Orwell Rocks!

Well, really this is a review of Road to Wigan Pier, but since that title is supremely lame for the book itself, I couldn’t use it as the blog title either.

Wigan is a city in England, northwest of Manchester.  It is not on the coast, so the “pier” was just a riverfront with no access to the Atlantic Ocean, much less any beaches.   The title really says almost nothing about what the whole thing was about.  [All I knew about Wigan before this is that they have a soccer team.]

For those of you familiar with only 1984 and Animal Farm, let me clue you in.  Orwell had a substantial volume of nonfiction as well, and remarkably, his non-fiction is at least as entertaining as his fiction.  Mainly it’s because he had such a phenomenal way of describing things, a perpetual WTF attitude, that he could describe paint drying and it would be interesting. 

Up until this point I considered Homage to Catalonia, his “WTF” account of his brief experience in the POUM (non-Stalinist, socialist militia) in the Spanish Civil War, to be his best nonfiction.  He was in Barcelona in May 1937 when the various Republican factions – Fascists miles away – took shots at each other.  If you want to know about the Spanish Civil War, read this one.

Anyhow.  In Road, he goes up to northern England and visits different cities, notably Wigan, but also Sheffield (home of Def Leppard, not mentioned herein).  In particular he went into the coal mines to see what that was like.  As a tall guy, he had a hard time.  He came away with a much better understanding, tactically, of what coal miners do.  But he also came away with a better understanding of the bigger picture of working class relations in that part of the country.  There’s really no substitute for actually going somewhere to see with your own eyes, hear with your ears, smell with your own nose, taste with your own tongue, and feel with your own appropriate body part, what is actually going on. 

In the second half of the book, he takes issue with the contemporary socialist movement.  At that time – 1937 – Hitler and Mussolini were well in power, but so was Stalin in the USSR.  Capitalist democracies appeared helpless to fight the two extremes (what he would say once the US entered the war, might be something else).  One thing he noticed was that very few socialists were actually FROM the working class.  Most were bourgeois.  Another thing he noticed is that very few of these bourgeois socialists had ever even met, much less associated with, any members of the working class they professed to champion.  To the contrary, they could not bring themselves to shed their existing unease and contempt for these folk.  Moreover, on the few occasions in which they did, they could not resist acting as snobs, intellectual and otherwise, and using Marxist jargon, and going on about how great Stalin was and what a wonderful place the Soviet Union was.  The perverse result was that too many workers, whose interests were served by the socialists and opposed by the fascists - and were often even able to recognize that for themselves - were driven into the enemy's arms by the spectacularly poor job the socialists did of selling their cause.  Socialist Facepalm.  

I recall a Nation article ages ago written by Michael Moore.  Yeah, the fat “Roger & Me” guy.  He bitched about ivory tower socialist intellectuals who never come near a factory worker, wrapped up in Marxist ideology and jargon – “proletariat”, “bourgeois”, “class consciousness”, etc. – none of which means anything to the GM, Ford, and Chrysler workers who the socialists are trying to reach.   His advice (copying Orwell’s): “Hang out with them, go to a hockey game, go hunting with them.  Talk about how the company is screwing them over.  Whatever you do, don’t go on about Marxism.”  I assume Moore had read Road, as Orwell said the same thing to his colleagues in England in 1937. 

Orwell also reviews much of the contemporary socialist literature, plus H.G. Wells and Aldous Huxley (Brave New World).  Again, I found his analysis of the contemporary situation and his fellow socialists to be riveting.  What I find especially refreshing is his ability to concede points and play devil’s advocate. 

I’m not now, nor have I ever been a socialist, and I doubt I ever will be.  However, by far the most persuasive case that can be made, is made by Orwell.   His closest contemporary equivalents are Christopher Hitchens (RIP) and Michael Moore.  Neither are very persuasive; both are too arrogant, too stuck up, too self-satisfied.  I’m not aware they were coordinating on the same team, though Hitchens seemed to fight the more intellectual capitalists while Moore focused on the trenches, as it were.  I don’t consider either to be particularly effective.  Judging by the outcome last November, Moore did a poor job getting the American proletariat to oppose Donald Trump.  What’s even more remarkable, and what Orwell was noting in his own time, is that most of Trump’s opposition, and Hillary’s support, came from people we’d describe as bourgeois:  upper class white people.  In fact, much of what Orwell describes in 1937 could also apply to 2017 – a surprising amount.  I have to wonder how recently Bernie Sanders or Jill Stein have consulted Orwell.  Not recently, it seems…if at all.  Then again, I doubt Trump is even aware of Orwell’s existence, much less having read any of his books.

As for my own readers, I would advise everyone, socialist or not, to read this book if they haven’t already.  Orwell’s analysis is superb.  It’s witty.  It’s funny (far more so than 1984 or Animal Farm).  Non-socialists will probably enjoy reading Orwell take the piss out of his fellow socialists.  And the socialists among you may well enjoy Orwell’s wit and honesty. 

Or maybe not.  

Metallica Returns!

The premier San Francisco thrash band kicked off their newest US tour of their latest album, Hardwired…to Self-Destruct in Baltimore, Maryland, of all places, at M&T Bank Stadium (home of the Baltimore Ravens) of all places, attended by my brother and I, of all people.   Oh, and few thousand others, of which we knew only a college suitemate up in the ozone rafters, section 5 million something, with his teenage son (and we did not cross paths – too bad).

First off, thank the Almighty One Upstairs for giving us clear, decent weather – neither hot nor cold – for what was for everyone an outdoor event.   Gone are the days of Metallica playing basketball/hockey arenas indoors – in any case the tour is coinciding with the NBA Playoffs and the Stanley Cup.   Whether you got seats up in the ozone or some “Hetfield leans over to kiss you” pit tickets, you were outdoors.  And the weather, as previously noted, cooperated.  Hallelujah!

Second, I would like to thank my brother Matt for arranging this: not merely paying for my ticket, but also navigating the substantially complex minefield of options available when purchasing a ticket for a large venue for an established band, an endeavor considerably trickier than simply buying general admission tickets for a small club show.  Also, he drove us up to Baltimore in rush hour traffic (and back).  Over the years, since our first show together for either of us, AC/DC in October 1984, he has been my most consistent concert companion (always avoid alliteration).  That remains true even today, when I’m seeing more shows in the NYC area or concerts by jam bands and stoner rock bands, a taste Matt does not share.  Although I’d say it’s more accurate to say my tastes have expanded rather than changed, because Dead and SunnO))) shows are in addition to, not instead of, Metallica and Iron Maiden. 

Third, since this was the first stop on the tour, I’ll refrain from revealing the setlist, which is available on Setlist.fm anyway for those of you who are curious.  If Metallica has adopted its SF comrades the Grateful Dead’s policy of changing setlists from show to show, it would be news to me.  The only non-jam bands which do so are Clutch and Pearly Jam.  However, I can’t help sharing that the Spanish Civil War – Republicans with Mosin-Nagants, Fascists with Mausers – made its appearance, as did WWI, though the flat helmeted US doughboys got an unexpected upgrade, trudging past Mark IVs carrying M1 Garands, Thompson SMGs, and bazookas to blow apart the few A7Vs and captured Mark IVs they may have encountered in spring through fall of 1918.  Guess which songs these images relate to, and decide whether the answers surprise you.   Also, for those of you pining for Cliff Burton, there was a tribute of sorts to him.  It looks like Robert Trujillo understands he has big shoes to fill.  As Jason Newsted understood as well. 

Fourth, the opening acts.  I was busy trying to purchase a Baltimore-specific Metallica tour shirt (the one I managed to purchase, after much frustration and difficulty, was a Ravens-inspired variant) while Volbeat were playing, but we managed to catch Avenged Sevenfold.   Oddly, I have several of their albums, including the newest.  They sound like they decided to take Metallica as a startoff and add as much other stuff as their limited talent and imagination could produce, which is not a whole lot.  But it was the visual spectacle which sealed it for me:  mohawk, sleeve tattoos, skinny jeans, v-neck t-shirt, backwards baseball cap.  Like One Direction on steroids.  For an opening act, alleged sellouts Metallica picked a band that makes them look like an honest garage band on their first tour.  Bravo, James & Co.

Fifth: Metallica themselves.  Sadly at my age I’m often looking at my watch during concerts.  At a truly good show the watch on my wrist is forgotten.   As it was here.  Truth be told, James & Co. were a little rusty (particularly on the older songs they weren’t in the studio recently recording), but the mistakes show they’re not lip-syncing.  The energy and fun were definitely there.   Hetfield brings his modest but discernable wit and sincerity to the mix, but keeps the BS to a minimum as they let the music do the talking.  No remarkable surprises, but I think I speak for all veteran Metallica fans when I say the show was superb and well worth whatever you paid and whatever inconveniences you endured (again, thank God for the weather).

They had a huge stage with immense screens behind them, with a huge M on the left and an A on the right.  In addition to imagery from videos, it also showed the band members performing (including one past member, obviously not in real time absent some serious necromancy), which probably helped those too far away to see the band members on stage.   They had a middle ramp going forward through the crowd, like we’ve seen at a few AC/DC shows.  Despite the epic size and scale, it remained fairly simple, but the band couldn’t resist some FUEL & FIRE and eventually some fireworks.  There were a few other gimmicks I’ll decline to reveal.  Again, well done, impressive, a splendid time etc. etc. etc.

Here's another cool thing.  Towards the end of the set, Hetfield asked the audience whether they’d seen Metallica before or not.  Judging by the response, the mix was roughly 50/50 – which surprised Hetfield as well as me.  So half the crowd was seeing the band for the first time, although they’ve been around since 1983 (as I note below, our first show was in 1985).  

Previous shows.  Here I can share without spoiling the surprise.  In reverse order:

4/8/1997.   Load Tour, USAir Arena, Largo, MD.  Remarkably, it’s been 20 years since I’ve seen Metallica.  That tour I was working in Falls Church, we all had day jobs, and it was a weekday show, so Beltway traffic meant we missed the opening act, Corrosion of Conformity.   Towards the end of the set an “accident” occurred which doused the lights, and the band continued the show “in their garage” – though minus Dave Mustaine and Ron McGovney. 

7/17/1992.   Metallica (Black Album) Tour, RFK Stadium, DC.   Joint show with Guns N’Roses, Faith No More opening.   We were on the field, which was one huge mosh pit.  You had to fight nonstop with the entire audience.   Screw that.   We went up into the bleachers and watched the rest of the show from there.   We ended up leaving during the GNR set, before they played “Estranged”.   I’ll have to see about revisiting GNR to correct that.

4/1/1992.   Metallica (Black Album) Tour, Capital Centre, Largo, MD.  I don’t remember much about this, except that we had reserved seating and didn’t have a mosh scene to endure.

3/9/1990.   And Justice For All Tour, Capital Centre, Largo, MD.  I went to this show with Ken.  Shortly before the show, I got the single which had “Breadfan” (Budgie cover) as the b-side, and the band actually played it.  Ken was thrilled to be familiar with one song which must have baffled much of the audience.  I seem to recall a statue of justice crumbling as part of the stage spectacle.

6/10/1988.  $5.98 Garage Days Re-Revisited EP Tour, RFK Stadium, DC.  Van Halen’s Monsters of Rock.  Jason Newsted’s debut.  This was just months before And Justice For All came out.  The lineup was Kingdom Come, Metallica, Dokken, the Scorpions, and Van Halen, the latter with Sammy Hagar on their OU812 tour.  We arrived during Metallica’s set.  With the new album not out yet, their set was older songs and no previews, but “Last Caress” (Misfits) from the EP.  For me, it was the first show with Jason Newsted on bass.  The crowd got extremely rambunctious during Van Halen’s set, setting fires in the bleachers, leading Hagar to have the house lights turned on.  Crazy, man.

During the summer of 1986, Ozzy Osbourne toured the US, with Metallica opening on their Master of Puppets tour.  They played Merriweather Post Pavilion that August.  Our parents wouldn’t let us go.  However, the following February, 1987, Metallica toured Europe as a headliner with new bassist Jason Newsted taking over for Cliff Burton, who had died the prior September (famous bus accident).  I was in Maryland for my freshman year at University of Maryland, College Park, while Matt was finishing his senior year at ASP, our high school.  Matt not only saw the show on February 5, 1987, at the Zenith in Paris, he sent me a concert t-shirt.

8/17/1985.  Ride the Lightning Tour, Donington Monsters of Rock Festival, England, UK.  Our first show, and one of our first concerts.  We were in London in August 1985, and the festival was going on at that time.  The US Embassy had a group going, with a rented tour bus, leaving from the Navy Annex in downtown London at the crack of dawn that Saturday morning.  Our father got up very early, drove us from southwest London to the Annex in our hosts’ right hand drive car (fortunately streets deserted at that time) in time for the bus, and picked us up equally late when we returned.

Matt and I arrived around 11 a.m.  I bought the only Metallica shirt they had, “METAL UP YOUR ASS”, which horrified my parents (yes, knife sticking up from toilet) and which I only wore to school on the very last day, by accident.  More recently I bought an XL version since the Donington one no longer fits.  We listened to Magnum with modest interest, sincere interest for RATT.   Then was Metallica, easily the heaviest band on the bill that day, but none too popular, as the crowd threw bottles and cans at them, forcing the band to duck periodically as they played.  Even “Am I Evil” didn’t seem to help.  We certainly enjoyed James, Kirk, Cliff (!!!!) and Lars.  But a crowd which loves Fish & Marillion was unlikely to enjoy this brutal band from San Francisco.  

[Recently, a friend of mine from Ottawa, Canada provided me with bootlegs not only of Tool (10,000 Days tour) but also of Metallica on this tour (Ride the Lightning, Oakland Park 8/31/85), with the same setlist (Creeping Death, Ride the Lightning, For Whom The Bell Tolls, The Four Horsemen, Fade to Black, Seek and Destroy, Whiplash, Motorbreah, and Am I Evil).   Later, college suitemate Bill provided me with a bootleg of the Donington show itself.  Thanks, Diane & Bill!]

From then on it was Bon Jovi (ignored, I took a nap), Marillion – who are these guys?  As noted, they were much more popular at the festival than Metallica – though nowadays NOT playing M&T Bank Stadium with Steve Hogarth – and finally the headliner ZZTop, though by that time I was exhausted and resting in the tour bus waiting to go home.  It was one of our first shows, our first festival, and an experience we will never forget.  And thanks to blogs such as these, I can make sure my readers don’t forget either.

Over the Orca

Recently I watched two films on DVD which have some sentimental connection, but are otherwise independent of each other. 

Over the Hedge.  This is a 2006 animated film.   In August ’06, I was in Bucharest, Romania, visiting a particularly attractive, sexy, but also very difficult woman, Gia.   Apparently she had a Romanian boyfriend I soon learned about – in addition to her Dutch husband living in Holland AND a French lover she’d been living with in Bucharest while married to the Dutch guy but who had recently returned to France - a seriously complicated social life.  This Romanian guy, Adrian, was married, but for whatever reason could not leave his wife for Gia.  However, apparently he had promised her that if she left me, he would leave his wife and marry her.  So despite my coming across the globe and renting an apartment in downtown Bucharest, she moved out (back in with her sister, who lived nearby) to placate Adrian, thereby giving me considerable free time to kill before returning the US and never returning to Romania again, for Gia or for anyone else.   This movie was playing in the local theater, so I went to see it.

Bruce Willis plays RJ, a devious raccoon who managed to destroy the entire winter stash of junk food accumulated by a particularly nasty bear, Vincent (voiced by Nick Nolte).  In exchange for Vincent sparing his life, RJ agrees to replenish the stash.  To do so, he needs to persuade an unwitting group of forest animals to cross a hedge into a residential neighborhood and steal the food from the kitchen of the subdivision’s nastiest woman, the HOA president (voiced by Allison Janey).  She’s assisted by the local exterminator, voiced by Thomas Hayden Church, best known from “Wings”.  The animals include a hyperactive squirrel, Hammy (Steve Carrell), an anal-retentive and risk-averse turtle (Gary Schandling), a porcupine couple (Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara, obviously teaming up for the first time ever), and an impressively overacting opossum (William Shatner) and his daughter (Avril Lavigne). 

Needless to say, stuff happens.  Some of it is funny.  It’s worth watching once.   Since the film was fairly recent (11 years ago) I remembered most of it, but not really so much in terms of the Romanian angle – which is probably more interesting than this film.  Anyhow.

Orca the Killer Whale.  This movie came out in 1977.  We saw it once, and once only, and the only time we (our family, or for that matter, I) ever saw a movie at a drive-in movie theater.   That theater was on 355, Rockville Pike, just north of the Montgomery County (Maryland) courthouse complex.  It’s now long gone, as is the Volvo dealer and the Hechingers which used to be close by as well.

Richard Harris – oldsters will remember him as King Arthur in “Camelot”, younger viewers may recall his last role as Dumbledore in the earlier “Harry Potter” films – plays a whaling captain in Newfoundland, Canada, though originally from Ireland.   He managed to kill a pregnant female killer whale and its baby, enraging a male killer whale, presumably the father/husband/boyfriend/male life partner.  This MKW embarked on an elaborate campaign, showing sufficient intelligence to support this entire movie and its implausible and tiresome plot.  

First the whale caused major trouble in the little fishing village in Newfoundland where the Captain sought refuge.  Jaws eats a helicopter?  MKW: "Hold my beer".  This whale manages to destroy the fuel depot for the village, resulting in a huge night time explosion.  Yeah.  And he almost kills Bo Derek by knocking out the supports of a house stilted over the harbor.  Finally the now-unpopular Captain realizes he has to bring the dispute out onto the high seas, and there the MKW leads him and his crew all the way to the Arctic for a final showdown.  

Incidentally, the primary female character (Charlotte Rampling) is a fairly arrogant marine biologist who treats Captain with contempt: “you fishermen are cluelessly screwing with the ecosystem”, all that nonsense.  Eventually even she becomes horrified by the whale’s behavior.  But both her and the Captain realize that apologizing to the whale is not an option.

I won’t spoil anything, but suffice to say a resolution is achieved.  Will it satisfy anyone?  Only so far as the movie finally ends.   Enough.  Other notable co-stars are Bo “10” Derek (fully clothed, sorry), and Will Sampson, better known as Big Chief in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.  

Catholic Churches

As you may be aware, I’ve been zipping around to different churches, all Catholic.   In Falls Church, Virginia, the main two I go to are St Thomas More, which is the cathedral for the diocese of Arlington, and St. Anthony of Padua, which is a bit closer, just down Route 7 in a muito amigo zone.  In Fort Lee, NJ, it’s Madonna.  New Jersey’s diocese is based in Newark, so I’ll have to check out the cathedral there, and while I’ve been to St. Patrick’s in Manhattan, I’ve never been there for mass.

Of course the big daddy is St. Peter’s in Rome.   That’s a bit too far to go just for Sunday mass.  When I did visit Rome in 1981 on a school trip, we visited St. Peter’s, but did not actually attend mass there, nor did we meet Pope John Paul II.   The church bells for St. Peter’s are timed and sound exactly like the intro to “Hell’s Bells.”  AC/DC went to the source! 

The closest thing around here is the Shrine over by Catholic University, which is very fancy and even a bit Byzantine in architecture.  It also has a cafeteria and gift shop.  I should try to get over there more often.

Format.   Cross.   You would think ALL churches have this format, but it seems only the oldest and biggest even bother.   This is my favorite.  It’s super churchy, you know what I mean?  Jesus is IN THE HOUSE.

T.   This could also be considered a “headless cross”.  That is, a headless cross is really just a T.   Imagine that Black Sabbath album considerably simplified:  T, with Tony Martin.  Title track: “at the T….!”   Doesn’t work as well.  Anyhow.   A close relative of the cross.  Not too bad.

Box.  Ok, now we’re getting more like a club with seating.  Either you’re a small one room church from the 1700 or 1800s, or you just gave up. 

Amphitheater.   Sort of like a big clamshell.  St. Anthony of Padua has this one, as does St. Timothy in Centreville.  This strikes me as the least traditional format, and more like a regular, secular venue for music and events.  They copied Merriweather Post Pavilion.

Pews.   The older churches have plain wooden benches.  The newer ones have padded cushions.   That makes it easier to nap during the homily.

Wine?  I’m baffled that this isn’t standard.  I take the wine, every time it’s offered.  Just a sip.  Is it my imagination, or is the proportion of the congregation opting for the wine mostly female?  Looks that way to me.  

 

Homily.  I wish I had my Dad’s former homilies from the late 50s and early 60s.  I’m sure he wasn’t nearly as dull as 90% of the priests operating on Sunday.   I realize that when you’re dealing with a narrow range of subject matter – God, Jesus, sin, etc. – and a limited source of inspiration – the same Gospels we’ve been hearing for the last 2000 years - I suppose not every priest can be as riveting or exciting as Joel Osteen.   But so many fall so short.  I use this time to contemplate my own situation and ascertain what I should be thankful for, and what I should pray for.   How to improve, etc.  That is, if I’m awake.

There was ONE notable exception.  At St. Thomas More, the priest responsible for paying the bills might give the sermon.  Then you knew the topic:  COUGH UP, people.  “This A/C isn’t cheap!  It didn’t come from Jesus!  Open your wallets, people!  And we need a new roof.  The second envelope is for that.”

Peace Be With You.  This is late in the mass, leading up to communion.  Everyone shakes hands and tells each other “peace be with you”, a gracious benediction to the fellow strangers, all presumably fellow Catholics, attending mass with you.  To their credit, most people, even small children, are eager and happy to do so.  The challenge is figuring out how to coordinate 360 degrees with various people, even crossing arms.  It’s a mess, but we get it done.

However, a remarkable segment remain shy and reticent.  Tax collectors!  Sinners in our midst!  Maybe even lepers!  I had one woman pissed because I dropped the kneeler on her foot when prayer & kneeling time came around.  She didn’t forget that.  No “peace be with you” from her.  She couldn’t wait for mass to end to be vengeful and unforgiving.    

Guess the Accent.   Maybe I’m in the wrong churches, but I’m not hearing any Irish, Italian, or even Polish priests.   There’s a basic group of generic American priests, and then there’s the ethnic priest with a weird accent.   Philippines?  Senegal?  Vietnam?  Nicaragua?  Mexico?   A priest from some country that used to be a colony of a European country that’s mainly Catholic.   That means France, Spain, Portugal (overseas colonies of Poland?  Huh?).   A history lesson when you attend mass. 

Sometimes I’ve actually opted out of English mass.  Due to scheduling, I went to a Spanish mass, at St. Anthony of Padua, which was PACKED.  And the priest’s sermon was much better at keeping the congregation awake than the English speaking priest.  No one was dozing off, they were all glued.  Spanish is close enough to Portuguese that I could pick it up if I was sufficiently motivated.  Apparently not.  Also, out of idle curiosity, I went to the Vietnamese church nearby.  Of course the whole thing was in Vietnamese (what’s his accent? Saigon? Hue? Hanoi?).   But I knew when to say the Our Father, which I said in English.  The homily was scarcely less intelligible. 

Years ago we attended a Latin mass over by Paterson, NJ.  You would think that’s simple enough because the Latin parts are the standard parts.  But this had a different format which had me lost completely.  If my Dad were around he could explain whether the format changed when they switched to vernacular (a change I knew he didn’t agree with, but of course he wasn’t the Pope).  Anyhow.  

The Three Body Problem Trilogy

A few months ago, Reason Magazine reviewed a remarkable new work of science fiction, The Three Body Problem, by Cixin Liu, and translated from the Mandarin Chinese by Ken Liu.  The premise is that we are not alone:  another advanced civilization, approximately 4 light years away from us, needs help.  With one sun, we’re OK.  Even a binary star system would be stable.  But three suns – the three bodies – is inherently unstable.  The aliens of Trisolaris, as they end up being called, need a better place to live.

The catch is, while they might prefer to take our planet and enjoy the stability of our sun, don’t expect them to share.  Nope, it means GAME OVER for us here on Earth.  Or does it? 

Fortunately for the narrative, we manage to develop hibernation technology, so many major characters can survive for several centuries.  Unfortunately for us, the Trisolarans have much better technology which they’re not inclined to share with us.  Much of the story is a back-and-forth of conflict, negotiation, cooperation, and disputes between the two. 

Not only that, there are still MORE civilizations out there.  And you can bet – you can assume – they are irredeemably hostile to us.  Indeed, they consider us to be cockroaches to be squished out of existence without a second thought.   That is, if they ever learn of our existence….

“Trilogy” means that the fun and excitement of The Three Body Problem continues in The Dark Forest (book 2 of the trilogy) and finally Death’s End (book three).   Thanks to the aforementioned hibernation technology, many of the same characters continue over the centuries.

This being a Chinese story, most of the characters are Chinese.  Of the non-Chinese characters, there are quite a few important ones, but they are tangential.  Does it compromise the story?  Not at all, mainly because it’s been translated into English – with a few footnotes as necessary.  Given the scale and scope of the story, the specific nationalities are not really important.  When the entire human race faces extinction – in fact, the entire Solar System - why do we care what our passports say?

Many of us take psychoactive drugs.  Many of us don’t.  Of those who don’t, and who know those who do, we are content to enjoy their experiences vicariously.  Many of these experiences are captured in musical form, such as Pink Floyd, the Grateful Dead, Hawkwind, and other such psychedelic bands.  Actually, virtual reality looks like the best way these days to do so, but I haven’t seen it reach that point yet.  In written form, it’s often comic books (e.g. Dr. Strange, which was my favorite) or science fiction.  Up until now, I considered Philip K. Dick to be the strangest, most psychedelic of the science fiction authors.  Indeed, LSD and other drugs were common elements of his stories.   But PKD now has a major competitor, a worthy heir, in the form of Cixin Liu.  While the first two books are certainly strange, it’s the third book (Death’s End) where things get extremely strange.  If it’s possible to actually trip on a book, this comes as close as you can to that.  On the other hand, PKD includes some pretty twisted humor and sarcasm, which are absent here.  But the two are mutually complimentary rather than exclusive.

By the way, The Three Body Problem is being made into a movie, in China.  It’s due to be released in 3D, sometime in 2017.  If anyone sees the trailer, please let me know.

Kyle MacLachlan

I recently finished watching “Twin Peaks”, and then re-watched “The Doors”.   I have “Dune” and “Blue Velvet” on DVD.  I thought I’d seen the last of Kyle MacLachlan until I started watching “Portlandia” and discovered that he plays the Mayor, just as clueless as everyone else.   Fortunately.

He must have the same idea as Shatner, who told his agent, “put me in as many shows and movies as you can.  I’ll do anything if they pay me.”  Here are what I consider his most memorable roles; for the complete list, consult IMDB.

Dune (Paul Atreides).  For some reason this film gets lots of flak, but I like it.  David Lynch really makes it strange and compelling with his “Twin Peaks” touch.  Another group took a shot at doing “Dune” as a sci-fi miniseries much later and I couldn’t endure more than 5 seconds of it.   To me, this is the definitive version, never mind what Frank Herbert says.   In addition to KM’s first role, this also has Jurgen Prochnow, Patrick Stewart, Sean Young, Max von Sydow, and STING (!!!) as Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen.

 

Blue Velvet (Jeffrey Beaumont).  Another weird film by David Lynch.  Laura Dern, Isabella Rossellini, and the incomparable Dennis Hopper as the psycho bad-ass.  This was the first film I ever saw him in, so I had to adjust to seeing him in “Easy Rider”.  The odd thing about this film is that I couldn’t figure out if it took place in the 50s or in a small town so backwards and stunted that it was in the present but looked like it was in the 50s.  Anyhow.  Messed up, but worth seeing once.  I think I first saw this as a midnight movie at the Hoff Theater at University of Maryland, College Park.

Twin Peaks (Agent Dale Cooper).  If he does nothing else, he’ll be known for this role.  And it’s back for another season (#3) on Showtime.  I could do without his incessant coffee compliments, but hopefully we’ll see what really happened to Cooper.

The Doors (Ray Manzarek).  This time it’s Oliver Stone instead of David Lynch – imagine what the latter would have done with this subject.  With Val Kilmer being over the top as Morrison, everyone else is in his shadow (i.e. Frank Whaley as Robby Krieger, Kevin Dillon as John Dennsmore, and Meg Ryan as Pamela Courson).  I’d say he did a decent job without being superlative or particularly memorable:  Manzarek as the anchor of stability and wisdom to Morrison’s chaos and pathos, better able to do so than Krieger or Dennsmore.  The Doors could not work without Manzarek, regardless of how much they relied upon Morrison for the substance of their music – Apollo to Morrison’s Dionysus, Spock to Morrison’s Kirk.  I still haven’t seen any evidence that Morrison was anything but a conceited, self-centered jerk – however, with the notable exception that he resisted offers to establish a solo band and remained faithful to his comrades.  Arguably that balances out his excesses. (Discuss.)

Sex & the City AND Desperate Housewives.   Remarkably, he was in BOTH of these.  In “Sex” he was Charlotte’s (Kim Davis) quasi-impotent husband.  I say “quasi” because it seems they lifted David Cassidy’s preferences to use here.  When Cassidy was asked why he never dated Susan Dey (who played Laurie Partridge), he responded that “she was too innocent: she lacked that slutty quality I was looking for in girls at the time.”  In “DH”, he was Bree’s second husband, Orson Hodge, which was a whole different mess.

Portlandia. Mayor of Portland.  Just as clueless and dippy as any of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s characters.  Here his context is to constantly be in competition with Seattle.  Imagine Agent Cooper retired and became mayor of Portland.

To be honest, I don’t see an amazing range in his acting or roles, but it’s clear he can switch between straight roles with no quirks or eccentricity, and those which require some touch of those elements.  Whatever role he’s in, you’re drawn into his character without losing sight of the story itself, which is how an actor should be.  I look forward to Season 3 of Twin Peaks, however I might be able to see it.

Heavy Metal

Here’s yet another remarkable topic:  previously untouched (Dana Carvey as Robin Leach: “I don’t know WHYYY!”) and practically writing itself.  I suppose the critical mass was seeing the sequel and digesting its soundtrack album. 

There are not one, but two films based on the sci-fi cartoon magazine.  That started in 1977 in the US and is still published today.  The main topic is science fiction, of course, but there’s a fair amount of nudity and sex as well, which makes it a modest substitute for porn when you’re too young to buy porn. (Not that I would know.)  It’s based on a French comics magazine, Metal Hurlant (Screaming Metal), which started in 1975.  So let’s give the French credit for something cooler than wine and 2CVs. 

Heavy Metal (1981 film).  We saw this in the movie theater in Paris in 1982.  I was 13 at the time, and Paris had two levels of rating:  “Interdit au moins 18 ans” (forbidden to those under 18 years old, essentially rated X or NC17, 90% applicable to porn movies, 10% to ultraviolent films, and in all my time in Paris, even returning after I turned 18, I never saw a single AUM18 film in the movie theater); and “interdit au moins 14 ans” (forbidden to those under 14 years old, essentially PG-13).  The box office sold me a ticket without a fuss, the usher let me in without a fuss.  Also, no problem for my brother, who was 12 at the time.  Paris!

Several unrelated segments.

1.         Intro.  Corvette descends from space, driver is the scientist, who deposits the Loc-Nar at home, only to be devoured by it.  The Loc-Nar then begins narrating its story to the scientist’s horrified daughter.

2.         Harry Canyon.  A cab driver from NYC in 2031 (not Bruce Willis) picks up an attractive woman escaping thugs with the Loc-Nar.  She stays with him and rewards him with cartoon sex.  Eventually she makes a deal to sell the Loc-Nar to some scumbags but screws up in trying to betray Harry.  Bitch.

3.         Den.  Nerdy teenager (brilliantly voiced by John Candy) is teleported to a fantasy word where he becomes a bald Conan-type guy, Den.  He befriends a hot chick – more cartoon sex.  They’re captured by a quasi gay guy who wants Den to steal the Loc-Nar from a sexy but evil Queen.  Den agrees, has more cartoon sex – this time with the Queen – and the Loc-Nar is stolen again.  Both QGG and EQ are defeated, and Den rides away with the Hot Chick, refusing to take possession or control of the Loc-Nar. 

Ok, that’s it for the cartoon sex, for those looking for that.  But much more fun is still in store…

4.         Captain Stern.  Stern (Eugene Levy) is on trial for various misdeeds, ignoring his lawyer (Joe Flaherty) advising him to plead guilty.  “I have an angle”, Stern assures him.  Indeed he does:  the prosecution’s star witness, Hanover Fist, has agreed to change his testimony.  But the Loc-Nar interferes, turning meek, humble Fist into an angry beast testifying AGAINST Stern and then chasing him throughout the space station to the tune of “Reach Out” (Cheap Trick).  Finally Stern manages to resolve the situation.  [Or did he?  Fist had already testified against him, and I seem to recall a court reporter at trial.  Hmmm.....]  Note: the prosecutor was voiced by John Vernon, best known as Dean Wormer in “Animal House”.

5.         B-17.  A WWII B-17 winds up taken over by zombies, thanks to – guess what – the Loc-Nar.  A short segment made memorable by “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” by Don Felder.

6.         So Beautiful & So Dangerous.  A hot secretary is rescued (?) from the Pentagon by a huge, spherical, space ship piloted by two stoners (Harold Ramis’ classic line: "Look, man, if there's one thing I know, it's how to drive when I'm stoned").  She hooks up with a robot, voiced by...John Candy.  Not much on action, but the soundtrack entries include “All Of You” (Don Felder) and “Heavy Metal” (Sammy Hagar).

7.         Taarna.  The covergirl, an Amazon warrior, avenges a city destroyed by a Mob (“Rules”) warped and corrupted by the Loc-Nar.  Victory is gained, at a price.  One of the longest, and most serious pieces (no discernable humor) which caps off the movie.

8.         End.  The young girl at the beginning of the film gets a serious upgrade.  And that’s it. 

Soundtrack.  It’s rare that a movie soundtrack is this good – good enough to listen to independently of the film.  It was our first introduction to Sammy Hagar, Blue Oyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Don Felder (who I didn’t know had been in The Eagles), and most of the others.  Despite the name, not all these songs are heavy, and very few truly qualify as “heavy metal”.

Track Listing:  Heavy Metal (Hagar); Heartbeat (Riggs); Working In the Coal Mine (Devo); Veteran of the Psychic Wars (Blue Oyster Cult); Reach Out (Cheap Trick); Heavy Metal (Taking a Ride) (Don Felder); True Companion (Donald Fagen); Crazy (A Suitable Case For Treatment)(Nazareth); Radar Rider (Riggs); Open Arms (Journey); Queen Bee (Grand Funk Railroad); I Must Be Dreaming (Cheap Trick); The Mob Rules (Alternate Version) (Black Sabbath); All of You (Don Felder); Prefabricated (Trust); Blue Lamp (Stevie Nicks). 

Comments.  This led us to get into Sammy Hagar, years before he joined Van Halen.  I wasn’t impressed with the two Riggs songs, or the two Cheap Trick songs, for that matter.  While we never got into Devo, their contribution, itself a cover, was very amusing and entertaining (Lord, I am SO tired…).  The BOC song led us into BOC.  I tried in vain to find the Felder album those two tracks came from, only to discover they were written expressly for this soundtrack.  Too bad, because they’re MUCH better than his solo albums, or even his Eagles material.  Thank God he plays “Heavy Metal (Taking A Ride)” live these days.   “Queen Bee” is a lousy excuse for a GFR song and led me AWAY from that band until much later.  Their earlier material is much better, and they have better songs than the annoyingly persistent “We’re An American Band”.  “Open Arms” is the quintessential slow dance number for our school dances.  Oh, while I prefer Ozzy to Dio, I don’t have an issue with the albums they did with him, EXCEPT that I hate “The Mob Rules”.  “True Companion”, “Blue Lamp”, “Prefabricated”, and “Crazy (A Suitable Case for Treatment)” were all fairly mediocre and I only picked them up ages later.  None induced me to look into the respective bands responsible.

By the way:  the original plan was to have Blue Oyster Cult do the entire soundtrack.  Along the way obviously that changed, but consider their album Fire of Unknown Origin to be the template.  “Heavy Metal: Black & Silver”, “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”, and “Vengeance: The Pact” on that album are obvious giveaways.  If you’re moving on to BOC from Heavy Metal, start with this album.

Heavy Metal 2000.  Instead of a series of independent segments loosely tied together with the Loc-Nar as the common thread, this is one continuous story.   What’s more remarkable is that the main female character is not only voiced by Penthouse Amazon Julie Strain, but they also use her actual likeness.  The bad guy is voiced by Michael Ironside, who takes a perverse delight in playing nasty villains.  Billy Idol also plays a major role.  The story itself is not bad, with enough nudity to make it interesting.  Overall a poor sequel but decent enough to watch once.

HM2K Soundtrack.   Unlike the original soundtrack, which was all over the place and fairly eclectic, this one is firmly in the hardcore heavy metal theme.  However, I didn’t find it all that great.  The tracks by Monster Magnet, KMFDM, Pantera, and Queens of the Stone Age were the best, and Bauhaus’ contribution was surprising and good.  The rest was nu-metal nonsense, especially Insane Clown Posse (eye roll x100). 

Since 2008, a third movie has been in production, with some well established directors on board to direct specific sequences, which implies a return to the original format of loosely connected sections.  As of 2014 it’s still in the works, notwithstanding prior delays.  Stay tuned.