Back to School at George Mason University

Nursing a damaged tongue – for which I sought treatment at the local ER on Wednesday and was discharged the same day – while staying home from work, away from my office manager, Nancy, and secretary, Jane.   I went into work briefly, just to make sure there was nothing crucial that needed to be done.  Then I went home and watched “Back to School”.   What a hoot to see Robert Downey, Jr. as Derek, much younger than he is these days.  Terry Ferrell is also nice to look at.  :D

The only mail was the GMU newsletter, with a picture of the undergraduate campus from 1969, back when the school had just begun.

My intro to GMU came in July 1986 – probably around the time we saw “Back to School”, released in June 1986.   I came back from Paris to start college at University of Maryland, College Park that fall.  My best friend, Phil, had moved back to the US two years earlier and finished high school at Park View HS in Sterling, Virginia.  When we arrived in Virginia, we called his parents, who told us he was off on a camping trip with his buddy Jeff, and that he’d be going to “George Mason University” – which I’d never heard of.   Soon enough, I found out where it was – right in Fairfax.  With the University of Virginia located down in Charlottesville (southwest of Richmond), what passes for the University of Northern Virginia is a former community college which finally got bumped up to four your status with graduate schools, including a law school.   George Mason himself was one of the founding fathers, who helped write the Bill of Rights.  Apparently he's not around anymore these days, except in name.

For his freshman year, Phil was living in Dominion Hall, switched to the apartments on campus for sophomore year – during which time I met his comrade Greenside, who became my comrade through law school.   By junior year Phil was living off campus, but he graduated on time from GMU his senior year, on schedule.  I also wound up meeting Victor and Mariano, Phil’s GMU comrades from Costa Rica, so the GMU angle resulted in a good expansion of circle of friends. 

When it came time for me to go to law school, my LSAT scores were lower than I’d hoped, dooming my plans to attend a top tier law school – and be a top tier lawyer.  Around spring break of my senior year, when the “we wish you luck somewhere else” letters from Harvard, Georgetown, etc. came in, my father advised me that a second tier law school might be a good back up plan.  On his advice, I applied to, and was accepted to, George Mason U. School of Law, Catholic, and American, ultimately deciding to go to GMUSL.  Nowadays it’s called the Antonin Scalia School of Law, and it’s in a new building; during my three years it was still in the former Kann’s Department store in downtown Arlington.  Phil’s friend Greenside went there was well, and remained my best friend in law school for those three years.  We even went down to Roanoke together for the bar exam in July 1993 after graduating in May.   Nowadays he has a successful practice in Virginia Beach, with a wife and son.

Mason had a somewhat more conservative political outlook than UMCP, no Frat Row, and was considerably further away from DC.  However, I did enjoy my law school professors, including Robert Bork, the guy who narrowly missed getting nominated to the Supreme Court.  For our graduation ceremony, the speech was by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who wound up on the Supreme Court about five minutes after sending us off to practice law. 

“Call me when you have no class”.  Might as well finish talking about this movie:  Rodney Dangerfield plays a businessman who runs a chain of Big & Tall clothing stores and decides to finally get his college degree when his own son is attending the local state university.   RDJ plays his son’s roommate, Derek.   Sam Kinison plays a history professor, Oingo Boingo play their party, and even Kurt Vonnegut has a brief cameo.   Overall an entertaining film, even if it wasn’t filmed at GMU or UMCP.  

That 70s Show

I recently finished watching Season 8 of this show, which ended over a decade ago (2006).  Of the actors, Ashton Kutcher (Kelso) has been most successful, with Laura Prepon (Donna) doing well as a character on “Orange is the New Black”.  I see Wilmer Valderrama (Fez) is on NCIS.

The show takes place in the 1970s in fictional Point Place, Wisconsin, starting in 1976, with the series finale, Season 8, Episode 22, taking place on December 31, 1979.  I started watching it when it originally came on (1998) and eventually lost interest, only picking it up again on Netflix Streaming pursuant to my inclination to “finish what I started”, although the only one putting his foot up my ass to do so is yours truly.  My own father was never as nasty and unpleasant as Red Forman.

Myself, I can remember the 1970s in the US, though I was younger (born in 1969) and not privileged to enjoy the perqs of being a teenager: underage drinking, marijuana consumption, and sexual activity.  My teenage years were spent in Paris, France, doing none of that.  But I remember many of the topics, issues, and celebrities who appeared on the show, sometimes (Ted Nugent) portraying themselves, or sometimes (Barry Williams and Christopher Knight, better known as Greg and Peter Brady) simply playing other people. 

Characters

Eric Forman (Topher Grace).  Skinny, shy, and loves “Star Wars”.  Since we’re before 1980, this is the first movie (SW IV) and not even “The Empire Strikes Back” (SW V).  Naturally we have an episode (S1/E20) which pays tribute to the famous sci-fi movie of 1977 which grabbed us all by the [unmentionable parts] and took us to a galaxy far, far away.  That was a movie which people actually saw in the movie theater multiple times, unheard of.   Eric is too shy to be much of a jerk, though he does behave that way occasionally.

Michael Kelso (Ashton Kutcher).  Tall, handsome, but not particularly bright.  For much of the series he’s hooked up with Jackie, but eventually has a kid with Brooke (Shannon Elizabeth).  Given that we know – from “Two and Half Men” and other roles – that Kutcher is actually quite sharp, I’d say that’s good acting on his part.  Luke Wilson plays his older brother Casey.

Steven Hyde (Danny Masterson).  My least favorite character.  Wearing dark glasses, has a “fro”, and varies from having a beard, mustache, or clean-shaven, usually wearing Led Zeppelin or other t-shirts yet rarely making any specific references to any of those bands.  For awhile he’s hooked up with Jackie.  I noticed that from start to finish he is almost always an asshole.  From what I can understand of Masterson’s behavior in real life, it seems he wasn’t really acting. 

His mom is played by Katey Sagal (aka Peg Bundy and Leela), his father is played by various actors (e.g. Robert Hays) until his true father is finally determined (Tim Reid). 

“FEZ” (Wilmer Valderrama).  A foreign exchange student (FES, switched to FEZ) from God knows where, his real name is never revealed, nor is his country of origin – even at the very end when his comrade Andrew (Justin Long) comes by to visit.  He loves candy but is usually on the receiving end of various jokes.  He’s actually pretty handsome.

Donna Pinciotti (Laura Prepon).  Initially a redhead, later a blonde, for the most part Eric’s girlfriend.  She’s tall, well endowed, but still very friendly – easily highly likable.  I much preferred her over Jackie.  With Eric gone in Season 8, she hooked up briefly with Randy (Josh Meyers, younger brother of Seth Meyers).

Jackie Burkhart (Mila Kunis).  I have to laugh that years after the show ended, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis actually hooked up in real life.  Jackie is a brunette and very high maintenance.  Her mother is played by Brooke Shields.  Initially Kelso’s girlfriend, eventually she hooks up with Hyde, then Fez. 

Red Forman (Kurtwood Smith).  Eric’s intimidating and domineering father, calls everyone a “dumbass” and threatens to kick their asses.  Veteran of WWII and Korea, factory worker for AMC, then a manager at Price Mart, and later runs his own muffler shop.  Leave it to Red to have zero empathy or compassion.  His mother Bernice is played by Marion Ross, best known as Marion Cunningham on “Happy Days”.

Kitty Forman (Debra Jo Rupp).  Eric’s mom, providing the love and affection he won’t get from Red.  Proud of her cooking.  Basically acts as a sit-com mom.  Betty White plays her mom.

Laurie Forman (Lisa Robin Kelly, RIP; Christina Moore).  Eric’s older sister, somewhat of a notorious slut, even to the point of hooking up with Kelso.  Not really much of an important character.

Bob Pinciotti (Don Stark).  Donna’s dad.  Chubby and not particularly bright.

Midge Pinciotti (Tanya Roberts).  Donna’s mom. Basically hot but stupid.

Leo (Tommy Chong).  A regular character in Season 8, he makes his debut in S2/E8.  As you would expect, he’s zoned out, says bizarre things, and has plenty of drug references.  I found him consistently entertaining.  Late in the series it turns out he was a truck driver in WWII.  After being discharged at Fort Dix in 1945, he hitches a ride with jazz musicians in a smoky car, and….we can figure out what happened.     

Drugs make frequent appearances, mainly marijuana, which the teens smoke in a circle.  In S2/E1 the parents accidentally eat Eric’s pot brownies – making Red high; Kitty later samples a stash to “determine what the fuss is all about” and mainly simply laughs at everything.  S3/E1 is called Reefer Madness.  I seem to recall an episode when Eric took acid, and Red is bitching at him (“dumbass” as usual) in the kitchen, Eric having trouble concentrating on the substance of Red’s complaining because the wallpaper is actually scrolling behind Red.  It seems the writers didn’t care to constantly refer to acid or shrooms, but were confident enough in the harmlessness of marijuana to consistently portray the teens’ enjoyment thereof in favorable terms.  Hell, Kelso even paints a pot leaf on the water tower, though the general consensus is that it more closely resembles a hand giving someone the finger...

 

Cars.  The Forman family car is an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser (station wagon).  Some gay guy whose GAYDAR erroneously identifies Eric as a potential boyfriend drives a late 70s Trans Am – complete with shaker hood and Screaming Chicken hood bird.  Fez has an AMC Gremlin.  Hyde gets Leo’s El Camino.  Classic 70s cars make a range of appearances, though not as many as I would like. 

Guest Appearances.  The Rock (plays his own father in S1/15); Maud Adams, Kristina Wayborn, Barbara Carrera (Bond girls like Tanya Roberts, playing other roles) (S2/E16); Ted Nugent, as himself (S3/E24); Mary Tyler Moore (playing a bitchy TV host in Season 8). 

The episodes from Seasons 1-4 have names describing the events of that episode.  After that, they take names of rock bands’ songs, with a band per season: Season 5: Led Zeppelin; Season 6: The Who; Season 7: The Rolling Stones; Season 8: Queen.

Beer

I have 730 blog entries, counting this one, and for some reason I’ve never covered this topic.  Although it’s actually Friday the Thirteenth, I have nothing pertinent to say about that besides simply recognizing the fact itself.  So here you go.

I’m not an alcoholic, never have been, and don’t expect to become one by the end of my existence, whenever that happens. 

As far as I can remember, my very first experience with beer of any kind was sipping my cousin’s Schlitz in the mid-to-late 70s, at which time I’d have been under 9 years old.  Anyone familiar with Schlitz might emphasize with my highly negative reaction to the beverage.  The next one up was high school, when I went to Brussels with the school’s rugby team, and teammate/classmate Chris Bren bought me a Stella Artois at the local bar, which was considerably smoother and enjoyable than Schlitz, though it didn’t induce me to begin drinking.

College.   As noted on multiple occasions, I went to the University of Maryland, College Park, from fall 1986 to summer 1990, living on campus that entire time.  (My parents actually moved back from Paris that summer but allowed my brother, who had one more year to go, to serve out his term on campus).  Freshman year I hung out with a bunch of guys and wound up drinking heavily.   Moreover, whenever my father came by he would buy me beer by the case.  Despite this, I didn’t get hammered all the time, only threw up a couple of times, and never passed out.  I recall at least one frat party, Theta Chi, fall semester of sophomore year.  Essentially college was the time when I learned my limits and what to expect. 

Oddly, I drink about 2 beers a night and 3-4 per night on the weekend.  It’s a rare night I don’t drink any beer at all.   I don’t drink to get drunk and haven’t had a hangover in who knows how long.

DUIs.  Never got a DUI.  Generally I don’t drink when I know I’ll be driving, except to frontload a single beer at a restaurant, especially if I’ll be seeing a movie after that, putting 2+ hours in between the beer consumption and the actual drive home.

IPAs.   Never got into India Pale Ales, which seems to be the affectation going around these days.   To me they taste like a regular beer given a nasty taste to be more pretentious.    Nor do I like dark beers, which seem like coffee mixed with beer.  Beer is naturally awkward tasting, why make it even worse? 

Pilsners.  These are my favorites:  Coors Regular, Icehouse, and standard American beers.  Maybe they’re weaker and blander than IPAs or dark beers, but that’s fine with me.

Where are?   A few of them have disappeared.   Michelob Ultra is still around, but I can’t seem to find regular Michelob.  I was watching “The Big Lebowski” a few weeks ago.   The Dude’s (Jeff Bridges) preference for White Russians is legendary, of course, but I noticed when he’s at the bowling alley with Walter (John Goodman) and “you’re out of your element” Donny (Steve Buscemi) they’re usually drinking Miller Genuine Draft (aka MGD).   Can’t seem to find that around anymore either.

Genesee.  The band King Buffalo are from Rochester, New York, and copied the Genesee logo for a sticker with their name on it.  I found 30 pack at Total Wine for $20.   Cheap, but remarkably substantial.  Another favorite.

Pabst Blue Ribbon.   This beer won a blue ribbon at the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair, thus the name.  The Extra variety, with a black can, is 6.5% and tastes pretty nice.

Coors.  When I visited my friend Phil in Boulder, Colorado, back in 2009, we visited the brewery, which is south of Denver.  They have tours and a nice gift shop.  Coors Extra Gold is long gone, but the brewers told me it was regular Coors with a fraction (25%? 33%?) of Killian’s Irish Red mixed in.   I drink regular Coors, not Coors Lite.  By now I've probably consumed over 400 cases (9600) though I haven't been keeping count.

Virus jokes aside, Corona is not bad, certainly tolerable, though I rarely buy it myself.  If someone offered it to me I'd be happy to drink it. Basically I prefer pilsners with a little kick, but not as skunky as IPAs.

Heineken.  This one has a special place for two reasons.  First, when I was in college, I was underage at College Park.  But my parents still lived in Paris, which I’d visit on semester breaks.  Back in Paris, the drinking age was 14, so I could buy beer normally.  The bar we went to, Roscoe’s was just off the Champs Elysees.  I’d make it a point to buy Heineken.

Later on, after college, periodically I’d visit my buddy Ken in New Jersey.   Upon arriving chez lui, we’d go on a beer run for that weekend’s supply, and would typically get Heineken.   Years later he caught the IPA bug and insisted that Heineken was now urine.   Whatever. 

Cerveja.  Apparently not widely known, but Brazilians do a good job making beer.  Around the turn of the century, many Germans emigrated not only to the US, but further south to Brazil.  They gravitated to the far south, like Rio Grande do Sul, though as far north as São Paulo state there are German-style towns with the familiar gingerbread style houses.  Frau Brady, Gisele, is from Rio Grande do Sul - and doesn't that name sound German, Bundchen?  Naturally, the Germans brought their brewing expertise with them.  The two most popular brands are Brahma and Antarctica.  Sadly, it seems you can't find Brazilian beer in the US anymore, even in NJ & NY where most of the Brazilians live in the US.  

Hard Cider.  I suppose this deserves a place here.  I love cider, though I don’t drink it as often as I used to.   Woodchuck was my favorite brand, Granny Smith my favorite flavor, though Angry Orchard is not bad.  This is trendy affectation I don’t mind too much. 

While I’m on the topic of alcoholic beverages, I might as well address these two.

Wine.   To me, wine is for women, or anyone else who can’t handle the taste of beer.  I’ve had red and whites over the years and learned the merlot/pinot noir/cabernet sauvignon & zinfandel/Riesling/sauvignon blanc deal.  All this “red meat with red wine, white meat with white wine” and other B.S. bores me.   The primary purpose of wine is get drunk AND be pretentious at the same time, as getting drunk on beer doesn’t have the same distinction.  “That’s $90 vomit!”

Hard Liquor & Mixed Drinks.   Ideally these are for alcoholics who get full on beer or wine before they get drunk.  As my tolerance has increased by zero since I started drinking in college, 300 years ago, no need to indulge in these.  A fancy drink, e.g. a martini, is for those who want to be pretentious and really want to fast-forward to the part where they get drunk, as wine is too weak to get that job done quickly.  

Bald and Goatee

Back to less substantial issues, in this case, a “look”, naturally limited to men:  bald with a goatee.  Where have we seen this before?

Bryan Cranston as Walter White (Breaking Bad).  I’ll start with this, because Walter White is a fictional character.  In fact, by the last season of “Breaking Bad”, he had shaved his goatee and let his hair grow back.  Moreover, I’m not aware that Bryan Cranston himself ever adopted this look. 

For those of you out of the loop, “Breaking Bad” is an AMC TV show about a high school chemistry teacher who says, “WTF”, and decides to translate his skills as a chemist into the lucrative drug trade making crystal meth.  He teams up with a former student, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) and goes into business.  It also turns out he has cancer, the chemotherapy costing him his hair, so he grows the goatee and adopts a clever nickname, Heisenberg.  Ironically, his brother-in-law Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) is a DEA agent who is trying to track down this mysterious kingpin whose crystal meth is 99% pure and the most popular strain around.  And there’s a colorful attorney, Saul Goodman – who we’re seeing in prequel series “Better Call Saul” – who makes the show that much more intriguing, especially for guys like me who went to law school (George Mason U., now Antonin Scalia Law School, somewhat more prestigious than the University of American Samoa), passed the bar (Virginia and Maryland, plus waive-ins to DC and New York) and are actually practicing law.  Anyhow.   If you haven’t already, check out “Breaking Bad”, and if you’re already familiar, you know who Walter White is…

Rob Halford of Judas Priest.   Back in the 70s he was clean shaven with long, blond hair.  In the 80s he switched to short blonde hair and leather (was he gay?  Need you ask?) and around the time of 2wo, his second solo project after he left Judas Priest (Ripper Owens taking over briefly for two albums) he finally adopted the current look.  It’s usually combined with sunglasses.  His voice and stage presence remain impressive, though I can’t say I really care that much for the bald and goatee look in his case.  I remain a fan of Judas Priest and continue listening to the music, buying the albums, and attending the concerts.  I’d say my favorite Priest album is, hands down, no contest whatsoever, Sad Wings of Destiny.  

Andy Powell of Wishbone Ash.  Back in the 1970s, Andy Powell had long hair and glasses and was clean shaven.  As the rest of Wishbone Ash melted away – Ted Turner (guitar), Martin Turner (bass) (no relation), and Steve Upton (drums), Powell kept the band going.   I actually have Ted Turner’s solo album, purchased directly from him.   Martin Turner wound up creating his own Wishbone Ash band, appropriately named Martin Turner’s Wishbone Ash.   As with Priest, I’m still an ‘Ash fan and still go to shows as often as possible.  I’d say my favorite Wishbone Ash album is Argus. 

Nick Oliveri, currently with Mondo Generator and formerly of Kyuss and Queens of the Stone Age.  He’s grown his goatee down a little further.  I saw him with QOTSA and Kyuss Lives!   I haven’t followed his post QOTSA career and haven’t seen him in concert since he left the band, though that’s more out of indifference than any principled objection.  Rated R, by QOTSA, is probably my favorite work of his.  Back in that band he would sometimes play naked, only covered by the Fender Precision bass covering up his naughty parts – a look I never witnessed in person – and that got him in trouble when the band played Rock in Rio in Brazil.  I sense he’s quieted down a bit in recent years. 

Anton LaVey.  Here’s the guy who started this whole thing back in the late 1960s, forming the Church of Satan and writing the Satanic Bible; he died in 1997.   For all his provocativeness, he was actually an atheist and pro-life.  As I noted before, his “Satanism” is more a deliberately provocative form of atheism, very similar to what Ayn Rand preached:  do whatever you want as long as you don’t hurt other people.  Initiating the use of force is wrong, but if attacked you’re free to retaliate as you see fit.  Remarkably sedate notwithstanding all the rigamarole around it.  I suspect far more of us are practicing Satanists without even realizing it…(wicked smile)….

Drag Racing

I haven’t done this in awhile, but the topic came up in my brain.   My current car is a 2009 Dodge Charger R/T, with the 370 HP 5.7L HEMI V8.  I’ve already covered that in the past, and in any case haven’t drag raced the Charger, so I’ll stick with the story.

In 1992 I fell in love with the Pontiac Firebird Formula, in particular the model with the tuned port injected 5.7L V8, the L98, commonly known as a Formula 350 to distinguish it from most ’87-92 Formulas, which had the 5.0L (305) V8.  The 350 was born in 1967, amidst the performance age, first offered in the brand new 1967 Camaro SS, whereas the 305 came on the scene in 1977.  Both have the same stroke, 3.48, but the 350 enjoys a 4.0 inch bore, whereas the 305 has a 3.74 inch bore.  Sadly, this effort to make the V8 more fuel-efficient also severely compromises its performance potential, as that smaller bore prevents the engine from breathing properly, no matter what kind of intake, camshaft, or cylinder heads you’ve got.  Bottom line is that if you have a 305, you’re best off replacing it with a 350, as they’re the same size externally with far more parts available for the 350.  Since the advent of the LS series engines in the late ‘90s, the 350 is no longer sold in any vehicle you can buy at a dealer, but Chevrolet certainly still sells the engine in crate form. 

Anyhow.

By June 1995 I finally scored my much-desired Formula 350, and eventually took it to the local dragstrips.  I went to Maryland International Raceway (MIR) in south eastern Maryland one especially hot day in the summer.  I was there practically alone.  I learned to drop the tire pressure in the rear tires to hook up at the starting line.  My times were in the mid 14s.

Soon after, I learned of another dragstrip, just south of Frederick, Maryland, 75/80.   I took the Formula there several times.  Mostly I did Test & Tune (i.e. not actually racing).  On one date I decided to do a competitive race just to get one more run in.  The other driver redlighted – lost by default – so I was told to continue to the next round.  The next driver redlighted as well!  Back for another run.  This time, I redlighted.  D’oh! The winner (driving a 327 powered ’68 Camaro) went on to win the final race, meaning I essentially came in third place simply by joining one race.

Part of the fun of drag racing is that you can bring your street car to the dragstrip, then when you do a run, you get a quarter mile time and a MPH time, which corresponds apples to apples to the professionals in NHRA.  Granted, you’re running 14s and they’re well below 10, depending on whether they’re Pro Stock or Top Fuel, but the same standard applies.   Is there any NASCAR track that allows you to run your street car around the track?  Is there any NASCAR track that allows ordinary drivers to race their street cars against each other?  Somehow I doubt it.

The Tree.   You get three yellows then a GREEN.  You leave at the green.  If you leave before the green you redlight, and lose automatically.  It’s fairly simple.  Your time from the last yellow to launching on green is your reaction time.  Ideal, quickest, is a half second (.50).  Us slowpokes will start off over a second and work our way down to maybe .60.   I don’t think I ever reached a perfect .50.  

Times.  A slow car might do the quarter mile in 20 seconds.  Most stock Firebirds, Camaros and Mustangs will run 16s.  A fast street car will be in the 14s, and a very fast street car, something like a Viper or a ZR1 Corvette, in the 12s.   Anything in the 10s or lower is almost certainly a non-street legal drag racing car.  

It helps if you’re running slicks, which can cut over a second off your time.  Traction is often an issue with street cars, their treaded tires compromising their quarter mile times but saving them from flying off the road when it rains.  A comrade of mine, driving a 1969 Plymouth Barracuda hardtop, would actually unmount his street tires, mount slicks, and run with the slicks.  This ‘Cuda had no mufflers, a balanced and blueprinted Mopar 360, and a twin turbo setup going through a QuadraJet (???).   He had a roll cage and the doors bolted shut, so he’d have to climb in, Dukes of Hazzard style.  It was blue with 01 painted on the doors.  The thing was extremely loud.  I believe he was running 10s. 

Bracket Racing.  It’s no fun losing to a faster car, so to keep things interesting for those not running actual race cars (“heads up” racing is the standard format where both cars leave at the same time), they developed this.   You pick a dial-in time, e.g. 14.5 seconds.  Your opponent in the other lane does the same, e.g. 15 seconds.  Whoever has the slower dial-in will get a green light faster, by the difference in dial-ins.  If you run faster than your dial-in (break out), you lose automatically unless your opponent did the same by a higher margin.  Ideally they match up cars with similar dial-ins, but occasionally you’d see a 16 second car take off, and four seconds later his 12 second opponent launches and might even come from behind to catch up.  Whoever crosses the finish line first without breaking out, wins.  

My 14 second Formula had a modified 350 rated nominally around 300 horsepower.  Although I replaced the torque converter with a 2800 stall model, put a shift kit in the 700R4, and upgraded the rear gears from 3.23 to 3.73, I don’t think I ever took the car to the track after making those upgrades.  Incidentally, the original owner, after giving the car the SLP upgrades which pushed the HP from 240 (stock) to 290, had the car running high 13s.  To my recollection, my best time was 14.28 at 99 mph. 

The Charger is rated at 370 HP, so I suppose it should run faster than the Formula.  Oddly, it’s a 2009 but the 2019 Charger R/T is still rated at the same power – though now there’s the SRT8 at 420 HP and the supercharged Charger Hellcat – for a mere $70,000 – putting out 700 HP; the engine itself available from Mopar Performance as a crate engine… for $20,000 [https://www.motortrend.com/news/dodge-hellcat-crate-engine/].  According to the Interweb, the ’09 Charger R/T is supposed to be able to do the quarter mile in 13.9 seconds.  Actually not that great considering the original owner of my Formula, rated at 300, was able to get that car to do the quarter in 13.8 seconds, as noted above. 

As for bringing the Charger to the track in the near future?  75/80 is closed, but Mason-Dixon in Hagerstown is still open, as is M.I.R.  The two quarter mile dragstrips in Virginia are in Richmond and down southwest of Petersburg, too far away to be worth visiting.  I have no interest in any eighth mile strips.  I may well take the Charger to Hagerstown….

The Joker

I recently managed to see “The Joker”, the film with Joaquim Phoenix, representing the most recent take on the popular Batman villain.  I did not feel compelled to see it in the movie theater when it came out, and took my time tracking it down on DVD, eventually finding it in a Redbox kiosk as Netflix listed it as “eternal wait”.  Apparently everyone wants to see this film. 

Before getting into my (fairly brief) review, I’ll profile the other major depictions, limiting myself to the Batman TV series and the movies.  To say I don’t have the patience to watch animated versions or comic book versions in the limited span of my life I have left would be understatement.   I’ll also ignore the 1920s guy who started the whole thing and who I can’t even be bothered to look up on the Interweb.

Batman TV series (1966-68).  Actor: Caesar Romero.  The first one, as far as I’m concerned.  Colorful and charismatic.  I watched some of these as a kid but never saw fit to watch the entire series from start to finish – and I’m not going to start now.  Did he define the role?  I’d say he certainly gave it a start. 

Batman (1989). Actor: Jack Nicholson.   Michael Keaton played Batman.  Nicholson delved into the role with the same enthusiasm and panache as Romero did.   “This town needs an enema,” he professes to his henchman, not to the public at large.  Nicholson balanced menace with annoying and got it just about right, but left me satisfied with the ending.

The Dark Knight (2008).  Actor: Heath Ledger.  Christian Bale played Batman.  This seems to be everyone’s favorite.  I found him immensely annoying, especially this inexplicable power to instantaneously rig Gotham City in its entirety for explosives.  I also didn’t find him nearly as clever as he thought he was, even down to wearing a white nurse’s uniform.  Ledger’s OD on drugs spared us from a sequel.   

Suicide Squad (2016). Actor: Jared Leto.  This seems to be the least favorite, and I found Leto made him just as annoying as the other versions, no more so.  The movie is stolen by Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) anyway.  I liked the rest of the cast.   Batman himself is absent, but Ben Affleck does show up as Bruce Wayne. 

Joker (2019).  Played by Joaquim Phoenix.  Oddly, they set this when Bruce Wayne is just a boy, so Batman is absent from this version.   The twist here is that instead of being criminally insane, but intelligent, the Joker is just a mentally deficient nobody who snaps and kills someone he perceived was making fun of him.  Whoopee, that’s it.  So we’re supposed to believe that his makeup and costume give him enough wit and intelligence to take on Batman on an equal level?  Please.  Count me among the apparent minority who aren’t impressed with this version.   

Harley Quinn.  Actually, having just seen “Birds of Prey”, the standalone Harley Quinn film, a word about her is in order.  Of course I did NOT read any of the comics with her in original format, so my sole exposure to her is “Suicide Squad” and this one.  Apparently Joker broke up with her, so she spends the entire film doing something that doesn’t involve him.   It involves an annoying Asian girl who swallows a diamond, a few other women – oddly, Ali Wong is here as a D.A. and does not get all superheroine-y – and faces off against Roman Sionis (Ewan McGregor), the latter sinking his teeth into an unusual role and enjoying every minute of it.  Rosie Perez also does well here. 

To be honest, I find Harley Quinn only marginally less annoying than the Joker, the difference being that as a female at least she has some remote sexual attractiveness which the male characters, by their nature, lack.   But over several characters, the Joker himself is ultimately an eccentric, highly annoying asshole overly impressed with his own wit.  Bravo (slow, sarcastic applause).  

I'm The Boss

Valentine’s Day again, but without Madame Shanghai, another topic is more appropriate.  So here goes…

From Monday through Friday I wake up and go to work.   As an attorney, that might well mean going to court, or if no court is scheduled, then going to the office, which is 15 minutes away.  I have an office manager and a secretary, both of whom are Vietnamese and somewhat headstrong.   My sole associate, an older attorney, retired last fall, leaving me the only attorney left in the office.

I can come and go as I please and take whatever time off I want, though I prefer to keep that to a minimum.   As my posts indicate, I like concerts, but even on weekdays these are at night.   In all my years of practice, I’ve had ONE occasion where court wound up lasting until nighttime.   Even all-day festivals tend to be scheduled for weekends, so that’s a hobby which, as a practical matter, does not conflict with my work schedule.

Working for myself means not having to please an arbitrary and capricious boss or being concerned about having my job abruptly terminated.  Virginia, like most states, is an at-will employment state, meaning workers can be let go for practically any reason.   It also means they’re free to leave without notice, but generally the employee needs the job more than the boss needs the employee, so as a practical matter that’s a policy which favors the company.

I can come in dressed casually, though having to go to court means wearing a suit and tie.   Creditor’s hearings (341) for bankruptcy cases seem to have a relaxed standard, as they’re in front of a trustee and not a judge, so many lawyers attend these in dockers and loafers; I prefer to wear a suit and tie.

I like to believe that I treat my employees fairly.  With very few exceptions, they’re almost always Vietnamese females, some more attractive and/or provocative than others.  Even though I’m single I keep my hands to myself and leave them alone.   In any case, hiring, firing and discipline come down to my office manager.   We call the current secretary “princess”, as not only is her family back in Vietnam wealthy – counterintuitively, there are some rich people in communist countries – but she herself actually does act (somewhat, sometimes) like a princess.   Naturally, she forbids us to call her princess.

Up until May 2019 I was visiting yet another headstrong Asian woman, this one from Shanghai and very proud of it; she lived in Fort Lee, New Jersey, which is on the New Jersey side of the George Washington Bridge – the NYC side is 175 Street, Manhattan.  That meant three day weekends, though clearly my court schedule took preference over trips to see her.  Sadly, though I gained admission to the NY bar, I failed to secure employment there.  

So I continue my life down here – as the boss.