Confess, Maynard

 I put two books on my Amazon Wish List last Christmas, and my Santa-esque brother (my only one, Matt) thankfully got both for me.  The first is Confess, the autobiography of Judas Priest singer Rob Halford, and the other is A Perfect Union of Contrary Things, by Sarah Jensen with Maynard James Keenan, the enigmatic singer for TOOL, plus his side projects A Perfect Circle (APC) and Puscifer.  Confess is told in the first person by Halford himself, and covers the period all the way up to Andy Sneap’s replacement of Glenn Tipton for Firepower, the band’s latest album.  APUCT is in the third person with some direct quotes from MJK himself.

 Confess.  With the exception of original singer Alan Atkins – who left the band long before its first album, Rocka Rolla, was released in September 1974 – and brief replacement singer Ripper Owens, who only sang on Jugulator and Demolition (1995 and 1998), the singer for heavy metal band Judas Priest has been Rob Halford, from Walsall, a suburb of Birmingham, England. 

 Defenders of the Faith.  We received this album, on cassette, for free, in spring 1984 (i.e. their newest album at the time) and immediately got hooked on the band. That summer we picked up Sad Wings of Destiny on vinyl and discovered Early Priest.  When the issue of Halford’s social life came up, we took at face value his denial of homosexuality, but my friend Sean said – back in 1984 – “if he isn’t gay, why is he dressing that way?”  When Halford finally did “come out” in the early 90s, it was hardly a surprise.  Well, whatever.  We still bought Angel of Retribution, Nostradamus, Redeemer of Souls and Firepower, and still went to the concerts. 

 Having said all that, his autobiography is a bit heavy on the gay-ness, roughly 50%.  I wasn’t concerned about his “keeping in the closet”, of cruising and hooking up, of winding up with straights who have sex with men (“then you ain’t that straight!!!! Tiger Guy).  Talk about a heavy dose of TMI.  He could cut it down by half and still tell us all the stuff we care about:  how he joined Judas Priest (long before Rocka Rolla came out), the circumstances of each lineup change (particularly drummers), the background on each album and tour, and the band’s interaction with other metal bands.  Oh, and he loves “Spinal Tap”.  That’s the part I care about, and fortunately it’s here. 

 Gay Stuff.  I don’t want to devote an entire blog to this topic so I might as well address it here.   I am straight and always have been.  I have very few friends these days, and none of them are gay.  I’ve had gay acquaintances but not close relationships.   But what other people do among themselves, as consenting adults, is their business.  I have enough to worry about in my own life without getting bent out of shape about others.  Moreover, most people who bark and bray the loudest against gays usually turn out to be deep in the closet.  Again, I don’t care.

 If there is one part which does bug me, it’s this business of gays being pretentious.   I love watching “Modern Family” (though Sofia Vergara, Ariel Winter, and Sarah Hyland receive most of my attention) and the gay couple, Mitch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) seem to click all the boxes on gay stereotypes, even to the point of their friends, e.g. Pepper (Nathan Lane).  Of course, the show makes fun of Colombian drug lord culture (Gloria Pritchett, played by Sofia Vergara), goofy magic nerd realtors (Phil Dunphy, played by Ty Burrell), and stupid hot chicks (Haley Dunphy, played by Sarah Hyland), so the ridicule is evenly spread throughout. 

 In any case, Halford’s orientation was already common knowledge when he formally “came out” in the early 90s after leaving Priest, and certainly is now.  So “Confess” is somewhat of a meaningless title.  Anyhow. 

 A Perfect Union of Contrary Things.   Apparently MJK grew up in the Midwest, Ohio & Grand Rapids.  He joined the Army, but though picked to go to West Point itself from West Point Prep, actually decided to go to art school (????) in Michigan, then work in a pet store in Boston, and eventually relocated to L.A., where he worked at another pet store and met guitarist Adam Jones and drummer Danny Carey.  They formed TOOL with bassist Paul D’Amour in 1992.  After only 6 live shows, all as opening acts at microscopic clubs in L.A., somehow they got a record deal almost instantaneously. 

 After Aenima, their second album, TOOL had legal issues regarding their record contract, so MJK wound up with free, idle time, which he spent getting A Perfect Circle off the ground.  At some later point he started his second side project, Puscifer.  He also discovered jiu jitsu and set up a vineyard in Arizona.   ZZZ.

 Awhile back I read the autobiography of Brian Johnson, the singer for AC/DC (Rockers and Rollers), and blogged about it (back in 2012).   I also blogged when Axl Rose took over on the recent tour.  Brian Johnson’s voice has been accurately described as “Marge Simpson”, and of all the band members, he’s clearly the band’s weakest link.  Whether it was 1980, 1990, 2000, 2010, or 2020, Angus could find any number of singers, either professional or undiscovered in a club somewhere, who could do better than Brian Johnson. 

But to get back on topic:  Johnson’s autobiography actually made me like him LESS.  And same deal with Maynard’s.   Goes to art school instead of West Point?   Jiu jitsu and wine?  The utter pretentiousness of the book is off the chart, yet this is not a critique or expose, it’s supposed to be HIS story. 

 In fact, it does such a spectacular job at making him appear pretentious that I begin to wonder if that wasn’t the whole point all along.  Of course he’s pretentious.  He’s Maynard.  Listen to TOOL lyrics and you’ll figure that out.  The book just adds into the whole equation, a Fibonacci spiral….

 Will I stop listening to TOOL or going to their shows?  Of course not.  Same deal with seeing AC/DC live even if Marge Simpson is still their singer.  And Halford’s private life is not my concern, his music is.  These people are imperfect humans just like I am and their music is still top quality.   Sometimes, though, you find your heroes have clay feet.  And life goes on.