Back in the Formula

 

In summer 1992, I was working at the law library at George Mason School of Law, after my second of three years, putting books on the shelf for $5.50/hr.   I was driving a fairly new 1991 Toyota Tercel, not a bad car aside from being short four cylinders.   At some point during the year I had acquired the 1992 Pontiac catalog, which included the Firebird.  I fell in love with the Formula: its hood, spoiler, wheels, and clean lines without ground effects.  Moreover, it was available with the most powerful engine offered, the 240 HP 5.7L V8.  A small blurb on the bottom right of the page promised, “another 50 HP is available at the parts counter: ask about the SLP Package”.   But good luck getting any such car on $5.50 an hour.

By October my situation had changed:  I was now earning $10/hour, working twice as many hours per week, for a real attorney on real cases.  I could now afford a new Firebird, although not a Formula.  By that time, a year after the 1992s had gone on sale, the Formulas with the 5.7L V8 were long gone.  I bought a base Firebird, black on black with T-tops, loaded with options, and the 5.0L V8, 170 HP.  Not nearly as fast, but with more than enough torque to get out of its own way and let me know there was a V8 under the hood.  For the first time since my father was a priest in the 1950s, our household had a car with a V8. 

Fast forward to June 1995, I was now licensed in Virginia and Maryland, and making enough to buy a used 1992 Firebird Formula, dark aqua metallic, black interior, and with the 5.7L V8 with that SLP Package.  That package included a performance PROM (ECM chip), cool air intake, larger throttle body, siamesed intake runners, headers, 3” exhaust from the dual cats, and a performance muffler.  In 1998 I had it painted black, and also beefed up the suspension, modifying the four speed 700R4 transmission with a shift kit and a 2800 stall converter, and upgraded the rear gears in the positraction rear axle from 3.23 to 3.73 gear ratio.

This was my daily driver from 1995 to 2012.  That year, when I was working at the office, it caught an engine fire and ended being history.  The engine was removed and wound up in a machine shop in Fairfax (now in Midland), while the car eventually wound up in salvage in California.  My daily driver became a new Honda Civic (black on black), then a 2009 Dodge Charger R/T (also black on black), and finally my mom’s Chevrolet HHR, yet again with a 4 cylinder engine.

This July I finally managed to buy another Firebird Formula “350” (5.7L V8), 1991 model year, black with a grey interior.  Sadly, it’s fairly stock, but it does have power windows.  It took me ten years to find one.  By now, these cars are thin on the ground.  The newest are 30 years old, and a 1982 Firebird is 40 years old.  Many have been “Uncle Cletus’d” – horrible modifications and butchered in various ways – or simply rusted out and totaled, whereas the mint condition, low mileage survivors have owners asking $15 - $40 thousand depending on the model.  Somehow I managed to find one in the sweet spot: decent shape, running, with no major problems, though far from mint.  Sadly, it’s not nearly as modified or fast as my 1992 was, but it’s good enough to satisfy me.  If and when money comes in, I’ll pay off the machine shop and have the prior engine installed. 

Now I’m a bit older and look back on these cars differently as of 2022.

Firebird Formula.  In 1970 the F-Body (Chevrolet Camaro and Pontiac Firebird) was redesigned, a body style which lasted until 1981 and included the famous Smokey & the Bandit (S/E) Trans Am of 1977.  With the body change came model changes.

1970-81 Firebird models:  base, Esprit, Formula, and Trans Am.  Base was entry level, either a six cylinder or low power V8 engine; Esprit was semi-luxury, with a V8; the Formula was the budget performance car, with forward facing hood scoops but the engine, transmission and suspension of the Trans Am.  Finally, the Trans Am was the top model:  shaker hood, spoiler, top engines and suspension, and – from 1973 onward – the ever-popular hood bird, aka the “Screaming Chicken”.  Burt Reynolds’ “Smokey and the Bandit” Trans Am was a 1977 Special Edition. 

In 1982 they dropped the Formula model and replaced it with a quasi-Esprit type model, the S/E.  In 1987 they brought the Formula back in place of the S/E.  The Formula got the bulge hood from the earlier Trans Am, the wing spoiler from the Trans Am, its own pattern Deep Dish 16x8” wheels, and NO ground effects, which had then afflicted the Trans Am.  If there’s one style feature of performance cars I can’t stand, it’s ground effects.  To me they make the car look fat.  The slim lines of the 87-92 Formula – or, for that matter, the 1982 Trans Am before they ruined it with ground effects – are the #1 feature. 

 By that time, Pontiac V8s were long gone, replaced with Chevrolet 305 cubic inch, or 5.0L V8s, either with an electronically controlled Quadrajet, throttle body injection, or the performance electronic fuel injection system, Tuned Port Injection (TPI).  A few Formulas received the Trans Am/ Z/28 / Corvette 5.7L V8, also with TPI.  From 1987-90 the door decals said “FORMULA 350”; for 91-92 the hood bulge had a decal, “5.7 LITER F.I.”.   More than just 45 more cubic inches, the 350 was the best small block Chevy V8.  350 powered cars were much faster than the 305 ones. 

Now these cars are very rare.  Days and weeks go by without seeing any Firebirds, of any year (1967 through 2002) on the street.  For that matter, the much more numerous Camaro is also fairly rare as well.  This car is now 30 years old, and has 120,000 miles.  For a daily driven car, I can expect to put 10,000 miles on it per year. 

Second, aesthetics.  I realize this is extremely subjective.  But when Pontiac redesigned the Firebird for its third generation in 1982, they hit it out of the ballpark.  Although it shared the same body as the Camaro, the Firebird’s front and rear were better looking, to the point where the Knight Rider TV show saw fit to use a 1982 Trans Am as the basis for KITT.    Too many cars, especially economy cars, SUVs, and crossovers, all pretty much look the same.  They’re not built to look pretty, they’re built to get you from point A to point B reliably. 

Third, performance.  Somehow I doubt the engine is putting out its stock number, and even if it was, 240 horsepower isn’t much these days.  It was respectable in 1992.  The handling is still great:  I can take curves much quicker than prior cars, even better than my ’09 Charger R/T.  Seating is somewhat reclined: my mom used to complain that the passenger seat in my 92 Formula was too much like sitting in a dentist chair.  For me, with the four wide wheels, low ground clearance, and WS6 Performance Suspension, it’s a car that handles well whatever engine is under the hood.

Type A, B and C.  To me, things in life are either pleasurable (type A), neutral (B), or painful/unpleasant (type C).  Type A includes sex (obviously), great music, great TV shows or movies, and delicious foods.  Type B includes most bodily functions, most job work, and simply going from point A to point B.  Type C includes pain, taxes, boredom, rape, torture, etc.  If you can reduce pain or unpleasantness and bump something from C to B, so much the better; the same with making something which might otherwise be neutral (B) to pleasurable (A).  A few months ago, I replaced my old comforter on my bed with an UGG variant.  WOW, amazing!  So sleeping went from merely neutral (B) to actually pleasurable (A).

When I was driving the HHR, simply driving from point A to point B was merely neutral.  However, it certainly beat having no car at all.  But in the Formula, now it’s no longer B, it’s A.  A car that moves immediately, and takes corners like a knife, now is actually FUN to drive – and we’re talking just driving through a parking lot or down the road, except maybe being stuck in traffic, which is C territory no matter what car you’re driving.  So right there I’ve improved my quality of life.

The flip side is reliability.  My main concerns are starting and cooling.  Fortunately the car seems to start up cold and warm (far easier warm than cold), and hasn’t overheated – even on superhot days in August, stuck in traffic.  The A/C doesn’t work, but fortunately the compressor and equipment appear intact, so hopefully it will just need a recharge – albeit with R134a (a conversion I had done with my 1992 model).  I missed having the row of gauges on the dash, and fortunately these read what they should: oil pressure normal, coolant temperature where it should be, alternator voltage normal.  The fuel economy is far less than what it should be, about 7 mpg less than what I was getting from the 92 Formula, which not only had the same type of engine and transmission, but was substantially modified.  Moreover, it has a rough idle.  Usually, in a performance car that would be a good thing, due to a hot camshaft, but with the poor fuel economy and no corresponding huge power gain higher in the RPM band, the most likely cause is a vacuum leak.  With the rough idle and aftermarket exhaust, it certainly sounds like a performance car.

As noted, the engine from the 1992 is still around, albeit in a machine shop, rebuilt, balanced and blueprinted with aluminum cylinder heads and performance camshaft.  If and when the money comes in, I’ll have it installed in the 91 Formula.  One more thing to look forward to in the future….

Chevy 305 V8

 Guess what? Time for more CAR S**T!

 Chevrolet made a V8 in 1916 which was a spectacular failure.  D’oh!   In 1932 Ford came out with its flathead V8, which was an even more spectacular success.  Cadillac, which had been making V8s since 1914, produced its first overhead valve design in 1948, followed closely by Oldsmobile in 1949, Buick in 1953, and then Chevrolet and Pontiac in 1955.  Chevrolet’s first OHV V8, its small block design, was a well-designed model, starting out with a 265 cubic inch displacement.  The size was upgraded to 283, 327, 350, and 400, with the 350 cubic inch displacement the “sweet spot”.  It was an EFI variant of the 350 under the hood of my 1992 Pontiac Firebird Formula – and which still sits in a machine shop. 

 In 1977 Chevrolet took the 350, with a 4.00 inch bore and 3.48 inch stroke, and reduced its bore to 3.74, producing a 305 (5.0L) V8.  This was the emissions era, with high gas prices, so the 5.0L engine’s express purpose was to save gas and reduce emissions. 

 In 1982 GM redesigned the F-Body (Camaro and Firebird) and ended this business of the different divisions making their own V8s.  Henceforth Pontiac would make 2.5L four cylinders (the Iron Duke), Buick would make its ever-popular 3.8L V6, Oldsmobile would make diesel V8s, and Chevrolet could… do as it pleased.  For the 1982 model year, the Camaro and Firebird base engine was that 2.5L four cylinder (disgusted Kirsten Wiig picture here), the middle engine was a 2.8L V6 from Chevrolet, and the V8 choices were both 5.0L.  The budget performance model Firebird, the Formula, was dropped, replaced with the S/E, which was essentially a third generation Esprit (quasi-luxury model of a non-luxury car).  The top performance models were the Z/28 for the Camaro and the Trans Am for the Firebird.  The 1982 Trans Am did not have ground effects, but it did get the offset hood scoop, so it looks very similar to the ’87-92 Formula, aside from the spoiler.

 Ok, you’ve decided to get a Z/28 or Trans Am.  What’s under the hood?  Well, if you’re not picky, you’d get a 5.0L V8 with a computer-controlled four barrel Rochester QuadraJet, the LG4 engine, putting out a whopping 145 horsepower.  More disgusted Kirsten Wiig looks.  If that’s not enough, we have an EFI system with two one-injector throttle bodies on a remarkably restrictive intake manifold, the so-called Crossfire Injection System, putting out (drumroll please) 165 HP.  Well, at least the new cars look nice.

 In 1983 they jazzed up the LG4 and bumped it up to 190 HP, the L69.  This was under the hood of mid-80s Monte Carlo SS models.  In 1985, Tuned Port Injection made its debut, giving us 205 HP for the 5.0L.  Eventually the TPI 5.0L (LB9), combined with the T5 5 speed manual transmission, reached 230 HP and 300 lb-ft of torque in select Z/28s, Formulas and Trans Ams.  If you preferred an automatic, you could get the 5.7L TPI, the L98, up to 240 HP and 340 lb-ft of torque.  This was more than the T5 could handle, and GM figured only Corvette owners would pay $3000 for a ZF 5 speed manual.  Finally, the TBI system was refined in 1988 for the L03, bringing it up to 170 HP, 255 lb-ft of torque, and becoming the only available V8 if you bought a base Firebird.  Externally the LB9 and L98 TPI engines are identical in appearance, as the TPI setup is the same size.  Barring removing the cylinder heads to measure the cylinder bores, checking the car’s VIN would be the way to determine, an F in the eighth position for the 5.0L and an 8 for the 5.7L.  There are 5.7L TBI engines, but only in trucks. 

 In November 1992 I finally managed to buy my own new car.  Not a car bought for me by my parents with a 4 cylinder engine, but a car I picked out myself.  Sadly, my budget wouldn’t permit a Formula or Trans Am, but I could manage a base Firebird with a 5.0L V8.  Black on black, loaded with T-tops, power windows, automatic transmission etc.  At night the dash lit with red gauges.  Super cool.  The exhaust sounded nice and the car could get out of its own way.  Not a rocket, but certainly fast enough to notice the torque coming from the rear wheels.  I eventually had the performance chip installed (nominally another 30 HP) and Mobil One oil. 

In June 1995 I finally scored a 1992 Firebird Formula 350.  Our law firm handled the custody battle of a body shop guy, Tim, who painted the car black from September 1997 to January 1998.  I had sold the base Firebird to my boss, who had Tim do some body work on it.   Tim remarked, having driven both cars, that the Formula was MUCH faster than the base Firebird – as you might expect: it had 300 HP and 350 lb-ft of torque – basically 100 more of each.

Note that Ford has its own 5.0L V8, a 302.  Actually, Chevy did make a 302 itself, under the hood of '67-69 (First Generation) Camaro Z/28s.  The Ford 5.0L sat under '79-93 Mustangs and paired up with the afore-mentioned T5 manual transmission (5.0 5 speeds).  But the Ford version was its A team engine; the Chevy 302 and 305 were B team engines.  

Sadly, the 305 doesn’t respond well to modifications.  Its 3.74 inch bore doesn’t interface well with stock Chevrolet cylinder heads; the 350’s 4.00 inch bore does a much better job of that.  I’ve never driven a TPI 5.0L 5 speed model – its highest performance version - to compare.  The 305 also went under the hood of trucks.  It was essentially a compromise between performance and fuel economy.  However, that base Firebird certainly met the threshold of “fun to drive”, got better fuel economy than the 350, and shortcomings notwithstanding, that was a successful compromise.  Yet another example of “not as good” (vs 350) as opposed to “not good”.

The Formula - AGAIN

 Maybe a broken record, here.  I had a dream the other day that I got the Formula back (1992 Pontiac Firebird Formula 350) and was driving it down the road.  It was VERY fast – as I remember it being – but would need tags and insurance, and a place to park it.  As my 2009 Dodge Charger R/T was totaled in September, I’ve been driving my mom’s Chevy HHR around, and it clearly has far less than 370 HP.  Since I haven’t paid off the Charger, I won’t be buying another one for a few months. 

Blogs:  “The Formula” (11/24/2006); The Beast is Back in Black (5/24/2007); Hello Neon, Bye Bye Formula (1/31/2008); The Beast is Back….Again (3/17/2011); Welcome Back to 1995 (7/31/2015) and More Fire Birdy Stuff (8/24/2018).  Suffice to say I’ve talked about it.  I’ve also mentioned the 1976 Esprit, which I still have; the 1980 Trans Am I had in 2000 and which never ran – even before pulling its anemic 150 HP 301 V8; the 1968 Pontiac Firebird 400 my buddy Phil and I tried buying in Flint, Michigan in fall 1995; and the Pontiac 400 V8 I bought in 1998.  At least this car I had for 17 years.

Both the Chevrolet Camaro and the Pontiac Firebird were meant to compete with the Ford Mustang, a relatively inexpensive 4 seater, 2 door, front-engine rear-wheel drive car of fairly light weight.  The base models started with inline sixes, then V6s, and in some years, 4 cylinder engines (Fox body - 1979-93 - Mustangs and 1982-86 Camaros and Firebirds).  The performance models had a V8 of varying power depending on the years, with the 20th Anniversary Trans Am (1989) having a special turbocharged Buick V6, the same engine as the Grand National and GNX.  The top performance model of the Camaro started out as the SS (Super Sport) and then switched to the Z/28 and IROC.  For the Firebird, that was the Trans Am and the Formula.  Generally the Formula was available with the same engines, transmissions and suspension as the Trans Am but was a bit more subtle.  Even the '73-74 Super Duty Formulas got the Trans Am's shaker hood but not its "Screaming Chicken" hood bird.  I generally prefer the Formula to the Trans Am.  

Sometime in 1992 I acquired a Pontiac catalog which listed all its 1992 vehicles, including the Firebird.  From that I learned that the Formula – much slimmer than the Trans Am, lacking the ground effects package – was available with the 5.7L V8, 240 HP.  But without a decent job, I wouldn’t be buying one any time soon.

November 1992.   My third year in law school, I went from putting books back on the shelf in the law library for $5.50 an hour, 10 hours a week, to working for a real lawyer (Jerry), on real cases, making $10 an hour for 20 hours a week.  This meant I could finally qualify for a new car loan.  I couldn’t afford a Formula 350 ($19,000) but in any case by then, those were all gone.  But I could afford a new Firebird, base, with the 5.0L (TBI) engine.  Black on black, loaded with options (unfortunately including ground effects) it was my first new car.  The 5.0L V8 wasn’t a rocket, but the car could certainly get out of its own way.  Plus it had T-tops.

June 1995.  I was back to earning a full salary working for Jerry, and could qualify for a loan again,  I purchased a used 1992 Firebird Formula 350.  This was in aquamarine, black interior, but with almost no options:  no t-tops (which I didn’t miss), no power windows, no power door locks, but at least it had A/C.  Moreover, the original owner had upgraded with the SLP Package, which added 50 HP.  That included a cool air intake, larger throttle body with air foil, siamesed intake runners, a performance PROM chip and cooler thermostat, 1 5/8” headers, 3” exhaust running from the dual catalytic converters to the muffler, and a freer flowing muffler with both tailpipes going out the same side (driver’s side).

For my part, I had a Jacob’s Ignition system installed; 2800 stall converter with shift kit in the 700-R4 automatic transmission, 3.73 gears in the rear end (10 bolt), and sturdier trailing arms and panhard rod.  I also had installed the TPIS Big Mouth (lower) intake manifold.  I still have the original as well.  

September 1997 to January 1998.  Jerry and I had a client down in Stafford, Tim, who ran a body shop.  Tim wanted more custody with his son, so Jerry took his case in exchange for doing a color change from aquamarine to black.  The car was supposed to be done by late October, but ended up not being done until January 31, 1998.   

12/4/07.   In fall of 2007 I was working for a law firm buried in the woods near Fairfax.  Driving home in the cold, the car spun 180 going around a curve and plunged backwards into the woods.  Somehow I managed to get Tim to fix it up again, though it wasn’t back on the road again in my possession until May 23, 2008. I never did put the decals back on (FORMULA on the doors and rear bumper, “5.7 LITER F.I.” on the hood bulges, Firebirds on the sail panels).

Through much of 2008-2009 the Formula had engine issues which prevented it from passing emissions, until a hot rod shop at Fairfax Circle managed to figure out what was wrong with it and get it running property again. 

12/8/2012.   I was working at the office on Saturday and my Formula had an engine fire.  The car wound up in a towing lot in Stafford, the engine wound up in a machine shop in Fairfax.  Efforts to fix the Formula without an engine went nowhere and I eventually simply signed off on the title to Billy, who owned the towing lot.  The engine was rebuilt by a machine shop, but I ran out of money halfway through the rebuild.  In February 2013 I purchased a brand new Honda Civic.  On January 22, 2015, I traded the Civic in for a 2009 Dodge Charger R/T.  

On September 1, 2020 I had an accident which resulted in the Charger being totaled – less than a year left on the loan.  As of now I’m driving my Mom’s Chevy HHR, as noted above.  I stopped by the machine shop and made another payment on the Chevy V8.  

Sadly, circa 2020, Firebirds of all years are very rare.  When I took classes at NOVA Alexandria in 1995-98, I spoke with a fellow Formula 350 owner who had been living in L.A. at the time he bought his own ’89 model.  He actually saw it built at the Van Nuys factory which was making F-bodies back then (up to 1992).  He said they were making 3-4 Camaros for every Firebird.   By now all third generation Firebirds (1982-92) are at least 28 years old, and they only made Formulas from 1987-1992 of those years; the mid-model from 1982-86 was the S/E, somewhat like the 1970-81 Esprit.  Oddly, on the rare occasion I find someone selling an 1988-92 Formula in decent condition, they’re asking at least $10,000 for it. 

Dragstrip.  I took the car to Maryland International Raceway (MIR) once, on a hot summer day when no one else was at the track.  The best I could do, after dropping the tire pressure in the rear tires, was mid-14s in the quarter mile.  Then I learned about 75/80, up near Frederick, and took it up there a few times.  By that time I had it down to 14.28, around 99 mph.  The original owner, shortly after installing the SLP package, had it doing high 13 second quarter mile times.  Though I never took the Charger, rated at 370 HP, there, according to the specs, those are the same times a stock Charger R/T will do.  Go figure.

More Firey Birdy Stuff

This weekend, I went down to Stafford to try to get my Firebird Esprit up and running, and drive it back up to Northern Virginia.  The brakes were not cooperative and the engine, even with a new battery, resisted starting and running.  Leaving it in a field outside for months at a time is apparently not calculated to make a 70s muscle car start up easily.  I also found all the parts I had bought earlier and which were never installed as the floor pan job never quite got done by the guy supposed to do it – who is now resting in peace (that demise being very recent and not the reason for the delay). 

The 70s.  I had vague awareness of “Smokey et le Bandit” but did not actually see the movie when it came out.  No one I knew had a performance car, let alone a Trans Am Special Edition, the black & gold model Burt Reynolds drove.   Sadly, having been born in 1969 I was too young at the time to appreciate all those cars.  Now I take special delight in watching TV and movies from that time and observing those cars in the background, someone’s daily driver which happened to be captured on film.

Summer of 1988.   Although I received my driver’s license in 1986, due to college parking logistics I wasn’t able to actually purchase a car until 1988.   My quest for a Trans Am was cut short when my parents bought me a car – a 1984 Chevy Cavalier.   4 doors, great gas mileage, and relatively reliable.  That lasted until summer 1991 when my sister totaled it driving through the neighborhood.  In her defense, she had only started to learn to drive at that time.

Fall of 1992.  My first new car: 1992 Pontiac Firebird. I finally got a job earning enough to buy a new car.  I wanted a Formula with the 5.7L V8 (350) but they were long sold out – and out of my price range anyway.   But I got this one, brand new, from King Pontiac in Gaithersburg, Maryland.  Black on black, t-tops, power windows and door locks, and a 5.0L V8 which got the car running.  My only modifications were a performance chip.  I sold this to my boss after buying the Formula.

Spring 1994.   Car training.  NOVA & ASE.  Upon returning from Norfolk in late February after taking the Virginia Bar (again) I got a nasty surprise:  LAID OFF.  Now I had a surplus of free time and a conscientious desire to spend it wisely apart from the obvious job search.  Not having any prior knowledge of auto mechanics and no suitably skilled friends or relatives, I taught myself using a high school textbook followed by adult education courses, finally AUT courses at NOVA Alexandria.  I learned enough to pass the ASE exams on engine repair, automatic transmissions, and manual transmissions.   This also allowed me to do minor work on my own cars, such as oil changes, ATF changes, differential fluid changes, and brake work.   For anything more complex, I brought to mechanics, either local shops or the dealer.  By this point I could talk to the mechanic and understand what he was talking about.  So I’d say this was well worth the effort to learn, even if I never worked as a mechanic.  Hell, I even ordered the factory service manual for the ’92 base Firebird, which also applied to the Formula, same model year.

June 1995.   1992 Pontiac Firebird Formula “350”.  After a three year quest I finally had this.  Not black (yet), but blue-green metallic with a black interior.   A rare “Formula 350” without power door locks, power windows, etc. – a stripped down model for which the only option was the 350.  However, the first owner did put the SLP package on it: larger throttle body with an airfoil, Siamesed intake runners with a cool air kit, 1 5/8” headers, 3” exhaust, performance chip and cooler thermostat, for a total boost of 50 HP from 240 to 290.  Later I added a 2800 stall converter, shift kit, and 3.73 gears in the rear. 

305 vs. 350.  The 5.0L V8 came up in the late 70s to save gas.  It has a smaller bore than the 350 (3.74 vs. 4.0) but the same stroke (3.48), but the smaller bore severely compromises the breathing and makes the engine highly resistant to performance mods.  The earlier 327, with a 4 inch bore and 3.25 inch stroke, breathes easier and revs higher than the 350, so that engine does respond to modifications.  In any case, the 350 remains the top small block Chevy V8 and should be considered the prime choice for anyone building a performance V8 made by Chevrolet.  That engine has the widest variety of support even today.  My Formula was MUCH faster than the base Firebird.  The original owner had it doing high 13s at the quarter mile dragstrip, while the best I could do – before the trans mods – was low 14s, with trap speeds of 95-98 mph.  I even came third place in a drag race when my practice runs spilled over into the actual eliminations and my opponents redlighted.  That track, 75/80 south of Frederick, Maryland, has since closed down. 

Late 1995:  1968 Pontiac Firebird 400.  I had extra money, enough to buy one of these: a hard top.  Nowadays the ‘69 Camaro gets most of the attention, directly inspiring the current version of the Camaro.   The ‘67-69 models started out with OHC 6, including the Sprint model with a QuadraJet; had a mid-range model with a 326 or 350 cubic inch V8 (either two barrel and single exhaust, or the 4bbl & dual exhaust HO model) going up to the 400 model with its GTO engine and faux hood scoops.  Of course the 400 was my preference.  I preferred the hard top, but the convertible was also intriguing.  I also preferred the automatic version (3 speed TH400) over the manual (4 speed).  

My buddy Phil and I took the bus from DC to Detroit, only to find – guess what? - the car wasn’t drivable and no flatbed trucks available to bring it back.   The carb wasn’t working properly and the ignition switch came through the left hole where the stereo knob would be if the stereo was still in it.  We had to rent a car at the airport to get to his place, and then simply drove it back to DC.  A shame, because it was in good shape body-wise and was a real 400 hardtop (white, green interior, automatic).   

Other cars I looked at: a 1974 Trans Am SD455 in DC, red with white interior, in extremely rough shape; a black-on-black ‘72 Firebird Formula;  a gun metal gray ‘67 Firebird 400 hardtop with no proper tags, so we had to just tool around the neighborhood; a white ‘68 400 convertible in better shape, out near Chantilly, I drove from the guy’s house to 28/50 with the top up, then back with the top down, my dad following behind to watch; and a pair of GTOs, ‘68/69, one in particularly rough shape.    

Generally these cars had the skinny steering wheel, slablike “bucket seats”, spongy brakes (some four wheel drum with no power booster); AM radio; wallowing handling; varying amounts of rust and decay.  

I also test drove a few Formula 350s (87-92) and lost out on a ‘89 350 black on black with T-tops (a rarity with the 350) which I missed out on when the guy sold it to someone else an hour before I called him back.  

1998.  Color change.   We had a client, Tim, down in Stafford, who took the blue-green Formula in September 1997 and converted it to black by January 1998.  Oddly, black paint is the least forgiving of flaws and the most difficult color to switch to – including the door jambs and under the hatch.  I never did end up putting the decals back on. 

1999.  Pontiac 400 V8.  Some time after that I acquired this engine, all by itself, from a shop which had taken it out of a 70s Trans Am.  Apparently something was wrong with it.  I bought it not to put into a car but simply to take it apart for my own amusement.

First the carburetor (QuadraJet), which I also disassembled, cleaned, and rebuilt.  Then the intake manifold, valve covers, water pump, timing chain cover, timing chain, and distributor.  Then the cylinder heads themselves, which had probably never been off, taking a breaker bar to get all 10 bolts loose from each.  I dissembled the heads and cleaned the valves, putting them apart by cylinder, all 16 (intake & exhaust x 8).  Flipping it upside down on the stand, and taking off the oil pan, I took out the pistons, and finally the crankshaft itself.  Sure enough, the crank and block were unusable and we threw them away.  Everything else usable was cleaned, painted, and included with the 1980 Trans Am sale mentioned below.

2000.  1980 Trans Am SE.  In May 2000 my comrade Tim located this car at a towing auction.  It was black on tan with a normally aspirated (non-turbo) 301 V8.  We could never get it running.  His buddy had a 70’s Pontiac full-size with a running Pontiac 455, but sold that car before I could buy it – but not before he and I had already pulled the 301 from the Trans Am.  D’oh!  When that happened I decided to, and did, sell the ’80 TA. 

2012.  That December the Formula went up in flames, becoming literally a Firebird.  The car was totaled.  I held on to it but eventually had to conclude it was a lost cause.  The engine was pulled and rebuilt while I still held hope of resurrecting the car, so now I’m trying to sell that on eBay.  I was forced to replace the Formula with a brand new Honda Civic, which I later traded in, back in 2015, for the current 2009 Dodge Charger R/T.

 

2013-Present. 1976 Firebird Esprit.  I mentioned this in an earlier blog, and above. We’ll see what happens to it in the future – if anything.

The Beast is Back...Again

Lately I’ve been driving the Formula again, now that I’ve been able to replace the rear tires.  And I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the power and torque which have returned after a long absence.  How appropriate that a Firebird, its image and logo that of the mythical phoenix, should rise again from its ashes (thankfully not literally, but I have had nightmares about the car going up in flames).

 In March 2009 I got the car back from the body shop in Stafford, where it had been since January 2008 being returned from the dead – USAA had considered the car totalled.  Having failed emissions in 2007 and told that it needed new injectors – only getting new tags due to a waiver – I took it to a speed shop in April 2009 shortly after getting the car back from the body shop.  The speed shop pronounced my injectors healthy, but said the engine was “gone” and the car would never pass emissions with it under the hood.  In July 2009 two Chevrolet dealers told me the same thing.

 Fortunately, for a car like this, the options for engine replacement were substantial.   A simple remanufactured  replacement engine would cost about $2000, the next step up being a ZZ4 crate engine from GM Performance Parts ($4,000), or a Dart 400 short block ($3,000) + AFR aluminum cylinder heads ($1,500) (=$4,500), even some LS variants ($5000+ for the engine itself, not counting myriad mods required to make an LS engine work in a third-gen Firebird), with $2000 installation, assuming no unforeseen problems – which always seem to erupt anyway.  This was serious cash I don’t have.  So the car sat idle for the remainder of 2009 and most of 2010.   The few times I did drive it, it drove poorly, had a rough idle when cold, almost as if it was going to stall.  The power was way down, and the fuel economy was horrendous – something like 6 mpg, with black smoke belching from the tailpipes.  Moreover, it had a voltage drain on the battery, meaning I’d have to hook it up to a battery charger overnight if I wanted to drive the car the next day.  It was a sick, old car, a car you’d sell for whatever anyone would pay for it, if you didn’t care so much about it.  I was certainly discouraged, but I didn’t give up.

 In late 2010, I brought it to a shop at Fairfax Circle, Bubba’s, with the idea of producing a laundry list of “tasks” for various prices which needed to be done, topped off with the engine replacement.  Bubba, however, was not convinced it needed a new engine, and suspected that the real problem was simply an underperforming fuel system.  Long story short, Bubba fixed the car, and it passed emissions – without a new engine.  It wasn’t cheap, but it was well under the cost of a new engine.  And the voltage drain seems to have disappeared.  The fuel economy has improved dramatically, though not back up to its original peak.   It still needs a few things fixed (headlights stuck on high beams, A/C kaput) but the bottom line is that the car is now FUN TO DRIVE, which it wasn’t before.  Hallelujah!

 I still drive the Neon, especially since gas prices have shot up dramatically, and premium (93 octane) has bumped over $4 a gallon around here.  The Neon will continue to beat the Formula on gas.  The Formula’s bucket seat is deep and low, making it difficult to get in and out of the car; once you’re IN, you’re IN.  The Neon is very much a generic CAR.  Imagine a futuristic utopian society where everything is generic with no name brands: soap, water, coffee, beer, soda, houses, cars, etc.  The Neon could be that cheap plastic thing you drive around because the State has decreed that there will be only one type of anything.  But I can plug my iPod into the stereo!  So it’s not completely un-fun.

Hello Neon, Bye Bye Formula

…well, at least for the next 2 months or so.

Part I. The Crash. On December 4, 2007, on a cold (but not snowy) evening, I left work and drove down the road to go home. Turning a curve, the car spun out, and crashed backwards through the woods (I was acquitted of “failure to maintain control” due to my own pro se representation). The driver’s side window was completely destroyed, the driver’s side door banged up enough to prevent it opening (see pic above), and various other body panels also suffered their fair share of damage. The passenger side tie rod end was busted, meaning the car is neither steerable nor drivable, though it fires right up on all 8 poorly injected cylinders.
The insurance company, sending out a special adjuster who divides a car’s fair market value by half and issues a check for that, and yanking rental car coverage before it had even issued that pathetically inadequate check, was happy to rip me off and reward me for 15 years of loyalty. So I had to go down to Woodbridge, to a large used car auction dealership, and snatch the first cheapo econobox that wasn’t a total piece of shit.

Part II. The 1995 Plymouth Neon. Actually, the car is pretty nice. Smurf blue, fairly clean grey interior, automatic transmission, with working air conditioning and 4 wheel antilock brakes. It had no stereo, so I had to get a nice one from Crutchfield, a Pioneer CD player with one of those incredibly cool but equally distracting blue screen displays. I installed it myself, aside from some help from Myer-Emco because the factory harness refused to supply a constant 12 volt power supply. I also got floor mats with the embroidered “Plymouth” logo, as the car didn’t even have any mats. But the car passed inspection with just a new fog light and cleaning up the headlights, and passed emissions with flying colors.

Part III. Formula vs. Neon. Hmm. 5.7L OHV V8 vs. 2.0L SOHC I4. 300 horsepower and 350 lb-ft of torque vs. 134 HP and about 120 lb-ft of torque. Black on black vs. blue on grey. RWD vs. FWD. WS6 performance suspension on 245/50ZR16 tires, vs. go-cart suspension on 185/65R14 tires. Although the Neon is lighter, it doesn’t handle nearly as well as the Formula, and it has a cheap, small, fragile tin can feel to it which doesn’t inspire any sense of safety or security – despite the anti-lock brakes, which work as though the brakes are failing, not working properly thanks to higher technology than the older brakes on the Formula. In all these categories the Formula is definitely superior.

But in two categories, which you can probably guess, the Neon triumphs: INSURANCE went down by almost 50%, from $140/month to $80 a month (for a code 10 Neon vs. a code 20 Firebird Formula) and FUEL ECONOMY jumped dramatically, from 13 mpg in the Formula to 24 mpg in the Neon. Instead of filling up every 3 days with 93 octane gas, it’s every week with 87 octane. The econobox does have its advantages.

I did do some research, and discovered that performance parts are available for this Neon. Header (as in ONE), cat-back exhaust, SOHC camshafts from Crane and Zex, and a few other parts. But it’s not nearly as much as for the Formula and even with all those parts thrown in together, the HP would still be only something like 180, well short of the 240 HP the Formula had in stock condition, never mind the modified condition it’s in now. Perform the same modifications on a V8 and you’d be seeing twice the overall output, in a car that’s only 50% heavier. There’s a reason hot rodders have preferred V8 muscle cars for so long. These stupid rice racers and import/compact tuner crowds act as though they invented a hobby which didn’t exist in any real sense before 1998 or so (for their crappy excuse for performance cars) – whereas Edelbrock was modifying the Camaro as soon as it came out in 1967 and Hot Rod has been published since 1948. Bootleggers had been souping up their Model Ts and Deuces (first mass-produced V8, Ford in 1932…first small-block Chevy V8, 1955) long before Toyota, Honda and Nissan were out of their automotive diapers. Hoorah for “Fast & Furious 2” for showing us some REAL cars: the Yenko Camaro (’69 w/a 427) and a ’70 Hemi Challenger.

Fortunately, the Formula isn’t dead, it’s merely resting in a lot down in Stafford. Someday, it might rise from the ashes like its namesake. We’ll have to see. But at least in the meantime I have the Smurf-blue Neon to drive.

The Beast is Back in Black

On Wednesday, May 23, I finally got my car back from the body shop.  I had dropped it off on February 5, and had to drive two different cars until now.  It was originally supposed to simply have the front bumper cover and left fender replaced, and it turned into a complete repainting.

 The car had last been painted from September 1997 to January 1998, which was a color change from the original factory teal (aka “Dark Aqua Metallic”) to black.  Even that involved bringing the car back to paint the engine compartment, buff it several times, and finally have the decals put back on in June.   Until then it had the Knight Rider jet black finish to it.  And since it will be some time before I put the decals back on again this time, it will be KITT again for awhile.  Here are some thoughts about the whole deal.

 Work.  This car is my daily driver.  I drive it in good weather, rain, snow, etc.  I park it in garages, on the street, in mall parking lots, etc., everywhere I go.  I take pains to park away from the idiots and morons, but I can’t control when some dumbass will pick – of all the spaces in an otherwise empty parking lot – to park his behemoth of an Explorer next to my car.  So since 1998 it had accumulated a wide variety of dents, dings, scratches, and even some rust.  The paint on the hood and roof began to oxidize (probably just the clearcoat) and became a cloudy grey instead of jet black.  Suffice to say, it had seen better days and was in desperate need of attention.  Thanks to the body shop, all those dents, dings, scratches and rust are gone, and once again it’s straight.  Even more to the point, because black is the one color which is least forgiving of even the least imperfection. 

 Cheap, good, and fast – pick any two.  Well, the paint job is great, the price was right, so the missing element was time.  This is why it took so long.   It was frustrating and annoying, wearing my patience to the bone, but the wait is over.

 Rarity.  Between 1987 and 1992, they only made less than 55,000 Formulas.  There are only 6,500 ‘91-92 Formulas, and of these, only 1,000 are 1992 models.  Of these, even less have the far more desirable 5.7L V8 (aka “Formula 350”); the rest have the anemic 5.0L V8.  The days are long gone that I regularly saw third generation Formulas on the street, and months go by before I see another 91-92 Formula.  These cars are getting rarer and rarer every day.

 Other cars.  The inequality of this is that few owners of economy cars have ever driven, much less owned and driven on a daily basis, any sort of performance car.  In Brazil and Europe, performance cars are extremely rare, limited to the Porsches and Ferraris, with no Firebirds, Camaros or Mustangs available for the common man (or woman) with a limited budget to enjoy.  Scoff, if you wish, that Camaros and such are “poor man’s sports cars” (which is true) but there was an excellent reason why the 1965 Mustang sold so well: until it came around there was NOTHING which came close to filling this valuable niche in the market, a performance car that the average person could afford.  Truth be told, the Firebird is not put together like a Swiss watch, with the top quality ingredients, fit and finish of a BMW or Mercedes.  Some of the models are extremely cheap in appearance.  And unlike Hondas and Toyotas, these are not reliable cars.  Even when pampered, lavished, and kept up on routine maintenance, they will still break down and give all sorts of problems.  Part of the reason the cars are getting rarer and rarer is that there is little reason to salvage or maintain the lower (non-Z/28 or Formula/Trans Am) models, and not enough motivation to do so even for the performance models.  Even my car, with the top V8 available, in the last year for its generation (1992) only has a blue book value of $4-5,000. 

 Having said that, how does the car compare against a 2006 Nissan Versa (rental car) and 1998 Dodge Neon (customer car) which I drove while I was waiting for my own car to be finished?

1.  Fuel economy.  Hands down, both economy cars won this big time – hardly surprising.  They could pass a gas station without stopping and I could get down to Stafford and back without filling up all the time.  With gas getting expensive again, this was a big plus.

2.  Performance.  The flip-side of this! The Versa could get out of its own way from a stop, but quickly ran out of breath.  It’s a hot rod so long as you never leave a parking lot.  As soon as you get on a major road, let alone the highway, you’re quickly reminded that it’s a 4 cylinder under the hood.  In the Neon I frequently had to put the gas pedal to the floor just to get up to 60.  Whereas in the Formula, with its 300 horsepower V8, (even with 210,000 miles) I can get the car moving quickly to 60 with only part throttle.  It gets up to 80 without breaking a sweat.  And with its wide tires (245/50ZR16 size on 16x8” wheels), low stance, and performance suspension, the car handles terrific.  The Versa and Neon both wallowed on curves and their narrow, skinny wheels & tires did a poor job of biting the road. 

            People have asked me, “don’t you get frustrated in this muscle car when you’re stuck in traffic?”  Yes, I do.  But I get frustrated stuck in traffic in ANY car – even a Versa or Neon that can’t even cut loose when the traffic does lets up.  Traffic jams are frustrating no matter what car you drive.

            It’s clear to me that the people who cynically whine that “you can’t use all that power” have never owned such cars and are just full of sour grapes.  I haven’t been to the dragstrip since 1998 and yet I’ve still been able to enjoy the power, performance and handling of my car on the roads, highways, etc. without street racing, without a stack of tickets for speeding or reckless driving (you can get both in an economy car if you’re simply unlucky or a bad driver) or prohibitively expensive gas or insurance.  Some cops have it out for such cars – I know from personal experience – but others are, to the contrary, performance enthusiasts and far from being hostile to Firebird and Camaro drivers, respect and admire such cars.

3.  Features.  The Versa, despite being the cheapest rental car, had a killer stereo.  Lots of rich bass and midrange, perfect!  And it had power everything.  None of this yank-yank-yank on the windows.  The Neon had a big hole where the stereo used to be, until Tim put a factory CD player in there – which worked 60% of the time.  The presets didn’t work on the radio, meaning I had to manually twirl the dial to change stations.  Hey, it’s a ’98 and I was paying zero per day for it, so I won’t complain.  The Formula is somewhere in between: manual everything but a respectable stereo with 6-disc changer in the trunk.

            Incidentally, I can convert the Formula to power windows, door locks, etc. if I scavenge a parts car for the required parts.  Maybe in the near future I’ll do so.  For the time being I’m focused on getting the rear spoiler and getting the car to pass inspection.

 It’s a great car, and now it looks as great as it runs.  It’s definitely a keeper.