Twin Peaks

This was originally on TV in 1990-91 for two seasons.  I recall a big fuss at the time, so I ignored the show precisely because everyone made such a big fuss about it.  In fact, that’s the only thing I remember.  For some reason – probably sheer boredom – I decided to check it out now.  This review will serve to possibly entice non-viewers to watch (the entire series, plus the movie, are on DVD now) and also remind former viewers of the show.

Premise.  In a small town in Washington State, Twin Peaks, a young girl, Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee), is found dead, wrapped in a shroud in the local body of water.  For reasons not explained until later, Special Agent Cooper of the FBI (Kyle MacLachlan) investigates the crime (not aware of any federal angle) with the helpful cooperation of local sheriff Harry Truman (Michael Ontkean).  [Apparently Cooper is investigating the disappearance of a colleague, played in the movie by Chris Isaak, who was investigating a similar murder which may have been connected to this one.]

Fortunately we do learn who killed her and why.  However, many other things happen which serve more to confuse and mystify us for the sake of doing so than anything else.  So there’s a healthy (???) dose of WEIRD SHIT which makes it compelling and you wonder how the hell this got on network TV.  But it clearly inspired “The X-Files” (FBI agents investigate weird shit) – and David Duchovny is here.  It was directed by David Lynch, famous for his weird shit (e.g. “Blue Velvet”, also starring MacLachlan) and who actually shows up as Cooper’s FBI superior, hard of hearing so he has to speak loudly – except to Shelly.

 

By the end of season two, things have picked up dramatically:  In addition to (A) finally solving Laura’s murder, there’s (B) Miss Twin Peaks, a beauty pageant in which practically every major female character except the Log Lady is competing, Norma Jennings being a former winner; (C) Cooper matching wits with Windom Earle to prevent further murders, and (D) Cooper matching wits with Windom Earle to find a gate to a dark and evil place (the Black Lodge) with red curtains and a midget speaking forwards-backwards in a red three piece suit.  [In fact, that part was the ONLY part I recall from when the show originally aired.  They recorded the actor (Michael J. Anderson) reading his lines normally, forwards.  Then they played the recording backwards, and recorded him reading those lines sounding how they sounded backwards.  Then they played THAT recording backwards.  Clever.  Maybe not.]  

Major Characters.  Naming them all would be silly, but here are the most important.

Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan).  Talks into his tape recorder to “Diane”, his unseen assistant who doesn’t turn out to be anything else.  He loves the local coffee and is not shy about complimenting it way too many times.  Maybe it was Starbucks.  He has all sorts of weird dreams and visions, probably not techniques taught at FBI Academy before Agents Fox and Mulder.  He does not dream of J. Edgar Hoover.  His quirks make him very likable.

Sheriff Truman (Michael Ontkean).  Helpful and smart, generally likeable.  For awhile he has a big funk (major character died suddenly) but snaps out of it.  He actually has a framed picture of President Truman on his wall.

Deputy Horse (Michael Hawk).   Bad-ass Native American deputy who occasionally utters mystic shit but is usually simply competent.

Deputy Andy Brennan (Harry Goaz).  Dopey, simple deputy all us smart people from big cities can look down as typical sheriff’s deputies from small towns.

Lucy Moran (Kimmy Robertson).  The ditzy blonde receptionist who is nevertheless marginally smarter than her BF, Andy.  She gets pregnant but is uncertain who the father is.  Maybe Dick Tremayne.  Possibly Bob.

Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee).  Homecoming queen seen in a few flashbacks.  It turns out she was into some seriously nasty shit which few had any clue about – except Donna and James.  The circumstances of her death (fully shown in the movie, by the way) are extremely messed up.  As we could expect.

Leland Palmer (Ray Wise).  Her dad.  Goes seriously apeshit – even his hair turns white.   Ostensibly the well-dressed middle-aged father but turns out much worse.  Did I mention how twisted the show is?

Ben Horne (Richard Beymer).  Owner of the hotel and brothel.  Audrey’s father.  He also goes nuts, but thinks he’s Robert E. Lee at Gettysburg and re-enacts the whole battle with a CSA victory.  Highly unethical.  Possibly Donna’s father.

Audrey Horne (Sherilynn Fenn).  Ben’s slutty daughter.  For awhile I couldn’t tell her apart from Donna.  She’s actually pretty smart.  Briefly she hooks up with Billy Zane’s character.

Donna Heyward (Lara Flynn Boyle).   Hot babe, involved with James and a close friend of Laura’s.  Actually very likeable.  In real life, Boyle and MacLachlan were a couple during the show. 

Doc Heyward (Warren Frost).  The town doctor and Donna’s Dad.  Mainly acts as a coroner.  Nothing strange about him.

Josie Packard (Joan Chen).  Owner of the steel mill, formerly from Hong Kong.  [Chinese GF recognized her (Chen) as well known actress from Shanghai].   Has a relationship with Sheriff Truman.  It turns out she had some shit going on back in Hong Kong which comes back to bite her big time.

Catherine Martell (Piper Laurie).   Josie’s sister-in-law.  She’s an older woman who is very shrewd and not to be f**ked with.  Schemes with Ben Horne.

Pete Martell (Jack Nance).  Catherine’s husband.  Loves to fish and excellent at chess, advises Cooper when Windom Earle comes around as serial killer with a chess angle competing against Cooper.

Major Briggs (Don Davis).  Stuffy Air Force colonel.  Eventually we learn that he was involved with Area 51 type stuff which he says “I’m not authorized to disclose that information”.  Then he gets weird.

Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook).  Son of Major Briggs. Secretly hooked up with Shelly Johnson.  High school athlete, coke dealer, kind of a punk asshole.  Later tries to hook up with Audrey Horne.

Ed Hurley (Everitt McGill).   Runs the local garage.  He always looks unhappy and confused.

Nadine Hurley.  Ed’s seriously messed up wife.  She has an eyepatch and is super strong.  For awhile she thinks she’s back in high school and tries to hook up with one of the boys, Mike. 

James Hurley (James Marshall).  Kind of a James Dean motorcycle riding loner.  Quiet and unassuming but cool.  He was in a triangle with Donna and Laura, later Donna and Laura’s cousin Maddy (also played by Sheryl Lee).

Norma Jennings (Peggy Lipton Tea).  Runs the local café.  Having an affair with Ed, which Nadine initially suspects until she goes into clueless cheerleader mode.

Hank Jennings (Chris Mulkey).  Her husband.  Somewhat of a nasty crook, ex-felon still involved in illegal activities – if there was a legitimate target for Cooper, it would be him.  Instead, Cooper investigates Laura’s death.

Annie Blackburn (Heather Graham).  Norma’s cousin, formerly in a convent but comes back and romances with Cooper.

Leo Johnson (Eric Da Re).  Shelly’s abusive husband.  Major league violent asshole, but winds up being incapacitated in a comically cosmic justice kind of way. 

Shelly Johnson (Madschen Amick).  Leo’s attractive but much-abused wife, works as a waitress serving Damn Fine Coffee to Agent Cooper.  Seeing Bobby Briggs on the side.

Lawrence Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn).  Super cool shrink, probably romantically involved with his female patients.  Does not fight-dance (West Side Story) here.  Loves Hawaii.  Surrenders at Appomattox.

One Armed Man (Al Strobel).  Actually Mike, a rival and enemy of Bob.  Another character who mainly says weird shit.

Log Lady (Catherine Coulson).  Seriously messed up older woman who carries a log everywhere and utters mystic bullshit.

Windom Earle (Kenneth Welsh).  Cooper’s former partner at the FBI.  He had a major nervous breakdown but returns as a serial killer, assisted by Leo Johnson.  I found him extremely annoying.  Terrence Stamp would be been better cast in this role.

Bob (Frank Silva).  Bob is special.  Mostly VERY annoying.  What is Bob?  Never quite explained very well.  You’ll see.

Short Red Dude (Michael Anderson).  Talks funny to Cooper in dreams and the Weird Zone.  Not much more than that.  Did not get his own show.  Sorry.

All these characters interact in a way that remains extremely confusing – deliberately so.  Ideally I should watch it again now that I know what happens.  The ending (S2/E22) is extremely frustrating.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) (DVD).  Two seasons were not enough, so we got this.  Everything written about this says “part prequel, part sequel”, but the “sequel” part is 1 minute at the very end of questionable meaningfulness because it’s of the same “WTF” caliber as the weirdest parts of the series, though it does include Agent Cooper (MacLachlan).  The remaining 2 hours and 13 minutes is prequel material, essentially, “who was Laura Palmer?”  Her depraved, slutty lifestyle is fleshed out in tedious detail, and we finally see her being murdered, and by who – and by that point we no longer care.  Donna is here, played by Moira Kelly instead of Lara Flynn Boyle.  Cooper has a minor role, as do Chris Isaak, Kiefer Sutherland, and even David Bowie, having what appears to be a largely superfluous role. 

Season 3.  Not only greenlighted but filmed and recorded – it’s IN THE CAN.  It will be broadcast starting May 21, 2017, on Showtime.   Fortunately most of the original actors, including Kyle MacLachlan, have participated, and David Lynch directed it.   We can expect something weird, hopefully as good and weird as the original, and better than the movie.  Please do not bring Bob back (though I imagine they will).  

SunnO)))

By now I’ve been to over 200 concerts since 1984 (AC/DC).   And even now I can say I’ve seen a new and different experience.  This was the SunnO))) show at the (new) 9:30 Club on Sunday, March 12, 2017 AD.

Old vs. New.  The old 9:30 Club was at 930 F Street in DC, not far from the Verizon Center and the Spy Museum, also Ford’s Theater.   It was small, cramped, and had a bizarre layout that provided a small triangular floor space in front of the stage, with deeper passageways;  you could still hear the band play, but the line-of-sight to the stage was somewhat limited.  At that location we saw Faith No More, Hawkwind, Nik Turner’s Hawkwind, and Type O Negative.

Then they moved up to V Street & Florida Ave, up near Howard University and Seventh Street.  While the location is not as convenient – though street parking is far easier to find – the club itself is much larger and has a more conventional layout.   There’s a basement bar with monitors for the stage.  There’s a main ground floor with a large open space of standing room with excellent views of the raised stage.  And there’s a second floor with a bar opposite the stage at the back – where you can sit and watch the band, although seating is extremely limited – and balcony areas facing down.   You can either stand up at the railing and look down at the stage, or sit back on stepped seating areas, though your view will be obstructed by anyone standing at the railing, and at a heavily attended show (this one wasn’t) you wouldn’t be able to see anything, in which case you’d have to stake out and keep a railing position OR stand downstairs on the main floor, if you want to actually see the band play.

The band itself plays music which could best be described as “heavy ambient”.  Far more so than Tool.  Much more.

The band members dress as monks.   Actually, that doesn’t matter that much.  Prior to the set beginning, the band filled the venue with fog.  We’re not talking the usual 1-2 feet of fog on the stage floor (“The people of Stonehenge, where are they now?”), we’re talking enough to completely obscure the stage AND plunge the standing room area into such smoke that the entire audience was hidden from the second level.   The fog was colored red, blue, and purple.  See upper left image, taken from the second level balcony. 

The lyrics, to the extent there is any singing, is a distorted growl that sounds like Phil Anselmo reading from a Latin bible, i.e. effectively unintelligible.   There is NO drummer – unlike the Grateful Dead, who had two drummers (#1 drummer Bill Kreutzmann, #2 drummer Mickey Hart) and King Crimson’s Kurrent lineup, which has three.  The guitars and bass are tuned WAY down.  Here I thought C# was low, which is what Tony Iommi tunes to for a few Sabbath songs (e.g. “Into the Void”), but these guys are down to A.    

Before the show, I debated purchasing more of their material besides the latest two albums, Kannon and Monoliths & Dimensions, the two I had.  After listening to them again, I realized it was pointless.  All their songs sound exactly the same.  In fact, with no gaps between songs, no discernable difference between the songs, and no drummer, the whole effect of this concert was of one continuous 90 minute heavy droning emerging from a purple fog. 

After standing at the railing for awhile, I realized that, unable to see the band members on stage, it was more sensible to sit back on the steps and absorb the music, focusing on the aural element of the experience.  In addition to the instruments, the band relies heavily on feedback.  If there is a lowest note discernable to the human ear, I dare say SunnO))) has found it. 

Finally, so far as I can tell, the backline – before the fog obscured it completely – suggests the band’s name should actually be AmpegO))).  But that doesn’t sound as cool, does it?

Ellis Island

Or should I say, “Act of War Island”.

 After a brief visit to Liberty Park in December 2009, I made it back again recently, and was actually able to visit the island, along with Liberty Island, which features – you guessed it – the Statue of Liberty.

Background Part I.  After using Castle Cardens on the south tip of Manhattan for some time, the influx of immigrants to the US became too much, so Ellis Island was developed into a full immigration processing center in 1892, with the main building coming online around 1900.   This continued until 1954, when the whole complex was shut down and deteriorated over several decades.  Starting in the 70s it was renovated into the large and impressive museum we see now.

Ferry.   I took the ferry from the Liberty Park, close by to Jersey City in New Jersey, but there’s another ferry from Manhattan.  The ferry terminal is actually the former railroad station (long deactivated).   The train tracks are still here, but the sheds are NOT restored, except for signs indicating where the trains used to go from each track.  Anyone processed from Ellis Island who didn’t plan on staying in the NYC area would take their departing train from here.

After stopping at Ellis Island, the ferry goes on to Liberty Island, and then returns to the ferry terminal at Liberty Park.   You can stay on the ferry or get off.  They depart every 45 minutes.   You could – as I did – process Liberty Island in that span of time, but Ellis Island could accommodate that only if you were fairly brisk about enjoying the museum.  I took my time.

Background Part II.   As Ben Carson could tell you, many “immigrants” came on slave ships.   Most Japanese and Chinese came to America on the Pacific Coast, and there was a similar facility, Alcatraz – sorry, Angel Island – outside San Francisco to process immigrants coming across the Pacific.

This means that as a practical matter, most immigrants coming through Ellis Island were from Europe.  In other words, mostly white Americans whose relatives came here around the turn of the century, will be the people most interested in what Ellis Island was all about.

I have no native American blood in me, so far as I know.  Nor did any relatives come from Africa earlier than 50-100,000 years ago (the experts are still debating when).  My father’s mother is of English origin, and that quarter came to the US before the American Revolution.   My father’s father is of Polish origin, but was born in the US in 1898.   With Ellis Island opening in 1892, I have NO CLUE if that quarter came through Ellis Island, though it is possible.

However, both grandparents on my mother’s side came from Russian Poland – Lomza, to be exact.  Their port of entry?  New York in 1905.  BINGO.  

Main Building.   This has four towers and certainly looks like a late nineteenth century building.  The main hall has a large exhibit hall on the northern side, opposite the main entrance and ferry dock on the southern side.  Upstairs on the second and third floors are more exhibit halls.  There are lots of pictures and tons of descriptions.  Essentially all immigration from 1492 to the present is chronicled somewhere in this building, with lots of artifacts, costumes, and personal effects, and an excellent narrative of practically every part of the processing experience.  Some of the text has a somewhat overapologetic feel to it – probably offensive to the Make America Great Again crowd, but acceptable to the rest of us. 

Selective admission.  Notwithstanding the millions who came to the US, the authorities didn’t just let everyone in.  There was a whole slew of tests to pass before someone would be allowed to leave Ellis Island and live in America: medical and mental exams, quarantines, background checks, you name it.  The pre-INS/Customs can and did send you back if they thought you were (A) criminal, (B) idiot, (C) lazy dumbass who would mooch off everyone else, (D) diseased, or otherwise undesirable.  Muslim or Mexican were not disqualifiers.  Since the shipping company which brought you here would have to send you back at their cost, they did some screening beforehand to try to weed out the losers.   Sadly, some families were split up, and some parents sent unaccompanied children, some of whom never saw their parents again.

The mother-in-law of a former girlfriend had a particularly difficult and sad story, although Ellis Island is only tangentially related thereto.  She (MIL) was just a very young girl, about 4 years old, when she came to New York with her mother in the 1920s. The father, back in Germany, had died already.  The mother died of pneumonia, leaving the girl all alone in the apartment with the mother’s corpse on the bed.  Only a few days later did anyone else realize what had happened, and saved this poor girl.

Anyhow.

There’s actually a genealogical department on site, with databases, if you were inclined to do research there on the spot.  Had I had access to my paternal grandfather’s birth certificate, I may have been inclined to do so.   As you might expect, there’s also a gift shop, well stocked in fridge magnets but no pint glasses.  

  

Liberty Island.  Very close by is Liberty Island, with the Statue of Liberty on a massive pedestal (built up on what used to be Fort Wood).  The view is pretty nice from there:  lower Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, and Staten Island.  Its close proximity to Ellis Island means that ships coming to Ellis Island, passing between Long Island and Staten Island – the VNB only erected after Ellis Island closed – would see the Statue of Liberty, built in 1886, to the left of Manhattan.

Inside the pedestal is a museum – not very large – which describes the process of building the statue.  Apparently it was built in Paris near Parc Monceau, where we used to live, then disassembled, shipped in pieces, and reassembled on the pedestal, IKEA style.   The original idea, conceived by Edouard de Laboulaye, was to commemorate the 100 year anniversary of 1776 with a statue, which was designed by Frederic Auguste Bartholdhi.  Due to problems, it was not done until 1886, with help from the famous Gustave Eiffel (yes, the tower dude – that was done in 1889) who designed the iron framework inside the statue, her skeleton.   President Grover Cleveland presided over the opening.  By the 1980s it was in poor shape, so Lee Iacocca and Ronald Reagan rebuilt her by hand.  Thank you.

Long story short, both are well worth visiting, particularly if your own ancestors came to America that way.   I enjoyed my visit.

Heil Trump?

Bill Maher put it well:  the trouble with branding the Guy You Hate (or in HRC’s case, Madame Mao) as “Hitler” is that when someone who does actually resemble Hitler comes around, no one believes you.  But how dangerous IS the Mango Mussolini? 

I’ll agree that in terms of his pompous personality, he shares a lot in common with Hitler and Mussolini.  Trump considers himself a leader, a man who “get things done”, and who doesn’t tolerate dissent, opposition, or any form of disagreement.  He doesn’t take advice well and only trusts his own judgment.  He’s intoxicated with his own persona.  Of course he’s arrogant and strong-willed.  In the face of facts to the contrary he simply repeats his assertions bluntly and expects to be believed no matter what he says.  Trump is very much a megalomaniac. 

I believe it’s pertinent to raise certain issues concerning major differences between Trump and Hitler.  Hearing Trump speak on any political issue, it’s clear from the consistency of his inconsistency that he has a very poor grasp of political topics.  Reading from a speech (e.g. last night) is one thing:  responding to questions from reporters and commenting off the cuff is another.  Someone put together a montage of Ron Paul from 1980 to the recent past, and he was extremely consistent.  Most politicians who have a clearly defined ideology are.  In Hitler’s case, the National Socialist German Workers Party (NSDAP, better known as the Nazi Party) in fact articulated its platform in 1920 with its 25 Points.  I’ve read Mein Kampf (in English, after many false starts, years ago).  As wrong as Hitler’s politics may have been, at least he grasped them.  Trump is all over the place.  It seems that he cannot grasp politics.  Why is he President??

Other differences are in past and lifestyle.  Trump inherited millions; Hitler was homeless in Vienna before the war.  Trump married three times and has several children; Hitler had a mistress, Eva Braun, and no children with her.  Trump is brazen in his nepotism; Hitler threatened to draft his nephew, and gave his extended family no favors whatsoever.  But these issues pale in comparison to the difference in political acumen between the two. 

However, having said all that, Trump is President and not dictator – at least, not yet.  How dangerous is he?

Emergency Powers.  Trump’s arrogance and cluelessness aside, what made Hitler dangerous was gaining emergency powers in March 1933 after the Reichtag Fire.  This let him suspend habeas corpus, round up all his political enemies, and throw them into freshly-built Dachau.   By the time Hindenburg died in 1934, there was no one to stop AH from merging the positions of chancellor and president together.  And it all went downhill until the Red Army took care of things in Berlin in April 1945.

Here?  Good luck with that.  If a bunch of clowns set Congress on fire, that body would NOT simply vote for emergency powers to Trump.  Never mind Rand Paul, none of the Democrats and almost none of the Republicans (if not none) would approve that.  So the very issue which gave Hitler his dictatorship is a non-starter here.

Absent that, what can he do?  He can’t replace the Supreme Court, and the sole replacement he’s picked (Neil Gorsuch) actually looks sane.  The US Circuit Courts of Appeals appear immune to his charms, as do the lower US District Courts – judges cannot be told “You’re fired!”   Congress isn’t rubber stamping his edicts, and those 535 cannot be summarily dismissed by him.  Congress, not the President, passes laws.  Even in the Executive Branch, something like 70% is immune to political change, as was designed back in the early twentieth century (thanks, Teddy Roosevelt) for the express purpose of insulating the federal bureaucracy from a tyrannical president; they had the recent memory of the “spoils system” from the late 1800s to persuade them to make the bureaucracy more effective and less corrupt, which mean giving it a degree of independence from the chief executive.  Then you’ve got 50 state governors AND 50 state legislatures which are also immune to him – plus their judiciaries and executive branches, which are likewise insulated from their governors’ whims.    

He can start wars and launch nukes, which remains a concern.  IF the FBI was 100% on his side, that might be a problem, BUT you still have all those US attorneys across the country with the discretion to act.  The Justice Department can’t necessarily be depended upon to back him up.  Same with the NSA and CIA.  Of course you have 50 state police departments and local PDs which are also independent.  That will make any marijuana crusade a problem in any state where the local government has legalized recreational marijuana – as a more glaring example of how the Feds do NOT have full control of our country no matter who is in the Oval Office. 

So here’s where he screwed up.  It’s tempting to view the US government as something that can be “managed” by someone with sufficient experience in upper level management positions, a CEO who has run a few big firms.  Hell, I added BMGT as a second degree track to GVPT at University of Maryland.  But through most of the private sector, “employment at will” lets a CEO pretty much do as he pleases so long as he doesn’t violate laws – though in the case of ENRON that’s somewhat debatable.  The same degree of omnipotence in business doesn’t exist in government (outside of totalitarian regimes).  I get the impression that people like Mark Cuban and Warren Buffett, or even Mitt Romney, can grasp that – notice how little interest the most highly capable business leaders show in running for any political office.  I don’t think Carly Fiorina understood that – nor does Donald Trump, but he’s quickly learning…the hard way.  He walked into a buzzsaw. 

Impeachment.   Now I zone out when I hear the I-word burped about on Facebook by those who obviously didn’t vote for Trump and feel his election is some massive travesty.   Except that impeachment is so obviously politically motivated, a hopelessly un-subtle attempt to achieve judicially that which could not be done last November at the ballot box, that no one need concern themselves with the issue.  IF and WHEN Trump does commit some major crime which does legitimately merit impeachment, then and only then should we go about the process.  With his arrogance, cluelessness, and tendency to ignore advice which contradicts what he would do anyway, that’s actually not nearly as remote a possibility as it would be for previous Presidents, even George W. Bush, with the sense to play by the rules.  Otherwise we’re in a position where the losing side invariably barks and brays for this, gets it, we get stuck with Pence or Biden (until they screw up in turn) and we’re left with a revolving door of Presidents. 

[Actually, the closest parallel to Hitler I see in American politics is fictional:  Frank Underwood, from "House of Cards".  Fortunately, Underwood remains a fictional character.   Or has Kevin Spacey put his hat in the ring?]

Enough already.  Focus on the 2018 elections and picking the right person to run against Trump in 2020.

Women on TV

Every now and then I watch TV, as opposed to DVD or streaming.   And sometimes a woman catches my eye.  The most recent is Christine Ko, the hot Asian chick on “The Great Indoors”, the new show featuring Joel McHale in the main role.  The dude from “Community”.  Anyhow.  When she’s on the screen I can’t take my eyes off her. 

Here are more.

Kat Dennings.   “Two Broke Girls”.  She has a nice pair of attitudes.   The show also has Garrett Morris, the token black guy from first generation SNL.   He’s still as funny as ever.

Sofia Vergara / Sarah Hyland / Ariel Winter.   “Modern Family” has not one but three hot babes (Julie Bowen doesn’t do it for me), with Sofia Vergara being one of the hottest women on the face of the planet.   Ever.  What makes her even better is that she can laugh at herself.  Hyland is also cute, and Winter has developed nicely.  Of course they all do well with some superlative writing to support them.  In fact, everyone on that show is fun to watch, though some for other reasons.

Zooey Deschanel.  “The New Girl”.  I don’t watch this much, but Zooey is always fun to see wherever she is.  She has a nice attitude, which helps. 

Aubrey Plaza.  “Parks & Recreation”.  Always the goth chick, perpetually rolling her eyes.  Funny that she was goth in personality but never actually dressed that way.

Mila Kunis & Laura Prepon.  The bodacious duo from "That 70s Show".  Kunis was cuter but Donna was easier to deal with and a better package.  Kunis remains delicious, so Kelso is a lucky guy.  Prepon is now a brunette on "Orange is the New Black", a show I've ignored - until I learned that Prepon is now a brunette on "Orange is the New Black."

Emily Wickersham.  Bishop on "NCIS".  Very cute blonde with big eyebrows that seem to work for her.  Another one who dominates my attention if she's on the screen, but it's a show I never actually watch - I simply catch it on the screen at the gym.

I’d say they’re all attractive, and a few are a bit top-heavy.  But they have a delicious attitude, each somewhat different, which makes them even more attractive than their beauty or body alone would indicate.  

The Melvins

Back to back musical blogs, due to ever more persistent writers block.   But this band merits attention and is not as well-known as Sammy Hagar.

They started in the late 80s, with Buzz Osborne as the only consistent member.    I call him Sideshow Buzz because of his frizzy hair, which is distinctive.  He’s kind of portly but not excessively so.   He plays guitar and sings.  It’s a raspy growl similar to – but distinguishable from – Lemmy.

The Melvins could be considered grunge.   They’re from Washington State, and Buzz is frequently credited with introducing Kurt Cobain to Krist Novoselic and thereby forming Nirvana.  Musically, Black Sabbath are clearly a major influence, but Buzz takes it in a stranger and more oddball, and highly irreverent, direction, more so than Soundgarden or Alice in Chains.

They have 25 studio albums, of which I have Gluey Porch Treatments, Ozma, Bullhead, Houdini, Tres Cabrones, Hold It In, and Basses Loaded.  So far I like what I’ve heard, and I’ll eventually acquire the rest.  Lori Temple Black, Shirley Temple’s daughter, was on the earlier material. 

I don’t have any Fantomas, which is Buzz’ side project with Mike Patton of Faith No More.   Patton’s non FNM stuff – especially Mr. Bungle – is particularly avante garde and experimental, so much so it seems like an elaborate joke on people, like we’re actually not supposed to like it. 

I managed to catch them recently at the Otto Bar in northeast Baltimore.  Entertaining, but not my favorite band.  I guess I’m getting jaded these days and am less impressed with bands than I used to – with Clutch consistently being the most consistently satisfying, mostly because they tour and put out new material at a furious pace.  If you’re willing to see them, you can probably wind up doing so at least once a year.  Anyhow.   

Sammy Hagar

I was sick recently, and having already blogged about being sick – in addition to being generally uninspired – I waited until now to post.   Especially since I finished reading Hagar’s autobiography.

Montrose.   He started out in this band and is on the first two albums.  Highlights are “Rock Candy” and “I’ve Got The Fire”.  According to Hagar, this was his first major break.  But Ronnie Montrose was insecure and couldn’t handle a singer getting more attention and credit than him, so he had to leave the band and go solo.

Solo.  He went solo fairly early and amassed an impressive volume of material.  We purchased Street Machine, Three Lock Box, and VOA, the latter having “I Can’t Drive 55”.   Our first ever exposure was “Heavy Metal”, from the soundtrack album, which occurs on Standing Hampton.  Nine on the Ten Scale, the first solo album, has a strange vibe to it, but I enjoyed listening to it.

HSAS.  Hagar, Neil Schon (Journey & Santana), Kenny Aaronson and Michael Shreve.   Only one album, plus a cover of “A Whiter Shade of Pale" that I’d like to hear. 

Van Halen.   Here’s the only times I’ve seen SH live:  on the OU812 and F.U.C.K. tours with Van Halen.  Total of four albums:  5150, OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Balance.  Of this material my favorite is “Black & Blue”. 

Chickenfoot.   A supergroup with Chad Smith (RHCP), Michael Anthony, and Joe Satriani.  It refers to the peace symbol and is neither sex, drug, nor car related.  Actually damn heavy and well worth listening to.  The second album is deliberately misleadingly titled III. 

The Circle.  Vic Johnson on guitar, Michael Anthony on bass, Jason Bonham on drums.  Another excellent collaboration.  I’d never heard of Vic Johnson before, but he gets the job done well.  The album has an impressive array of covers and his own material, including “Rock Candy”. 

Cars.   He loves cars, especially Ferraris and late 70s Trans Ams.  The car he bought with his first advance from Montrose was a Citroen 2CV.   “I Can’t Drive 55” is one of my favorite songs.  I’m not aware that he actually knows how to work on them, he sings about going fast but nothing more detailed than that.  He shared Eddie Van Halen's mechanic, which is how he got into that band.    

Mexico.  Give him credit – he went down to Cabo Wabo when there was nothing there, and put something there.  Is his tequila any good?  Who knows.  He smoked weed, did acid, but never cared for heroin or beer.  He also admits not being faithful on the road.   What can he say?  He knows he's human.   All too human.

If I have a problem with Hagar it’s his narrow range of topics.  Moreover, much of his material can’t figure out it it’s meant to rock or be commercial.  I suppose you could say he successfully straddles both, but I’d say only a few songs like “Heavy Metal” truly hit the sweet spot. 

The autobiography is actually intriguing.  By nature these things are self-serving, and too many are full of insincere crap, like blaming all mistakes on someone else.   Brian Johnson’s book makes him look like a buffoon – his OWN BOOK – and Ritchie Blackmore’s documentary also makes him look like an arrogant asshole.  Too many oddball stories about Ian Gillan.  But Hagar seems willing to own up to his own mistakes and take responsibility, presumably because he knows that when it comes time to blame someone else – like Eddie Van Halen – it will sound more sincere.  By now we’ve heard about the meltdown, and I suppose some of us may have heard Eddie’s side.  Without having been there in person, I can’t say I can really say for sure, but Hagar puts his case convincingly.