have the first three.  I got the first one in Ottawa back in 1991, suffering an appropriate “Hangover” the day after overindulging in 7-8 Canadian (full-strength) Labatt Blues.  They used to open for Rush, and were good friends of theirs, but disbanded in the early 80s.  Kim Mitchell continues a modest music career and radio DJ work.

The rest:  I have some familiarity with the rest, even if they can’t qualify as being as important – in my mind – as the foregoing.

Anvil.   I’d call them a NWOBHM band, except they’re Canadian.  “Lips” Ludlow is their singer/guitarist.  Their sound is standard 80s metal, more on the Judas Priest side than hair metal side.  They have a recent documentary which is Spinal Tap-esque, which makes it even more tragic because it’s all true, not just Rob Reiner’s fanciful comedic rock story.

Black Mountain.  I consider them a stoner rock band, very similar to Crippled Black Phoenix (if you know who they are).  Good, but not everyone’s can of Molson.

Jeff Healey.   A blind slide guitarist – he did a good cover of “When a Blind Man Cries” by Deep Purple.  He’s also featured in the Patrick Swayze movie, “Roadhouse”.  He died back in 2008.

Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush.  Marino is one of those Robin Trower & Uli Jon Roth guys who jam extensively with a very strong Jimi Hendrix vibe.  His concerts – I’ve seen him twice – are 2+ hours of nonstop soloing, which is good if that’s what you’re into.  His studio material seems to be an effort to expand Hendrix’s catalog beyond the three albums he did in his lifetime. 

sHeavy.  I read a guy named Toby Manning refer to Mostly Autumn as “de facto Pink Floyd cover band, even if they deny it.”  You could consider sHeavy as a de facto Black Sabbath cover band, and I’d doubt they’d take much offense to that, much less deny it.  Their original material is indistinguishable from Ozzy era Black Sabbath, and vocalist Steve Hennessey does Ozzy’s voice spot on – so much so that some people hear sHeavy and honestly believe they’re hearing some long-lost Sabbath material.  They don’t seem to tour (!!!) and I saw a live video of them in concert, half of the band looking like they have day jobs and can’t tour.  Anyhow.  If the 8 original Black Sabbath albums with Ozzy are wearing thin, and you want to hear more, by all means indulge in sHeavy.  Electric Sleep being a good start.

Voivod.  From Montreal, Voivod are Canada’s top thrash band. I have their album The Outer Limits, which has an awesome 3D design with glasses. They are talented and smart prog-thrash, and even covered Pink Floyd twice: “Astronomy Domine” and “The Nile Song”. 

Neil Young.   I could never get into Neil Young; the only album I have is Harvest.  If you can’t break out of your blues-box rut, I suppose you’re in Neil Young territory.  He’s undeniably honest and down to earth, and rocks hard enough, but his stuff is material you cite to make yourself look smart.  Kinda like Rush.

Honorable (?) mentions.   Clearly there are more than these.  Helix is a band we got on vinyl (for free) and listened to once (the same stash that got us Defenders of the Faith and Y&T); they get a mention by Ricky of “Trailer Park Boys” as the band he prefers over Rush.  Anyone who’s ever heard “Born to Be Wild” knows who Steppenwolf is.  Loverboy was an AOR band from the 80s which I never paid much attention to while they were around.  Thor?  Gives me the impression of a guy who is actually more talented than his image would imply, but I never delved into his music.  Finally, we all know and dislike Nickelback and Avril Lavigne.   I suppose we can’t be too hard on Celine Dion, but she definitely isn’t “rock”. 

Great White North.  Anyone familiar with SCTV recalls Bob & Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas), the pair of egregiously Canadian guys spouting “hoser” and “eh” to mock the CBC’s bizarre requirement for “Canadian” programming, whatever that is.  “Monday Night Curling” and “Magnum: Prince Edward Island” were other brief comedic efforts in that direction by the SCTV gang.  But the point is valid: how do make “Canadian” music?  Remarkably, with all this Canadian music, none of it gives off any particularly Canadian flavor.  Rush sing about “Trees”, but we have trees and communists here in the US.  I suppose “Toronto Tontos” could be a Canadian reference.