Dream Car Garage

 

Last year, Rush drummer Neil Peart died of cancer.  He was a car buff, and his estate took care of disposing of his car collection, almost all silver cars, none of which appealed to my preferences:  mostly sports cars.  As I’m unlikely to earn Peart’s stash of money in my lifetime, absent a level of fortune I have no reason to expect, I can still dream.  And if I did come across enough money to be able to assemble such a garage of my own, here’s what it would include.

First off:  NO sports cars.  No Ferraris, no Porsches, no Lambourghinis, no fancy cars.  Exotic muscle cars, sure, but nothing with two seats.  And no silver cars. 

1967-68 Pontiac Firebird 400.  GM put out its first generation F-bodies (Camaro and Firebird) for three model years, 1967, 1968, and 1969.  The current fifth generation Camaro is based on the 1969 model body style.  As Pontiac was killed in 2009, there is no Firebird equivalent, although aftermarket companies have been making bizarre “Trans Am” models which graft second generation (1970-81) styling cues, like the shaker hood and Screaming Chicken, on what is essentially a remake of a first generation car.  Ideally they should simply make a white car with two blue stripes, which is how the Trans Am first came in 1969.  Anyhow.

I love the first generation Firebirds, especially since the Camaros of these years get all the attention.  Unlike the Camaros, the Firebirds got a chrome bumper, Pontiac V8s, and the entry level inline six was overhead cam.  There was even a souped up OHC model, the Sprint, which gave the otherwise mundane six a four barrel carburetor and the car itself a better suspension.  The intermediate models got a smaller V8 – 326 in 1967, 350 in 1968-69.

 And the top model, the 400, with its twin hood scoops, definitely is my favorite.  It used the same 400 cubic inch (6.6L) V8 as the GTO.  My own quest to purchase one in fall 1995 went nowhere, except Flint, Michigan.  I’d prefer a hardtop to a convertible, and a TH400 automatic to a manual.  Rather than insist on one of 2 or 3 surviving Ram Air II models, I’d just as soon get a regular 400 and upgrade it with Edelbrock heads.  Nothing too fancy.  Rally II wheels are mandatory.

1974 Trans Am SD 455.  Of course I’d have to have a Trans Am, but not the ’77-78 Special Edition, better known as the Bandit model (black & gold).  In fact, I had a 1980 S/E, back in 2000, but had to sell it when after removing the 301, the guy next door with a running 455 in a Bonneville or Catalina sold off the car to someone else, leaving me with an engineless T/A.  I’d take a Super Duty model, the last pre-emissions model, and 1974, so I’d be able to get Nocturne Blue (dark blue) with the Screaming Chicken.  Wheelwise it would be Rally IIs, not honeycomb. 

1968-69 GTO. The GTO began in 1964 when Pontiac engineers discovered that the big car 389 V8 would fit in the same space the smaller car 326 V8 did in the Lemans.  They added a triple two barrel carburetor setup, aka “Tripower”.  The 1964 model has horizontally stacked headlights, the 1965 has vertically stacked headlights, and the 1966 and 1967 models got a coke bottle body shape redesign, the 1966s keeping the 389 Tripower, the 1967 getting the new 400 V8 with the new four barrel carburetor, the Rochester Quadrajet.  This 400 also found its way into top of the line Firebirds, the 400 model, as noted above. 

For 1968, the A bodies – Chevrolet Chevelle, Pontiac Lemans/GTO, Oldsmobile Cutlass, and Buick Skylark -got new bodies, and the GTO got the first body color Endura front bumper, replacing the chrome bumper which the Lemans had – winning Motor Trend’s Car of the Year award in 1968 and beating the redesigned Dodge Charger.   It doesn’t have to be a Judge.  It does need the TH400 automatic with the Hurst Dual Gate shifter.  Again, not a convertible. 

1974 GTO.  In addition to the ’68-69, I’d take this one, another oddball choice.  For GTOs most would prefer the ’64-65, 66-67, or 68-69s, or a Judge.  But the 1974 model took the Ventura – Pontiac’s version of the Nova – and put a Pontiac 350 under the shaker hood.  I’ve seen someone put the Trans Am’s SD455 in a 74, and it actually looks pretty cool, especially with Rally II (five spoke) wheels. 

1991-92 Firebird Formula.  My own 1992 went up in flames in 2012, but I still have the Tuned Port 350 (L98), now balanced and blueprinted with AFR aluminum cylinder heads and an aftermarket camshaft.  It just needs a home.  Not a Z28 or IROC, not a Trans Am, but another Formula.  We’ll see about that.  Of all my dream cars, this is probably the most practical, and the only one I actually had before, from 1995-2012. 

1967-68 Camaro RS/SS 350.  I prefer the Firebirds, of course.  But the first generation Camaro SS is a nice model.  The Z/28 was a special model with the 302 V8, rated for high RPM HP with a four speed manual.  The regular performance model was the Super Sport, available with either the small block 350 or the big block 396.  The Rally Sport package mainly consisted of hideaway headlights, and could be combined with the base (non-SS) Camaro (simply called a Rally Sport), the SS (for an RS/SS), or the Z/28 itself.  In 1967-68 the headlight doors were black, in 1969 they had clear horizontal slits (“you still couldn’t see out of them, but at least other drivers could see you”).

1969 Camaro ZL1.  The only other Camaro I’d care for:  the aluminum block 427 model.  The car cost $3000, the engine cost $4000, roughly $70,000 in today’s money.  The funny thing is, back then the insurance companies refused to insure these cars, so no one could drive them even if they wanted to pay that money.  So Chevy wound up with 30 Camaros they couldn’t even sell. 

1968-70 Dodge Charger.  Of the MOPARS, this would be the classic model.  Yes, it’s the Dukes of Hazzard body style only for those three years, but I can do without orange or Confederate flags – or doors that don’t open.  426 Hemi or 440 Six Pack?  Not sure. 

Dodge Charger Hellcat.  The current, four door model, with the supercharged EFI Hemi V8 putting out 700+ HP.  My 2009 Charger R/T is gone, too.  Replacing it with a 2011-12 R/T might be doable.  But if money allows, I’d prefer the Hellcat.  Given that Dodge is discontinuing this model, I may have to buy it used – if ever. 

1969-70 Mustang Mach I 428 CJ.  To cover the bases, a Ford model would be nice.  Forget the 65-66 Mustangs, too boring.  Not a fan of Shelbys.  And not a fan of 302s.  And why get a 351 if you can have the 428 Cobra Jet? It was the optimal Ford street V8 of that era. 

Pontiac 400 V8

 

This morning I looked through the Oldsmobile V8 parts in my apartment: an Edelbrock Air Gap 455 aluminum intake manifold, an Edelbrock carburetor (essentially a copy of Carter AFB), and camshaft, lifters, water pump and timing chain from Mondello.  Ideally these will go on the 455 Olds in my 1976 Pontiac Firebird Esprit.  They reminded me of the Pontiac 400 cubic V8 I had bought years ago.

Umpteen years ago, I bought that 400 out of a 1977 or 1978 Trans Am.  The yard that sold it to me claimed it was “shot” (which I later confirmed) but since I didn’t have a suitable car to put it in, my plan was to simply disassemble it for the sheer enjoyment.

By now V8 engines are fairly common, especially in American cars.  Of the Big Three – GM, Ford, and Chrysler – only GM had its separate divisions making their own engines, with Ford and Chrysler sharing engines across divisions.  In 1981 GM decided to follow suit. 

By the way - engines are rated by displacement, either cubic inches or liter.  V8s tend to vary from 265 cubic inches (4.3L) all the way up to 500 cubic inches (the Cadillac) (8.2L) (= "ci").  In the effort to get more power, you can either add nitrous oxide ("NOS!") (highly impractical on a street car and only a good idea for a car driven in quarter mile increments at the dragstrip), you can pump more air in off the crankshaft (supercharger) or from an exhaust-driven pump (turbocharger), or you can simply use a larger engine (displacement).  Turbo V6s do an excellent job of matching or exceeding the power of normally aspirated V8s, as Buick owners know.  

Leaving aside a very unpopular 1916 Chevrolet V8, the first GM V8 came from Cadillac in 1948, Oldsmobile in 1949, Buick in 1953, and in 1955 Chevrolet and Pontiac began making theirs.  For Chevy that was the “small block” which started at 265 ci (4.3L), eventually went up as far as 400 ci (though the Chevrolet 400 was never very popular) and for which the 350 ci (5.7L) remained the best and most popular.  Chevrolet also made a big block, available in cars from 1965 to 1976 and trucks for many years after, ranging from 396 cubic inches (1965) through 454 (1976) actually sold in cars and trucks, and larger displacements, e.g. 502 cubic inches, available as crate engines.  After 1981 Chevrolet was the only division making gasoline V8s; Oldsmobile was restricted to diesel V8s, Buick to V6s (e.g. its very popular 3.8L, often turbo’d in the Grand National, GNX, and the 1989 Pontiac Trans Am Twentieth Anniversary Edition, the only V6 Trans Am), and Pontiac to 4 cylinders (2.5L). 

Pontiac never went for “small” or “big” blocks, although their displacement varied from smaller ones, 326 and 350 (actually 355) in mid-size cars, 389 and 400 in larger cars, and 421, 428, and 455 in full-size cars – i.e. the Bonneville and Catalina, but also including the Firebird.  All these engines have the same size block, the differences being bore (cylinder diameter) and stroke (distance the piston travels up and down the cylinder from bottom to top dead center).  The 400 has a 4.12 inch bore by a 3.75 inch stroke, and the 455 has a 4.15 bore by a 4.21 inch stroke.  It’s possible to “455 a 400” by boring it out .030” and grinding the 455 crank main journals down from 3.25” to 3.00”.  I have no idea how many people actually do that instead of simply swapping in a 455.  Back when I had a 1980 Trans Am, we pulled the 301 out of it and were going to swap in a running 455 from a Bonneville or Catalina, but the donor car owner sold it before I could give him the money.  That left me with a Trans Am without an engine in it and no replacement engine lined up.  D’oh!

Anyhow.  To make matters more confusing, both Buick and Oldsmobile also make 455 cubic inch V8s, and they are completely different.  Oldsmobile and Buick also make 350 and 400 cubic inch V8s, which are likewise also completely different from their Chevrolet and Pontiac equivalents of the same displacement.  In 1970 Chevrolet increased the displacement of the 396 cubic inch big block engine to 402, but since everyone already knew the 396, they referred to it as a 396, but there are stories of it being referred to as a 400, when Chevrolet had a 400 cubic inch small block.  However, small block and big block Chevy V8s can be distinguished by the intake and exhaust ports:  E II EE II E on small blocks and EI EI EI EI on the big block. 

Among Pontiacs the 400 is a popular engine.  It was the main engine on the GTO from 1967 to 1972.  For the first generation Firebirds (1967/68/69) it served as the top engine, producing the Firebird 400.  That car had hood scoops which were mainly closed, but if the buyer paid for the Ram Air Option they were open and active.  For 1968 and 1969 the engine itself was different from the standard 400 in non-ram air cars.  The Ram Air II and Ram Air IV variants came with round exhaust ports on the cylinder heads which far outflowed the standard D-port heads (exhaust ports being a semi-circle, thus “D”).  When Edelbrock developed aluminum cylinder heads for Pontiac V8s it used the Ram Air IV heads as the starting point.  From 1970-1979 the 400 was available on Formulas and Trans Ams with four barrels and Esprits with a two barrel.  From 1971-76 the top engine in Formulas and Trans Ams was the 455, a high performance version from 1971-74 and a lower performance, station wagon version, from 1975-76.  If you wanted an automatic transmission in a 1979 Trans Am, your “6.6 LITRE” was actually an Oldsmobile 403, the largest Oldsmobile small block engine (185 HP); all 1979 Trans Ams with 400 Pontiacs had a 4 speed manual transmission (220 HP).  They did not put big block Oldsmobile V8s (400s, 425s or 455s) in Firebirds. 

In my case there was no confusion.   I purchased an engine stand and put the engine on that and slowly took it apart.  I took the carburetor off, a Rochester Quadrajet, cleaned it out and rebuilt it.   Since I never put it on a running engine myself, I have no idea if I rebuilt it properly.

I removed the harmonic balancer with a puller – it’s pressed onto the end of the crankshaft, with 4 bolts as opposed to the small block Chevy’s 3 bolts.  I removed the water pump and the timing chain.   I unbolted the intake manifold.  This was a heavy cast iron model, not an aluminum Edelbrock version.  I removed the valve covers.   Taking the cylinder heads off was an adventure, as the 5 bolts under valve covers were so covered in slime and grudge, all that had to be scraped off before I could even see the bolts.   I would imagine the cylinder heads had never been off this engine since it was installed in the car back in 1977.  I’d have to smash a breaker bar with a hammer.

These cylinder heads were cast iron, D-port heads, the so-called 6X heads.  Among Pontiac faithful, the best factory cast iron heads are round port.  I did have them cleaned but not ported, nor any 3 angle valve jobs.  I used a spring compressor and removed all the valves.   I purchased carb cleaner, which comes in a large can with a basket, and cleaned all 16 valves, springs, retainers, keepers, rocker arms etc.  I did not reinstall the valves.

Of course I removed the camshaft and all 16 lifters and pushrods. 

I removed all 8 pistons, then the main bearings, then the crankshaft.  At that point I could see that on some main bearing journals, the bearings slid one inside the other, wiping the main bearing journals.  The local machine shop confirmed the block was toast.   My father and I threw away the block and the crankshaft.  When stripped down to its bare essential, the cast iron block is liftable by two adult men.  The crankshaft is heavy, but liftable by a single person.  The cylinder heads, cast iron as noted above, are fairly heavy.  None of the items on this engine were aluminum or aftermarket. 

Due to the mixup on the 1980 Trans Am, I sold it, and when I did so, I included many of the working parts from the 400 V8 which were cleaned and salvaged. 

Hopefully I can get the Esprit running again and those Edelbrock and Mondello parts installed.  Then I can blog on that and its Oldsmobile 455.   

Firebird the First Generation

Sorry for more of this, after one on my other Birds and another on Burt Reynolds, but I realized the ’67-69 models were underrepresented in my blogging. 

Now the GM F-body is limited to current Camaros, themselves based on the original 1969 Camaro.   Both models started with the 1967 model year to compete with the Ford Mustang.  The Camaro consistently outsold the Firebird by a wide margin, though.  I can’t resist a blog entry devoted to the earliest Firebirds. 

Oldsmobile F-Body.   When the Camaro and Firebird were in development phase, Oldsmobile asked to be included in the mix.  But GM brass decided that three versions would stretch the market too thin.  Instead Oldsmobile was given leave to make what became the 1968 Hurst Olds, a black & silver special edition Cutlass with ram air and a hot Olds 455.   Fun to imagine what an Olds F-body would have looked like…

Model Years.  Only three: 1967, 1968, and 1969.  The 1967s were late coming out, in February 1967, whereas the 1967 Camaro came out in September 1966.  The 1967 and 1968 models had a full chrome bumper (upper center), the 1969 (see 1969 Trans Am lower left) had the chrome in the middle with body color on the sides, a look few people liked.  The ‘67s and ‘68s can be distinguished as the former have vent windows – the little triangular windows in front of the main windows, designed to let air in without having to roll down the main windows, a relic of an age when A/C was far less common than it is now - and the latter don’t.

Logo.  By now we’re used to the FIREBIRD with upraised wings of fire, prominently featured on 1973 and later Trans Ams and known as the “Screaming Chicken”.  But back then the wings were lowered and it looked more like a native American Indian thing, which is how it was inspired. 

Convertibles.   Although convertibles made a comeback in 1991-92 for the end of the third generation, and briefly in the mid-90s with the fourth generation, they were available across the board for ’67-69.  No roll cages, though, and the body stiffening made them heavier than hardtops. 

Overhead Cam Six.   (Upper left picture).  At this time, six cylinder engines, almost all inline, were the entry level engines with no special features or attention.  DeLorean, the Pontiac manager, decided to spruce it up by giving it an overhead cam and a brand new rubber timing belt.   Innovative and unique, but an idea which fell by the wayside in an era when V8s were king.  Later on Buick turbocharged its 3.8L V6 and made the Grand National and GNX superior cars – the engine even found its way into the 1989 Twentienth Anniversary Trans Am, the only Trans Am with a six cylinder engine.  But before the Buick V6, there was the Pontiac OHC 6.  Oh, some people even put them in Jaguars….

Models.  Whereas later the models each had a variety of available engines, for the first generation the models were determined by the engines themselves.   The 400 was the top end, and with Ram Air were the absolute best.   Note: the 400 was shared with the GTO, but the lighter Firebird would have been a faster car. 

Base.   OHC 6 with a one barrel carburetor.  Hardly anything special.  The OHC displaced 230 cubic inches in 1967 and 250 in 1968 and 1969.

Sprint.  Add a Rochester QuadraJet to the OHC Six – amazing.   No one was putting four barrel carburetors on six cylinders, as even V8s came stock with 2 barrel carburetors.  With its lighter weight came better handling.  Moreover, models with the four speed manual transmission got a slightly hotter camshaft.  DeLorean was proud of the Sprint model but no one else cared.

326/350.   Next model up had either a 326 (1967) or 350 (1968-69) cubic inch V8 with a two barrel carburetor and a single exhaust.   Note the 350 is NOT the same as the Chevrolet V8 which debuted in 1967 in the Camaro SS.

HO.   Slap a QuadraJet and dual exhaust on the 326 or 350 and you have a better model.

400.   (Upper middle picture, a ’67 hardtop).  The top model, includes the GTO’s 400 cubic inch V8 with fake hood scoops, QuadraJet and dual exhausts.  This was my dream model but as yet I haven’t been able to buy one.  

The stock 400 cubic inch V8 (6.6L) put out 325 HP (gross) and was itself a good engine.  In fact, the engine continued to be available in Firebirds up to the 1979 model year in Trans Ams and Formulas, though by then reduced to 220 (net) HP and only available with a 4 speed manual.  The late 60s were its glory days, and a buyer who wanted the hood scoops on his/her Firebird 400 to be truly operational could pay more for the Ram Air option.  As noted below, this changed the engine itself to some extent. 

Ram Air I (1967 and early 1968).   This option opened the hood scoops for true cold air induction.  However, the rest of the engine was pretty much the same as the standard 400.

Ram Air II (late 1968).  (Upper right picture).  WOW.   Pontiac finally made round port cylinder heads which well outflowed the stock D-port heads which were normally standard.   This made the car much faster than the standard 400, making the RAII models favorites at dragstrips – so much so that by now the original 110 run are down to a handful.  Properly tuned RAII models ran consistent mid-12 second quarter mile times at the dragstrip and were highly competitive, which explains their popularity. 

Ram Air III (1969).    Using Ram Air, but only D-port heads.   The entry level Ram Air engine in 1969.

Ram Air IV (1969).    Improved round port heads, the RAIV engine became the most popular 400 cubic inch Pontiac V8.   So much so that when Edelbrock finally came out with aluminum cylinder heads for Pontiacs, they used the Ram Air IV heads as the basis, even though the RAIV heads are actually cast iron. 

1969 Trans Am.  (Bottom left picture).  Nowadays the Trans Am is famous because of the 1977 Special Edition – the so-called “Bandit” Trans Am from Burt Reynolds and “Smokey and the Bandit”, but the model got its start at the end of the first generation.   By now the model has far eclipsed the race series in popularity, but back then the Trans Am races were still going strong.  They mandated the use of a car sold to the public with an engine no larger than 305 cubic inches, which prompted the Camaro Z/28 with its 302 cubic inch V8 (the Z28 option, mandating a hardtop – the only convertible owned by Chevrolet GM Pete Estes – and a four speed manual transmission), while the Camaro SS had a 350 or 396.   However, Pontiac’s experiment with smaller V8s didn’t pan out.  That didn’t stop them from paying SCCA for the right to use the name, and slapping it on a Firebird 400 with either a Ram Air III or Ram Air IV 400 cubic inch V8 – thus the model didn’t even qualify for the race it was named after.   The ’69 Trans Am came in one color, white, with a pair of blue stripes, a different hood, and a spoiler.  Essentially it was just an appearance package on a Firebird 400.   For 1970 and the second generation (1970-81) the Trans Am became a model of its own.   Of the 697 Trans Ams made in 1969, 8 (4 automatic, 4 manual) were convertibles, making them highly valuable.  

Idiosyncrasies.   Air conditioning was available but rare – the compressors were heavy and inefficient.  Skinny bias ply tires were standard back then, and even the best wheels, Rally II, were steel and not aluminum.  Power steering and power brakes were also options, not standard.  For that matter, front disc brakes weren’t even standard, so four wheel manual drum brakes were common – try stopping quickly with those.   The steering wheel was skinny, and the linkage further back, with no sway bars, so aside from the Trans Am, these early models didn’t handle very well.  Oh, and bench seats and column shifters were also available, though fortunately rare – though I did see a Firebird 400 – upgraded to a 428 – with those.  Even so, the bucket seats were little more than a slab. 

In fact, by the time I began actively searching for a ’67 or ’68 Firebird 400, I had my ’92 Firebird Formula 350, which had excellent seats, stellar handling, overdrive (TH700R4), power steering, and four wheel disc brakes – oh, and air conditioning.  Its Tune Port Injected (small block Chevy) 350 put out 300+ HP, net (not gross).  By every standard the ’92 was a much better car.  I may have been disappointed that my search failed, but getting back into the Formula was not nearly as disappointing as getting back into a Cavalier or Tercel would have been. 

My own?  I may have mentioned my trip to Detroit in October 1995 to buy a 1968 Firebird 400 hardtop, which failed.  The car was advertised in Hemmings, and the owner swore it was roadworthy and promised to meet us with it at the bus terminal in Detroit.  Thanks to an overnight bus trip from DC to Detroit, with a 3 a.m. stopover in Cleveland, my buddy Phil and I wound up by ourselves at the terminal, and the owner conveniently forgetting his promise.  We had to get a cab to the airport, then a rental car to his house near Flint.  There we found the car almost impossible to start with its ignition switch poking through the left knob hole where the radio would be.  We tried to locate a flatbed truck, to no avail, so we simply drove the rental car all the way back to Northern Virginia.  So much for that.

Over the years I’ve seen a few at car shows, parked on the streets, etc.   Someone in McLean had a ’67-68 convertible 400 in burgundy; in Falls Church a burgundy 400 hardtop; and in Alexandria a red 400 hardtop.  I test drove a 67 400 hardtop in gunmetal grey, and a 1968 400 convertible in white with a black interior.  Sadly, my budget precludes another, so I’ll hold onto the ’76 and upgrade its Olds 455 to Rocket standards.   Maybe someday… 

Burt Reynolds

Here I was, wondering what my topic would be, and sadly, it fell into my lap when the veteran actor passed away on September 6, 2018.

Florida State.  He played football for them in college but was injured, which ended his career.  Would he have pursued an NFL career had this not occurred?   Alternate history writers, get cooking.  You’ll have to figure out who will play Bandit in place of him.

The Deliverance (1972).  This camping trip gone wrong film is well known, but I never liked it that much.  Ned Beatty sodomized by Trump supporters is really not something we really need to see over and over again. 

The Longest Yard (1974).  He plays a football player who went to prison and organizes the inmates’ team to compete against the guards.  As his character had a notable scandal of throwing a game, the issue re-asserts itself when the warden cynically offers him a similar deal.  He also showed up in the remake with Adam Sandler miscast in his original role, Reynolds acting as the team’s coach.

Note: as seen above, both films predate his famous mustache. 

Smokey & The Bandit.   The 1977 Pontiac Trans Am Special Edition will forever be immortalized – to the extent a car can be described as such, not being mortal – by the movie and its sequel. 

He and Snowman (Jerry Reed) have to drive from Jawja to Texarkana, pick up 400 cases of Coors, and drive back in 28 hours.   Snowman drives the rig itself with his dog, Bandit drives a brand new Trans Am to draw off attention from Snowman – for the most part, successfully.  Remarkably, the westbound leg of their trip is completely uneventful.  But when Bandit picks up Carrie the Frog (Sally Field) by the road wearing a wedding dress, her scorned groom and would-be father-in-law, Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) chases after him, well outside his jurisdiction – as the local authorities repeatedly point out to him.

Oddly, some have pointed out that the route back includes various weigh stations which Snowman would have had to stop at – and doesn’t.  But this is even stranger, since the very beginning of the movie shows a truck seized at such a station.  I suppose the only way to reconcile this is to note that Snowman has to avoid those stations to make the deadline and avoid inconvenient inspections.  But if it were this easy, it wouldn’t be a problem in the first place.  In any case, the beer gets where it’s supposed to go, and Snowman only pulled over once in the whole trip.    

The sequel features an elephant.  As such it was somewhat of a disappointment as the mercenary aspect went missing.   Then again, you’ve got a flotilla of Justice’s various comrades, including a Mountie well south of Canada, gives us an impressive climax.  The first film merits permanent Blu-Ray ownership, the second just a brief view on Netflix.  I’ve never even seen the third one which doesn’t even feature Reynolds himself, except in a brief bit.  Snowman takes the lead role in a third generation Trans Am, i.e. a chubby black & gold version of KITT, minus the talking computer.

   

Bandit T/A.  The funny thing is, an actual 1977 Special Edition has a 400 cubic inch Pontiac V8 putting out 220 horsepower.  That was my preference back in 1988, but by 1992 I’d acquired an actual Firebird (170 HP 5.0L V8) and soon learned the sad truth.  By the time the S/E came by in 1977, the power numbers were way down.  Were I to get a 70’s Trans Am, I’d avoid the ’77 S/E and get a 1974 Trans Am SD455 in dark blue.  Even so, there’s no denying that with its T-tops and CB radio, plus Carrie in the passenger seat, as featured in the first movie the S/E is an amazingly cool car. 

Not only that, up until then, the Firebird was pretty much a poor younger cousin to its Chevrolet F-body equivalent the Camaro.  But no Z/28 from 1970-81 (and they weren’t even sold in ‘75-‘76, as Chevrolet had dropped that particular version of the Camaro for those two years) comes close to the notoriety of the Trans Am.  It takes the ’69 Camaro to even get there, and who can name a major film or movie star giving the ’69 Camaro as much publicity as “Smokey and the Bandit” and Burt Reynolds did for the Trans Am?  Hell, that also applies to the ’82-92, ’93-02, and current Camaros.  There’s no Camaro equivalent of KITT, essentially a black-on-tan modified 1982 Trans Am.   The brilliant thing is that Reynolds’ character, the movie, and the car, were all equally awesome.  To his credit, Reynolds held on to many of those Trans Ams and never forgot his relationship with them.  Amen. 

More movies.  As you might imagine, those four movies weren’t his only ones, but I can’t say that I’ve seen them all.  The ones I have seen are Gator (1976), The End (1978) (somewhat cynical), Hooper (1978), Cannonball Run (1981) and its sequel (1984), Sharkey’s Machine (1981), Stroker Ace (1983) (about a NASCAR driver in some questionable endorsement deals because he didn’t bother to read the sponsorship contract), City Heat (1984) (with Clint Eastwood), Stick (1985), Striptease (1996) (premiere of the “HOT” Demi Moore), and Boogie Nights (1997).  He played himself on Archer, which often features Archer himself in mustache driving a ’77 Trans Am.  

Cosmo.  In 1972 he posed naked on a bearskin rug for Cosmopolitan magazine.  His arm was strategically placed and you can’t see his Mr. Johnson & the Juice Crew.  As a handsome guy with a nice body, it proved highly popular.  I’m not aware he did it again – let alone recently.  As yet Cosmo hasn’t asked me to do the same.

Sally Field (1977-82).   For the life of me I have no idea why his relationship with her fizzled out.  They seemed perfect for each other.  She remains a dazzling, beautiful and classy woman even today.  I seem to recall him recently expressing profound regret that he let her get away.

Loni Anderson (1988-1993).  This Loni is NOT from Shanghai, best known as the busty receptionist from WKRP in Cincinnati.  They were a visible couple during this time. 

COOL.  The #1 thing about Reynolds is his cool-ness.  Here’s a guy who was remarkably handsome and desirable, and as noted below, had some prime female companionship over the years.  But he always kept a sense of humor which was suitably self-deprecating.  I say the definition of cool is not being an arrogant bastard when you have every reason to be, and by that standard I’d say Reynolds clearly qualifies.  

More Firey Birdy Stuff

This weekend, I went down to Stafford to try to get my Firebird Esprit up and running, and drive it back up to Northern Virginia.  The brakes were not cooperative and the engine, even with a new battery, resisted starting and running.  Leaving it in a field outside for months at a time is apparently not calculated to make a 70s muscle car start up easily.  I also found all the parts I had bought earlier and which were never installed as the floor pan job never quite got done by the guy supposed to do it – who is now resting in peace (that demise being very recent and not the reason for the delay). 

The 70s.  I had vague awareness of “Smokey et le Bandit” but did not actually see the movie when it came out.  No one I knew had a performance car, let alone a Trans Am Special Edition, the black & gold model Burt Reynolds drove.   Sadly, having been born in 1969 I was too young at the time to appreciate all those cars.  Now I take special delight in watching TV and movies from that time and observing those cars in the background, someone’s daily driver which happened to be captured on film.

Summer of 1988.   Although I received my driver’s license in 1986, due to college parking logistics I wasn’t able to actually purchase a car until 1988.   My quest for a Trans Am was cut short when my parents bought me a car – a 1984 Chevy Cavalier.   4 doors, great gas mileage, and relatively reliable.  That lasted until summer 1991 when my sister totaled it driving through the neighborhood.  In her defense, she had only started to learn to drive at that time.

Fall of 1992.  My first new car: 1992 Pontiac Firebird. I finally got a job earning enough to buy a new car.  I wanted a Formula with the 5.7L V8 (350) but they were long sold out – and out of my price range anyway.   But I got this one, brand new, from King Pontiac in Gaithersburg, Maryland.  Black on black, t-tops, power windows and door locks, and a 5.0L V8 which got the car running.  My only modifications were a performance chip.  I sold this to my boss after buying the Formula.

Spring 1994.   Car training.  NOVA & ASE.  Upon returning from Norfolk in late February after taking the Virginia Bar (again) I got a nasty surprise:  LAID OFF.  Now I had a surplus of free time and a conscientious desire to spend it wisely apart from the obvious job search.  Not having any prior knowledge of auto mechanics and no suitably skilled friends or relatives, I taught myself using a high school textbook followed by adult education courses, finally AUT courses at NOVA Alexandria.  I learned enough to pass the ASE exams on engine repair, automatic transmissions, and manual transmissions.   This also allowed me to do minor work on my own cars, such as oil changes, ATF changes, differential fluid changes, and brake work.   For anything more complex, I brought to mechanics, either local shops or the dealer.  By this point I could talk to the mechanic and understand what he was talking about.  So I’d say this was well worth the effort to learn, even if I never worked as a mechanic.  Hell, I even ordered the factory service manual for the ’92 base Firebird, which also applied to the Formula, same model year.

June 1995.   1992 Pontiac Firebird Formula “350”.  After a three year quest I finally had this.  Not black (yet), but blue-green metallic with a black interior.   A rare “Formula 350” without power door locks, power windows, etc. – a stripped down model for which the only option was the 350.  However, the first owner did put the SLP package on it: larger throttle body with an airfoil, Siamesed intake runners with a cool air kit, 1 5/8” headers, 3” exhaust, performance chip and cooler thermostat, for a total boost of 50 HP from 240 to 290.  Later I added a 2800 stall converter, shift kit, and 3.73 gears in the rear. 

305 vs. 350.  The 5.0L V8 came up in the late 70s to save gas.  It has a smaller bore than the 350 (3.74 vs. 4.0) but the same stroke (3.48), but the smaller bore severely compromises the breathing and makes the engine highly resistant to performance mods.  The earlier 327, with a 4 inch bore and 3.25 inch stroke, breathes easier and revs higher than the 350, so that engine does respond to modifications.  In any case, the 350 remains the top small block Chevy V8 and should be considered the prime choice for anyone building a performance V8 made by Chevrolet.  That engine has the widest variety of support even today.  My Formula was MUCH faster than the base Firebird.  The original owner had it doing high 13s at the quarter mile dragstrip, while the best I could do – before the trans mods – was low 14s, with trap speeds of 95-98 mph.  I even came third place in a drag race when my practice runs spilled over into the actual eliminations and my opponents redlighted.  That track, 75/80 south of Frederick, Maryland, has since closed down. 

Late 1995:  1968 Pontiac Firebird 400.  I had extra money, enough to buy one of these: a hard top.  Nowadays the ‘69 Camaro gets most of the attention, directly inspiring the current version of the Camaro.   The ‘67-69 models started out with OHC 6, including the Sprint model with a QuadraJet; had a mid-range model with a 326 or 350 cubic inch V8 (either two barrel and single exhaust, or the 4bbl & dual exhaust HO model) going up to the 400 model with its GTO engine and faux hood scoops.  Of course the 400 was my preference.  I preferred the hard top, but the convertible was also intriguing.  I also preferred the automatic version (3 speed TH400) over the manual (4 speed).  

My buddy Phil and I took the bus from DC to Detroit, only to find – guess what? - the car wasn’t drivable and no flatbed trucks available to bring it back.   The carb wasn’t working properly and the ignition switch came through the left hole where the stereo knob would be if the stereo was still in it.  We had to rent a car at the airport to get to his place, and then simply drove it back to DC.  A shame, because it was in good shape body-wise and was a real 400 hardtop (white, green interior, automatic).   

Other cars I looked at: a 1974 Trans Am SD455 in DC, red with white interior, in extremely rough shape; a black-on-black ‘72 Firebird Formula;  a gun metal gray ‘67 Firebird 400 hardtop with no proper tags, so we had to just tool around the neighborhood; a white ‘68 400 convertible in better shape, out near Chantilly, I drove from the guy’s house to 28/50 with the top up, then back with the top down, my dad following behind to watch; and a pair of GTOs, ‘68/69, one in particularly rough shape.    

Generally these cars had the skinny steering wheel, slablike “bucket seats”, spongy brakes (some four wheel drum with no power booster); AM radio; wallowing handling; varying amounts of rust and decay.  

I also test drove a few Formula 350s (87-92) and lost out on a ‘89 350 black on black with T-tops (a rarity with the 350) which I missed out on when the guy sold it to someone else an hour before I called him back.  

1998.  Color change.   We had a client, Tim, down in Stafford, who took the blue-green Formula in September 1997 and converted it to black by January 1998.  Oddly, black paint is the least forgiving of flaws and the most difficult color to switch to – including the door jambs and under the hatch.  I never did end up putting the decals back on. 

1999.  Pontiac 400 V8.  Some time after that I acquired this engine, all by itself, from a shop which had taken it out of a 70s Trans Am.  Apparently something was wrong with it.  I bought it not to put into a car but simply to take it apart for my own amusement.

First the carburetor (QuadraJet), which I also disassembled, cleaned, and rebuilt.  Then the intake manifold, valve covers, water pump, timing chain cover, timing chain, and distributor.  Then the cylinder heads themselves, which had probably never been off, taking a breaker bar to get all 10 bolts loose from each.  I dissembled the heads and cleaned the valves, putting them apart by cylinder, all 16 (intake & exhaust x 8).  Flipping it upside down on the stand, and taking off the oil pan, I took out the pistons, and finally the crankshaft itself.  Sure enough, the crank and block were unusable and we threw them away.  Everything else usable was cleaned, painted, and included with the 1980 Trans Am sale mentioned below.

2000.  1980 Trans Am SE.  In May 2000 my comrade Tim located this car at a towing auction.  It was black on tan with a normally aspirated (non-turbo) 301 V8.  We could never get it running.  His buddy had a 70’s Pontiac full-size with a running Pontiac 455, but sold that car before I could buy it – but not before he and I had already pulled the 301 from the Trans Am.  D’oh!  When that happened I decided to, and did, sell the ’80 TA. 

2012.  That December the Formula went up in flames, becoming literally a Firebird.  The car was totaled.  I held on to it but eventually had to conclude it was a lost cause.  The engine was pulled and rebuilt while I still held hope of resurrecting the car, so now I’m trying to sell that on eBay.  I was forced to replace the Formula with a brand new Honda Civic, which I later traded in, back in 2015, for the current 2009 Dodge Charger R/T.

 

2013-Present. 1976 Firebird Esprit.  I mentioned this in an earlier blog, and above. We’ll see what happens to it in the future – if anything.

My First Car

…was a 1984 Chevrolet Cavalier.

 I had learned to drive during the summer of 1986, when I was 17 years old and about to start at the University of Maryland, College Park.  I was going to live on campus, as I did for the entire 4 years of college.  UMCP had a parking situation such that freshmen and sophomores living on campus were not permitted to park cars on campus, so I had to wait until I finished my sophomore year in May 1988 to look for a car.  I had $2000 saved up from summer jobs and my parents told me they’d match it dollar for dollar, so my “budget” was in fact $4,000.   For this amount of money, I was told, I could purchase a late 70’s Trans Am in excellent condition (not a rusted out basket case).  I set about looking for prospects and was going to have my uncle bring the candidates to mechanics to verify their roadworthiness.

 Alas, I never reached that point.  After 10 days without a phone in between spring semester housing (Talbot Hall) and summer housing (New Leonardtown), and without a way to do my car search, during that time, I finally had my phone hooked up again and called my parents.  Their response: “Oh, don’t bother looking for a car.  We bought you one.”

 Not a Trans Am, a 1984 Chevy Cavalier.  Blue/grey, four door sedan, automatic, with A/C and a tape deck (auto reverse).  It had 49,000 miles on it.  Recall this is 1988, so the car was 4 years old at this point.  It was not a Type 10, a coupe, convertible, nor a Z24 (SCCA Cavalier?  I don’t think so!) – simply the sedan.  It was fairly clean, and the paint was OK.  The tape deck still worked, and even the A/C worked too.  For a car to tool around in, it was actually pretty good.  I recall the engine was “2.0L EFI”, though since I knew little about cars I rarely popped open the hood.  It was probably throttle-body injected. 

 The major pluses of this car were space and mileage.  The largest single item I had in college, which had to be moved into storage during the summer (except ’88, when I simply took it to summer housing) was my 4 cubic foot fridge.  This JUST fit in the back seat of the Cavalier; I can’t imagine it would fit anyway, anyhow, into a ’70-81 Trans Am.  We had a storage unit over by GMU main campus.  As for mileage, Phil and I drove to Ocean City (3 hours), back (3 hours), Greenbelt (5 minutes each way) and Baltimore (30 minutes each way) (Hammerjacks, to see Honor Among Thieves) all on ONE tank of gas.  Unbelievable.  Again, a feat inconceivable in a V8 muscle car, least of all one with a carburetor.    

 In retrospect, I didn’t know nearly enough about cars to have the correct discernment on Trans Ams anyway.  By 1992 I had purchased my first new car, a 1992 Pontiac Firebird (base model), and then learned all about Firebirds from 1967 to then – and by that time the 4^th generation (1993-2002) weren’t even in the showrooms.  What I learned was that black Trans Ams were only made from 1976-81, but by that point the performance had taken a nose dive.  The best Trans Ams were ’71-74 with the 455 cubic inch V8 (7.5L).  ’71-72 455 HO T/As were either white with a thick blue stripe down the middle, or blue with a white stripe, not the best color choice.  ’73-74 Super Duty T/As came in white, red, and either dark green (’73) or dark blue (’74) but by this time the much revered/reviled “Screaming Chicken” hood bird had finally made its debut.   I can’t imagine, as I write this today, that even had I known all this about Trans Ams back in summer 1988, that my $4000 budget would allow me to buy an early ‘70s T/A in decent shape.  However, it may have been sufficient for a ’67-68 Firebird 400 hardtop in good condition, had I been well-informed enough to search for one.  I was vaguely aware of them at that time: one of the guys who used to live on my floor in Hagerstown Hall appeared to have moved to Old Leonardtown and had a ’67-68 Firebird.  These cars have a much different body style (first generation F-Body) and that remarkably OLD Indian style bird.  As of now, I’d rather have a ’67-68 Firebird 400 than any Trans Am, aside from – possibly – a ’74 Super Duty T/A in blue.  Forget the Bandit T/As (Special Editions) of ’77-81, to me a ’74 SD T/A in blue is the ultimate Trans Am. 

 ** In October 1995 my friend Phil and I drove up to Flint, Michigan, in an attempt to buy a 1968 Pontiac Firebird 400 hardtop.  Despite the owner’s earlier claim, the car was not roadworthy, and I could not get a tow truck to get it back home.  This was even more frustrating as it was a California car with no rust.  I wonder where it is now.

 I also had to relearn how to drive, that summer of 1988.  What I knew to survive the driving test at the MVA in July 1986 was basically how to do a three point turn, parallel park, come to complete stops, and use turn signals.  This was well below spec to drive a car on the Beltway at highway speed, or at night.  Fortunately during the summer, campus at UMCP is almost dead, so there were few enough people to run into.  I worked my way to driving on Route 1, then took the Beltway all the way around to Burke, VA.  This gave me confidence and essentially began my driving experience.  I even had my first accident, a minor crash with a UMCP utility truck (“don’t worry, we won’t be filing a claim,” explained the driver). 

 In August 1991 my sister began learning to drive, in the same 1984 Cavalier, which by then had about 100k and was beginning to fall apart.  What had been working fine in 1988 was anything but.  She crashed it into a parked car 1000 yards from our house in Gaithersburg – boom, it’s totalled.  We replaced it with a 1991 Toyota Tercel.  RIP Cavalier.

 While I’m at it, I might as well share my early memories of my family’s cars.  Despite growing up in the US in the 1970s, I was too young and inexperienced to take in what was undoubtedly a plethora (si, El Guapo) of 70s muscle cars.  Now I have to look back the pictures without being able to actually be there.  Anyhow.

1.         Early 70s Chevy Malibu (can’t remember the color).  This was not a Chevelle SS.  My mom laughed when I mentioned that.  “You kids would have stayed at home and not eaten.  We couldn’t afford any SS car backthen.”  Since my dad was never a “car guy” he would have ignored the Chevy guy had he tried to sell us anything with a V8 under the hood.  His last V8 experience was his ’55 Belair he bought new in 1955 as a priest.  It was black.

2.         Mid 70s Ford Gran Torino (poo brown).  Think “Starsky and Hutch” but brown and four doors.  Somewhat less cool.  I imagine this had a six cylinder and not a 460.  Again, my parents were not car people.  I can’t remember why my parents bought this car, but I’m fairly certain “Starsky and Hutch” had nothing to do with their decision.

3.         Late 70s Volvo station wagon (orange).  This did not have the flip up seat in the back (sorry). 

4.         Chrysler-Simca.  When we moved to Paris, we had to get a car (my parents: “it’s not worth the bother shipping the Volvo overseas”).  This was one of those weird American-European cars, like Opels.  This was a burgundy color.  I can’t even remember the model.

5.         Peugeot 505.  The driving age in Paris is 18, unlike 16 for the US.  Also, 99% of European cars – at least at that time – were manual transmission.  It’s bad enough trying to learn how to drive, let alone trying to master a manual trans at the same time.  My dad and I drove around the block in this, as much trying not to stall out as avoiding other cars.  The car itself was fairly decent.

6.         Mazda 323.  When we returned to the US for summer 1986, we borrowed our relatives’ Mazda to drive around.  Imagine a family of 5 in this small vehicle with no A/C - in DC in July and August.  And it was stick shift, so we could barely learn to drive on it.  Only by the end of the summer was I informed about “play” in the clutch, a little detail which greatly facilitates correctly letting out the clutch on a manual trans car. 

 Having exhausted my readers’ patience by now, I’ll pass on descriptions of the Tercel, Sentra, Pulsar, Catera, Cadillac, or even the base Firebird.  The Neon and Formula have already gotten enough publicity.  Amen.